Ember (Faylinn Series)

by Mindy Hayes

  He grunted in frustration and threw his hands in the air, humorlessly laughing. “You don’t get it. You never have! Are you really that blind? Declan is. Are you?” I blinked. “I’m not complaining because I have to take care of you. I’m not complaining because you need protection. I’m livid because no matter what I do, you’re always put in danger. I can’t relax for even one minute because I’m constantly worrying about you! I’m constantly terrified that I’m going to lose you!”

  His chest rose rapidly up and down. He swallowed and closed his eyes, while I remained speechless. He was terrified to lose me? I watched him breathe in and out and lock his hands behind his head as he looked up at the ceiling of the shack. It wasn’t as if I didn’t know Kai and I had been tiptoeing around the fire. It danced in the back of my head, but I brushed it aside. We were an impossibility. But I had a feeling after this we weren’t only going to be playing with fire, but rolling around in it.

  “You are the first faery that I have felt this way about, and it’s impossible for me to have you,” he said quietly. Words escaped me. I stood there stupidly gaping at him when he took an uncertain step toward me, very un-Kai-like. “Don’t you see that I’m tormented just by being in your presence? Every day to have to watch you, protect you, and know we will never have a chance at a life together. I have to watch as Sakari touches you and makes you laugh. It takes everything inside of me to keep from punching his face in every time he has kissed you. And if anyone even heard me confess that to you I would be as good as dead.”

  We studied one another. I don’t know when it happened exactly. It wasn’t some burst of emotion giving me sudden clarity. It wasn’t as if I was blind and could finally see. Kai had crept into my heart little by little from the first day we met. Somewhere inside I had known from that first day he dropped in front of me that I could love him. I was never meant to be with someone who made things easy, who wasn’t a challenge. He would be a constant every day surprise, and that ignited a deep yearning to be near him always. He wasn’t someone easy to love, and yet it was the easiest decision to make. There was no life in Faylinn without Kai. I had a larger purpose here in Faylinn, but if I couldn’t be happy, there was no way Faylinn would be happy.

  I wanted to reach out to him, to hold him, to kiss him. I wanted everything in that moment, but what would it cost us? Did I even care about the consequences anymore? I stretched my hand out to touch his face, but he moved out of my reach.

  “Don’t,” he said reflexively, defeated. “It’s fine. I’ve lived with all of this for this long, I can do it forever.”

  “Kai,” I pressed softly, moving closer to him.

  His head shook gravely. “It doesn’t matter, Calliope. It doesn’t matter what I want. It doesn’t matter what you want. Faylinn holds the keys. Our fates have already been dealt for us. And if I’m not mistaken, the largest war our fae have ever witnessed is about to break out. We don’t need to add to that. We don’t need another reason for someone to want to harm you. I’m no good for you.”

  “Kai, listen to me.” He stopped. He had to. I hated to force my Supremacy upon him, but he wouldn’t listen any other way. “You are good. A loud-mouthed prick sometimes,” I snickered when he scowled. “But your heart is good. Don’t you realize you’ve been there to save me every step of the way? Every time I’ve needed it, you have stepped up. When I first learned to leap, you caught me when I fell. You were the one to take me away when Liam and Owen came after me. When Favner showed up, you defended me until the very end.” I swallowed. “I wouldn’t be standing here if you hadn’t stopped Jaryn. And tonight … you’re always saving me.”

  “Declan would lay his life on the line for you,” he said adamantly. “Though, sometimes I think he can be a little excessive.”

  “But I don’t want Declan,” I said simply.

  I waited for my words to sink in, to register in his perfect eyes. Eyes that no matter how many times I looked into them, I could never find steady ground.

  “I am Queen of Faylinn. I make the rules. What I say goes.”

  “It’s not that simple, and you know it.”

  I exhaled. “No, it’s not. But it doesn’t mean I’m not trying to come up with solutions. I will find a way for colonies to get to choose who they want to be with. You don’t think that wasn’t the first thing I tried to change when I came? I want a choice. I want to be able to choose you, too.”

  Moments of silence passed between us as the meaning of my words were made clear. I don’t know what came over me, but it was then that I leaned into him, taking his face in my hands and kissed him. He didn’t react at first, and for about a second, I thought I’d made a mistake, but then his lips moved against mine, kissing me back. One of his hands gently cradling the back of my neck toyed with holding me tighter as if he thought I might pull away and was giving me the opportunity. I gave him my answer by curling my fingers through the hair at the nape of his neck and melding our lips together so firmly that there was no room for any more questions.

  With a groan his other hand moved to my waist, pressing our bodies tightly together. Though my legs melted by his touch, my toes lifted so I could be closer to his height. He whispered my name against my lips, and nothing had ever sounded sweeter. Nothing would ever sound as sweet.

  All of my pent up frustration and desire flowed through me into this kiss. I held nothing back, and I finally felt free. Kai’s mouth opened, his lips shifting between mine, taking my bottom lip between his as though it belonged to him. He sighed into my mouth as I looped my arms tighter around his neck in desperate need of drawing myself closer. There wasn’t enough to satisfy my craving for him. I needed more. It had never occurred to me how much I needed him. But of course I needed him.

  When Cameron had kissed me, it had been like releasing the carbonation from a soda bottle, finally some relief. After years of wondering what it would be like I knew, and it left me satisfied, content.

  Kissing Kai, I felt anything but content. It was an eruption of Old Faithful, bursting me at the seams before gravity pulled me back together, back to Earth as the water seeped back under the surface, soaking into the crevasses of my heart, forever changing me.

  This was it for me. I didn’t know when or how, but I would make Kai mine forever. Something finally felt right and complete in the middle of this nightmare. This felt right. He felt right.

  He held me possessively as if he never wanted to give me up, and I was completely satisfied with that. I belonged to him. I would forever be Kai’s no matter the consequences.

  We reluctantly pulled away, and I knew the looks on our faces matched one another in surprise. The only sound was our heavy breathing working to calm back down as we held our gaze.

  We spoke at once.

  “Kai…” I whispered.

  “Calliope…” he breathed.

  Our eyes kept their stare, never faltering—searching for the answers we were too afraid to ask.

  “I want you by my side,” I finally uttered.

  His indigo eyes lit up impishly. “Took you long enough to figure that out.”

  I snorted, shaking my head. “I think I figured that out a long time ago. Someone else just tosses out very mixed signals.”

  The corner of his lips turned up, twirling the inside of my stomach and reaching parts of me I never knew could be touched. He gently cupped his hand along my cheek, holding me so tenderly as if he thought I might break. His sudden gentleness toward me, though out of his usual character, somehow felt indescribably natural.

  “But before we go and agree to accept one another,” I said, “I have to find a solution that won’t insult the history and ancestors of Faylinn. Or get you killed,” I added.

  “I think that’s wise.” He nodded with a smirk and bowed down to kiss me once more. I couldn’t wipe the grin from my face as he did so. This kiss only lasted a few seconds, when he said, “I can’t lose you, Calliope. Not now. Especially not now.”

  “You won’t.” I sm
iled.

  Kai blinked, searching my face for the slightest fallacy in my words. When I didn’t give him one, his fingers intertwined behind my head in my untamed curls, drawing me back against his lean frame as he pressed our lips together.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Kai’s body was molded to the back on mine when I woke up the next day, his arms wrapped securely around my stomach. I snuggled deeper into his embrace, welcoming the warmth of his body, as we lay on the bed in this small moment of peace.

  I thought my body had woken up naturally, but when my eyes fluttered open, I saw Declan standing inside the door, as though he had just walked in. He looked too big to fit in this little hut in the trees. A look of shock was written across his face, but then it changed and understanding settled there.

  “Declan …” I whispered.

  “You make sense,” he murmured, nodding.

  Kai stirred when I shifted to get up, and his arms tightened around me, keeping me in place. “Lay with me for a little while longer,” he mumbled.

  “Kai,” I hissed.

  His body stiffened at the tone of my voice. He looked around on high alert until he saw Declan. He sighed and relaxed back onto the mattress. “Good morning, Declan,” he said lazily.

  “Kai,” I chastened and untangled myself from him. Straightening my clothes back in place, I faced Declan with what dignity I could find.

  “It’s more like mid-day, Kai,” Declan said dryly.

  Kai stretched. “You thought traveling back in broad daylight was the smartest way to go undetected?”

  “I was undetected, and I didn’t want to waste anymore time.”

  “Is Elena willing to help?” I interjected.

  “I didn’t get a response. I had to pass the message along. They wouldn’t let me see her.”

  “Why not?” I asked.

  “They thought me suspicious for coming in the middle of the night with no one to back my story. They thought I was luring her into a trap.”

  “That’s ridiculous. But they will tell her, right? They won’t just sit on the information because they think it’s bogus.”

  “I think so.”

  “Elena’s brave, but she’s not stupid,” Kai said, sitting up next to me. “She won’t throw herself and her people into this war without preparation. She’s also not heartless. She won’t let a fellow kingdom be crushed by Adair. She hates Adair with a passion. She’ll come.”

  She has to, or we won’t survive. “Why does she hate Adair so much?”

  “Call it a lovers’ quarrel,” Declan sighed. “We only know from stories. He was her match. The one in her colony she was supposed to be bonded to, but then she fell for Cian. Adair wasn’t about to be left without a fight.”

  Kai muffled a chuckle. “Let’s just say that was the first time Faylinn almost fell. Elena broke away with Cian, and Adair left with whoever wanted to follow him.”

  “So Rymidon and Elfland were the first kingdoms to be created,” I said. “It doesn’t sound as if Adair left because he didn’t believe in Faylinn’s views anymore. He left to protect his pride.”

  Declan nodded. “It’s possible. I don’t think many things changed when Rymidon was created.”

  “Is Adair still bonded with someone?”

  They shook their heads. “If I remember correctly, there was some accident around the time that Favner took over Faylinn and Saoirse didn’t survive,” Declan said quietly.

  “What kind of accident?”

  Kai and Declan regarded one another and shared a look of uncertainty. “Do you know?” Declan asked.

  “Not a clue.” Kai shrugged. “All I know is that she was found dead in the forest not far from their kingdom. I always assumed it was Favner, but he sealed off the passageway before Adair could retaliate.”

  A slithering feeling latched onto my insides. “Something keeps nagging at me. It has since the day Adair brought everyone back, but I was caught up in worrying about you, Declan, that I didn’t let myself think far enough. Favner had warned me that I didn’t know what I was getting myself into. I only assumed it was the responsibility of Faylinn, but what if in his own twisted way he was warning me about Adair?”

  Declan and Kai paled.

  “As soon as Adair heard about Favner, why didn’t he return everyone then? Or why didn’t everyone just come home? And now he’s seized Faylinn. But why? He wanted me to bond with Sakari. If I had, which was still a possibility.” Kai grunted. “For all he knows,” I explained myself, eyeing him. “We would have been connected that way.”

  “But you told Evan that you wouldn’t bond with Sakari,” Declan reminded.

  “You did?” Kai interrupted.

  “If I couldn’t be with who I wanted, then I didn’t want to bond at all.” I shrugged.

  He didn’t say anything, but he knew. From the look in his eyes, he knew.

  “What if Adair told him you wouldn’t bond with Sakari?”

  “That would have been awfully fast. I suppose it’s possible, but why invade Faylinn just because I said I wouldn’t bond with Sakari? Would he want to hurt me? Revenge for rejecting his son? None of it makes any sense. He’s one of my dad’s oldest friends.”

  “Anything is possible. But as the last true heir to Faylinn, you are too precious to our world to harm. It wouldn’t make sense for him to wish harm upon you.”

  “So we have nothing to go off,” I concluded. Declan responded with a helpless look of frustration.

  Kai punched a beam and muttered what must have been a curse word to the fae. He walked back and sat down on his mattress.

  “So what are we supposed to do if Elena doesn’t come?” I turned to Declan.

  “We’re running out of options, Calliope,” Declan sighed. “Adair has settled in. His Keepers line and guard our boundaries. He’s in your castle. Our people are being held prisoners in their own homes.”

  “But he doesn’t have control over them. His Supremacy means nothing,” I disputed.

  “It doesn’t matter. He has force and power on his side. His Keepers took down nearly half of ours. We surrendered fairly swiftly when we knew it was a losing battle.”

  “I have to go back. We have to fight back.”

  “Calliope,” Kai sighed. “You do realize you’re blowing on an ember that’s about to burst into a wild fire.”

  “I have to know what he wants, Kai. It’s possible I could reason with him. Negotiate. That’s what we do as Royals, isn’t it? Work together to create peace among us.”

  “He obviously isn’t seeking peace,” Kai grumbled.

  “No, but he wants something. Isn’t that the most important thing to know about your enemy? What they want? What is his price?”

  “And how are we going to find that out?” Kai countered.

  I stood tall and reigned in all the power I could muster. “I’m going back to talk to him, and neither of you are going to stop me.”

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  We waited until night had fallen. Kai didn’t think the three of us could be as stealthy traveling in a pack during the day. When we were close enough that I could see the bordering cottages, I turned to Kai and Declan. Their faces were cross as they eyed me. They were still upset that I had used my Supremacy to get us here. I knew I hadn’t heard the end of it, but once we had neared the border, they had quieted down so we could enter undetected.

  “No matter what happens, don’t shoot your arrows. And keep your daggers in your sheaths. I don’t want to look like a threat. I simply want to meet with Adair.”

  “But Calliope,” Kai interjected.

  I held up my hand to cut him off. “Unless they have a dagger to my throat, keep your weapons to yourselves. I mean it, Kai.”

  They nodded, surrendering. But their faces remained stern.

  Adair’s guards lined the perimeter. We approached cautiously, but we hadn’t walked far when they saw us. They lifted their arrows instantly.

  “I don’t want a blood bath here,” I said,
raising my voice for all of them to hear. “You can lower your weapons. I just want to speak with Adair.”

  There was hesitation as they drifted their eyes between one another. They all seemed to peer at the tall blonde in the center. He was the only one who didn’t let his eyes wander. They remained severe in all their sapphire glory.

  I decided to aim my question at him since he appeared to be the one in charge. “He’s waiting for me, isn’t he?”

  He lowered his arrow first. “King Adair didn’t say anything about letting your two Keepers come along. They will stay here.”

  I shrugged. “Sorry. The three of us come as a packaged deal. So if Adair wants my cooperation, my Keepers are coming with me,” I said with all the firmness I could gather.

  “My orders don’t come from you,” he sneered.

  I stood a little straighter and narrowed my eyes. “They just might eventually, and if you want to be on my good side when that day comes, I suggest you lead the three of us to Adair now.”

  Declan and Kai shifted next to me, readying for a fight. I held my ground. I really had no idea where that confidence came from. It wasn’t as if I felt that confident, but I refused to let these guards see any weakness. They were in my kingdom.

  He glared at me, but nodded once. “Cage, Rollin,” he muttered to the guards on either side of him. Once he turned to walk away, we followed, and the other two guards tailed closely behind us.

  As we walked to the castle I saw flickers of bright colors in each home as captive fae peeked out their windows and doors at us passing through. I held my head high and kept a straight face so they wouldn’t see how frightened I really felt. I couldn’t let Faylinn see how not in control I was.

  They escorted us into the atrium where Adair sat casually at my table as if he felt he belonged there. I made sure that Adair saw the disgust in my eyes as we approached.

  Evan stood in a corner meekly, not at all with the confidence I knew him to have. Adair’s towering sons flanked his sides, expressionless. Sakari’s light eyes met mine across the room. His jaw clenched, but his eyes told nothing. Did what we share mean anything to him? I may not love him, but we had our moments. Had we not? Was everything a complete lie?