The Bitter End

by Rue Volley

  “Well.” I said as I pulled a black long sleeved shirt and buttoned it up, careful to not put too much pressure on the cut on my arm.

  “I really need to fucking get some meds,” I said as I turned and Ryan was standing there with a credit card in his hand that he must have used to unlock my door.

  “Jesus, Ryan,” I said as he startled me.

  “You okay?”

  “Yes.” I said as I finished buttoning up my shirt.

  “Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked me and I lowered my arms feeling my gauze under my sleeve and wondered when he installed a fucking camera on me.

  “I…well.” I started to say and he stepped up to me.

  “All you had to do is say ‘Listen Cocksucker, it’s my birthday, stop’.”

  I blinked and then realized he didn’t know about my cutting shit.

  “Oh…birthdays come and go,” I said as he held my chin up and made me look at him.

  “Yesterday sucked ass, from Holland, to me taking you to my old apartment and then the club…fuck, Beth! All you had to do is tell me. I would have never taken you there.”

  “I am glad you did,” I said and he hugged me as I wrapped my arms around him and felt strangely loving for a moment. Like we were having a true moment of connection and it terrified me. I can only guess he feels the same…terrified that is.

  ****

  I sat in the car and waited. Ryan had actually driven himself, which was crazy. I don’t remember ever being in a car up front with the driver. I know it sounds crazy but it is true and he had even bought the whole driver outfit thing, hat and all and escorted me to the car. I laughed as he opened the door up to the front seat but I got in and he took his hat off and slipped into the driver’s seat and smiled as he pressed the button and the car started up. He then turned to me and smiled.

  “I am totally at your service today.”

  “Oh really?” I asked him and he looked me over.

  “Yes, it is your day to do what you want with me.”

  “So I get to pick where we go then?”

  “Well, not the first place, everything after that.” He pulled out and we were on our way to whatever insanity he had planned, which could be anything really.

  Forty minutes later we arrived at a private airport and he stepped out as a jet waited on the landing strip for us. I smiled as he opened my door and took my hand. I stood up and let the nice breeze engulf my senses and it blew my hair up around my face as he took my hand and we walked to the waiting plane, his, no doubt, as it had “RB” on the side of it. I wondered how many girls he had fucked on this thing and then found it odd I evened cared to know at all.

  We walked towards the stairs and he stopped and held me and then looked back at the car.

  “That Bentley is yours to keep,” he said and I smiled and shook my head.

  “What the hell will I do with a car?”

  “Do what you do with everything, whatever you want.” He started to climb and pulled me along with him. I looked back as the doors closed and let the car fade from my view and it felt so similar to any gift my father had ever given to me. No asking, just giving and telling me to go play. I turned and grinned knowing I should thank him regardless of my feelings about it.

  “Thank you, it is a very nice gift Ryan.”

  “Oh that is nothing. I just know you like them.”

  “How?” I said as I walked towards him and then sat down on the white leather couch.

  “I, well…your Father gave me some information on you…before,” he said and I looked down at my hands and hated it. I hated that my father had purchased Ryan as he had so many other things before. Clumping him up into a big pile of gifts I never used to care for. Now I find myself caring for the first thing ever given to me by him and I almost hate it. How could Ryan be what I needed when I could not even be what I needed for myself? I need to stop, that is the fucking therapy talking right there. I adjusted on the leather and looked at him and tried to be nice.

  “I love Bentleys, plenty of room to fuck in them.”

  “Well, I guess we will just have to try that out, I have another one waiting where we are landing.”

  I laughed at him.

  “Two cars?”

  “Oh no, one is mine of course,” he said and we took off without another word about cars or anything else having to do my Father.

  ****

  Miko stepped into the hospital room and stared at Holland in her bed. She sighed and pulled out a cigarette as a large man stepped in behind her and stood very still. She waited until he lit it for her and she glanced at him and then at Holland in the bed.

  “Well, isn’t this drab,” she said as she walked to the window and peeked through the blinds at the city. She then turned back to Holland and then glanced at the man who produced a syringe and stepped up to Holland. He shoved it into one of her IV’s and Holland started to choke a bit and move. Miko stepped up to her bedside and stared down at her as Holland’s eyes fluttered and then settled on Miko as she started to look terrified.

  “I need to know things Holland, things only you can tell me darling so you need to tap your little finger here, is it working?” Miko picked up Holland’s hand and it felt cold.

  “Can you move these?” Holland had a tear roll form her eye and Miko leaned over clicking her tongue.

  “Oh, don’t be upset dear. I am only here to chat and then we will leave you to resting, you understand me?”

  Holland moved her head slightly to nod ‘yes’ and Miko smiled at her as she touched her hair. The monitor was a bit erratic with her heartbeat and Miko glanced at the man who returned with another syringe and he shot it into her IV line. Holland relaxed a bit and her heart beat slowed back down.

  “Fucking drugs,” Miko said as she sat down on the edge of the bed and tapped Holland’s hand.

  “So, Holland. I need a few yes or no’s, do you understand me?”

  Holland did not respond and Miko slapped her across the face as Holland fluttered her eyes and nodded ‘yes’.

  “Did you talk about the boys?”

  Holland shook her head ‘no’ as more tears rolled form her eyes and she tried to move a bit in the bed. Miko grinned.

  “Did you say anything to Beth?”

  Holland hesitated for a second and Miko took her cigarette and placed it close to Holland’s eyes as she shut it and the man grabbed her face and forced her eye open as she choked a bit with the tube down her throat.

  Holland shook her head ‘no’.

  “Are you sure?” she asked as she held the cigarette to close and it singed Holland’s eyelashes. Miko pulled it back and took a drag from it and smiled as the smoke rolled from her mouth.

  “Okay then,” she said as she stood up and walked to the window. She glanced back at the man as he stepped up and placed his hand over the tubes opening on Holland’s mouth and pinched her nose closed. She struggled a bit as Miko watched the traffic outside.

  “This city is so filthy, I just hate to come to it anymore.”

  She turned as Holland feet twitched on the bed and the man pulled the line to her heart beat. She then jerked a couple of times and he took his hand from the tube as she lay still.

  “Replace the monitor, no need for anything to look strange here.”

  Miko said as she walked out, the man quickly following behind her.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Scary Monsters

  I touched my blindfold and smiled as I felt his hand on my thigh and wondered if he was just trying to fuck me. I mean, to buy me a car and then fly me someplace new was not out of reach for him nor would it shock me. I am sure he had gone further in the past for others. There it is again, that nagging thought of the “others” he had been with. I really need to control that shit right now. I bit my lip and he pulled me out of the car and then stepped behind me. He took my blindfold off as the sun was shining down on me and it took a moment to adjust my eyes but when they did I knew exactly where we were and I sighed
and took in the sight of the large Ferris wheel in the distance.

  “I don’t know anyone who has their own amusement park, Beth. I mean your Dad is a prick but this is one of the coolest things ever,” he said to me and I wish I could match his enthusiasm. I really did. He took my hand and pulled me along as I looked up and saw Bittermend Corp on the sign and then the ever-embarrassing “The Magical Land of Bethany” in bright lights. I loved it when I was five, I hated it now. Then, it was an enchanted place built by a man who I adored. Now? It was a reminder of his inability to understand flesh and bone. This amusement park was as real to me as he was. Ryan pulled me along as man, dressed up for security as in secret service, stepped up to us and held his hand up.

  “You have to purchase tickets.”

  Ryan laughed and looked at me and I pulled my license out and he looked at it and immediately apologized.

  “Miss Bittermend, I had no idea, I am so sorry. Come right in,” he said and we strolled through the gates and looked around.

  The place seemed the same as it had always been. It had every ride, ‘no expense spared’ as my Father had said as he held me up high and let me see it all as a child. I still remember screaming with excitement when my parents brought me here and my mother stood still in her white fur and smoked as he spun me around. It is hard to imagine he was ever once so joyful, for small moments that sit like bullets in my mind. Hard to remember his smile, yes an actual smile on his stoic face before the fucking and hatred started, but he was human once, to me anyway. I felt Ryan squeeze my hand and I looked at him as my eyes were a bit glossy. I sniffed and then smiled at him, shrugging off the nostalgic crap I was caught up in for a second.

  “I say food,” Ryan said and I grinned as he pulled me along with him.

  We stopped at the cotton candy stand and he grinned unlike I had seen him do before. His grins normally consist of evilness to lead to fucking, he has never acted so kid-like before and it has taken me by surprise. I mean Ryan is about as joyful as I am which is less than zero.

  He reached up and grabbed a huge package of cotton candy as the girl eyed him and he smiled and glanced at me.

  “This is mine,” I said and she narrowed her eyes at me as the security guard stepped up behind me.

  “This is Miss Bittermend.”

  The girl shook her head and then smiled all fake at me. I know fake when I see, I do it in the mirror every morning.

  “Well on the house then,” she said and Ryan laughed as he tore the bag open and started to eat some of it. I watched him as we walked along and he stopped and held a piece of it out to me. I opened my mouth up and he placed it inside. It dissolved quickly but not before tasting so sweet it lit my taste buds on fire. I stared at Ryan for moment and knew he was just like that too; he was something so delicious that would leave a sweet flavor behind but dissolve as if it had never even been there. Problem is you never forget how it tasted and I sat down on the bench and stared at the rides. He followed me as he ate the cotton candy like children do. I grinned as he sat down next to me and chewed a bit, shoveling more into his mouth.

  “So I take it you like amusement parks.”

  “Fuck yes I do. I never went to any as a kid. In fact when I first made money, you know…when I…” he paused and skipped it, no need to mention being a whore to me. “Well anyway, I spent an entire month going to as many as I could but I never came here. I knew it was yours.” He set the bag down and I looked at him.

  “This is mine, this is my father’s,” I said and he looked at me and licked a couple of his fingers, making a sucking noise on the last one, which was a bit annoying.

  “No, this is called the Magical Land of Bethany, that means you Beth.”

  I laughed and looked around at everything.

  “This is just one more thing that proves that my father has no idea what I want.”

  He took my hand and held it as he studied my face.

  “I know this is going to sound so fucked up Beth, but I am happy he paid me.”

  “Oh, awesome. Did you happen to buy my car with it?”

  “No…no, fuck. Beth, I meant I am glad I met you. I mean I am really glad that I met you.”

  “Oh,” I said, as I knew what he meant. I mean I had already buried myself with the love word and he had yet to say it but he was working his way up to it. I knew it. I could feel it in him…just under the surface of his Blackwood heart.

  “Rides,” he said as he pulled me up and I shook my head ‘no’.

  “Yes…yes.” He insisted and I crossed my arms and shook my head no. He grabbed me up and flipped me over his shoulder, smacking my ass as I screamed at him but he did not care. He walked us all the way to the Ferris wheel and then set me down as I hit him in the chest and he laughed at me.

  “Let’s do this shit,” he said and I looked up and sighed.

  “I am not so good with heights,” I said quietly.

  “What?”

  “Heights, I have vertigo. We didn’t know until I had a panic attack on this fucking ride when I was five. My father took me on it and I was so excited until we stopped at the top and he rocked the fucking seat back and forth. I freaked out, I had a panic attack. I scratched his face up and he still has a small scar under his eye where I cut him with my nails. I screamed until my throat burned.”

  “Well holy fucking shit,” Ryan said as he stared at me.

  “I just, if I go up there I will shit my pants.”

  “I will buy you new ones,” he whispered and I laughed.

  “I mean really shit my pants.”

  “Will you try, for me, Beth?” he asked and I sighed and shook my leg as the ride was waiting and the door was open to the seat.

  “Fuck,” I said as he pulled me along with him and we got on. I could feel my heart beat speeding up as the attendant shut the door and locked it with a bang.

  “I don’t think this is so good,” I said as I tried to stand up and it started to move. Ryan grabbed me by my waist and pulled me down, placing his arm around me and I began to shake and closed my eyes tightly.

  “Beth…look,” he said as I barely peeked at first and then I stared out across the countryside and saw the sun splintering the sky into pinks and blues. It truly was beautiful and then I had to look down and I tightened my grip on him as he sighed and held me closer to him.

  “Sometimes the scariest things are the most beautiful things you have ever seen. You just have to believe that it won’t hurt you.”

  I looked up at him as he watched my expression change from fear to hope and he touched my cheek.

  “I love you, Beth,” he said to me and with that the first real kiss occurred between us since we had met. No fingering, no dirty talk. Just me and Ryan, understanding we scared the shit out of each other and just could not walk away.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Heartache

  I leaned up and rotated my hips against his as the car rocked slightly in the amusement park’s parking lot. No one was left except security and we didn’t care anyway. We had been fucking for an hour with no signs of letting up and the windows had fogged over from heavy breathing and body temperatures rising. I kissed his mouth harder as my lips felt as if they may be swelling and his were too. I could swear it felt as if we were actually making love. He had taken his time with me, kissing my neck and unbuttoning my shirt a bit to expose my black lace bra. I had not allowed him to take it off due to my cut on my arm but he suddenly grabbed it and I hissed at his lips as he stopped moving and pushed my sleeve up to see the gauze and a bit of blood seeping through it.

  “Beth, what happened?”

  “It’s nothing, I cut myself.”

  “It is deep.” He said as his thumb gently ran across it.

  “Four stiches.”

  “Oh my God when?” he asked me as I moved off of him and settled in the seat next to him.

  “This morning.”

  “Wait, this morning?”

  “I did it,” I said to him and he sighed
and rubbed his hand through his hair.

  “You cut yourself?”

  I sighed and then looked at him.

  “Yes. Then I stitched it up.”

  “Well fuck, Beth,” he said as he zipped his pants up and turned to face me.

  “I am fine.”

  “Listen to me, that is not fine, cutting yourself and stitching the fucking thing up is not fine…I mean how do you even know how to do that shit?”

  “Father,” I said as I looked down and then he touched my arm and I looked at him.

  “He taught you how to stitch yourself up?”

  “Kind of, I mean. I fell a lot when I was little and sometimes a doctor was too far away. I mean we ended up having one on staff after like the tenth time I tried to die and shit, but before that he…”

  “He what?”

  “He would have Mother hold me and I bit on leather while he stitched me up.”

  “What the fuck?” he said as he hit the dashboard and I jumped slightly.

  “Do you have any idea how fucked up that is, Beth?”

  “He just wanted to make me better.”

  “Sure…sure he did. While he tortured you and shit.”

  I touched his face and he looked at me, I don’t think I had ever seen him so angry about anything before.

  “He told me to be strong, that we always needed to be strong and no matter what, family would always be there if needed.”

  I sat back and thought about that and how fucked up I truly am. I then turned and placed my finger to the window and drew a heart on it. The water ran down and it looked broken in half as I blew my hot breath onto it. He then grabbed my hand and I looked back to him.

  “I need, I have to fix something with you Beth. Right now, before the cut gets any deeper and it needs stitches.”

  I narrowed my eyes as he suddenly turned to me and held my hand and it made me nervous.

  “I fucked up,” he said quietly and I took a deep breath and then looked at his hand as it shook slightly on top of mine.

  “In what way?” I asked him and he looked down and then back up at me.

  “The worst way,” he added and I pulled my hand from his.