As the delicious sensations ebbed away and Joshua crawled back up her body, Rosie’s cheeks glowed.
“What just happened?” she croaked, her throat restricted by emotion.
“I pleasured you, my love. Did you like it?” He grinned, and Rosie realized that he was proud.
“It was wonderful, Joshua.”
“I’ve never done that before,” he admitted, blushing.
“I’m glad to hear that, but you were very skilled.”
“Thank you, Rosie. It was a pleasure.”
“It was indeed.”
“Anytime, ma’am.” He winked wickedly.
Rosie swallowed hard to dislodge the lump that swelled in her throat. Anytime? How she wished it could be true. But Joshua’s sweet, hot kisses would belong to another. She had but a temporary hold on them. On him.
“Do you feel…ready now? To try…” He nudged her with his erection, dragging her from sadness to the sweet sharpness of arousal. He pushed the head of his cock between her wet folds and she opened her legs wider in response.
“I think so. I believe that I am.”
“I’ll take it slowly.”
“Joshua?” She didn’t want to ask but she had to know.
“Yes?”
“Have you…” She blinked, ashamed. She had no right to ask him. And she might not like the answer.
“No, Rosie. I have never done this before. Unusual, I know, for a man of my age, but though I’ve…done some things along the way, I’ve never made love to a woman. You’re my first, too. I’ve been waiting for you.” The color in his cheeks heightened and Rosie felt as if she would burst. Joshua had never lain with a woman before and she would be his first. It was as if this was meant to be all along. Her heart swelled with love and her core pulsed as he eased his way inside.
There was an initial resistance but Joshua pumped his hips against her, spreading her lubrication to ease himself deeper. Rosie gasped at the momentary flicker of pain when he gained full entry but it was over as soon as it had begun. Then Joshua lifted himself onto his elbows and thrust, again and again and again. He increased the speed of his movements and Rosie wrapped her legs around his waist and gave herself to him, savoring his thick, hard length as he drove it deeper. The friction made her bud swell again and she ground against him, needing his closeness, his cock, his touch. She was full of him and he became part of her, an extension of her heart.
Joshua suddenly froze and kissed her hard before pulsing into her with one final, impassioned thrust. He swelled in her depths then twitched and his heat filled her body. The culmination of his desire overwhelmed her and she shuddered too, consumed again by intense, satisfying pleasure and the overwhelming rush of love.
“Why have we waited so long to do this?” She whispered the question into his thick hair as he laid his head on her chest.
“I was holding out, Rosie. Trying to be a gentleman. Trying to do right by you.”
“You have always done right by me, Joshua.”
He raised his head to look at her. “No, Rosie, I should have pr—”
She placed a finger over his lips to silence his protest. “You are a good man, Joshua. Never forget that.”
“I love you, sweetheart.”
She pressed his head back onto her breast, watching as it rose and fell with the rapid beating of her heart, and willed herself not to break down. He was a good man. He had been thinking of her virtue. Perhaps also protecting their hearts. Because now that they’d been as close as a man and woman could be, Rosie had no idea how she would be able to walk away from Joshua. The man she adored. The man she longed to call husband. The man she yearned to have a future with.
A future that wasn’t hers to have.
Chapter Four
“What is it, Rosie?” Catherine strolled onto the porch, her sleeping baby peaceful in her arms. Rosie was amazed at how quickly little Rebecca was growing. It had taken Catherine and Kenan a while to name her, but the name they had chosen was just perfect. Rebecca seemed to change by the day and she had rapidly outgrown the tiny outfits that she and Catherine had embroidered for her early weeks.
Rosie admired Catherine’s beauty. She was the picture of contentment. Her face was full and round, her cheeks were flushed with happiness and her eyes shone with joy.
Rosie released the porch handrail and smiled at her sister-in-law. “I’m fine, Catherine. Just a bit tired is all.”
“Nearly three months of this little one squawking through the night, perhaps?” Catherine smiled.
“No. I’m fine with that. I never did sleep deeply. Besides, I love to hear her in the night. It’s like she wants us all to know she’s around.”
“She certainly does.” Catherine grinned. “But something’s wrong with you, Rosie, I can tell. What is it? You seem…lost… As if you’re not fully present.”
“I really am tired, Catherine. And I feel…a bit queasy, I guess. Though I don’t think that the chicken stew we ate last night was bad.”
“There was nothing wrong with the stew, Rosie. Nothing at all. Don’t try to distract me. Have you a female ailment…one you need to see a doctor about?”
Rosie waved her hand, dismissing her sister-in-law’s concerns. “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking of late…”
Catherine frowned. “About what?”
“Well, you know that Joshua and I have been…we are…well, I…”
“You love him, Rosie, and he loves you. It’s as clear as a mountain spring. Has he proposed yet? I guess that you’d tell us straightaway if he did…unless for some reason you were holding out. But I can’t for the life of me think why you might when it would be such good news and all…”
Rosie winced at the directness of the question and Catherine’s jumbled words. He hadn’t proposed marriage. But that was a good thing, right? It would make everything easier when it came to saying goodbye. So why did it hurt so much? Rosie knew that she had to make the break and make it soon. She couldn’t continue here, playing at being his wife in everything but name, looking forward to seeing him each and every day and living for the times when they were alone. She just couldn’t. But although her resolve had been strong on that day when Mr. Hampton had visited, it had seeped away slowly. Holding Joshua, kissing him and being held against his strong chest had all weakened her until she had been content to tell herself that she’d do it tomorrow. Or the next day. Knowing, deep down, that it would be no easier then, yet trying to convince herself that it would be. So three months had passed and she had yet to tell him to forget about her, to return to his father’s ranch and leave her in peace. Though what kind of peace it would be, she had no idea. How could she find peace without the man she craved, loved, adored?
As the time had passed, Rosie had dreaded hearing Joshua ask for her hand in marriage, yet longed for it. Rosie found herself softening. Perhaps it was being around new mother Catherine and the beautiful little babe but. If Joshua proposed, then maybe they could find a way around the situation. Maybe. It was doubtful. How could they? What would change? But…just maybe. Kenan and Catherine had found a way…
However, Joshua had not asked, so she had allowed herself that little bit longer to enjoy being with him.
Little bit longer? Try three whole months. As his lover.
She was shocked at her own wanton behavior. Yet not shocked. She couldn’t quite fathom how this worked, but it was as if she were looking at it from a distance. From someone else’s perspective. It could’ve been grief at the prospect of being torn from Joshua’s arms. It could be the lack of sleep. She was frequently woken throughout the night by the baby’s hungry demands or her need to be soothed and rocked until she dozed off again. Rosie often took over for Catherine when exhaustion claimed her sister-in-law, and she was happy to walk the length of the homestead with the warm little body pressed to her chest as she crooned old Irish lullabies and whispered of the future little Rebecca could have. Or it could just be that she really, really did not want to lose him.
But it was time to end things. She could not and would not continue in this manner. The constant fear of when she would be forced to send Joshua away was clearly taking its toll on her body and her mind, and it would soon begin to affect those around her. She could not allow that to happen to her precious family.
The baby whimpered. Catherine shifted her up onto her shoulder and patted her back. Rosie’s heart leaped to see the easy confidence that her sister-in-law displayed. It must be wonderful to have a child. Incredible. She ran a hand over her own belly, sadness washing over her as she imagined how empty it was. And always would be.
Nausea swelled in her throat and she leaned forward, gulping in air.
“Rosie? Whatever is wrong?” Catherine approached her and stood so close that Rosie felt the younger woman’s warmth through her skirts. “I take it that he hasn’t asked you then?”
Rosie shook her head.
“I cannot understand it.” Catherine paused. “Oh Rosie…is it because of me?” She took a step back. Rosie turned and looked at her and winced at the ashen shade of Catherine’s face. “Oh no, dear heart. Dear, dear Rosie. Has Joshua decided that he cannot wed you because of your link to me?”
Rosie watched as Catherine’s big green eyes filled with tears. She held the baby tightly against her shoulder and rocked from side to side, causing her gray skirts to swing around her legs.
“No, Catherine. No, it’s not because of you. Why would you think that?” Rosie couldn’t allow Catherine to blame herself, even though Mr. Hampton had named Catherine as one reason for his disapproval of a union between Rosie and his son. Catherine had been through so much, and now she had found happiness. Rosie would not see that destroyed. “This has nothing to do with your past, Catherine. Nothing. It is more because of me.” Heat filled her cheeks and she glanced away for a moment at the green plains beyond the perimeter fence, drawing strength from the beautiful landscape she had grown up loving. “It is because of…my age.”
“Your age?” Catherine moved closer to Rosie and freed a hand from her child. She placed it on Rosie’s arm and rubbed gently. The gesture made Rosie’s throat ache.
“I’m nearly thirty-three, Catherine. Hardly young and fruitful. What if I can’t bear a child?”
“Rosie, women older than you have children. You’re so young in your appearance and fit and healthy. You’ll have no problems, I’m sure of it.”
“Yes. Maybe. But perhaps it’s a chance that Joshua shouldn’t take.”
“You really love him.”
“Yes.” Rosie bit the inside of her cheeks hard. She must not start crying. If she did, she feared that she would never stop. Determination filled her. Fuelled her. She couldn’t stay around and wait for Joshua to alienate his family. He would, she knew that, if she asked it of him. He was a kind and decent man and he would do right by her. But it would tear him apart if his family disowned him. And there was Catherine. The sweet girl would blame herself if Rosie refused Joshua’s proposal then stayed around at the homestead to wallow in her heartbreak. Catherine would believe that she was to blame. Rosie couldn’t see that happen. “But sometimes when we love someone, we have to let them go.”
“So what will you do? I cannot imagine how you…or Joshua…can be happy without each other. You seem so close and so happy, so right for each other.”
“I have a desire to travel a little,” Rosie lied, lifting her chin to prevent the fall of tears that Catherine’s words had conjured. “To see some of America. I’ve been thinking on it a while.”
Catherine’s mouth fell open. “Does Kenan know?”
“Not yet.” Rosie thought of her twin brother’s reaction. He would not allow it. An unmarried woman traveling alone, unchaperoned. Kenan would be furious and likely blame Joshua. She couldn’t allow that either. “Please don’t tell him, Catherine. I’ll speak to him about it. Soon.”
Catherine nodded. The baby wriggled in her arms, smacking her tiny lips together. “This little one needs feeding. But we will talk more about this.”
“Yes, of course.” Rosie watched Catherine walk inside then she stepped off the porch and crossed the yard toward the chicken coop. The hens fluttered greedily around her ankles, hoping that she’d come to feed them. The hens I reared.
She looked around at the homestead she’d kept in order—from the small vegetable patch to the pigsty—never dreaming that she would ever leave. Unless it was to be wed. But now she would leave for another reason. To free the people she loved from their duty to her. She loved them all. She would not be their reason for heartache. She would leave before that became a reality. She would leave before her own pain prevented her from doing what she had intended doing three months ago, before she allowed herself to become one with Joshua, before she had completely surrendered to her own heart.
Chapter Five
Joshua leaned against the fence of the horse pen and watched as his eighteen-year-old brother, Clarence, rode around on their newest acquisition, a gray stallion that Dylan Hampton had invested in for breeding. The cattle side of the business was doing well and now their ambitious father planned to develop in the equine arena, too. He had even suggested that Joshua might want to manage this area of the business once it was up and running.
The ranch was a busy place. As well as the Hampton family members—spanning three generations—it swarmed with ranch hands, some of their wives and children, and a variety of beasts. Dylan Hampton was a good employer and had a respected name, so he tended to retain his workers for longer than many other ranch owners. Workers were content to hang around for months, even years, and their loyalty meant that they worked hard and didn’t shirk like many of the traveling ranch hands.
In fact, no one at the ranch shirked. Joshua’s siblings had no sense of entitlement as might be expected from folks who had grown up with food in their bellies and clean clothes on their backs.
That was what made this whole situation with Rosie so difficult. He wanted to do things the right way. His father was so self-assured, so determined. He’d built his business up from scratch and was a proud man. A good husband and father. But he also ruled his roost without sentimentality. Women were for childbearing and homemaking, not for silly notions about romance and love. Joshua’s own mother, while providing hot meals and clean clothes, did not coddle her children into being soft and overly affectionate. Joshua knew that he was loved but he also knew that he had to play his part. He couldn’t let his family down. Couldn’t upset his father while he was unwell.
Yet he couldn’t neglect his loyalty to Rosie either. And Joshua had to accept that his father might not get any better.
The time had come to face up to his responsibilities. All of them. He had tried to broach the subject with his father before, but always seemed to digress, and he hated himself for it. He was not the eldest son, so all of the weight did not fall on his shoulders and he was glad of that. Dylan Junior carried that burden. In fact, Joshua was the fourth child of ten. Yet he had never felt that he was less important than the others, or more important. Dylan Hampton was always fair.
But it meant that he was unable to do anything that might bring the family name into disrepute. Just last year his brother Billy, three years his junior, had gotten Rita Mae Hudson with child. They had married quickly, Dylan Hampton refusing to allow the scandal of a bastard child to grace his threshold. Yet Billy and Rita had acted as carefree as wild horses racing across the plains. They’d laughed and danced at their wedding and had taken to parenthood immediately, rejoicing in the challenges of rearing a young family.
Why was it so easy for Billy? Joshua wished that he could be that lighthearted about things, that he didn’t give a damn about his folks’ opinions of him. But he just couldn’t do it. It tore him apart to think of how he would have to disappoint them. But he would. Because he wanted Rosie. It was now or never and he wasn’t about to risk losing her. And he couldn’t accept that Rosie was a disappointment for anyone anyway. How could she be when she w
as so lovely?
“So what’s eating you, son?”
Joshua turned to face his father. Dylan Hampton leaned against the fence, his large frame causing the wooden posts to creak. Joshua was almost the same height as his father, yet he felt the other man’s will extend and attempt to dominate him. As it always had. It made his father seem bigger, broader, younger.
“I need to tell you something. I should have told you weeks…months ago, Pa, but it just never seemed like the right time.”
“Joshua…” Dylan Hampton reached out a big hand and squeezed his shoulder. The action was at once reassuring and daunting—it was as if his father was reminding him of his place at the ranch. “Some things are better left unsaid.”
“I’m not sure if that’s true, Pa.” Joshua’s stomach lurched and his heart upped its pace. Why did he feel like a child whenever his father took that tone?
“Listen, son. Whatever’s on your mind, it won’t bother you in a month or two. Maybe less than that. You’re a young man. You’ve a whole life ahead of you. You’ll soon forget and your heart will mend.”
“How do you know? In fact, what do you know about it?” Joshua felt the rage of distress building. Did his father know that he wanted to speak to him about Rosie? It sounded like he did and that he was convinced that Joshua was mistaken about his feelings, that he still viewed him as a child to be steered in the right direction.
“Son, it’s natural for a young man of your age to feel attracted to a handsome woman. Hell knows, I’ve been there myself a few times. But it’s better to get it out of your system then move on. Go into town, visit a cathouse. Take a few days. Whatever you need. But don’t go thinking on marrying some wench just because she’s sweet and kind and because she makes you hard.”
“What?” Rage boiled in the pit of Joshua’s stomach and a red mist clouded his vision. The sounds of the ranch seemed far away and he gazed across the training pen, unable to focus on anything.
A Rancher for Rosie Page 4
