A New Life Series - Starter Kit

by Samantha Jacobey

  The man took her slowly, rubbing her back and sides with his large hands. He had begun to treat her with great tenderness, so to speak, since they had been on the road, playing Dr. Jekyll to Red's Mr. Hyde. Reaching to grasp her sore chest, he lifted her up and pulled her back against him as he remained on his knees, gravity forcing her body down upon him.

  Eddie whispered softly in her ear, using sweet and loving pet names for her. She could feel his hands as they slid over the fresh welts and scratches Red had left, his touch burning while he moved to soothe her. In reality, being with him and his mock niceties were almost as hard to bear as taking Red’s beatings. He wasn’t making love to her, no matter how his words sounded, and inwardly, she despised the two men equally.

  Eddie used his arms to lift her up and down upon him, as he breathed on her back and neck. He ran his hands across her sticky flesh to massage her exposed belly and breasts, moaning loudly. Tori swallowed hard, her head tilted back against him so that her neck pulled taught in the front.

  Reaching up, his fingers slid lightly across her windpipe, feeling the bands of cartilage underneath. In this position, he could have crushed it and killed her easily, and it was nights like this she prayed that he would, and end her suffering and the sorrow that she never allowed to show.

  When he finally finished, he pushed her off of him, and then stood, giving Red a satiated grin. The rest of the guys had found spots to curl up or stretch out for the night, and she would finally be left alone. She lay in a heap on the floor, drifting in and out of consciousness, her mind numb and unable to think clearly in her exhaustion as she listened to the storm finally blowing itself out.

  After a few hours, she found herself awake, and stumbled through the building naked, until she found a bathroom. The water in the sink only ran cold, but she used it to wash away the blood and what they had left inside her. She made her way back to the room with the couch and located her cleanish garments, just as she had left them. She put on the lace bra and panties, and then pulled the shirt over her head, her arms aching with the motion.

  Her pants were tight against her sore posterior, and she moved gingerly, carrying her boots as she went out and found a large room with a stage at the front and rows of long benches below. Pushing her right shoulder into a corner, she leaned her head against the wall and studied the strange place. She had never been inside a church before, and wondered what went on inside such an oddly decorated room. Breathing deeply, she eventually drifted off to sleep.

  Forgiveness

  Today will be different, she told herself with a deep breath. Climbing out of the car, Tori steeled herself for what lay before her. Watching the others who were entering the building, she noticed the wide variety in the way they were dressed.

  There were some who were as plainly dressed as herself, but the styles went all the way up to men in suits and ladies in brightly colored flowing dresses. Tori could not resist the feeling of being on the outside, seeing their excitement. The air seemed electrified by their enthusiasm and obvious joy, but it did not extend to her.

  Terry led her inside, and they took a seat towards the back, at the end of one of the long pews, next to the aisle in the center. A few of the men came by to shake his hand in welcome, and he introduced her simply by saying, “This is my friend, Tori,” which was met with a variety of silent responses.

  Taking their seats, she suddenly realized these people may think the two of them were a couple, unless he brought lost vagabonds with him regularly. If that were the case, she would only be the latest misplaced soul.

  Her memory fresh as to her last and only visit to a church, Tori sat watching, taking everything in. She noticed the piano and organ at the front and the booming sounds that they made. The crowd opened books full of music, called hymnals, and sang loudly, sometimes standing to do so.

  The pastor made announcements about youth activities, visitation, men's meetings, and choir practice. They sang again, and a set of shiny flat bowls was passed around so that people could put money into them. Afterwards, everyone sat quietly while the pastor stood up to speak.

  Tori began to feel out of place in the crowded room, as if she were still naked, stumbling around in the dark. The man at the front opened a very large volume and placed it on the podium. She half expected him to start with, My name is . . ., the thought bringing a slight smile to her lips. Instead, his first words were, “Today, I want to talk about forgiveness.”

  Immediately, Tori's heart began to pound. He went on to say that there were different types of forgiveness, explaining some of them in detail, such as the forgiveness of God. She listened intently, her hands folded in her lap in front of her as she pressed her palms together tightly.

  “The forgiveness of God is great!” he bellowed. “But to have and accept it, we must also have forgiveness in our hearts. We must forgive those who have wronged us.”

  Tori could feel her pulse hammering in her ears. He wants me to forgive people? The Dragons, for the things they did to me? Her jaw dropped in an incredulous expression before she clamped it shut.

  Terry reached over and slid his hand between hers. Looping her fingers with his, he gave her a light squeeze.

  Looking over at him, she saw he watched the front, a slight smile on his face. His thumb rubbed gently against the side of her hand in a comforting manner, and Tori did not pull it away, choosing to allow him to touch her for the time being.

  The speaker continued, “Forgiving our fellow man is easy, compared to forgiving ourselves.”

  Tori felt the stab of pain in her heart, like this stranger could see inside her and knew what she was thinking.

  “But I tell you,” he went on in a softer tone, “You must forgive your own sins if you are ever to turn away from them and walk in a new life.”

  She stiffened in her seat, a new life? Oh, my God, he’s talking to me. Tori glanced around anxiously, but everyone watched the preacher attentively, paying no attention to her or the man who squeezed her hand.

  The sermon ended, and the music played again, a slow sad song. The crowd stood with their heads bowed as they softly sang or hummed. Tori could feel Terry's palm burning as it pressed against hers, but she did not want to let it go. She clung to him, the tears heavy inside her, as she wanted to find the reconciliation the pastor had spoken of, only not sure if she could or would ever find the forgiveness inside her heart.

  Terry stroked her with his thumb, the two of them leaning slightly against one another. Tall enough to see the top of her downturned head, he wanted desperately for her to find the peace she deserved.

  Soon, the song ended, and with a quick squeeze and a smile, he released her. Everyone began to exit the building to go about their busy lives. Preparing to leave, Tori could feel her breathing drop to short spasms as Terry led her towards the front of the building instead of allowing her to escape out the back.

  She wanted to make a dash for his car as he held her elbow, guiding her closer to the man who had spoken to her so sternly. Shaking the pastor's hand, he introduced her again, “Brother Thomas, this is Tori, the young lady I’ve been telling you about.”

  I knew it—he was talking to me!

  Brother Thomas smiled broadly, with straight white teeth, as he offered her his hand. Tori did not move to take it, and he folded his fingers back at his side without comment. The two men spoke briefly, then the man in the suit handed her a book she had never owned: a bible. With a final smile before he walked away, he told her it was a gift from the church, and that he hoped it would guide her to find tranquility in her life. She stared down at the plain black cover for a moment, and then folded her arms around it, pressing it against her breasts. Quietly, she followed Terry to his car so they could leave the emptying parking lot.

  Arriving back at the house at shortly after noon, lunch was being prepared. Tori held the text against her chest and moved swiftly up to her room. She had accepted the gift, but climbing the stairs with it, she wasn’t sure she would ever r
ead it.

  Her heart pounded as she slid the book into the top drawer of the dresser, next to her journal. Looking at the notebook for a moment, she pulled it out, along with the pencil. She had only made a few entries, but this was something she felt the need to record.

  Placing the date at the top of a new page, she wrote about her first experience at a place of worship. She included details about the sermon that she wanted to think about later and work out for herself. When she finished, she returned the notebook and pencil to the drawer and headed back down stairs, humming lightly as she went.

  After a small meal, Tori spent the rest of the day working on the '62 Honda Dream that had sat in the garage gathering dust all those years. She had pulled the engine out and worked slowly at rebuilding it.

  Brandon had located as many tools for her as he could, using the opportunity to clean out the garage as he searched, and he threw away things that were broken or old beyond use. He toyed with the idea of setting up a workbench to organize everything on in the back.

  Gazing down at her grease coated fingers, Tori remembered the first lesson Eddie had given her about motorcycles, before they had left the bush camp. He had found her lack of knowledge frustrating, and pushed her every day after that to learn about the thing he cherished most: his bike. She had learned quickly, and that seemed to appease him to a small extent. His '79 Electra Glide was a beautiful machine, all black and chrome, and she wondered what had become of the motorcycles that were left standing outside the farmhouse when she had finished with their owners.

  Late in the afternoon, Tori felt surprised to see Max walking up the long driveway. Setting her work down, she used a red rag to wipe at her hands as she ambled out to meet him. He smiled as his eyes swept over the scene, taking in the sight of the gutted frame and small parts.

  “You know,” he began, “My dad was into motorcycles when I was a kid, so I learned a bit about them, but it’s been a while since I’ve been around any. Mind if I watch?” he asked, swooshing his long bangs out of his eyes.

  Tori smiled at the movement, having always had a certain fondness for him ever since the day they met, and she first held his hand on the way to the café. “Not at all,” she replied warmly not minding the interruption.

  Reclaiming the screwdriver she had been using to tighten a few bolts, she felt glad things were working out and that he had come around for a visit. They spent the rest of the evening looking at parts and chatting about bikes, the store, and the old days. Cleaning up and putting things away, Tori could feel him watching her.

  Out of the blue, he asked, “You ever think about your parents?”

  A little stunned by the question, she reminded him, “I don’t know who my parents are, Max,” without even looking up.

  “That's not what I mean,” he stated, somewhat irritated. “I know you don't know them, but do you ever think about them. Who they might be? What they might be like? Are they looking for you?” Tori continued to straighten the tools without answering him, so he waited patiently, knowing this to be her way.

  When she had the items arranged to her satisfaction, she met his gaze and answered, “Sometimes. I think about them living in a house like this one, with other people around, like grandparents and aunts and uncles.” She almost appeared wistful as she continued, “And I do wonder if they are looking for me. Part of me is hoping that someday I might have the chance to find out, but deep down I know that it would not be a good thing if it were to ever happen.” Max gave her a confused look but said nothing.

  “You see,” Tori went on slowly, sharing more of her story than he had heard with the others, “Even though the group of men who raised me are dead, there are others who are equally as terrifying who would hurt people I care about, or who care about me, if it would help them get what they want. That's why I can't stay here,” her tone grew sad as she finished. “I’m going to stay until I’m emancipated, but after that I’m going to go someplace quiet, where I won't be risking the lives and well-being of those around me.”

  Tori knew she was well into her twenties, but the Feds made the rules, and she would have to play by them. If that were not the case, she would already be gone. As it were, she would bide her time until they gave her enough leeway she could get away from their schemes, but she didn’t bother to explain any further; he doesn’t need to know all that, she rationalized.

  Max considered her words, quietly nodding his head. He thought about the night he and his friends had foolishly gone out partying at the little bar down from their apartment. He had been fairly wasted by the time it ended, but he had seen what she had done to those men with a simple stick. If there were people like her out there lurking around or looking for her, he understood why she felt the need to hide someplace quiet. He could tell he had hit a raw nerve with his new friend, and that she spent a great deal more time thinking about these things than she let on.

  Moving up onto the porch, the pair sat on the large swing and rocked gently back and forth as the darkness fell. He tried to get more out of her about her plans, where she might be headed or what she wanted to do, but she skillfully avoided revealing what she had in mind. Deep down, Tori knew when she left, it would be sudden, and she would never return. But for the time being, this was her home, and these were her friends, and she liked that. She intended to enjoy it for as long as she could, and prayed it would not have a great price in the end.

  Loose Ends

  In the weeks and months that followed, Tori had minor setbacks, but her friends were there to help her through and encourage her that she could make it. By the time she started her fifth month, almost everyone who had been in the halfway house when she came in had moved on. She had hugged each one of them at their departure and told them to keep in touch, but secretly in her heart, she knew the time loomed ever closer that she would disappear, and no one would be able to reach her.

  Lins was the last to leave, and she took her parting the hardest of all. Tori had never had a female friend like Lins. They were about the same age, and their lives were much more alike than she had thought possible when she came to LA. During their time together, they had laughed, cried, shopped, gotten manicures, and shared stories. Tori had no family to speak of, but if she ever thought of someone like a sister, Lindsey was it; this had been the first time she truly saw the world with the eyes of a woman.

  Of course, those who remained all knew how hard losing another person would be on the girl. She had lost everyone she had ever been close to. They all hoped she would be strong enough to make it through, but each secretly feared it would push her over the edge, and she would fall back into her old ways. For one full week after Lins moved out, Tori was not left alone once she left the house. Someone either gave her a ride to work, or met her at the house to walk with her. In the evenings, someone made sure she made it home, all the way up to the door.

  The last night of that week, everyone met at the house for dinner. Gathered around the table again, Tori felt odd. Many of the people who were there the first time had been replaced, and she did not get to know any of the new people who came into the house, purposely keeping her distance.

  She was content with the friends that were left, not wanting to add to her own or anyone else's pain when her own time came to go. During dinner, Tori thanked everyone for being so supportive of her, and asked only half kidding, “Now, stop hovering over me. I’m a big girl and I can take care of myself.” Everyone laughed, but no one felt nearly as certain.

  That night, when Tori went to her room, she wrote in her journal about her experiences and how she missed the people who had gone. Writing a small passage about each one, she felt at peace, and slept better that night than she had in a while.

  The next morning, during their work out, she told Terry about feeling better and how she wished they really would give her some room. He must have been listening or believed, because they allowed her to walk to work that day alone; that day and every day afterwards.

  The week af
ter Lindsey left the house, Tori attended her last AA meeting. The meetings had always been hard for her, even after she could admit she had a drinking problem. She spoke to people when she had to, but she never reached out to any of them, preferring to socialize with the boys at the shop or those at the house.

  On the last night, she almost felt like it was her graduation, knowing she would not be coming back. Not once had she stood up and said those famous words, “My name is . . .” and as she left for the last time, she wondered for a brief moment if she should have, but only for a moment. Tori was tying up the loose ends of LA, and making plans for what would be next, and she felt glad to put this particular part behind her.

  Things were pretty hectic at the shop the next week. In two weeks, the large Indelible promotion that Terry had been putting together would be taking place. There were plans to have them play at the store in a private concert, have an autograph session, and a contest for someone from the area to win the chance to play on stage with them during the first concert on their next tour.

  A radio station and a few other businesses were involved, and things were running smoothly. However, Terry relied on Tori immensely to take charge of the store and of all of the paperwork, including making the deposits and directing the employees.

  Tori made her way up to the shop even earlier since she essentially ran the place. She had really settled into the position, and wanted to make sure she still had time to play in the mornings before everyone arrived.

  She had been making her plans, the secret ones that no one knew about, in preparation for her emancipation that would take place a few days before the private concert, where the winner of the contest would be named. She had wanted to leave the same day as the meeting, but realizing that Terry needed her, she knew she would stay until after the promo ended; she owed him that.