Middle School

by David Borgenicht

  How to Survive Not Being Athletic

  Gym class is the same every day: There are guys beating the school record in the 1,600-meter run, guys making perfect corner kicks, guys shooting hoops like they’re ready for the pros. And then there’s you: dropping every ball, doubled over to catch your breath. Before you throw in the towel, read on.

  1 Practice makes perfect.

  What makes most good athletes good isn’t a natural gift, it’s how much they practice. Find a buddy who’s more confident than you on the field and drill him about how he got that way. Does he play soccer in his neighborhood after school? Run around the track with his dad in the mornings? Do twenty push-ups before bed every night?

  2 Incorporate sports into your daily life.

  Run up the stairs instead of walking, and keep a record of your time so you can attempt to beat it tomorrow. When you have a milk carton to throw in the garbage, do it from across the room with a beat-the-buzzer jump shot. When you’re alone, make up goofy sports to practice, like Race the Dog or Hurdle the Patio Furniture.

  3 Mix it up.

  Playing sports doesn’t have to mean hitting a ball, so try something different. Hit the local pool on the weekend and swim some laps, dig your old bike out of the garage and zip around the neighborhood, or try out some new tricks at the local skateboard park. Finding one athletic activity that you’re good at—or at least not terrible at—will boost your confidence with sports in general.

  4 Take a reality check.

  The truth is that most guys aren’t super-amazing athletes, so not being Joe Sportsman only makes you (gasp!) normal.

  Garden of Late Bloomers

  Think you’re never going to be any good? Think again—these sports superstars didn’t start shining until they were practically old enough to retire.

  • “Big Bill” Tilden ended up as one of the best tennis players of the 20th century, but he wasn’t good enough to make his high-school squad.

  • Hall of Fame pitcher Dazzy Vance didn’t win his first baseball game until he was 31.

  • Sandy Koufax almost quit baseball to go into the electronics business at the age of 25. But Koufax decided to give it one more shot. By the end of the 1961 season, he was on his way to being one of baseball’s best pitchers.

  • Super Bowl champion quarterback Kurt Warner didn’t even enter the NFL until he was 28.

  How to Survive a Bad Haircut

  A great haircut is like getting a whole new you. Unfortunately, a bad haircut does the same thing, except now, the New You looks like you got into a fight with a lawn mower...and the mower won. Here are a few tips to restore your hair to sanity.

  1 Bust out the products.

  Rock stars of both genders use gel, so raid your mother’s or sister’s supplies: styling gel, mousse, wax, modeling clay...whatever it takes. Then be sure to ask the product’s owner how to apply it, because you don’t want to go overboard with the “wet” look.

  2 Start a fad.

  Tell all your pals that your hideous, horrible hairstyle is the hot new ’do. Let them know this is exactly how you wanted it to look because, yes, you are just that punk rawk!

  3 If you can’t beat it, buzz it!

  Sometimes a hairdo’s so bad it requires a ’do-over. So stop cursing yourself when you look in the mirror. Instead, take action! Go back to the salon and ask for a chopper fixer-upper—even if that means it all goes.

  4 Let it go, let it grow.

  Did you know your hair will grow half a foot this year?! So no matter how bad the current cut, the good news is that it’s already growing out. You’ll be looking better in no time—but until then, one further idea: Caps are cool. Start wearing a hat and it may soon be your thing!

  How to Survive a Bully

  He calls you names from the back of the bus. He trips you in the cafeteria. When he passes by with his posse of fools, they get all up in your grill. None of this is cool or acceptable, so here are ways to make it better...and to make it stop.

  1 Poker-face it.

  It’s like what dentists say about teeth: “Ignore them and they’ll go away.” Same here. By playing it cool and showing this bully that you’re not bothered by his antics, he might just decide you’re not worth his time and effort.

  BE AWARE • The most hardened bullies may be determined to break a poker face, so you may need to supplement this technique with a vanishing act (see #4).

  WORST NIGHTMARE

  You’ve been shoved—and smack into the girl you were trying to impress!

  • Make her laugh. “Did you know the halls are full of alligators that trip people to eat their fallen books?”

  • Check her out. If your crush helps you collect your books, you know she’s a good gal. If she teases you, forget about her.

  2 Launch a counterintelligence operation.

  Secretly spy on the bully for a couple days, noting where he hangs out and when. The best way to steer clear is to know where he’s going to be—and not be there yourself!

  3 Use the buddy system.

  Get your friends together and coordinate your schedules so that none of you ever shows your face in the hallways alone. Bullies are much less likely to hassle two people together than one person alone.

  4 Make a quickescape.

  Make a mental map of your school, and when the bully starts to bug you, move quickly to a “safe zone” (i.e., somewhere with adults around, if necessary). In case anybody calls you on running away, be ready with a smart remark: “I decided not to waste my time with that. Trust me, you shouldn’t either.” Or there’s always: “Well, if you want in on the action, feel free to deal with the situation for me.”

  5 Be brave—or fake being brave.

  Stand up to the bully. That’s right: Tell him you want him to stop being mean to you. Say, “Bullying is very elementary school, and I’m over it.” It often works best if you can do this when you and he can’t be overheard, so he doesn’t feel like he has to prove himself. Be strong and act like you have authority. It’s amazing how sometimes even just acting the part helps you assume the role.

  6 Tell (without telling that you told).

  No one wants to be a tattletale, but, um, no one wants to get punched in the face, either. Talk with a parent, teacher, counselor, or other trusted adult and ask for help solving this problem—without anyone knowing that you told.

  Or send an anonymous e-mail or note to the vice principal or another authority figure at your school about how a certain kid is harassing a certain other kid every day at a certain place and time. And, what do you know? The next time the bully is doing his nasty thing, here comes trouble—for him.

  How to Deal with Girl Confusion

  Sure, science is rough, but the most confusing subject at school is easily girls. Not just girls—the Girl. She travels with her friends in a whispering and giggling pack, looking at you every once in a while, sometimes ignoring you, sometimes saying “hi” like it’s no big deal.... How can you decode her mysterious, mind-boggling ways? Here’s how to figure her out.

  PART 1: Does she like you?

  You know you like her, if you define “like” as being mesmerized by the way her hair bounces. But is it a two-way street? Look for these good signs.

  She can’t stop twirling her hair.

  She’s always fidgeting, flipping her hair, or scratching her nose while you’re having a conversation. Chances are her twitchiness is not an allergic reaction. It’s very possible she’s looking for something to do with her hands because she’s been attacked by a case of nerves. Why? ’Cause she digs you and wants to make a good impression!

  She talks to you for random reasons.

  She makes fun of your outfit, no matter what you’re wearing. She wants help with the math assignment, even though she’s an A student and you can’t tell a prime number from a prime rib. She wants to use your pencil sharpener, but she’s using a pen.

  She laughs at your lamest jokes.

  If you say that six is a
fraid of seven because seven ate nine, and she cracks up—she either likes you or she’s got the worst sense of humor in the universe.

  PART 2: How to hang out with her.

  Avoid “playful” insults and jokes.

  Instead, find out what interests her. Do you have any knowledge about her interests that you could share? If not, why not try to read up a bit? It’s a pretty cool way to gain friendship and IQ points.

  Compliments are key.

  By telling her how cool her locker decorations are or that you agreed with what she said in class, you let her know that she’s making an impression, and it’s a good one!

  Take it online.

  IMs and e-mail are perfect for getting to know someone without the stress of actual, in-person communication. So ask for her e-mail address and screenname, and chat away! Next time you see her in person, bring up the topic of your last online convo, so you have a bridge from the e-world to the real world.

  Eight Things to Talk About with Your Crush When You Don’t Know What to Say

  • How bad (or good) the food is at school.

  • How hard (or easy) Mr. Wolfson’s class is.

  • how lame (or cool) the school dance was.

  • What celebrity she hatey-hate-hates.

  • What a pain your brother is—and ask her if she has any siblings.

  • Bands you like—and ask what she likes, too.

  • Best joke she’s heard...and, yeah, be sure to LOL.

  • Movies you saw recently—and...oh, you get the picture.

  CHAPTER 5

  For Girls Only!

  How to Survive Mean Girls

  There’s no saying what turns a girl mean, though scientists have their theories.

  • Theory #1 suggests that deep down, the girl is insecure and knows she’s not as cool as she’s pretending to be.

  • Theory #2 proposes that a mean girl is like social spinach: She’s been put here to make you stronger.

  • Theory #3 states that she’s mean because her jeans are too tight and they’re cutting off the oxygen to her brain.

  Whatever the cause, a mean girl’s nasty ways don’t have to get you down. Here’s how to deal with the most common species.

  THE TWO-FACED FRIEND

  She tells you that she loves your outfit, wants to make plans with you after school, and agrees with everything you say...then she turns around and says the exact opposite to the girl she suddenly decides she likes more than you.

  Don’t get hysterical.

  Going bananas will only give this girl gossip fuel to report back to others. Talk to her with a cool head and calm heart instead.

  Talk trust.

  Tell The Mirror Has Two Faces that you know what’s going on. Then ask her to play it straight with you because you want to trust her.

  Suggest “rep protection.”

  Explain that people often think badly of folks who say one thing and then do another. Tell her you don’t want to see her become the girl whose word means squat.

  THE CRITICIZER

  “What are you wearing?!” she asks. Or she criticizes your favorite song and says you won’t “get it” when you ask what hers is.

  Banish her bad-mouthing.

  Now let her know that you’d appreciate it if she’d keep her negative thoughts to herself. Even better: laugh it off.

  Blah,blah,blah...whatever!

  First, get her voice out of your head! Feel confident about your strengths and tastes, and you’ll find her cutting comments actually mean less than a speck of glitter.

  THE SECRET SPILLER

  This friend crosses her heart, hopes to die, says she’ll stick a needle in her eye if she betrays you. Then, two minutes later, the banshee screams your secrets to anyone who will listen!

  Zipherlip.

  Remind Lady Overshare that you’re counting on her to stay silent, and if she blabs, you can’t trust her again.

  Protect yourself.

  If you’ve been burned more than once, you might have to accept that the girl’s got diarrhea of the mouth. Look for another person to tell the things you really want to stay between you and your confidante.

  QUEEN MEAN

  Though she’s nice to you, your good friend can be a witch on wheels to others. Since friends don’t let friends stay wicked, let her know it’s time to lose the ’tude.

  Girl down!

  Tell Miss Mean Jeans that when she’s rude, it makes you feel bad. Let her know her words can come out harsher than she thinks, and you don’t want someone to get hurt unintentionally.

  Model behavior.

  Through your good example, show her that cruelty’s not cool. Behaving with kindness might not only help make her nicer, but it might also win you new friends.

  How to Survive a Best-Friend Breakup

  You hung out all summer. You even helped her choose the great outfit she wore on the first day of school. And now she’s suddenly hanging out with new people, and you’ve been dumped like a dirty diaper. Whaddaya do?

  1 I will survive!

  First, understand that you’re not alone. This is one of those lame life things that everyone eventually endures. But endure it you will, and things will turn around.

  2 Stick your neck out.

  You may want to pull a turtle, but don’t retreat from the world! The sooner you open yourself up to new friendships with new girls—ones who might even share more of your interests than your old BFF—the sooner you’ll feel better.

  3 Be a joiner.

  Now’s the perfect time to try out for the soccer team. Or join yearbook. Or parlez français in French club. Think about it: You’ll already have something in common with the people in the group, so chances are you’ll meet some fun, new friends while doing something you enjoy.

  4 Be bold.

  Take a leap and ask someone new to the movies or another fun event. It may seem uncomfortable at first, but it’s really no big deal. You can even follow this script word for word: “Hi, [name]! I’m going to see [movie name] this weekend, and was wondering if you wanted to come?”

  5 Be patient...she may come back!

  If you haven’t already figured this out, middle school can be a time that’s “krazy” with a “k.” People change on a daily basis, both physically and mentally. Just because you aren’t feeling love from the BFF right now doesn’t mean all is lost. This could just be an ugly phase, so stay chill, keep living your life, and have fun. If your friend doesn’t realize what she’s missing, she might not be as smart as you thought she was.

  Horribly Heinous BFF Breakups

  •L8R LUZR! Your BFF dumps you via text message, and lets you know she never wants to talk to you again...with angry emoticons.

  •You get uninvited to her birthday party...and she’s your identical twin!

  •Her new BFF pronounces your name wrong, and your old BFF adopts the pronunciation.

  •She IMs your mom, but not you.

  •She “breaks up” with you, and then starts hanging out with your older brother.

  How to Deal with a Boy Bothering You

  Sometimes it’s hard to tell if the attention you get from a boy is because he really, really likes you or because he really, really dislikes you. (Boys remain very much like their cavemen ancestors in this way: “Me hungry! Me tired! Me bad at social interaction!”)

  Since you can’t climb into a boy’s head to learn what he’s really thinking, let him know his bad behavior has got to stop.

  1 Use “uh-uh, that ain’t cool” body language.

  If you don’t want to talk to him, a gesture can be worth a thousand words.

  2 Tell him straight.

  How’s this for easy: Just say, “Hey, [boy’s name], please stop.” It’s short. It’s sweet. And it should let him know that you’re sick of his immature behavior. What happens if he keeps up with the baloney after you’ve told him to stop? Your next response is not to respond at all. That’s right: Freeze him out. Let him know he can take it dow
n the road because you’re not buying anything he’s selling. Boys looooove attention, and if you stop giving it to them, chances are they’ll just go seek out another target who will.

  3 Try the once-and-for-all.

  Now, for a girl who wants to give Boy a little taste of his own medicine, she can try this line: “You sure are spending a lot of time and energy on li’l old me. Everyone knows it’s because you have a crush on me.” If you serve that one up, it’ll not only stop the boy in his tracks, it might even make him quake in his sneakers.

  How to Cope When a Clique Shuts You Out

  Middle school can be as cruel as that old saying about fashion: “One day you’re in, the next day you’re out.” If you’re no longer welcome at your old lunch table, or if you don’t get the call for the shopping expedition, it can make you feel like you’ve been “aufed.” (As in: “So long, farewell, auf Wiedersehen, good-bye.”) Suddenly you’re an outcast, forced to wander the mine field that is the school cafeteria. What do you do?

  1 Dopes mope.

  Unfortunately, this sitch is not going to improve until you make it happen. Don’t sit around waiting for reacceptance. Even if you have to force yourself to smile, try it. Research shows that smiling actually makes you feel better. Truly. Give it a shot...no, don’t stop yet. You have to keep doing it. Uh-huh. Yes, that’s it. There you go...

  2 Become a “Say cheese!” whiz.

  Get involved in an activity that draws people to you. Everybody loves to have their picture taken, so join the school yearbook staff and start clicking. Or start a band if you play an instrument. If you like to cook, share samples of your best work at lunch. Local museums often offer courses, so take an art class in a fab new setting.These activities should not only be fun, but they’ll also boost your confidence and send some well-earned attention your way. And, yeah: Your old crowd will definitely realize what it’s missing!