Sojourner

by Maria Rachel Hooley

  “You ready to move again?” he asks, still staring at the map of stars.

  “Sure. Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see,” he promises. Then his wings swish through the air and he starts into a dive, racing through a thick tangle of clouds. When we burst through, the whole of our small, imperfect town lies sprawled below. A few lights here and there punctuate the blackness spread like a miniature movie set. His speed makes me nervous.

  “Can we slow down?”

  “I’ve never lost a mortal yet, and I don’t plan on starting with you. But yes, we can.” His wings stop the frenzied motion and opt for a slower wave. From up here, it looks like a perfect little sleepy town where nothing bad happens. A storybook village, but even those have an evil side. Likewise, Hauser’s Landing has its own darkness. And no matter what I do, that darkness is waiting. That thought makes me shudder, and Lev’s hold tightens.

  “You all right?” His warm breath brushes my face.

  “Yeah.” There’s no point in vocalizing my fears. It won’t change anything. So instead I watch the little town grow as we continue our descent, Lev’s wings drawing back slightly as we ride the air currents.

  “Where are we going?”

  “You’ll see,” he promises.

  Although I’m getting pretty familiar with the town, I’ve never seen it displayed like this, so I struggle to find landmarks to orient me. The first one I pick out is the school, probably because that seems to be around where we head. Smiling, Lev raises one arm and points to a flock of geese, their ‘v’ pattern sweeping across the sky, very close to us.

  “Look at that.”

  Mesmerized, I watch the birds soar past, their bodies seeming weightlessly graceful. The warm air flips my hair before my face and I pull a strand back to clear it.

  “This is why I like your world, Elizabeth. It never fails to surprise me.”

  “That makes two of us,” I mutter, shaking my head as we swoop lower, now passing the school as we fly toward the cemetery. Lev’s wings tilt, slowing our airspeed. We drop low enough so it seems we are barely hovering above ground. Then his feet touch and he gradually comes to a stop just in front of the cemetery gate.

  “Please tell me you didn’t bring me here to play golf.”

  “At night, in a cemetery?” Lev arches his eyebrows as his arms unwind from around me. “You’ve got to be kidding.”

  “Nope. That was a blind date back in Dallas. Ever since then I just don’t do cemeteries.” I look at the way the moonlight breaks through the tree branches and scatters light across the old rusty gate. Although the full moon illuminates much, the grounds seem dark, reminding me of my fears as a kid.

  “You aren’t scared of a few dead people, now are you?” Lev asks, taking my hand to lead me toward the entrance.

  “Why would you ask that?” Now that I’m not in Lev’s embrace, the cold air has found me again and the wintry blas, which drifts off the river not too far away, leaves me shivering.

  “Because you’re shaking.”

  “I’m cold,” I insist. “You should be, too, without a shirt.” I glare at his bare chest, amazed at how even in the moonlight the skin radiates its own perfect glow, as though the sun has bronzed it carefully. Even his hair appears a soft gold as it softly flows to the edge of his neck.

  “I told you that your temperatures don’t affect me. I feel neither hot nor cold in your world.”

  “Do you feel anything at all?” I brush the hair back from my face.

  “You.” Even in the moonlight, the blue of his eyes appears its true color, undiminished by night and shadow. His voice is rough with time and emotions. He nods towards the gate. “Shall we?”

  “Why are we here?” I ask softly, suddenly trepidatious. After all, I’d never expected to run into something as supernatural as Lev. If he were possible, what other creatures might exist that I just hadn’t been aware of.

  “None which will tangle with us tonight,” Lev teasingly whispers in response to my thoughts as he squeezes my hand. “Now come on.” He begins walking, pulling me past the gate and into the cemetery. His gaze remains ahead, as though he’s focused well past the graves on either side of us, and it’s a good thing he’s leading because I can’t see all that well. I’d have found a headstone the hard way.

  “Why do you think I’m leading?” he mutters.

  I shake my head and abruptly stop. “Okay, Lev. Enough with the head hopping, okay?”

  “You said you wanted to know what angels do.” He laughs and shakes his head and I give him a really dirty look that causes him to sigh. “Very well. I’ll stay out unless it’s necessary.”

  “Thank you.”

  He holds out his hand for mine and I take it. We keep going until we reach my mother’s headstone where Lev stops and looks down.

  A chill sweeps through me and I shudder. “What are we doing here?”

  “She wanted me to tell you she loves you.” He says the words so simply, as though she’s standing right there, and I simply can’t see her.

  “What?” I pull my hand from his and step closer to the headstone. “How do you know that?” I touch the cold black marble. “She’s not even here, just what’s left of her body.”

  “You’re right.” He folds his arms across his chest. “She’s dead to this world, Elizabeth, but that doesn’t mean she isn’t alive in another one where you can’t see her.” He walks up behind me and looks at the stone.

  Tears prick my eyes and I don’t know what to say. There’s a million questions I want to ask, but none of them will make not having her in my life any easier. The wind, unbroken because there are no trees around, is freezing and I shiver. Lev reaches out to me, but I stay his hand.

  “Celia said you carry spirits from this world.”

  “Yes.”

  I touch the headstone, my fingers carefully tracing her name. “Did you carry my mother’s?”

  “Yes.”

  My shoulders sag, and I feel like I’m going to start crying because in all the years I’ve been able to understand what death is, this is the first time I’ve thought about her circumstances and actually tried to envision what happened.

  “Were you with her when she died?”

  “Yes.” His voice is whispery and deep.

  I know the last question I have to ask, but it’s so hard. Tears bead in my eyes and I try to swallow them but there are too many. “Did she suffer?”

  “No.” His hands rest on my shoulders, and suddenly the cold wind is gone, replaced by his warmth. “I removed the pain. There was only light. She felt as though she were drifting to sleep and waking in another place.”

  My shoulders cave and I fall to my knees, my head against the stone, letting the tears flow. In all the years I’d never felt sorry for myself for losing something I couldn’t remember. I’d tried to tell myself I could manage somehow but that didn’t mean I didn’t miss her or it wasn’t hard because it was. But I saw no point in grieving for what had been lost when I had no chance to find it again, and all the years of never crying, of never knowing suddenly catches up with me, and I sob loudly, feeling only the raw grief ripping at my heart.

  Lev waits patiently for me to come to my senses again, his hands remaining upon my shoulders. He never says it will be all right. He knows that right now words mean nothing. They can never save nor heal me. They sure can’t bring back the dead. Finally, when I’m able to cry no longer, I wipe my face and look up at him.

  “Thank you,” I whisper, slowly rising, my vision bleary.

  “For what?” he asks, wrapping his arms around me.

  “For being with her so she wasn’t alone when….” I can’t say it.

  “I knew she was your mother, Elizabeth. Except for extraordinary circumstances, I can’t interfere with life or death. I couldn’t stop the events that took her life. I could only make them easier to bear.”

  “What makes me extraordinary, then?” His chest is so warm, so comforting.

 
“Because you taught a duty-bound angel that love matters more than life.” He puts his hand under my chin and forces me to look into his eyes. “I have never been moved by a human before. You were the exception.”

  “I don’t understand,” I whisper, watching tears shimmer into his ocean eyes.

  “You helped save me.”

  From the east we both see the first few traces of pink and blue breaking across the horizon. “We should get you back so you can get ready for school,” Lev says, wrapping his wings around me. The shimmer of his wings unfolds in a brilliant whiteness, and we’re airborne.

  “Lev, what about my father? Do you know what happened to him?”

  His jaw clenches. “Yes.”

  “Tell me,” I beg softly.

  “Not now. That’s another story for another time. Morning has come, and we’ve shed darkness for a little longer. Don’t ask me to drag you back.”

  Chapter Fifteen

  Tonight Jimmie has his only evening off this week, and I celebrate by making lasagna, his favorite. Although I’m expecting a few rounds of Playstation games and some heavy joking as usual between us, Jimmie is strangely silent, as though something heavy rests on his mind. By the time I’ve served the lasagna, breadsticks, and green beans, I can’t take the silence anymore.

  “Okay, Jimmie. Spit it out.” I pick up my glass and fill it with water. Then I grab his.

  He fiddles with the food and his fork. A lack of appetite with Jimmie is never a good thing. He now pushes his plate away, and his eyes flash in my direction where I stand at the sink.

  “I talked to Principal Williams today. He mentioned that you had a slight…incident at your locker yesterday. But you wouldn’t know anything about that, would you, Lizzie?” He arches his eyebrows expectantly and folds his arms on the table, waiting.

  I cringe and some of the water spills as I set the glass in front of Jimmie. “How slight?” Has Williams downplayed it, by chance? I slide into my seat. No, he wouldn’t.

  “A bleeding, gutted turkey dangling from a noose in your locker. Those, I believe, were his words exactly.” He drums his fingers impatiently on the table.

  Taking a deep breath, I say, “I was going to tell you.”

  “When? Next year?” He shakes his head. “He said he tried calling me himself but the house phone just kept ringing and he didn’t have my cell. You, apparently, didn’t have it, either?” He raises his voice in a way that tells me he knows I know the number.

  “I didn’t want you to freak out.” Picking up my fork, I realize the last thing I feel like doing is eating.

  “Let’s get this straight. I’m not freaking out any less just because I found out later, Lizzie. You should have been honest with me. I can’t protect you unless I know what is going on.”

  I want to tell him he can’t protect me, no matter what he knows, but nothing good will come from that, I’m sure. So instead, I duck my head and say, “I’m sorry about that. I just don’t want to make things harder for you than they already are. You’ve missed so much work because of me.”

  “You just don’t get it, do you?” Jimmie starts shaking his head. “It doesn’t matter how much work I have to miss. It doesn’t matter how many trips I have to make to the school. It doesn’t matter what I have to do. I’ll do it every time, especially when it comes to keeping you safe.” He levels his eyes at me and frowns. “Maybe you think I’m raising you because it’s the ‘right’ thing to do. Actually I’m doing it because I cared very much for your parents, and I wasn’t about to watch you fall into the court system as a ward. I love you. I’ve always thought of you as my own daughter, Lizzie, and I always will. That means when you’ve got a problem, I have a problem. And I need to know!”

  “I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I should have told you. It won’t happen again.” I nod toward his plate. “Please eat. I know you’ve been spending a lot of hard hours at work, and I wanted to fix you a good meal. So I made your favorite.”

  He grits his teeth, still frustrated and shakes his head. “Yeah, all right.” Pulling the plate back in front of him, he begins to eat.

  “You want to play a few games tonight?”

  He looks at me over his plate. “Why, you looking to get beat?”

  “Just try.”

  “Uh oh. The gauntlet’s been thrown.” He offers a mischievous grin. As we joke, I see Jimmie’s appetite pick up, and the nervous jump in my stomach quiets down. I never expected Jimmie to say that about me because he doesn’t have much use for words, and words that express emotions are even higher on the “no-no” scale for him. So, in order for him to have admitted that, I know he’s worried. That makes two of us.

  We keep joking until both of us have finished eating. Then, as he runs to the video store to pick up a couple of rental games, I load the dishes into the dishwasher and put up all the leftovers, which will feed us both tomorrow.

  When Jimmie walks back into the kitchen, he sets the plastic cases on the counter and winks at me. “Got a surprise for you.” He nods toward the living room.

  Curious, I dry my hands on the dishtowel and then follow Jimmie to find Lev sitting on the couch, already holding a controller. “Hey, Elizabeth. You’re dad found me at the video store and invited me over.”

  I laugh and sit on the couch. “You’re in my seat, buster.”

  “Be nice, Lizzie. Lev’s our guest.”

  Lev turns toward me. “Yeah, be nice.”

  I shake my head and think, “Just wait till I pluck your feathers.”

  Lev’s eyes widen playfully. “You wouldn’t.”

  I don’t answer and Lev scoots over and hands me the control.

  “Why, thank you.” I beam, and he leans, grinning.

  “Don’t mention it.”

  He folds his arms across his chest. From the corner of my eye, I see Jimmie loading Centipede into the Playstation console. And then the fun really begins. While I tend to think Lev is probably quicker than he seems, he graciously loses all but one game to either me or Jimmie. For a little while I’m able to forget about all the bad stuff I can’t control as I watch Lev play some kind of war game Jimmie rented. As Lev’s last character dies, he turns to Jimmie.

  “Would it be all right if I brought Elizabeth to my house for a little while? My sister, Celia, is thinking about getting a new hairstyle and wants input.”

  Jimmie shrugs. “It’s okay by me. Just have her home by 10 ‘cause it’s a school night.” He turns to me. “And you stay out of trouble.”

  Lev sees me starting to protest and slides his hand over my mouth. “Don’t worry. I’ll make sure of it.”

  “From what I can tell, you’re pretty good at that.” He stands and stretches. “So, what’re you two waiting for?”

  “I’ll get my coat.” I go to the coat closet and pull out my coat. Lev follows me closely, and it seems he’s a bit more nervous than he was earlier, hinting that something’s up and it probably has nothing to do with hairstyles. As I start to put on the jacket, he takes it from my hands and holds it out for me to slip into. Knowing it’s gotten colder since I was last outside, I zip it and head to the door.

  “You ready?” Lev asks, gripping the doorknob.

  “Yeah.” I look around the room, but Jimmie has drifted upstairs, probably intending to do some reading on his current mystery novel or go to bed early since working the nightshift definitely wreaks havoc on his sleep schedule.

  Lev opens the door and we slip out into the night where his truck gleams in moonlight. We start to drive away before I broach the subject. “I’m not going to help Celia pick a hairstyle, am I?”

  “No.” He focuses straight ahead.

  “So where are we going?”

  “To my house.” His tone sounds clipped and it worries me.

  “Has something happened?” My body begins to shake and he turns on the heater. Sometimes angels just don’t get it.

  “It’s about to.” I start to ask, but Lev waves me to silence. “Please, Elizabeth. I’l
l explain everything when we get to the house. Just give me five minutes.” He pushes the gas pedal a bit harder, as if to suggest he’s trying to get there as quickly as possible.

  “Will Jimmie be all right?” I think about the graffiti and suddenly realize I’m probably not the only one in danger.

  “As far as I can tell, Jimmie is in no danger for the immediate future. Neither are you.” He pulls into the graveyard so he can wind around the cemetery and then drive across the bridge. As I look at all the headstones, I think of my mother and last night. My life seems so weird these days, filled with so much I don’t understand. Sometimes I just wish things would stop changing. Change scares me.

  Knowing Lev isn’t going to answer any serious questions, I ask, “So, do you enjoy losing Playstation games?”

  “Yes. Winning gets boring most of the time and usually only makes my opponents mad.”

  “Such humility,” I mutter, shaking my head.

  “Elizabeth, I’m an angel. It’s not my fault I can do things others here can’t. I try to blend as best I can, and that means losing part of the time.” He pulls into his driveway and parks his truck. “Let’s go.”

  Nervous, I get out of the truck and walk with him, feeling his arm slip around me and draw me close. From inside I see lights warming the windows, and I wonder if I’ll notice anything different from the first time I was here. Lev tugs open the front door and hustles me inside.

  “Can we talk now?” I ask.

  Lev points at the living room where I find both Evan and Celia sitting, staring at me. Lev gently pulls off my coat and hangs it on one of the hooks by the door. Celia perches on the end of the sofa, her hands resting flat on her thighs.

  “Please have a seat,” Evan says, gesturing to the other side of the couch. I look up at Lev, waiting for his response. He nods.

  “It’s okay,” he whispers. “Promise.”

  Uneasily, I step toward the couch and slowly sit down, hating that everyone is watching me and seems to know what’s going on except me. I follow Celia’s posture clues and set my palms against my thighs.

  “So….” My voice sounds a little high-pitched and jittery, just like me.