Havoc and Mayhem

by Derrick A. Bonner

  “Carla look at our boy with his six-pack.” Smitty said staring proudly at his son as he buttoned a shirt down his washboard stomach then stuffed the tail in his pants. “He gets that from me you know?”

  “Sure, you’re right.” Carla teased patting Smitty’s paunch.

  “Hey I don’t need a dynamite physique when I got a firecracker, c’mere.” Smitty said pulling Carla into his lap and planting a kiss on her cheek.

  “Get a room,” Tommy shook his head smiling, he couldn’t get over his parents patching things up.

  “So what’s up with that rag you’ve got tied on your head?” Smitty asked his son.

  “It’s a wave cap,”

  Smitty and Carla traded smirks, “But you ain’t got no hair son. What’re you trying to wave up, your thoughts?”

  “Da ha-ha-ha,” Tommy laughed sarcastically.

  “Honey I gave you the number to the hotel?” Carla asked.

  “Yeah Ma I wrote it down somewhere.” Tommy said preoccupied with Tee-Tee’s electronic Simon game. “Aw damn!” he swore when the buzzing noise indicated he lost.

  “Hey-language!” Carla scolded her son.

  “A-ha you lose!” Tee-Tee teased. “My turn-my turn.”

  “No do over!” Tommy said.

  “Nah-uh, no do overs!” Tee-Tee said and snatched the game.

  “Somewhere, where?” Carla asked.

  “On a piece of paper somewhere.” Tommy shrugged.

  “I’m leaving you some money for food and whatever. Tommy are you listening?”

  “Ma relax. I have money. This is supposed to be a vacation remember?” He said trying to cover his sister’s eyes so she’d mess up and lose the game.

  “I know Tommy and I will enjoy it as long as I know that if anything happens you will be able to contact us at the hotel.”

  “You worry too much Ma. Nothing’s going to happen.”

  “You worry too much Ma. Nothing’s gonna happen.” Tee-Tee repeated.

  “Cut it out brat.” Tommy said.

  “Cut it out brat.” Tee-Tee giggled.

  “Ma, talk to your child.” Tommy complained.

  “Ma, talk to your child.”

  “Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious.”

  “Huh?” Tee-Tee said baffled as her brother grinned smugly.

  Carla shook her head smiling at her babies and tore a sheet of paper from a notebook on the table. “For the second time here’s the flight number and the phone number you can reach me. We should arrive there at eight-fifteen and we’re staying at the Berkley Manor Inn. I also included the number for the agency I sometimes use that sends over home care attendants to care for Tee-Tee when I’m busy. You can call them around the clock and they will send someone over. If you do have to use them ask for Beverly, your sister adores her and make sure it’s an emergency because that place is very expensive even with the deduction from my medical coverage.” She said scribbling everything she said down on a piece of paper and handing it to her son.

  “Won’t need it.” Tommy said confidently and tossed the note on the table and continued wrestling with his sister.

  Carla turned to Smitty, “Can you think of anything else honey?”

  “Not a thing.” Smitty said.

  Suddenly Mayhem jumped up barking and made a mad dash for the door. The door unlocked and Donnie came in looking lovely as usual. Tee-Tee smiled and rushed over to greet her. “Hello everyone.” Donnie cheerfully greeted.

  “Sup babe.” Tommy winked with a warm smile that made Donnie blush. Carla raised her eyebrows and shot her son a peculiar look.

  “Donnie it’s good to see you again. Isn’t it Carla?” Smitty said nudging her.

  “Huh? Oh sure, hello Donnie. Nice to see you.” Carla said with a plastic smile wishing her son lived in an apartment instead of a loft so she could ask him to step into the next room and ask what was up with his new girlfriend already having her own key to his place.

  “So are you guys ready for your trip? Wow New Orleans. I went there for Mardi Gras with some of my girls two summers ago. Let me tell you, Bourbon Street is one big non-stop party and the bayou is beautiful, but you have to take a tour of the old estates. Then there’s the food and the people with their Southern hospitality. You two are going to have so much fun.” Donnie said enthusiastically.

  “I know and we don’t plan on wasting a moment’s time. Truth be told, this is my first trip anywhere. I haven’t been out of Brooklyn since I came here as a child.” Smitty admitted proudly.

  “Now you see where I got my love for Brooklyn from. Cause it definitely wasn’t from my mother she loves to travel, in fact come to think of it, you two have something in common. You’ve both visited Egypt.” Tommy said.

  The two women looked at each other stunned. “You’ve been to Egypt?” Carla asked Donnie.

  Donnie looked over at Tommy oddly. Ever since they met Carla made her feel a little uncomfortable and it was pretty obvious that Tommy’s ex-wife was the reason. She never mentioned it to Tommy because she knew from the bond between her own brothers and mother that the way through a man’s heart was not his stomach, it was his mother.

  “Really? When’d you go?” Carla asked. Donnie’s mouth opened but she didn’t say anything looking as though she was trying to remember.

  “She visited Cairo a few years back. Ain’t that right?” Tommy said placing his hands on Donnie’s shoulders.

  Donnie smiled uncomfortably. “Um-yeah like he said.”

  Carla’s features softened and she came over. “Ah Cairo, what a beautiful and enchanting place. I learned all about Egypt while doing a term paper on the Pharaohs of Egypt in college and became fascinated with their beautiful culture. After graduation my family sent me there as a gift.”

  “Really, you are so lucky. Did you visit the Pharaoh’s temples and the Sphinx?”

  “That’s a given. But what about the boat ride down the Nile River?” Carla asked.

  “Words can’t describe it.” Donnie said.

  “I’m trying to get certain people who shall remain nameless to travel and see the world and show them there’s more to the world than Brooklyn.” Carla said gesturing towards her son. “Maybe you can help me.”

  “While I can’t promise miracles, I will try.” Donnie winked and soon she and Carla were chatting openly about century old mummies, relics, art and pyramids the whole time becoming more and more acquainted with one another.

  At two o’clock Tommy’s parents called a cab and prepared to leave. They showered their daughter with kisses and promised to call her every day. Carla had a difficult time leaving her baby girl behind and tried not to cry but did anyway. Tee-Tee was more concerned with them bringing her back a souvenir. Carla went over her list of hotel numbers and important information with Tommy one more time and forced him to take an envelope containing one hundred dollars.

  Smitty pulled his son to the side and reminded him about what the two of them discussed the other day. “No Havoc and Mayhem business while your sister is visiting! And the home care attendant is not a get out of jail free card either!”

  Donnie hugged Smitty goodbye and was as surprised as everyone else when Carla gave her a hug and asked her to check in on her babies for her. Donnie promised she would and Carla said that when she got back they would make plans to visit the Brooklyn Museum of Natural History’s Egypt exhibit. After they were gone Donnie spun at Tommy with narrow eyes and her hands on her hips.

  “What’s the matter?” He asked cluelessly.

  Donnie was so pissed she couldn’t speak and smacked Tommy hard on the arm. “Ow!” he yelled.

  “What if I didn’t know anything about Egypt?” Donnie asked.

  “Hold up. What are you saying, that you’ve never been to Egypt?” Tommy asked rubbing his arm and trying his best to keep a straight face. Donnie shook her head not finding anything funny as Tommy began snickering. “Tee-Tee Muppet Babies is on.” He informed
his sister. Once she was out of ear-range he turned back to his lady. “Now come on baby. There isn’t a topic under the sun that you don’t know something about. My mom visited Egypt years ago but still talks about it like she was there yesterday. I figured this would be the perfect opportunity to bring you two closer together. As far as you not knowing anything about the land, I wasn’t worried. You’re a walking, talking Britannica, with curvy bookends.” He said and threw his arms around Donnie’s waist and tried to steal a kiss.

  Donnie pushed him away. This time one of his toe-curling kisses was not going to cut it. She was pissed. “What if your mother saw through the charade? She isn’t all that thrilled with me to begin with and if she discovered I was lying-I don’t even want to think about it.”

  “Okay maybe I did take a risk by telling my mom that you visited Egypt when you hadn’t. And I’m sorry. I just wanted you two to get along.” Tommy said.

  “I get along with her fine. It’s she who has a problem with me.” Donnie frowned.

  “Yeah well not that I’m defending her but my mom is from the ol’ school. She believes in the sanctity of marriage and all that jazz. Plus she and my ex have a lot in common because they both went to the same college and are both teachers. That was another reason why I said you had been to Egypt.”

  “Look Tommy I understand that you want your mother and me to get along. And I would like it as well, but if your mother is ever going to accept me, it has to be me, not a brand new version of your ex-wife.” Donnie said

  Tommy took Donnie’s hand then kissed it. “I’m sorry babe that’s not what I was trying to do. But I felt I had to do something. I can’t have two of the most important women in my life not getting along.”

  Donnie smiled and kissed her man. She could not stay upset after being put in the same league with his mother. Not to mention his confidence in her wisdom about all things under the sun.

  “Tommy and Donnie sitting in a tree. K-I-S-S-I-N-G!” Tee-Tee teased using her Barbie and Ken dolls to simulate her brother and his girl smooching.

  “You hungry brat?”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “Dinner and a movie?” Tommy offered.

  “Tommy can we go to Pizza Hut?” Tee-Tee asked.

  “Sure.” Tommy smiled and turned to his lady. “What movies are playing?”

  “I hear Coming to America is pretty good.” Donnie said. Just then her pager beeped and she checked the number. “Now what does Pumpkin want that’s so important she’s paging me 911?” She asked aloud and reached for the phone. Tommy opened his mouth. “Don’t say it.” Donnie cut him off.

  “Don’t say what?” Tommy asked innocently.

  “Whatever it was that you were going to say insulting about my friend.”

  “Look at you, thinking the worst. Now I’m insulted!”

  “I’m so sure.” After speaking briefly with her friend, Donnie hung up the phone frowning. “Bad news guys, I’m gonna have to take a rain check on the pizza and movie, my girl needs me. She sounds pretty upset. I think Mike, her daughter’s father is tripping. She still calls him the one who got away.”

  “How’d he do it, by gnawing off his own arm?” Tommy laughed.

  “Tommy show some compassion.”

  “My bad. I guess I’m just disappointed that you’re not coming.”

  “I know. So am I. But I promise I’ll make it up to the both of you.”

  “You better.” After Donnie left Tommy turned to his kid sister, “Well brat, it’s just you and me. Wanna grab a pizza and make it a Blockbusters night instead?”

  “Can we rent Annie?” Tee-Tee asked.

  Tommy sighed heavily. “Come on Brat, don’t you have that movie on VHS?” Tommy asked frowning at the thought of sitting through a musical that his sister knew all the songs and dialogue to.

  “Uh-huh, but Mommy forgot to pack it in my bag,”

  Tommy sighed. “Isn’t there something else you want to see?”

  “Annie!”

  “Ok, fine…Annie.”

  “Yaaayyyy!!!!”