Redeeming Justice

by Suzanne Halliday

  He saw Meghan shudder. “It must have been horrible, Draegyn. The way you talk about the war gives me chills. Back then, I couldn’t understand how David could be so blasé about all of it but hearing you explain what it was like for the men and women in harm’s way, I think I understand better now.”

  “Here’s the thing Meghan. The way Alex reacted to the anniversary was fucking inevitable. He feels those things deeply. Maybe too deeply and until you came along he was weirdly at peace with spending the rest of his days atoning for what he thought were personal failures. Being around you changed that, and we all saw it but him. Even though his rational mind now admits that he overreacted, it really doesn’t change what goes on inside his head. Or his soul. You need to understand that before you make any decisions about the future. He’s always going to struggle with it. It’s who he is. Not even the way he feels about you is going to change that.”

  “I don’t want him to change,” she exclaimed. “Truly, I don’t. Survivor’s remorse is something I understand. Honestly, that he feels that way only makes me care for him more.”

  “I’m relived to hear you say that. Cam and I, we’d lay down our lives for Alex. I’m not shitting even a little bit when I say that every day of my life I hope to be half the man he is, and I know Cam feels the same. This wasn’t his first moral crisis nor will it be the last. Personally, I hope you two can work this out. You’re good for him.”

  Fixing her with a sly grin he added, “And my wife thinks you’re the tits and the balls so that obviously has to count.”

  It was good to see a small smile light up Meghan’s face. In fact he would have sworn that as his sad tale was drawing to a close he thought some of the green sparkle was returning to her eyes.

  “Do you understand what I’m trying to get at, Meghan? Can you take him on those terms, knowing that he’s gonna carry that shit inside him forever?”

  Tears started spilling down her cheeks again but this time she held on to her composure.

  “He’s everything to me Draegyn. It nearly killed me to leave but I knew he had to work it out on his own. If being with me was going to cause him pain…well, that’s the thing I couldn’t live with.”

  Satisfied, Drae drew her into a major bear hug.

  “You have a lot of thinking to do, honey. This isn’t a rehearsal. You need to be sure how you feel about all of this so you make a decision that’s best for you, okay?”

  “Should I call him?” she asked.

  “Fuck no,” he chuckled.

  “But…I don’t understand. Is he here? In Boston? What am I supposed to do?”

  Grinning from ear to ear he laughed. “We’re all here. Cam is holding Alex’s fucking hand as we speak. That’s how this shit goes.”

  Meghan threw her arms around his neck and kissed him on the cheek. “I love you guys.”

  “Well, good. Remember to say that to my interfering wife.”

  “What should I do?”

  “You need to think all this through, Irish. Alex knows what’s in his heart. You have to be sure of what’s in yours.”

  “Understood,” she replied.

  “Call me when you’re ready, and I’ll tell you what happens next.”

  She rolled her eyes and groaned. “Really?”

  “Yep.” He thumbed a dark smudge under one of her eyes and mumbled, “He needs a serious ass kicking for putting you through this and that’s the very reason why you have to really think this through. It’s not going to be easy. Just ask Victoria and Lacey too. We’re fucked up, the three of us. Happily ever after comes with a price. The moment you’re one hundred percent clear on what you want, you call me, okay?”

  “Thanks Draegyn. Will do.”

  She called him later that afternoon. “I want to see him. Hear what he has to say before I make a decision.”

  “Wise move,” he told her as he swatted Alex’s hand away when he tried to grab the phone. “Here’s what you’re gonna do. Head to the Four Seasons hotel and go to the front desk. Identify yourself and ask for an envelope left for you by Mr. Marquez.”

  “Are you friggin’ kidding? An envelope? What the hell Draegyn!”

  Glaring at Alex again for trying to get in on the conversation, he ended the call saying, “What the hell does my wife always say? Bitches like romance? Well, have a little faith Meghan. Ask for the envelope.”

  He heard her sigh heavily into the phone. “There better be romance in that envelope Mr. St. John, or I swear….”

  “That, my dear, is entirely up to you,” he laughed.

  Dressed to the nines in her new white dress and sexy shoes, Meghan arrived at the swanky Four Seasons in a bit of a fog. Draegyn’s explanation of Alex’s time in Afghanistan gave her a lot to think about. She completely understood why he implored her to think it all through before she came to any decisions. Loving Alex Marquez as she did was not a guarantee of an easy future. He had demons and if she took him on, those nightmares and the emotional aftermath were going to be coming along for the ride.

  After much deliberation she felt she knew what was in her heart but she needed to hear from the man himself. Needed to know what he was feeling and understand how he saw the future and if there was any place in his life for her.

  After stating who she was and asking if anything had been left for her at reception, the terribly proper and uptight man behind the marble counter handed her the envelope Drae had told her to expect.

  With trembling hands she peeked inside the envelope and found a room key along with a piece of hotel stationary on which Alex had scribbled, Another message to follow.

  Meghan struggled during the elevator ride to pull it together as her heart thumped wildly in her chest. It took several tries with the room key to open the door whether from her shaking fingers or the fact that she twice inserted it the wrong way.

  She’d never stayed at the Four Seasons in Boston so when the door finally swept open she gasped at the lavish charm of the magnificent Presidential Suite complete with a fireplace and a baby grand piano. Remembering their shared love of music and the many times they’d played the vintage piano at the Villa together, her heart skipped a beat.

  In front of her on the table in the foyer was an open laptop next to a display of white roses with a single green rose in the center. Spying a card amongst the flowers, she bit her lips to stop them from quivering when she saw what was written. Once again in Alex’s distinctive handwriting he’d scrawled, ‘A green rose is the symbol of hope and optimism.’ Pushing her face into the elaborate arrangement, Meghan inhaled deeply of the intoxicating scent and willed her nerves to calm.

  For a second she had to grip the edge of the antique table for support as her senses and emotions overloaded. When her eyes eventually drifted to the laptop she saw a post it note on the computer that said, ‘Press Enter.’

  When she did, a picture appeared on the screen. The one she recalled Alex took of her and Zeus snoodling in the bed of the truck that day in the desert. Along one side of the picture were Alex’s words.

  For me, these past years have been about penance. Atoning for my failings, my actions, and my faults. That’s what the war did to me. Living with regret became the air I breathed.

  I watched Cameron and Draegyn overcome all that and find happiness. I even helped them see that the past doesn’t have to devour the present, all the while, cursing myself for things that can’t be changed. Salvation wasn’t an option for me.

  And then you came along, sweet lady. Unexpected. Without judgment. A heart so open and giving, it humbled me.

  In a moment of weakness, I was tested ~ and failed again. Something I’m not proud of.

  But I’m just a man. Flawed, and yes, afraid. Terrified of what loving you would mean.

  Now, it’s your forgiveness that I seek.

  Meghan~ even though I don’t deserve it, you are my absolution and redemption in every way that matters.

  I’m not making excuses. I’ve been an ass, know what I’ve done - k
now that I hurt you and let you down. Leaving that morning was unforgivable. Pushing you away was the biggest regret of my life and that’s saying a lot.

  If it’s too late ~ I’ll understand.

  If there’s even the slightest chance ~ go to the bedroom and open the box on the bed

  P.S. Your dog misses you

  Meghan’s heart was beating so fast she had a hard time swallowing. Looking toward the open doors leading to the bedroom, she saw a blue box lying on the muted gold bedspread.

  On feet that didn’t feel like they were touching the floor, she drifted toward the box like a fragment of metal being drawn by a powerful magnet.

  Alex had given her so many gifts during their time together. All of which she left behind in Arizona. This one however, felt gigantic. She knew, whatever it was, some sort of crossroads was involved.

  Shaking like a leaf, she lifted the lid with trembling fingers and separated the blush colored tissue paper to find a stunning gold bracelet hung with two small hearts. On one heart the word Mine was engraved and the other read Yours. The hearts faced each other when they dangled, so the evocative words touched. Just like the words lovers whisper in the night, they were meant for just the two of them.

  Underneath the bracelet was a small card. Her heart clutched as she read what he’d written.

  If the hearts have no meaning, leave the bracelet, and I’ll understand.

  But ~ if you feel the way I do, put the bracelet on and text me the first thing that comes to mind.

  Meghan was having one of those out-of-body moments that she knew would define her life from this moment on. If she put the bracelet on, she’d be opening herself up to a future with her fucked-up, damaged Major that she knew in her soul would be no easy ride. But if she walked away, she’d be leaving her heart behind and that was something she just couldn’t do.

  There really wasn’t a decision to make. Fate had already made it for her. Fastening the bracelet around her wrist, she felt tears welling in her eyes at how right it felt and how perfectly the two hearts lay against each other.

  “Oh baby,” she murmured in the silence of the empty room.

  Retrieving her bag from where she’d dropped it in the foyer, she fished around for her cell phone as she walked aimlessly around the magnificent living room. Bringing up a message screen, she paused. What should she say? He asked her to text the first thing that came to mind. Taking a deep breath she typed in ‘Yours’ and pressed send.

  Less than five seconds later she heard a sound across the suite and spun around in time to see Alex walking through the door, his phone clutched in his hand and a look of utter astonishment on his face. In that moment she knew with absolute certainty, when all his defenses were down, that he hadn’t been at all sure what her answer would be. She’d never loved him more.

  Eyes locked, they made their way to the other. Meghan thought her big, hunky lover was amazing with his scraggly beard and mussed hair, when he dressed in jeans molded to his hard body that made her brain melt. But the sight of him in a tailored business suit that fit him like a second skin, clean-shaven and groomed like a damn movie star, her heart started thumping wildly again. The man was magnificent, and it was all she could do not to climb on him like a tree.

  Before the titillating thought faded, she was caught completely off-guard when Alex dropped to his knee at her feet. Blinking in confusion, she searched his face and then stopped breathing when he reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out a black velvet jewelry box.

  In the silence of the room she actually heard the box creak open as he lifted the lid to reveal a dazzling ring with a large Asher cut diamond in a raised antique setting surrounded by emeralds.

  “Meghan Elizabeth O’Brien. You are the love of my life. You’ve saved me in every way a man who was lost and alone could be saved. You are more precious to me than you could possibly understand, and I will cherish and adore you every moment of our lives.”

  He took the ring from its cushion and gestured to her. Without hesitation, Meghan gave him her hand as a single tear made its way from the corner of her eye and drifted slowly down her cheek.

  Sliding the beautiful ring onto her finger, he asked in a voice choked heavy with emotion, “Will you stand by my side from this second forward and do me the honor of being my wife?”

  There were no words she could say, so she dropped to her knees and fell into his waiting arms, the warmth and promise of his embrace meaning as much as the words he’d just spoken.

  With her tear-soaked face pressed into his neck, Meghan felt all the pain and confusion of the last weeks evaporate. She was back where she belonged and that was all that mattered.

  “I love you, baby,” she groaned in a voice that offered an eloquent glimpse into how badly she’d been hurting without him.

  “Is that a yes?” he murmured. She heard the hopefulness in his voice along with a rare flash of nervousness that made her tighten her arms around him.

  Pulling back to look into his eyes when she gave her answer, Meghan lost control when she saw that his cheeks were also covered in tears. With profound reverence, she placed her hands on either side of his handsome face and kissed them away.

  “Of course it’s a yes. How could it be any answer other than yes? Don’t cry baby. I love you, and everything’s going to be alright.” She put her lips on his with all the love and promise she could gather in a kiss meant to heal.

  “Oh my God, Meghan,” he groaned. “I love you so much. You’ll never know how sorry I am for what I put you through.”

  He was pressing gentle kisses all over her face and neck while she clung to him, her body pressed tight against his, just like the two hearts dangling on the bracelet.

  “I’m so proud of you,” she whispered.

  Alex looked at her, a little shell-shocked and a lot confused. “I haven’t done anything to be proud of,” he grumbled, his beautiful eyes expressing soulful regret. “Especially not where you’re concerned.”

  She poured her heart into the gaze she fixed on his face. “Oh, but you have. Finding your way through the dark is no easy thing, my love. It takes great courage to let go of the past, and I’m going to make sure you never regret it.”

  They kissed then, still on their knees, wrapped in one another’s embrace. It was the sort of kiss that hopeless romantics dream of and write about.

  Alex was at peace for the first time in his adult life that he could recall. Hearing Meghan express her love had moved him beyond words. He meant it when he told her she’d saved him. The redemption he’d been seeking all these years was right there in her arms. Just like Cameron and Draegyn before him, finding his soul through the love of another had finally sent the demons packing and laid the past to rest.

  When he’d burst into the suite it had upset him greatly to see evidence of how his woman had been suffering these last weeks making him wish Drae had punched his lights out when he came back from visiting her instead of glaring at him with reproach blazing in his eyes. He’d given Alex the dressing down of his life, shaming him with angry caustic words as he laid in to him, describing in horrifying detail Meghan’s loss of vibrancy and the telltale evidence of illness visible on her face. Seeing her in the flesh again, he made a silent vow to put her needs, her safety, and her wellbeing above his own from this day forward. Never again would he be selfish enough to subject her to such pain and confusion. She was far too precious, the gift she was giving by trusting him with her heart and soul marked him forever after.

  Somehow they made it from the their knees into the bedroom but it wasn’t Alex who had gotten them there. He knew that because their progress wasn’t stopped until it was his legs connecting with the bed as Meghan feverishly writhed against him. Overcome with emotion, he held her in his arms and crushed her magnificent body to his.

  Taking her hand, he lifted it to his mouth and kissed her knuckles above where his ring now sat. The symbol of his possession twinkled in the sunlight filtering through the sheer pan
els covering the windows. Still holding her hand, which he was thrilled to feel was trembling slightly, he twirled her around so her back was facing him.

  Sweeping aside her hair, he undid the button of her dress; kissed the tiny swath of skin he’d exposed, and then slowly pulled the zipper down. He made a silent vow then and there to always be there to unzip her so she would know, not just who she belonged to but, who worshiped her beyond measure.

  When the dress was undone, he spread apart the sides and ran his fingers down the skin of her back right to the place where her ass started to flare. Pushing the sexy two-toned dress that showcased her gorgeous curves off her shoulders, Alex had to quickly swallow when it wafted to the floor and he saw sheer white panties that left little to his imagination. There was nothing about her fucking ass that he didn’t adore and seeing it displayed in all its glory in the see-through silk got him hard as stone in seconds.

  The plump curve of her backside was begging for his touch. Sighing with a mixture of lust and appreciation, he caressed her through the delicate silk as she stepped out of the dress and kicked it aside. She didn’t waste any time spinning around on her sexy high heels with a wicked expression on her face that let him know they were totally in sync. Of course the equally sheer and just as sexy bra that made her already delicious breasts look like a dream come true only added to her naughty appeal.

  Reaching for his tie she deftly loosened it before sliding the jacket off his shoulders where it joined her dress on the floor. Alex’s lips curled into a half-smile when she all but shredded his shirt in her haste to undress him.

  He hated taking her outrageous shoes off but he didn’t have much choice if he didn’t want to end up with the heels digging in to his flesh. Before long they were on the bed, half-naked, limbs entwined, whispering words of love in between deep, wet kisses. Entangled as they were, first with him crushing her body into the mattress and then with her sprawled on top of him, his hands made quick work of her lingerie. When he’d bared her to his touch he rolled her beneath him and removed his briefs, caressing her magnificent breasts with his eyes.