“I’ll not watch you throw your life away on an aging woman just because you’ve got some romantic notion in your head. You need to find yourself a young filly, fit to breed. Carrying a child is hard on a woman and the younger she is the better. A woman past thirty”—he shook his head—“is taking a big risk, son, especially with a first birth. Even if she delivers a babe safely, there’s no guarantees that there won’t be something wrong with it. And if she doesn’t…”
Joshua struggled to breathe. He felt as if his lungs were being squashed. How could his father be so prejudiced, so narrow-minded? When Joshua thought of Rosie, it wasn’t of a woman to make love to then abandon. It wasn’t of a woman to breed from. He saw Rosie as so many wonderful things. She was sweet and kind and beautiful. She was, now that he could be completely honest about it, everything to him. He wanted a wife, a partner, a lover and a friend.
“Now, Pa. You’ve no right speaking about Rosie Duggan like that.”
Dylan Hampton scowled, his thick eyebrows like storm clouds over his milky blue eyes, and Joshua recognized the look that had made him quake as a child. Once Dylan Hampton’s raging disappointment settled on the horizon, there was no telling when it might lift. It blocked out the sun, the moon, the stars and all hope of any joy. When it lifted, the whole family breathed a collective sigh of relief and did their utmost to ensure that it didn’t return again anytime soon. Joshua knew that his brothers would not thank him for his obstinacy even though most of them were grown men now.
“So you admit that it’s the Duggan mare.”
Joshua forced air into his lungs. “She’s no horse, Pa. No filly, no mare. She’s a warm-blooded woman with a mind of her own. She has thoughts and feelings and a loving heart. She is tender and considerate. Intelligent and—
Dylan Hampton smacked his broad forehead with his hand then rubbed it down over his cheeks. The palm rasped against his salt and pepper stubble. “So you are in love with her?”
Joshua nodded. “And I want to take her to wife.”
“A foolish notion, son.”
Joshua watched a tiny muscle in his father’s cheek twitch.
“To you it seems that way, but for me it’s different, Pa. I need to be with her. She’s the sweetest woman I’ve ever met.”
“Sweet won’t bear you strong sons, Joshua.”
“I don’t care.”
“Now you don’t…but what about in five or ten years’ time? You’re still young. Too young to know how important it is to have a legacy. To leave something behind. This life is so damned short, Joshua.” Dylan paused and Joshua noticed the Adam’s apple bobbing furiously in his father’s throat. “Shorter for some…than others. You’ll want children, I don’t doubt it. A man needs to feel that he’ll go on somehow. That his passing won’t be the end of him. Pah! Who knows if there really is a life after this one. I struggle to accept that there could be though I long to believe that there is.” Dylan’s voice broke on the final word.
Joshua stared hard at his father’s profile. What was wrong with him? He seemed so emotional. Pensive. Afraid. And Joshua had never, ever seen fear pass over his father’s features before. His ailment was affecting him more than he was letting on.
“Pa, I understand what you’re saying. At least I think I do.” And I don’t want to hurt you or disappoint you.
“One day you’ll understand, son. Just not for a while. Least I hope not, anyhow.” Dylan laid a heavy hand on Joshua’s shoulder.
“I just want you to understand that I love Rosie. I can’t bear the thought of my life without her.”
“And what if you do get her with child? What if she dies giving birth?”
Pain filled Joshua’s chest and he rubbed absently at his shirt front. Losing Rosie as she gave birth to his child? It was an image that threatened to rip him apart. Was his father right?
“I…that won’t happen.”
“Guarantee it, can you?”
“It could happen to anyone, Pa.”
“True”—Dylan nodded—“but it’s more likely when a woman is older.”
Joshua gazed at his father. Were his motives only centered on his concerns or was there more to it? Joshua had been so certain just moments ago that he should go ahead and follow his heart—that he should take Rosie to wife and be damned with it all. He loved her. She loved him. But now, doubt settled all around him, the way it always did whenever Dylan Hampton wanted his own way about something. It was a strong will that had built a ranch from scratch to create a thriving business, and a strong will that kept it improving year after year.
Was love enough? Could Joshua really offer Rosie happiness and all that she deserved, or was he being selfish because he wanted her?
“All I’m saying, son, is that you need to think long and hard about it. Marriage is a lifelong commitment. It don’t mean that a man can’t have some fun elsewhere from time to time, but it sure does mean that you owe your wife a home and food on the table. All this”—he gestured around at the ranch—“it’ll be yours and your brothers’ when I go. You’ve a lot to offer a woman in terms of stability. But placing a woman in danger by getting her with child when she’s past her youth, well that ain’t fair on her. I’m sure you don’t want that for Rosie Duggan if you care about her as much as you say you do.”
“I…” Joshua opened and closed his mouth, trying in vain to find the words to articulate exactly how he felt.
“And, Joshua, there’s the other distasteful matter.”
“What?” Joshua met his father’s eyes. All he could see was raw honesty staring back at him. Dylan Hampton had no reason to lie. No reason at all. He knew what he believed and that was all he would see. His stubborn Irish roots kept him planted and they were too strong to tear up.
“That wife of Kenan Duggan.”
“What about her?” Joshua knew what his father referred to but he wanted to hear him say it.
“Her, uh, abduction. It’s still a mystery exactly what happened there.”
“It’s nobody’s business, that’s why.”
“Maybe not, but if a son of mine is thinking on marrying into that family then I see it as my business. You think I can risk being associated with a family tainted with an Indian whore?”
“Now hold on a minute…” Joshua’s shoulders burned with tension and he closed his hands into fists at his sides, digging the short nails into his palms. “How can you just assume that she was taken by the Sioux?” He wanted to remain calm. He had just witnessed his father’s vulnerability, and the last thing he wanted was to explode on the older man. But Dylan was making it so darned hard for him.
“That’s the story her aunt and uncle spread around when she disappeared. We might not know if it’s true but it’s the version that’s out there.” Dylan Hampton shrugged. “You think I want to go around saying to folks that my son married into the Duggans, who keep a harlot at their homestead…and an Indian harlot to boot!”
Joshua ground his teeth together. He hated to admit it but his father was right on this one. It would be bad for their family reputation and Dylan Hampton had literally bled, sweated and toiled to build his business. Folks were distrustful and times were hard, so the last thing the Hamptons needed was a scandal—even by association. But it was so unfair. So prejudiced. Kenan and Catherine loved each other. It was no one’s business what had happened to her in the two years when she’d been away. Kenan loved her regardless and it shouldn’t matter to anyone else. But it did. That much was evident.
“So what do I do, Pa?”
“I think you know the answer to that one now, Joshua, don’t you? Do the right thing for Rosie Duggan, for yourself and for our family. I know you’ll do the decent thing. You’re a good man.”
Dylan slapped Joshua on the shoulder then turned and loped away. His large frame was hunched over, as if trying to protect his core from invisible punches. He only straightened up when he reached the barn where the stable buck was painting tar onto a mule’s hoof.
&nb
sp; Big decisions loomed, their weight strapped to Joshua’s back, squeezing his ribs tight over his lungs so that he had to take deep gulps of air to fill them.
The ranch would continue to thrive whether Joshua was here or not. He had grown up riding horses, following the cattle trail and working every day to earn his keep. As a young man, he had striven to prove to his father that he was worthy of respect. He had longed to be able to show that he was just as good as his brothers. Perhaps it was some sort of sibling rivalry, a competitive edge that drove him on, kept him wanting to bask in the glow of his father’s approval. But lately, although he certainly didn’t want to anger his pa, he just hadn’t been as concerned about earning Dylan Hampton’s praise as when he was younger.
Meeting Rosie last year had turned his beliefs about what he wanted in life upside down. He’d never been with a woman before, never known a woman that intimately. It had churned him up and left him all confused. He wanted to offer Rosie all that she could desire. Dylan Hampton’s words hadn’t changed that. He would worry about Rosie if they got married and she became pregnant, it was true. But if he didn’t marry her, then he would worry about her even more. Either way, someone would be hurt or upset. Was this about finding his way as a man? Was this what happened to a man when he fell in love? His family still mattered, but the object of his affection mattered more. Surely it was nature’s way.
So why procrastinate any longer?
Hurting his own family by soiling their good name was the last thing he wanted to do. Out of the ten Hampton children, he felt sure that he was the one who seemed to worry the most about upsetting their father. He hated being so damned sensitive at times and longed for the devil-may-care attitude of Billy or the self-assured arrogance of Dylan Junior. But he couldn’t change who he was. Only how he approached life.
Whether he had his father’s approval or not, he wanted to be with Rosie. If they had to be careful to avoid having a baby, then he was prepared to do that too. In fact, even though he knew his father’s aim had been to deter him from proposing to Rosie, it had actually helped him to make up his mind. He wanted and needed to have Rosie in his life and he would do whatever it took to have her there.
Whatever it takes.
For himself, he had no qualms about ruining his own reputation. And as for the Hamptons, well, if he was no longer residing at the family ranch, then it wouldn’t be a problem for them, would it? Gossip would soon die down and he would just be the prodigal son, the one who went off alone to seek out his own happiness and left his family to move on without him. Exactly what he’d do to make a living, he didn’t yet know. He could work the cattle trails to provide for Rosie, or maybe get work at another ranch and send the money back to her. It wouldn’t be an ideal life, and he hated the thought of being away from her for long periods of time, but at least he wouldn’t have to surrender her then. He’d thought perhaps to take her home to the Hampton ranch where she’d live happily while he worked with the horses, finally giving up his position on the trails to one of his younger brothers. But that couldn’t happen now. His father had made that clear. It had been an idealistic and immature young man’s dream. Mayhap he actually could save enough to buy a decent amount of land and build up his own business. It would take time, no doubt, but it could be done. Look at what his pa had achieved.
He dusted off his hands and adjusted his Stetson. He would go right now and do it. Head on over to the Duggan homestead and ask Rosie to spend the rest of her life with him, come what may. They could make it work somehow. Although without his Hampton money and inheritance behind him, he wondered what type of a prospect he made. What, exactly, did he have to offer to the woman he loved, other than his heart?
He just had to hope that it would be enough.
* * * *
Rosie finished packing her bag then pushed it under the bed. She would hide it there until she was ready to leave. At first light. That meant that supper this evening would be the last one with her family.
For a while. Not forever.
Nausea surged again, making her feel weak and vulnerable. Who would have thought that emotional turmoil could take such a physical toll? She took slow, deep breaths until the horrid sensation passed then wiped her clammy palms over her apron. She would have to go prepare the evening meal and stick to her usual routine so that no one suspected anything was wrong. Although she doubted that they would. Whilst Kenan was usually quite intuitive about her feelings, being her twin and all, he was currently so wrapped up in his wife and child that he had little thought for anything else. Matthew had been spending a suspicious amount of time in town after meeting Huyana, and Rosie suspected that he was hanging around the place where she stayed, hoping to get the opportunity to speak to her again. Emmett was busy as always, tending to the animals or crafting something out of wood. Just like their father. Emmett had certainly inherited the deceased Mr. Duggan’s carpentry skills.
Rosie dabbed her apron above her top lip then over her forehead to clear the perspiration that lay there. She couldn’t blame it on the weather. Although spring’s progress into summer had been fine so far, they were hardly experiencing a heatwave. What if…? She shook her head. A horrible thought, no, she wouldn’t entertain it. She was too young for that, surely? She’d heard about the affliction of hot sweats that could affect a woman after a certain age, but wasn’t that more likely after forty? Or even later? She was not yet thirty-three. Oh please don’t let it be that. Not yet. But what difference would it make to an aging spinster?
She stood and shook out her skirts then moved into the living area to find Kenan already washed up and sitting at the table. Catherine was settled in a chair at the hearth, gazing down at Rebecca as she slept in her arms. They were beautiful together and Rosie knew that she would carry their image in her heart, always.
Supper passed in the familiar fashion, with talk and laughter and the warmth of a united family. Kenan announced his plans to extend the homestead now that he had saved enough, and Matthew and Emmett were keen to offer their suggestions. Rosie gazed at each person in turn, capturing their precious outlines, memorizing the sweetness of their voices and their laughter, painfully aware of how much she would miss them.
As she began to clear away the dishes, a knock at the door startled her and she looked across the room, her heart thundering in expectation. She knew who it would be, yet feared the visitor, for she knew that he had the ability to make her reserve crumble.
Kenan opened the door and twilight fell into the room, casting its golden light over the wooden floor as it always did at this time of day. As Kenan stepped back, Joshua’s broad frame filled the doorway, his shoulders almost touching the wooden beams at either side. He stood with his legs apart, his large, dusty boots leading up strong shapely legs which were clad in dark material that emphasized his strength and raw masculine virility. Rosie placed a steadying hand on the mantel above the fireplace. She dug her fingers into the wood as if trying to get a physical grip on her emotions.
“Evening, Duggans.” Joshua removed his hat. He strode into the room and Kenan patted him on the back as he passed him.
“Are you hungry, Joshua?” Rosie struggled to maintain an even tone.
“No, thank you.” He flashed her a smile but it didn’t reach his eyes. Their blue appeared dull and he was pale. “I’d like to speak with you, Rosie. If I may?”
The room fell silent. Rosie fumbled with the coffee pot and it clanked as she almost dropped it into the fireplace. Once she had stabilized it on its hook, she turned slowly to face the others. Catherine was trying to distract herself with Rebecca but her brothers all stared at Joshua as if willing him to split fair right there and then.
“Something bothering you, Joshua?” Kenan asked from the bench where he perched, his long legs spread wide, drumming his hands restlessly on his knees.
Joshua pulled himself upright. “Not at all, Kenan. But I’d like to speak to Rosie. Alone. If I may.”
Kenan glanced at Rosie and
she could see his concern. Was this it? Was this how it would happen? Now? Just when she was about to flee?
“It’s fine, Kenan.” She inclined her head to indicate her resolve then undid her apron and draped it over the bench. “Shall we go outside, Joshua?”
He held out a hand to allow her to pass and she walked toward the door on wobbly legs. Waiting for Joshua’s proposal had been one of the hardest things she had ever endured, but turning it down would be even harder.
Chapter Six
Joshua followed Rosie across the yard, past his tethered horse and out into the surrounding fields. Rosie kept walking until she was wading knee-deep in grass and wild plants.
“You know Kenan will claim all of this land.” It wasn’t a question. Rosie’s voice was flat and gave nothing away about her emotions.
“I’m aware of that. He’s spoken to me of his plans.”
“He’s worked hard to save and to build a life for us all. He’s such a good man.”
“He is, Rosie. Catherine is a lucky woman.”
“And he’s a lucky man.”
Joshua winced at the harshness of Rosie’s tone. He had never heard her irritable before and it surprised him. Was she tired of him? Had she reached a point where she had no tenderness left for him? If she had, no wonder. He had taken his time in making an honest woman of her and treated her badly, he could see that now. He had failed her and he deserved a tongue-lashing, if not worse.
“He is that, Rosie. He has everything a man could desire…a beautiful wife and a new baby.”
“But what about his reputation?”
“What?” Joshua’s heart began to race and he shuddered. What was Rosie talking about? Did she believe that he thought badly of Catherine? He would not judge the girl for her past, whatever it was that had happened had clearly been beyond her control. “There is no stain on his reputation, sweetheart.”
A Rancher for Rosie Page 5
