Redeeming Justice

by Suzanne Halliday

  Finding a gas station with a convenience store attached and a little greasy spoon luncheonette where she stopped to get her bearings, Meghan was numb from the aftermath of Alex’s dismissive performance. He didn’t have the balls to speak with her privately - something that pissed her off big time. But still, she understood. He was scared. Life change wasn’t what either of them had expected when things between them first exploded.

  But it was more than sexual attraction, she was sure of it. At least for her that was true. But Alex got spooked and bolted. Now look at the mess they were in. Some part of her wanted to hold out hope that he’d come to his senses but the man who treated her like shit yesterday in front of everyone had been so intent on pushing her away that she’d had no choice but to throw in the towel.

  Wandering aimlessly through the aisles of the tiny store, she tossed all sorts of items into her basket—candy, pastries, gum, a couple of juices for the cooler, some ice, even a few magazines. Random supplies she’d need now that she was on the road again. After gassing up and cleaning the windshield she pulled up a mapping app and started entering data into the navigation system. Even with the most direct route possible, it was still going to take a week to get home. While Meghan didn’t relish being alone with her thoughts in a car for that long, she conceded it was probably for the best. She’d have time to think and come up with a plausible story to tell her family and decide what on earth she could possibly do next.

  “You’re killing me Ponytail,” Cam whispered in his wife’s ear as he held her against him in the warm lap pool. Coming quickly to the end of her pregnancy, Lacey’s back constantly ached so they took every advantage of the relief she found by relaxing weightless in the water.

  “I can’t help it,” she mumbled quietly. “Couldn’t you have stopped him? He’s made it that much more difficult to get her back by being such a…sheesh. Such a guy.”

  “Believe me, if we’d known what he was going to do, one of us would have knocked him the fuck out before those words left his mouth.”

  Because the pool area was private, his gorgeously pregnant wife had donned a simple halter-bathing top, which barely contained her ripe breasts and a pair of bikini bottoms that rode under her huge bump leaving the sexy tummy swollen with child bared to his eyes and hands. Cam stroked his big hands on the protruding bulge where his son or daughter lay. He loved Lacey’s rounded belly. To him it was pretty much the sexiest thing he’d ever seen.

  “Are you so sure that getting her back is even a possibility,” he questioned anxiously. “I know you’ve been talking to her. What’s she saying?”

  When his normally chatty wife didn’t say anything, just floated silently between his legs with her back resting on his chest, he had his answer. Women, he thought wryly. They certainly did stick together when it came to one of their own.

  Turning her, he settled his quiet wife on his lap, lifted her chin with his finger and stared deep.

  “Out with it, wife,” he gently drawled. Still nothing. “I can’t help if you don’t tell me what’s going on,” he persisted.

  Lacey sighed and nodded but a worried frown lingered on her face. “She’s being all stoic, which only makes Tori and me crazy. Thinks Alex is better off without her. Some rubbish about tortured alphas and survivor guilt.”

  Wow, Cam thought. Meghan understood their Big Daddy even better than he imagined. She was just as bad as him though. Had he been this bloody stupid when it had been him and Lacey hanging by a thread? Luckily, his Ponytail had refused to give up on him. In Alex’s case though, he’d pushed the poor woman caught in the crossfire pretty far away and her background with a family of cops and firemen meant she actually bought into his conflicted soul bullshit. What a fucking mess.

  “She looks horrible too. Like the light’s gone out of her eyes.”

  “Now, come on honey. It’s only because you’re internet chatting. I’m sure her eyes are just fine.”

  “Cameron,” his wife replied tartly. “You know perfectly well what I’m getting at. Plus Tori says Alex is being impossible at work. And by impossible you know I mean a bunch of swear words I’d rather our child didn’t hear me say.”

  Cam groaned at the reminder of Alex’s shitty attitude. Drae had been bitching up a storm all morning about the very same thing. He even threatened to march into the bat cave and knock Alex’s fucking teeth out if he kept on pissing Victoria off. Drae was incredibly protective and territorial when it came to his pregnant wife, an impulse he and his brother shared. Their fearless leader was going to get his ass kicked if he didn’t watch it.

  “I want her here when the baby comes.”

  Cam gritted his teeth when he saw Lacey’s lower lip tremble. Aw fuck. Leave it to the pregnant water nymph nestled in his arms to land the most direct shot possible, he thought wryly.

  “I swear to Christ honey, if you start crying, somebody is gonna die, and it won’t be pretty.”

  Lacey snuggled into his chest and laid her head on his shoulder. Cam kept a protective hand on her tummy as his mind worked overtime on the problem at hand. With their due date just around the corner, there wasn’t a lot of time to maneuver.

  “Talk to him again. You and Draegyn.” She put her hand on the side of his face so he would look at her. “He made sure we had our happy ending. Tori and Drae too. It’s his turn, okay?”

  “Understood Ponytail,” he murmured, kissing her softly on the forehead.

  Looks like he and Drae were up to bat at the bottom of the ninth inning. No time to swing wildly or run around without some sort of strategy for bringing this ridiculous situation home.

  “Tori,” Alex muttered harshly. “I’m flying to Washington next week.”

  His assistant looked up from the stack of papers she was working on with bewilderment in her eyes. “Whatever for?” she questioned. “I thought you hated all that D.C. wonky stuff.”

  “Yeah, I do,” he replied with a dismissive shrug. “Command performance. One I can’t ignore.”

  “Oh,” she said with a grave look. “Um, I mean, what do you need from me?”

  Alex was exhausted trying to act like everything was fine. It had been weeks since he’d had his unseemly hissy fit and thrown away the only thing that had brought him even a moment’s peace in a very long time. In short, he was in a living hell going through the daily motions, pretending that he gave half a shit.

  He didn’t need to go to Washington, and it wasn’t for a command performance. Like the emotional pussy he was, Alex was filling the empty spaces in his life with random bullshit he hoped would distract him from the truth. The awful truth that he missed his Irish fuck goddess and didn’t know how long he could go on like this before he went insane.

  When the opportunity came up to do a bit of geek networking at a security symposium, he gladly signed on even though the thought made him roll his eyes and shake his head. He wasn’t in the fucking mood to play nice with others right now but he couldn’t stay at the Villa much longer without driving everyone around him nuts. He knew Tori was at the end of her rope with his surly attitude, and it was just a matter of time before Drae, Cam, or both of them tried to rip his head off for being such an obstinate dick. Retreat seemed like a viable option and maybe the change of scenery would help.

  Yeah, right. Who the fuck was he kidding? He could pretend all he wanted about symposiums and changes of scenery but it was all a deflection for what was really going on. By taking the agency jet to Washington, he’d be on the other side of the country and that much closer to where Meghan was.

  Things had in no way reset after she left. There had been no reboot. No return to normal. He’d been a tremendous douche but was still so fucking conflicted and tormented he didn’t know which way was up. At this point he needed fucking satellite imaging to find his own ass.

  “There won’t be much of anything for you to do while I’m gone. You’ll have a bit of downtime. Give you a chance to work on the nursery.” There. That sounded reasonable, right? He
was being Mister Magnanimous so why did he still feel like shit?

  Leaning back in his swivel chair, Alex stared at the ceiling and didn’t notice his assistant’s quiet approach until she was almost on top of him.

  Wearing a concerned expression, Tori murmured gently, “How much longer are you going to be the tortured victim, Boss?”

  Alex fixed her with a blank stare as if doing so would magically make her back off.

  “Oh. Nice try,” she snorted. “You honestly think that’s going to work on a St. John? I have to put up with that crap from my husband but not from you.”

  “I’m not a victim,” he grumbled.

  “Oh fuck yeah, you are,” she snapped. Sometimes he forgot how quickly those pregnancy hormones could take over a conversation. Shit.

  “I know you think you’re the master of your own fate, but honestly Alex – could your head be any further up your own ass?”

  He sighed and rolled his head on his neck to ease the tension. “Lady, something tells me I’m going to be forced to hear you out so just go for it. Get the lecture over with so I can get back to what I was doing.”

  “That’s just it, Boss! You aren’t actually doing anything.” She was waving her arms in frustrated arcs that ended with a both hands planted firmly at her waist while she tut-tutted and shook her head at him. “Did you really think you could fool me? You haven’t done one damn thing in the weeks since Meghan left.” He flinched hearing her name but Tori just kept on ranting.

  “You’ve been engaging in classic nerd denial behavior. Yesterday, you spent the whole damn day updating the calendar and contact list on your phone. The entire day, Alex. It was your stupid phone for heaven’s sake. And what was all that bullshit about searching for productivity apps? You downloaded four games that I highly doubt have anything to do with work.”

  She was right but that didn’t mean he wanted to hear it. “What the fuck do you want me to do, Mrs. St. John?” he growled harshly.

  Tori threw up her hands in disgust and glared at him like he was the dumbest fuck on the planet. “Really?” she sneered. “If that’s how you’re going to play it I’ll get right to the point. Grow a set of balls Major and fucking get over yourself. Get up off your butt and go bring Meghan back here and do it before she figures out that she’s better off without your tortured alpha shit.”

  “Tortured alpha shit?” he barked. “What in the hell is that supposed to mean?”

  Speaking to him like a four-year-old, she spelled it out in terms even he could understand. Because she was a little thing to begin with, being handed one’s ass by an indignant elf with a baby bump was actually kinda cute, but it didn’t diminish the impact of her response.

  In a tone that felt like ice slithering along his spine she gave it to him good. “Alpha, as in male; denoting the dominant role. Tortured as in conflicted and tormented by things over which one has no control. Shit as in unpleasant personal garbage. Questions?”

  “Yeah, I have a question,” he snarled. “How’d you come up with that less than flattering takedown of my character?”

  “I didn’t,” she replied mockingly.

  Gritting his teeth he sniped, “This better not be more of Drae’s bullshit.”

  “It’s not. Come on Alex. You’re a smart guy. Do I really have to spell this out for you?”

  Oh fuck. He walked right into that one. Really? That’s how Meghan saw him as some pitiful tortured alpha?

  The one thing he’d gotten really good at the last few weeks was being silent, and that was what he stuck with now. Say nothing. He was fucked up in the head and with every minute, more and more regret and confusion was added to what was going on inside him.

  “Boss. Ask me about her,” Tori begged. “Come on. Just ask. You know we’ve been talking. Please. Just ask. It’s a first step.”

  Alex couldn’t look at Tori after that. He just hung his head and wallowed in his private hell until she eventually gave up. Patting him on the shoulder before she left him in peace, she offered a parting shot. “Why is it so hard for you to see the obvious?”

  Why, indeed?

  Later that afternoon, Carmen signed for a large package that came by ground delivery. The huge box was tall and wide but not very deep, and had obviously piqued his housekeeper’s curiosity. She was guarding it like a national treasure when he made his way right before dinner from his tech room into the main part of the house.

  “Meeester Alex, something has arrived for you,” she announced just as Drae and Cam happened to walk through the front door.

  “Whatcha got there, bro?” Cam asked, eyeing the impressive box. “Flat screen TV?”

  “I have no idea,” Alex grumbled. “Don’t remember ordering anything.”

  Whatever the box contained, it was wrapped up like Fort Knox. “What the fuck,” Alex mumbled, trying not to rip the packaging to shreds. “Need a damn chain saw to break in to this thing.” When at last he was able to slide a wood stretcher from the box he was annoyed and even grumpier. “This better be good,” he bit out to no one in particular.

  Drae laughed and gestured at the mysterious object with a nod of his head. “Maybe that’s your presidential award for being King of the Douches.”

  Alex scowled at his audience when Carmen found Drae’s snarky comment funny. His brothers managed to needle him every chance they got. Fuckers.

  Took but moments to remove the final layer of protective wrapping and what met his eye when the task was completed, stopped Alex dead in his tracks.

  There, in a beautiful wood frame was a huge southwestern photograph that he recognized immediately. It was the shot Meghan had taken that first time he’d taken her into the desert. He remembered complimenting her on the perspective with a cactus in the foreground and the magnificent vista of red rocks and blue sky in the background. The colors were so vibrant a casual viewer might question whether it had been enhanced but Alex was there when the shot was taken and remembered with clarity the dazzling colors and majestic panorama.

  “Good lord,” Cam gasped. “That’s amazing.”

  “I know where that was taken,” Carmen mumbled quietly as she stared at the huge framed photo with awe on her face. When she looked back at him, Alex swore he saw censure flash across her expression. She knew. How could she not, he admitted silently. Carmen knew everything that went on at the Villa.

  “Hey,” Drae added, “You’re onto something Carmen. Isn’t that out by the flats at red rock?”

  Alex stood numbly, nodding his head. Meghan. He’d asked her that day to send him the jpeg. Looked like she went a couple steps further than that. The enormous frame would dominate whatever wall on which it hung. Her photograph was meant to impress, and it most certainly did.

  It was then that he saw a small white envelope attached to the back that he abruptly grabbed and ripped open with all the finesse of a kid on Christmas morning. Inside was a card with Meghan’s distinctive handwriting on which she’d written, ‘What lies behind us, and what lies before us, are tiny matters compared to what lies within us – Ralph Waldo Emerson’.

  He swallowed the tension constricting his throat as a deep frown etched his brow. With one quote, just eighteen simple words, she’d driven home her belief that the strength of a person’s character counted more than any demons from the past or future worries. Her unyielding faith in him was staggering. And what had he done? Pushed her away like a damn fool.

  “I have work to do,” Carmen mumbled. Alex looked up when she spoke in time to see her give Drae and Cam, a stern, forbidding look.

  It was a meaningful exchange, but Alex couldn’t react to it. He could only stand, numb and in awe of the in your face statement his Meghan had made. That day in the desert had changed his life. Hers too. Their coming together opened floodgates of potential more meaningful than any shadows from the past. Oh God. A raw, uncomfortable anxiety was growing in the pit of his stomach.

  Alex had no idea how long he stood, immobile, glued to the same spot, arms w
eightless and no strength to his body whatsoever, a deep misery claiming his senses. After a bit, awareness started filtering into his brain. He felt Cam on one side of him and Drae, the other. Standing close as brothers would, ready to catch him when he fell. He straightened abruptly, his spine charged with heat as his emotions started coming back online.

  “What have I done?” he questioned anxiously, swinging back and forth between Cam and Drae. “Fuck,” he groaned.

  Drae put a hand on his shoulder. “Take it from one who knows. Getting there was half the battle,” he told him solemnly.

  “You ready to get honest, Major?” Cam asked.

  Alex clutched his chest as a huge, overwhelming surge of emotion shot into his center. Why hadn’t he seen it before? This was exactly what Drae and Cam had been through. For each of them there came that moment when all the internal bullshit had to fade away, when they faced the undeniable fact that the chance to claim their soul partner was almost gone, due in no small part to their own foolish actions.

  “I’m in love with her,” he proclaimed. When the two men by his side didn’t respond to his declaration he said it again, with gravitas. “Did you fuckers hear me? I said, I’m in love with her!”

  “Duh,” Cam snorted.

  “Ah, so Captain Obvious has made an appearance,” Drae quipped.

  Alex flipped them both off. Suddenly, he knew what he needed to do. Okay, so maybe that wasn’t entirely true, but he knew he had to do something. Anything.

  “Oh fuck, man,” Drae muttered good-naturedly. “I know that look.”

  Cam laughed and smacked Alex hard on the back. “Hey man, I dig that expression. Always means shit’s about to get real. Team Justice to the rescue?” he joked.

  With a rueful grimace, Drae pulled his phone out and swiped at the screen. “If I’m not mistaken, Team Justice will require the assistance of the Ladies League,” he chuckled. “Get ready for the pregnancy brigade gentlemen. Things are about to get interesting.”