Do You Want to Go to Jail Today?

by Paige Weaver

  My dad’s eyes twinkled at Ryder. Looking at me again, he whispered, “Love you. Remember.”

  The tears fell harder. He was talking to me like he was dying. I shook my head in denial, refusing to listen.

  “Let him get some sleep,” Janice said.

  I leaned over and kissed his forehead. “Love you, Daddy.”

  We were heading out of the bedroom when his weak voice stopped us. “Ryder. Stay.”

  As Ryder turned to go back into the bedroom, Janice took my arm and led me away. Before she pulled me around the corner, I turned to see my dad’s hand reaching for Ryder’s. What did my dad have to say to Ryder that he couldn’t say in front of me?

  In the living room, Roger had lit a lantern that cast a soft glow around the spacious room. The large stone fireplace and the brown leather furniture gave the room a warm comforting feeling that I needed right now.

  “Are you hungry?” Janice asked, pushing me gently to sit the couch.

  “No, thank you,” I answered, numbly.

  Taking a seat beside me, she took my hand in hers and studied my face.

  “Roger found him like that two days ago when he went over to check on him. I’ve done everything I could.” She paused a second before continuing. “From one nurse to another, you need to know that without medication or medical help, there isn’t much we can do for him. And since the hospital doesn’t have electricity…" She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I’m not sure how much time he has left, Maddie.”

  I nodded, the tears falling harder. I lost one parent long ago. I couldn’t lose the other. How could I live without my dad? He was my foundation. We depended on each other. I would have no family left in the world, a world falling apart a little each day.

  “Let me get you some water, dear.”

  After Janice left, I sat alone, gripping my fingers tightly to stop them from trembling. Studying my dirty shoes, I told myself over and over that this wasn’t real. None of it was real. I would wake up in the morning, back in my apartment. My dad would call and tell me about his day. I would go to school and see my friends. My old life would be back.

  “Your dad is strong. He’ll pull through this,” Roger said from across the room.

  I nodded, tears making my eyesight blurry. As much as I wanted that to be the truth, as a nursing student I knew that recovering from a stroke without medical help would be next to impossible. Janice and I would do what we could but the rest was up to Fate or God or whoever was controlling this crazy world we lived in.

  I looked up as Ryder walked into the room, his long legs covering the space between us within seconds. When he sat next to me and took me into his arms, I felt comfort that only he could give me.

  “He’s alive and safe, Maddie, be thankful for that,” he whispered against my hair.

  I knew Ryder was right. I think it would have been worse not knowing where he was, lost to me forever.

  Roger cleared his throat. “When did you two leave?” he asked.

  Ryder pulled away, suddenly aware we weren’t alone. Leaning forward, he put his elbows on his knees and looked at his dad.

  “Right away. It took us three days of driving and walking to get here,” he answered, running a hand over his face.

  “Here, hon,” Janice said, returning with a small cup of water.

  My shaky fingers took the cool plastic cup. I took a sip, not really thirsty but knowing I was still dehydrated.

  “I’m glad you’re home, son. Really glad,” Roger said with a catch in his voice.

  “You heard anything?” Ryder asked.

  “There’s been some talk on the short wave radio. Terrorists detonated the EMP in a declaration of war and most of the U.S. is in the black. Stuff like that. I’ve heard that the military is crippled pretty badly right now. Y’all see anything?”

  Ryder was about to answer when his mom interrupted. “It’s late, Roger and they look exhausted. Let them go to bed. You can ask the questions tomorrow.”

  “Sorry, kids. She’s right. The two of you look exhausted.”

  “Since it’s late, you can stay here, Ryder. I’ll make you a bed on the couch and Maddie can have your old room,” Janice said, heading for the doorway. "I’ll get some blankets."

  While she was gone, Roger asked Ryder a few more questions about what we saw. Ryder told him about the hospital and the plane crashing but didn’t talk about the convicts or the club. There would be time for that later. For now, we needed sleep.

  When Janice returned with sheets and pillows for Ryder, the memory of our makeshift bed and what we did in it raced through my mind. I looked at Ryder, wondering if he was remembering the same thing but his cool eyes gave nothing away.

  “Let’s get you settled in, Maddie,” Janice said.

  I said goodnight to Roger and stood up to follow her. Ryder kept his eyes downcast, not looking at me. I stood in indecision. What did I say to him? Now that we were home, would things be different?

  His blue eyes looked distant as they finally met mine and his voice was flat, void of emotion.

  “See you in the morning, Maddie.”

  “Night, Ryder.”

  I was sleeping in Ryder’s old room, somewhere I hadn’t been since he moved out. Under the flashlight beam, it didn’t look the same. Gone were the posters that lined the wall. There weren’t any dirty clothes lying around or smelly shoes in the closet. Now an antique iron bed sat in the middle of the room, covered with a light blue quilt. Lace curtains blew gently in the nighttime breeze. It was a guest room now, not the teenage boy’s room I remembered.

  “You keep that flashlight in here with you,” Janice said, pulling the covers back for me. “You need anything during the night, don’t hesitate to wake us.”

  I felt like crying all over again as I stood in a room I used to know so well. How many times had I sat in here with Ryder, talking about school or other silly adolescent stuff? When we were little, we spent hours in here building tent forts or making big plans for the future. Now the room had changed. We had changed. The world had changed.

  I just wanted to escape it all.

  Janice rounded the bed quickly to wrap her arms around me, just like my mother would have done if she were still alive.

  “You’re home, Maddie. You’re safe with us. It will be okay,” she whispered, patting my back reassuringly.

  “Thank you for taking care of my dad.”

  “Of course, hon, you know we wouldn’t let anything happen to the two of you.” She pulled away and rubbed my arm in a loving gesture. “I knew that Ryder would take care of you and get you home.”

  “There were times that I didn’t think we would make it.”

  “But you did.” She pushed my hair out of my eyes. “Now, get some sleep. We’ll see you in the morning.”

  As she left, I stood wearily in the middle of the room, staring at the bed. Too tired to care what I slept in, I pulled off my dirt–encrusted shorts and climbed under the cool sheets. With my last bit of strength, I turned off the flashlight and placed it next to me in bed.

  Even though I was exhausted and sore, sleep would not come. I thought it was because I was in a room that didn’t look familiar anymore but the truth was I hadn’t slept alone for almost a week now.

  I missed him and I needed him.

  Ryder was sleeping only a few rooms away. I could easily go to him, let him pull me close, give me comfort and fall asleep next to him. He wouldn’t push me away. He would probably welcome me. Only Ryder could provide the reassurance I needed that everything would be okay. That my dad would be okay. That the world would be okay.

  That we would be okay.

  Chapter Twenty–Four

  I rolled over, feeling warmth on my face. Opening my eyes slowly, I squinted against the bright light streaming from the window. Somewhere outside, a baby calf bawled loudly for its mother. The sound reminded me of where I was. Home.

  The crisp sheets felt wonderful against my skin as I stretched carefully.
My ribs felt tight and achy this morning and my broken finger felt blissfully numb. Feeling along my hairline, I was happy to discover that the gash was healing nicely.

  I slowly climbed out of bed. Pulling my shorts back on, my eyes fell on my backpack sitting in the corner of the room. I couldn’t remember bringing it into the bedroom with me. Someone must have brought it in this morning. I grew warm. Ryder. He was here, watching me sleep, standing over me.

  Feeling embarrassed at the thought, I dug clean clothes out of the bag and changed quickly. Finding a toothbrush, I dry brushed my teeth then ran fingers through my long, straight hair. I needed a bath but first, I needed to check on my dad.

  I found everyone sitting around the large kitchen table, including Gavin and my dad. Despite seeing the cane resting against his leg, I was happy to see my dad looking more like himself than the weak man from last night.

  “Look who decided to join us! Good afternoon, squirt!” Gavin said, embracing me in a bone–crunching hug.

  “I’m so happy you’re okay, Gavin!” My words were muffled against his chest as he squeezed me tightly.

  Gavin was tall and handsome like Ryder. He had the same bright blue eyes but the similarities ended there. Gavin had short black hair where Ryder’s was light brown and always needing a haircut. Both were tough as nails and stubborn as hell but Ryder was more of a loose cannon than Gavin ever was. Both were fiercely protective of each other but were known to get into drag–out fights as well.

  “Take it easy, Gavin, she’s hurt,” Ryder said as he glared at Gavin with controlled hostility.

  Ryder still managed to look good despite the exhaustion lining his face. His hair was curling slightly at the edges and the stubble on his jaw was growing more each day, making him appear even more dangerous and unapproachable. The white shirt he wore emphasized the darkness of his skin after days in the sun and highlighted the tattoos racing up and down his arm. I had missed him so much last night that the sight of him this morning was like a cool drink of water on a hot day.

  “Crap, Maddie, you’re hurt?” Gavin asked.

  “I’m fine. Ryder is just being overprotective.”

  “Yeah, a broken rib and finger are ‘just fine,’” Ryder said, sarcastically.

  “Shit! Want me to take a look at it?” Gavin asked me.

  “Hell, no! Mom can look at it.” Ryder answered, fuming.

  “I’m an EMT, Ryder. I do this for a living,” Gavin tried to reason with him.

  I ignored the argument that seemed to be brewing between the two of them and took a seat beside my dad.

  “You okay this morning, Dad?”

  He smiled at me and gave me a thumbs–up. Tears threatened again but I reminded myself that we were together and we were both safe. The rest we would take day by day.

  Janice sat a plate of food in front of me that contained bread spread with jelly and something that looked suspiciously like bacon but she said it was deer meat.

  “You’re not going to see her without a shirt on, Gavin, so back off,” Ryder said angrily as he glared at Gavin.

  Gavin threw his hands up in frustration. “She’s like our baby sister, Ryder! What’s the big deal?”

  “Okay, you two, that’s enough. Take it outside,” Janice warned in an authoritative voice.

  Ryder stared at Gavin another second before pushing back from the table and walking out the back door, letting it slam loudly behind him.

  “What got into him?” Gavin asked with a smirk.

  I wondered the same thing. Ryder hadn’t looked at me once since I walked in the kitchen. Was he already trying to distance himself from me?

  “Sleep good?” My dad asked, patting my hand. Worry about Ryder vanished as I looked at my father. He was still pale and seemed so weak that I suddenly lost my appetite.

  “I slept fine, Dad. How about you?”

  “Good. Tell…getting here.”

  I tried not to cry when I heard the sluggish and broken words he had trouble speaking. The energy it took for him to say the words broke my heart more.

  “Ryder’s been weirdly closed–mouthed about it,” Gavin chimed in. "What happened?"

  I told them everything about the club, the plane going down, and the men stealing Eva’s truck. My dad looked stunned as I explained how we walked for hours without food or water and how we broke into someone’s home. By the time I was finished, both he and Janice were in tears.

  After everyone ate, Gavin and Roger headed outside, discussing something about a water filtration system. My dad wanted to return to his room so I helped him down the hallway slowly, talking the whole time about the EMP and loss of power.

  When I returned, I helped Janice clean the kitchen. She filled me in on life without electricity. There were plenty of candles and lanterns so light wasn’t an issue. Roger had rigged up a shower outside that was just an enclosure large enough for one person. A water tank was attached on top that would catch rainwater or could be filled with water from the creek. They were in the process of building an outhouse but until it was finished, we would have to make due with the woods near the house. Their cellar held canned fruits, vegetables, and meat. She said they had enough stored water to drink but they were also sanitizing creek water to use for bathing and cooking.

  In the bathroom, Janice continued to talk as she examined my ribs and finger. Deciding both were healing nicely, she started to bandage them.

  “You and your dad can stay here as long as you want, Maddie.”

  “Thank you, Janice, but we don’t want to be a burden.”

  “Nonsense. You two are family,” she said, giving me a warm smile. "You always have been."

  ~~~~

  Later that night, I was helping my father to his room when Ryder walked past me in the hallway.

  “I’m heading home, Maddie,” he said, not bothering to look at me as he continued walking. “I’ll see you later.”

  It was then that I knew; I was back to being just a friend, something I had been all along. I closed my eyes against the pain in my chest. I knew this moment was coming. I just didn’t expect it to hurt so much.

  Chapter Twenty–Five

  For the next three days, I went through the motions of living. I helped my dad brush his teeth and shave. When he needed help walking or even eating, I was there. I stayed by his side constantly, worried to let him out of my sight for too long.

  To pass the day, we would sit on the front porch and watch the horses and cattle in the pasture. At night, I lay in bed and listened to the night sounds outside the open window but my mind was always on Ryder.

  He was always near during the day, working around the ranch. His meals were spent with us but after dinner, he said goodbye and went home, leaving me alone once again.

  ~~~~

  “What’s up, shorty?”

  I looked over as Gavin walked up. The old straw cowboy hat he wore hid his face from the sun but couldn’t hide the sparkle in his eyes.

  “Not much, Gavin. What’s up with you?” I asked, turning my attention back to the horse I had been petting. My dad was taking a nap and Janice was busy so I had walked down to the fence line, needing some time alone. Ryder had hardly spoken to me since we arrived home but I was determined to let it go. It was time to move on.

  “Oh, just taking a break from working on that dang outhouse. I swear digging a hole with a shovel isn’t the easiest job around here but this shitter is going to be the best shitter around.”

  I laughed lightly. “But it will be so much better than using a bush,” I said, smiling. The silly look on his face reminded me again of his easy–going personality. He was so different from Ryder that sometimes I had to remind myself that they were brothers.

  He rested his elbows on the barbwire fence near me and looked out at the land. I watched the horse walk away, finding a tasty patch of grass nearby. A few moments passed in silence. The only sounds were grasshoppers somewhere in the tall grass, chirping their mating call.

  “You kno
w, Maddie, I’m happy you made it home. I was worried about you.”

  “I’m happy you made it home too, Gavin. Dallas is a big city and couldn’t have been easy to get out of.”

  “No, it wasn’t, but I only had myself to worry about.” Gavin paused, peeking at me from under the brim of his hat. I blushed, knowing this conversation was going somewhere that I didn’t want it to go.

  “It’s not any of my business but what happened out there?”

  I knew he was referring to Ryder but I couldn’t bring myself to say anything. Playing dumb seemed the safest thing to do.

  “I told you what happened,” I answered. “We were at a club, we had our truck stolen, and we walked home.”

  “There’s more to that story than you’re telling. Something happened between you two.”

  I started to protest but he held up a hand, stopping me. “I know Ryder’s reputation with women and I know how he is with you. I can only guess what happened and it pisses me off. I just want you to know that I’m here for you. Ryder might be my brother but he can be a jackass too.”

  At his sincere words, I felt tears start behind my eyes. Since when had I become such a crybaby? I sniffed loudly and wiped a stray tear away as I looked out at the pasture.

  “Oh, hell! I hit the nail on the head didn’t I? Shit, Maddie, I’m sorry my brother is a jerk!”

  He reached out and pulled me toward him. I went willingly, needing a shoulder to cry on.

  I sniffed loudly into his shirt as he patted my back awkwardly. "If I was him, I would never hurt you," he mumbled in a whisper.

  My back stiffened but then I relaxed. This was Gavin. He was harmless.

  “Oh, shit! I’m in trouble now,” Gavin said, staring over my shoulder. He slowly unwound his arms from around me, keeping his eyes locked ahead.

  I wiped my eyes free of tears before glancing behind me. Ryder was stalking toward us, the anger on his face speaking volumes.

  “What the hell are you doing, Gavin?” he asked, callously.