by Hayden Hunt
I laughed. “Yeah, of course, why do you ask?”
“Because, I mean, you did choose to come to this cabin, didn’t you? You must be upset on some level.”
I sighed. “Yeah, I am, but, just… not about him. Not about the break-up. It was the right decision, and I’m glad I made it.” And that really was the truth.
“So what is it?” he asked.
“I don’t know, I just… I guess I’m sad that I’m going to have to start over again. You know, I’m getting older every day, and I thought I’d be married by now. But I’m going to have to go through the whole process of awkward gay dating and trying to find someone that is even remotely compatible with me.”
Chris rolled his eyes. “God, I know. It’s the worst, isn’t it? Having to choose from a smaller dating pool than everyone else. And everyone who knows anyone else who’s gay is always trying to set you up—”
“Wait, are you gay?” I interrupted him, caught off guard.
He chuckled. “Yeah, of course, you couldn’t tell?”
Okay, so he’s gay, too. So, maybe I hadn’t misread that look he’d given me earlier. Maybe he really had been happy to hear I was gay…
And maybe this was his way of flirting with me now. Letting me know he’s also gay and he’s fair game. Is that what he’s doing? Or just making conversation?
I mean, it must be flirting, right? If he had no interest in me and hadn’t wanted me to come onto him, wouldn’t he have just not told me he’s gay? I’m sure he realizes I never would come onto him without a clear sign he wasn’t straight. So, if he had wanted to leave the romance alone for the night, he could have just left it at that.
God, I need to not overanalyze this. I’m going to drive myself crazy, and, besides, I don’t need to be hooking up with this guy. I’m fresh out of a breakup. I don’t need to jump into sex right now.
And, even if I hadn’t been just out of a relationship, I wasn’t really the kind of guy who hooks up. At least, not without dating. I liked to know things were going to go in a serious direction when I hooked up with a guy.
I didn’t need some fling for the night that I’d have to say bye to in the morning. Hopefully that’s not why he invited me to stay for the night, because that just wasn’t me. I get attached too easily, so it’s best to stay away from sex with a guy I will likely never see again.
I had stayed quiet a little too long while going over all this in my head, so I tried to compensate by quickly bringing my tea to my lips and taking a sip.
But, unfortunately, in my nervousness, I completely ruined it. I jerked my hand up to my face too fast and unwittingly poured a quarter of the piping hot water on my chest. Which, of course, hurt like a motherfucker and caused me to drop my mug. It shattered on the ground as I started to flail my arms in frustration and pain.
Yep, that was real smooth, real fucking casual.
“Oh my god!” Chris jumped to his feet. “Are you okay, are-are you hurt?!”
Without answering, I pulled my shirt above my head in order to tear it off. The hot water was soaked into it, and, the longer it was on me, the more it all started to burn.
“Here, here, come with me!” Chris said quickly, grabbing my hand and dragging me back into the kitchen.
He quickly grabbed a hand towel and turned on the sink, soaking the towel in cold water. Because of the snow outside, the pipes were running very cool, and when he pushed it against my reddened skin, the pain quickly calmed. It still stung, of course, but it wasn’t nearly as excruciating.
“Oh, god, thank you,” I moaned, as he held the cloth to my stomach.
“No problem,” he smiled, and I couldn’t help but notice how long he was staring at my abs.
While my skin had been burning, I hadn’t think about it, but now that I was standing here in the kitchen, with no shirt on and with Chris pressing a cold cloth to my stomach, I immediately felt the weight of the sexual tension between us.
But I wasn’t going to act on it, I couldn’t, I didn’t want to go there. It wasn’t going to make my heartbreak any easier with which to deal. If anything, it would only make things harder for me. I had to draw the line.
“So, uh, maybe I should grab a new shirt?” I laughed awkwardly as I took the cloth off my burned skin.
“Oh, right! Yeah, go do that,” he sputtered. It was obvious, that’s not where he had been hoping this would lead.
And I hated seeing his disappointment, but there wasn’t anything else I could do. For him, it would be just a night of fun. But for me, it would undoubtedly end in more heartbreak, and I can’t handle that.
I hurried back to my room and grabbed another long-sleeved shirt. And then I grabbed another sweater and piled it on top. Not that I was very cold or anything, but, I figured the more layers of clothes I had on, the less sexy it would be. Worth a shot, right?
When I came back to the living room, Chris was sipping his tea again on the couch.
“I was going to get you another cup, but then I realized maybe you wouldn’t want that right now,” he said as I sat down.
I laughed. “Yeah, no, I think I’m good off hot drinks for a while. Sorry about all that. That was… extremely embarrassing and totally not like me.”
“Ah, so you’re not usually clumsy?” he asked.
“No, not at—” I paused and then chuckled. “Well, okay, no, actually that is exactly like me. I’m a pretty clumsy person.”
“Yeah, I could sense that,” he grinned. “But no harm done. Not to me, anyway, I’m not sure about your torso.”
I liked this guy, he was funny. While I was excited to be spending the rest of the night here, I found myself getting a little bummed out by the fact that I’d be leaving in the morning. He was really charismatic, and I was finding myself being drawn to him.
Which I didn’t really want to be. I didn’t need to be getting attached to a guy I’d never get to see again. I really needed to tone this down, keep things casual.
“Hey, do you like Scrabble?” I asked.
Me, personally, I hated Scrabble. Which is funny, because I think I have a decent vocabulary, but none of the words ever come to me when they’re all scrambled on the board like that. I really hated the game.
But it was the most boring, platonic thing I could think of, so that’s what I suggested. The more boring, the better.
He actually seemed excited by the idea, though. “Yeah, absolutely! Does your friend have that here?”
“Yeah, I’m pretty sure. He keeps a bunch of board games in the closet. Let me go check.”
Sure enough, he had Scrabble in there. Along with a bunch of games I considered way more interesting, but oh well. He seemed thrilled by the idea, so at least he’d have fun.
Of course, despite my hatred of it, once things got started, it was actually kind of fun. Dammit, apparently I couldn’t do anything with this guy without it being interesting.
I was still as sucky as I always was, but we kept joking with every weird word we threw down. It turned from a normal game of Scrabble in to a game of coming up with the most outlandish, ridiculous words we could.
At one point, I actually played the word ‘titanly,’ completely expecting him to call me out on it. Which he did.
“Hey, that’s not a word!” he laughed when I finished putting the ‘y’ down.
“What?! Of course it is!”
He raised an eyebrow. “Oh, yeah, what does it mean?”
I gave an awkward chuckle. “Okay, uhh, you know what titan means, right?”
“Titan as in greek mythology, you mean?”
“Yes, exactly! Those god-like Titans. Okay, so, that’s what it means. It’s an adjective to describe being titan-like.”
“Titan-like?!”
“Yah!” I continued to defend it, both of us knowing it was completely bullshit. “It means ‘of the titans.’”
We were both trying and failing not to bust up laughing at this point.
“Okay, fine, you know what? I’m not g
oing to challenge you on it. Even though it is very clearly not a fucking word, I’m so impressed with your on-the-spot definition that I’m okay with it.”
I pretended to tip an invisible hat off my head. “Well, thank you very much,” I said, in my best Elvis Presley impersonation.
I couldn’t believe how goofy I was allowing myself to be with this guy. Normally I needed a few good drinks before I could let myself act this weird around someone. Or, I needed to have known them a really long time and be very comfortable with them.
And, hell, sometimes not even then. I definitely haven’t been this goofy around Tim in years. Yet, here I was, being an absolute dork in front of this complete stranger. And it all felt so natural.
He looked up at me with a twinkle in his eye and a slight smile.
“What?” I asked.
“Nothing…” He continued to smile. “Nothing at all.”
But I knew that look. That look told me that this weird chemistry I was feeling with him wasn’t one-sided. For whatever reason, he was feeling a connection with me, too. It was undeniable at this point.
Though I’d really actually prefer to deny it. And I think I will, for as long as I possibly can. It’ll be one thing to leave this cabin tomorrow trying to get over one guy. But two of them? I’d rather not do that to myself.
“You’re funny, you know that?” Chris asked me.
“You’re not terribly unfunny yourself,” I replied flirtily.
Dammit, it’s like I just can’t help myself! And the worst part is that I’m not even a very flirty person naturally! Usually, I wait for guys to flirt with me first.
But, I don’t know, I was just too damn comfortable with this man! My natural self was just shining through, and I didn’t think I could hold back even if I tried.
“Okay, so, that’s the last of the letters,” Chris said, as he pulled two letters out after finishing his turn. “So, try to get as many letters off as you can.”
And I did my best, but I really wasn’t very good at this game, and the board was pretty much full.
“I don’t think I have another word in me. Do you?” I asked.
“Not a one. So, let’s tally up the points? That’s how you finish up, right?”
“Yeah….” I said slowly as I thought. “But I think there’s something else to it… oh! Aren’t we supposed to add up the letters we have in our hand now and then subtract them from the total?”
Chris snapped his fingers together. “Yep! That’s it! Right you are, my friend. Okay, hold on, I’ll count.”
His face screwed up in concentration as he began to add the numbers together. And I couldn’t help but think how adorable he looked when he was all focused like that. I mean really, truly very cute.
No, not even cute, beyond cute. He was downright sexy like this. Fuck, how am I going to keep myself from falling into his bed tonight?
There was only one option. I had to separate myself from all this. Walking away was the only way I was going to be able to keep myself from him because, let’s be honest, I just didn’t have any willpower.
“Here, you count your points up,” he said, after writing down his score and handing me the pen.
“Sure, okay, one sec.”
I added them up as quickly as I could while thinking about what I was going to say to get out of the rest of this night without being rude.
It was awkward enough to leave a social interaction when I actually wanted to, but it sucked even more when I didn’t want to leave!
“Well, looks like you won.” I smiled.
“In your face!” he joked. “Just kidding, good game, good game.”
“Actually, it was!” I agreed. “I normally don’t like Scrabble.”
“You don’t?” he asked. “So why’d you suggest it?”
Oh, dammit, I really fell into that one. I didn’t have a reasonable answer, and I couldn’t very well tell him that I did it to make hanging out with him more boring.
“You know, I always try to give it another chance. It just usually doesn’t impress me. But this time, I really liked it.” Perfect, that was a good save, a smooth transition.
“So did I. You’re really fun to hang out with. I gotta say, I’m actually thrilled that your friend made this mix-up. I was getting pretty bored out here by myself.”
“Were you? I thought maybe I was imposing on your solitude. I mean, since obviously you booked a solitary mountain vacation and all.”
“Actually, it wasn’t supposed to be solitary at all. I was going to have a friend come with me, but he got tied up with some personal stuff. But since it was a non-refundable trip, I decided I’d come up here anyway, try to have some fun by myself. But I was failing horribly, until you came along.”
See, that made way more sense. The more I talked with him, the more extroverted he seemed. It hadn’t making sense to me why he’d want to do a vacation like this by himself, but this made a lot more sense.
“I guess it worked out for the best, then! I actually really wanted to go hang out with my friend, rather than come to his cabin alone. But he was with his wife’s family.”
“Well, that sounds kismet then, doesn’t it?”
“It does.” I smiled, feeling myself getting sucked into him once more. Now we were talking about fate bringing us together in this cabin? Yikes, I needed to get out of here before I made some stupid decisions.
“You know, I think I might just head up to bed.” I faked a yawn.
“Oh, really?” he asked, clearly sounding very disappointed.
“Yeah, I’m sorry, it’s just been such a long day. With the break-up and the four hour drive and all.”
“Oh, right, of course. Yeah, that makes sense.”
“This has been a fun night, really. Thanks so much for letting me stay here and everything.”
“Oh, yeah, not a problem. It’s been fun for me too, it really has. So I guess I’ll see you in the morning, then?”
“Definitely. Maybe we can have breakfast or something before I go?” I asked.
“Sure, yeah, that sounds great. See you then.”
I nodded as I hesitantly went to my room.
I regretted every step I took.
Seriously, why was I doing this? Obviously I wanted to hang out with the guy. Obviously I wanted to get to know him better. What was the harm, really?
But I knew. The harm was that I would get to know him too well. And I am so prone to getting easily attached to people. It was better to stay away, it just was.
Still, making a decision didn’t make the sitution any easier. I lay in my bed quietly, knowing he was just a room away from me. It took everything I had not to just walk back out there, say I was feeling more awake, and continue to have a great time.
Even as I was saying we could have breakfast together tomorrow, I was hoping he’d say I didn’t have to leave so soon. That I could intrude on his vacation more. I know it was a stupid thing to wish when I was literally sitting here avoiding him at all costs. But I couldn’t help myself.
I guess it was a good thing he hadn’t said that. I may have had the willpower to walk into my room now, but I don’t know if I would have had the willpower to say no to a whole weekend with him.
I could hear him cleaning our mugs in the kitchen, and it was driving me crazy. I decided it’d be best to just lie down and sleep. It was the only way to guarantee I wouldn’t walk back out there.
I wasn’t at all tired, but that wasn’t an issue. I was great at falling asleep. I was one of those people who could just lie down, and, ten minutes later, I’d be knocked out.
So that’s what I did. I got into my comfiest warm pajamas, buried myself in the covers, and watched a light bit of snow fall onto my windowsil. And slowly, I began to drift off.
4
Chris
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t extremely disappointed that James had gone off to sleep already. And I think he knew it, too. I was the kind of person that you could read like a book. All my e
motions show on my face.
It was annoying, but it was something I had learned to accept. I’ve even managed to convince myself over the years that people being able to read me is not the worst thing in the world. It means I don’t have to explain my emotions myself.
But, in this case, I wouldn’t really want to explain my disappointment, because it didn’t make that much sense. I mean, yeah, I was having fun with this guy, but I didn’t really know him. There’s no reason I should want to hang out with him this badly.
The only explanation is that I have a crush on him, which I definitely do. But I didn’t want him to know that. He obviously doesn’t have one on me.
I had thought for a minute there, maybe he did. We seemed to be really having fun, and I thought we were hitting it off quite well. But, maybe that was something I had imagined, because he had seemed perfectly fine walking away from spending more time with me.
Maybe he had been being honest, though, maybe he really was tired. I couldn’t blame the guy for that. It did sound like he’d had one hell of a day.
I should have told him that he didn’t need to leave in the morning if he didn’t want to, that way it would put the ball in his court a little more. Like, if he really was just tired but did want to spend more time with me, he was able to do that.
But I couldn’t bring myself to suggest it, because I don’t handle rejection very well. I certainly didn’t want to deal with it while on vacation.
Ah, well, no use worrying about it any longer. Even if he does leave in the morning and that’s all there is to it, at least I got to spend one evening not by myself, right? And I’ll still get to enjoy my vacation to a degree, I’m sure. I did feel recharged, now that I had spent time with another person, so that may make it easier to spend time alone.
It wasn’t making this night any easier, though. Not when he was still here, when I knew he was in the other room. I couldn’t keep my mind away from dirty fantasies.
I wanted to go in that room, rip his clothes off, and have sex under the blankets. God, seeing him with his shirt off, with his muscles all tensed. Okay, that’s rude, because his muscle were literally tense from pain, so I probably shouldn’t get any joy out of that. But I couldn’t help myself. He was so hot.
