Jaq With a Q (Kismet)

by Jettie Woodruff

  “Whoa, did you hear that?”

  “It was—Leo.”

  Jaq totally ignored me. She dropped her feet to the floor and walked out the door, down the steps, and toward the lake. I had to skip to keep up, once again grabbing the blanket, this time for naked Jaq.

  “What are you doing?”

  “Stargazing. You said that’s what we were going to do.”

  I slipped my shirt over my head and handed it to her. “Okay, put this shirt on.”

  She dropped it, walking right on top of it. “Oh, my God. Is this real life? Look up, Ollie. Please tell me you’re seeing what I’m seeing.”

  The sky looked amazing to me and I wasn’t on LSD. Billions of stars speckled the entire sky. “I see it.”

  “It’s fabulous.”

  I grabbed her wrist just in time to keep her from sitting her naked ass right down on the splintery wood, holding her wrist while I spread the blanket.

  Jaq laid down, placing her hands behind her head, her eyes wide, staring at the lightshow in the sky. “Where’re my dogs?”

  “They didn’t come out. They’re sleeping in the house.”

  “Lay with me, Ollie.”

  I knelt at her head and took her wrist, two fingers instantly finding a rapid pulse. “How do you feel?”

  Jaq’s face scrunched into an ugly cry. “I like love you so much, and I don’t know, Ollie. Connected is the only word that comes to mind when I try to explain it.

  I laid down next to her, tossing the blanket over her naked body, but it did zero good. She kicked her legs, throwing it right back off. “I like love you, too, and I like that word. There is a connection. There has been since the first word I heard out of your mouth.”

  “For real?”

  “For real.”

  “Me, too.”

  Jaq laid there for four straight hours, mostly silent. I kept a close eye on her, watched her eyes and her breathing, but for the most part I just left her alone. Her body, mind, and soul was in some sort of meditation trance, her eyes fixated on the stars above. “You good, Jaq?”

  She never moved a muscle, but she always answered with a quiet, angelic voice. “Yeah.”

  We laid like that until two-eleven in the morning. I’d just looked at the time on my phone when Jaq dropped one arm, her fingers lacing with mine. Time seemed to stand still, and what seemed like minutes was actually almost an hour, neither of us moving, but experiencing something. Something together. Something most people never do. Just like Jaq, the only word that comes to mind is, connected. There was a connection, a solid, resilient pull, way stronger than me.

  From there on is about the time things connected on a whole new level. Jaq suddenly sat up and straddled me. Raising up on one hand, I wrapped my arm around her waist and kissed her back. The warmth between our bodies was instant, the kiss intensifying the heat. And…once again, time stood still. I let go of the ores, moving out of my own way and let the pull take us where it would. Jaq was overzealous, her emotions manifesting through her body. My hands touched her everywhere I could, and her body responded to every single touch.

  Sometimes her eyes would close and her head would fall back, and sometimes she stared deep into my eyes. Emotional, sensual intensity surrounded us both, but the surprising aspect of it was, there was no desire for sexual intercourse. This was that intense, a connection only those who have ever felt it could understand. Her heightened senses lifted mine, no Gummy Bears required. I was high. Higher than I had ever been in my life. High on Jaq.

  When our lips met, they were explosive. When our bare chests came together, heat was transferred from body to body. When my fingers trailed her spine, her body thrashed, only in slow motion. Expressive, roller-coasting, sensual, euphoric worlds colliding. Connecting.

  “Ollie?”

  “Hmm?” I hummed, my tongue finding hers again, pulling her into another, frozen in time, kiss.

  “Ollie.”

  “What, baby?”

  “Will I remember this when I wake up?”

  “Yes, you’ll remember it.”

  “How do you know? Did you do LSD before?”

  “Yes, in college once.”

  “Did you feel like this?”

  I ran my hands down her sides, remembering the one and only time I had ever done drugs, besides weed, of course. That doesn’t really count. “Yes, probably.”

  “And you remember it? All of it?”

  “Yes, I did it during the day time. It started out in my dorm room with a few other guys, but I didn’t like the company.”

  “Because you’re like me, Ollie. There was no connection.”

  I smiled and kissed her again and leaned back on my hands. “I’m not going to argue that. I climbed up a billboard near JFK Airport and sat there for hours and hours, watching airplanes land and takeoff.”

  “You probably shouldn’t climb billboards on LSD. But you remember everything?”

  I even loved her when she was tripping. God, I loved her. “Yes, Jaq. There’s no reason you shouldn’t remember this night when you wake up. Why?”

  “Because I want you to make love to me, but I also want to remember it.”

  “I’m not going to do that. Not because I don’t want to. I do.”

  “I know; I can feel it. Please, Ollie. I’m not scared at all. Look at me. I’m naked in the universe and I’m not even afraid.”

  “Jaq, I can’t. I never want you to feel like I’m taking advantage of you. I’m not.”

  Jaq looked up to the sky, pursed her lips like she was listening for something, and kissed me. Really kissed me. Her body all over mine. Of course, mine reacted to hers. I let her connive me, feeling her wrap herself around me and then spinning me to the top of her, her legs around my waist and her hands on the snap of my shorts.

  My mind did what it seemed to always do where she was concerned. It shut down, once again causing me to drop the ores and go with the flow. I didn’t stop her and the thought to stop myself never crossed my mind. Not at that time. Jaq freed me to her hand, stroking it right to her entrance where I took over, holding it right there, instantly feeling the wetness.

  “Do it, Ollie.”

  “It might hurt.”

  “I’m not three. You don’t need to give me the birds and the bees about virginity. Just do it.”

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  Fuck.

  I pulled back a little to watch, stroking myself on her clit. My intentions weren’t to stay on her swollen nub. I’d only planned on visiting there for a second, and slide into her, finally, but…Jaq threw another hurdle in my way. That one was worth jumping. Instead of sliding my dick in her like I wanted to, I came to my knees and opened her more. With three fingers I rubbed her clit, small circles with more vigor than I ever had before.

  Her back arched and somehow her feet ended up flat on my legs. The next part wasn’t planned either. I don’t even know where the hell it came from. I took both her hands and placed them around her own ankles, spread her knees apart, and continued the assault on her wet pussy. Her body thrashed below me, but her hands never moved, and then I heard it. The most amazing, mating call I had ever heard in my life. I didn’t think there would ever be a day I heard Jaq scream like that. Not in this position anyway.

  These moans were all pleasure and I had LSD to thank for it. What did that make me? Just when I thought she was right there, her hips stopped, but not completely. They continued to sway into my fingers, just not as frantic. Her right hand left her ankle and covered mine, trying to stop the movement.

  “Ollie?”

  “It’s an orgasm, Jaq”

  “Will you stop doing that? I know what it is, I just never had one before.”

  I smiled, placing her hand back to her ankle. “Hold on, I’m about to show you how this works.”

  And there it was. Not even three minutes later.

  “Ohhhh, yes. Hmmmm, keep doing that. Yes, that. Hmmm, Aahhh, ahhhhh, yes, yes, yes,” she sang, bringing m
usic to my ears.

  That’s when I moved on top of her and kissed her lifeless lips, her eyes still rolled back. I waited for her to ride it to the end with two fingers inside her, feeling the spasms all around. As soon as her eyes focused on me she raised her head and pulled me to her, parting my lips forcefully with her tongue.

  Her body stiffened and she broke our kiss when I slid in, stretching her entrance with my head. I moved in a little more, my eyes never leaving hers. With every slow push Jaq’s body surrendered to mine until I felt it. The cherry that had never been popped. For a second I thought about warning her, but then I stopped. She’d just tell me I was treating her like a kid, anyway. Presuming she knew what was about to happen, I popped my hips into hers and she instinctively shot off in the other direction.

  “I can’t. It hurts.”

  I pulled her back, sliding right back into her, seeing the blood as I did. “Come here. It won’t hurt anymore. Let me at least try.” If she backed out on me now, I planned on giving up. I couldn’t take much more of this. Once again, I moved slowly into her, further this time without the barrier. Within a few seconds, I was moving in and out of her with ease, praying that it never ended.

  Jaq relaxed, dropping back to the blanket and I made love to her. Right there in the middle of the universe. She didn’t have to tell me how much she enjoyed it after the violent intrusion. Her hips gyrating toward mine and her soft moans were a dead giveaway. I loved that sound. I loved the sensual passion that seared between us. I loved the way our eyes were held up in a trance, locked in love. Connected. I loved how her body felt below mine and how her lips parted every time her back arched. I loved the way her nipples reflected off the lake, the moon, and the stars, and the way they tasted in my mouth. I loved the way her hip bones fit perfectly in my hands, and the way her tongue peered out between her lips every now and then. This thing that bound us together pulled tight and I felt it. Every single emotion. I was beginning to wonder if we really were becoming one for a minute. I felt like I was on psychedelics, too.

  Jaq shoved her hands off the dock and did one of those acrobatic wrestling moves, moving up and wrapping herself around my body. “I want to be closer to you. Like this,” she whispered to my lips.

  My arms went completely around her and I held her hips while she, not me, did the work, our foreheads together. “It can be like this

  every time, Jaq. There’s nothing to be afraid of. I’m never going to let anything happen to you. Don’t ever be afraid of this. With me. Okay?”

  “I promise. It’s happening again.”

  I smiled and caught the corner of her mouth as her head dropped.

  “Oh, God.”

  Holding her hips, I fucked her, shoving my cock in and out of her, pulling her toward me with every thrust. Push and pull. Push and pull. That’s what I chanted in my head, trying like hell not to feel it, not wanting it to be over. However, my focused attention to get her off, rendered me right behind her. Jaq opened her arms to the sky, relaxed her body into mine, and let go. I’m pretty sure she would have hit the ground had I not held on to her.

  “Hey, where are you?” I said, my hand running down her chest.

  “Not in Kansas,” she laughed, her body coming back to mine, our lips linking like magnets.

  As soon as she slid up and down my shaft a couple of times, I knew it was over. I moved her to her back, gracefully laying her down and sliding out of her, come instantly coating her stomach. Explosions sounded all around me, fireworks lit the sky, and whatever happened between us gave making love a whole new meaning to me. I learned firsthand what it meant when the stars made love to the universe. Our lips met for the final time and forever started. By divine powers, by chance, by accident, by fluke, whatever the reason for our paths crossing, Jaq was my forever and I was hers.

  Jaq laid in my arms after that, again quiet, staring up at the sky. For over an hour I held her, feeling her breath in my arms. My eyes had closed because I couldn’t hold them open anymore, but they opened as soon as her soft words spoke.

  “Why’d you do that, Ollie?”

  “Hmm? Do what?”

  “You don’t want to have a baby with me, do you? You don’t think I can be a good mom because I’m not like other girls.”

  Yeah, my eyes were no longer closed. They were wide open, but I tried to hide the instant tension. “How many times have I told you I don’t want you to be like other girls, and I already think you’re a good mom to Cleo, Leo, Mama Quinn, Finn—.”

  “You’re not funny, and stop treating me like I’m twelve. Just say it.”

  I pulled her close, took a deep breath, and kissed her head. “Do you really think it’s something we need to discuss right now? I mean we’ve known each other for a couple months. Can we discuss it in a few years?”

  “I don’t know what that is right now. Time is such a waste of time. You can’t tell me you don’t feel this. There’s no way I can be this much in love with you, so tuned into you like this. Maybe my forever doesn’t mean the same thing as yours.”

  I rolled her to her back, and tried to reason with her. “Do you want a baby right now, Jaq? Is that what you want? Because I sort of want to be selfish for a while. I don’t want to share you with anyone. I’m enjoying this time with you so much, and it means more than I can express to you, but I’m whole heartedly into this with you, Jaq. I love you, and you mean forever to me. I’m okay with the way things are for a few years. If you’re worried about getting bored, I’ll buy you a horse.”

  Jaq gasped, her mouth opening with delightful surprise. “Okay.”

  “No, no horse. I was kidding,” I said, internally chastising myself. I had to stop using animals as metaphors. They were like diamonds to her. I let it go at that, not about to go there with her. Not that I didn’t think she would be a good mom, just that, well, it would be hard on a child. Unless there came a day where she opened her mouth around anyone but me, could run to the store for milk, or sit and watch a T-Ball game with me, there would be no children in our future.

  “It’ll probably happen, you know. You can get pregnant with a tiny drop of semen. It doesn’t take much.”

  “You could take the pill.”

  “Nah, I don’t want to take any more pills. Hey,” she suddenly said, realizing something else as her mind shifted thoughts. “I haven’t had an anxiety attack for a long time and I’m not even taking those pills. Do you have any idea how big that is? I’ve been on anxiety pills since I was thirteen.”

  I frowned and pried for more. “Do you think you were self-taught?”

  “You think I taught myself to have anxiety attacks?”

  “Maybe. How old were you when you started having them?”

  Jaq lowered her weight to mine again, her leg thrown over my waist. “Hmm, after my surgery. Before I left the hospital. Thirteen. I was thirteen.”

  “What happened?”

  “I don’t know. A lot was going on that I didn’t understand. My cover was blown and it felt...I don’t know; like a weight had been lifted from my shoulders, but it was very overwhelming. Of all four of the psychiatric people that came in to talk to me, not one of them told me it was okay to be a boy, but I didn’t even want to be a boy. I was just in too deep.”

  The stars blended together while I tried to wrap my head around it. “I don’t get how you can live with someone without them knowing you weren’t a boy.”

  Jaq grunted, her shoulders bouncing in my arms. “It was easy. I was always careful, checking the lock on the bathroom door a thousand times before I got into the shower. I never changed clothes anywhere but the bathroom, and honestly, nobody gave one ounce about me. And it wasn’t like I had any boobs to hide. I still don’t. I just tried to stay out of the way. Sometimes I would lay in bed and listen to them arguing about me being there. She would ask him what she was supposed to do about it, and then ask him if he wanted to give up the extra six hundred bucks a month they got for keeping me. That’s the only reason they ever
did in the first place. And CPS let them because I was a hard to place child, a victim, I witnessed a murder, I held my baby brother down while she did it. Nobody wanted that kid. Not even me. You know what, Ollie?”

  “What?”

  “I’ve never worn a dress. Ever. I remember when I used to walk to the store with my mom in my boy clothes and buzzed hair. I’d see little girls in cute little sundresses, or skirts with little flowers. You know what else was really hard to get used to? My hair. I never had hair until I was a teenager, and then it was because of Mrs. Bacon. She wouldn’t let me cut it like that anymore.”

  “I’m sorry you had to go through that, Jaq.”

  “It’s okay. If I hadn’t, I probably would have never found you. I would more than likely be some bored secretary, married to some guy I hated. You don’t understand because you wouldn’t eat a Gummy Bear, but if you did you would know. You would know what I mean. This wasn’t an accident. I didn’t just happen to call the wrong number. It happened for a reason. To bring us here. Our forever. You believe that, don’t you, Ollie?”

  Of course, I wasn’t about to burst her spiritual journey bubble, and I’d be lying if I hadn’t thought it to be a phenomenon myself, so I said what I meant. “I believe it, Jaq.”

  Chapter Twenty

  I woke Monday morning before Jaq. The clock said eleven a.m. but my eyes thought differently. Hearing an engine drive away and Cleo’s bark was probably what woke me. My mouth opened wide with a yawn, my body stretched, and my eyes went to Jaq, sound asleep on her stomach with her arms tucked below her chest. Pulling the sheet over her naked ass, I kissed her back and got up.

  First, I went to the front door, letting both dogs run out to the freshly graveled road, barking at the stranger no longer there. I groaned, looking at the boxes. Jaq would be happy our new chairs came for the porch, but they all needed put together. That’s when I groaned and went to make coffee. Since when did everything come in pieces and parts?