Lacey Luzzi: Seasoned: A humorous, cozy mystery! (Lacey Luzzi Mafia Mysteries Book 7)
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LACEY LUZZI: SEASONED
Copyright: Gina LaManna
ISBN: XXXX
Published: December 18th, 2015
Kindle Edition
The right of Gina LaManna to be identified as author of this Work has been asserted by her in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
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The next Lacey Luzzi book is due out Spring 2016!
SYNOPSIS
Meg’s Christmas List
Balloonicorns
Pringles
Double sled
’Tis the season…for a new career?
It’s a few days before Christmas, and Lacey Luzzi & gang are at a dead end in their search for Jackson Cole. So when Lacey receives a job offer from none other than the rich, the glamorous, the Hollywood-bound Miss Harriet Lizabeth Morgan the Third, she says yes.
This holiday season, Lacey, Clay, Meg, and Anthony head out to the land of palm trees and fake snow, tasked with providing top notch security for an upcoming, high-profile movie premier. But when her client receives threatening messages, a difficult job only gets tougher.
Lacey turns to her friends for help, but Clay is occupied with his clandestine computer program, Anthony is tied up at home with a mysterious “project,” and Meg is…well, she’s Meg. Add a stunt driver with a pile of secrets as long as Meg’s Christmas list and new information surfacing around Jackson Cole, and Lacey’s plate is not full – it’s overflowing!
Lacey hasn’t asked for much this Christmas. But she does make one little wish: to get out of this assignment alive.
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
To you, my readers! Thank you for your friendship and support.
I appreciate each and every one of you, and without your encouragement, Lacey would not exist!
** **
To Alex. You’re getting socks. я тебя люблю!
To Mom— For letting me believe in Santa Claus until an embarrassing age.
To Dad— For your little windsurfer dude!
To Meg & Kristi— For your poems. And other weird presents that I love so much.
To Gillian and Sherry— As always, thank you for your fantastic editing. The book would not shine without you.
To Barb— My most trusted reader and friend.
Dianne— For my first ever ornament, thank you, “Aunt Dianne!” And a very Happy Birthday!
To my Oceans Apart ladies—Merry Christmas around the world!
To Alicia and Paige, my balloonicorns, and Nadia, the cardio queen!
To Sprinkles On Top Studios, my awesome cover designer.
Photo Courtesy of Deposit Photos
To Stacie (aka Nikki) and Kelly— you’re my absolute favorite beaches, from the beginning.
To Katie, Emily, Nicole, Shelly, Rissa, Nikki, Julie and Molly, for being my friends!
And last but not least, to all my family and friends, thanks for making me laugh.
Table of Contents
SYNOPSIS
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
CHAPTER 1
CHAPTER 2
CHAPTER 3
CHAPTER 4
CHAPTER 5
CHAPTER 6
CHAPTER 7
CHAPTER 8
CHAPTER 9
CHAPTER 10
CHAPTER 11
CHAPTER 12
CHAPTER 13
CHAPTER 14
CHAPTER 15
CHAPTER 16
CHAPTER 17
CHAPTER 18
CHAPTER 19
CHAPTER 20
CHAPTER 21
CHAPTER 22
CHAPTER 23
CHAPTER 24
CHAPTER 25
CHAPTER 26
CHAPTER 27
CHAPTER 28
CHAPTER 29
CHAPTER 30
CHAPTER 31
CHAPTER 32
CHAPTER 33
CHAPTER 34
CHAPTER 35
CHAPTER 36
CHAPTER 37
CHAPTER 38
EPILOGUE
THE END
** **
SURPRISE RELEASE!
CHAPTER 1
“What’s in here?” Meg reached under the tree and picked up a beautifully wrapped gift, giving it a nice, solid shake. “Sounds like jelly beans. Did you get me jelly beans for Christmas, Miss Lacey Luzzi? And if so, why’d you put the package under Carlos’s tree instead of mine?”
“Meg, please, set it down. That’s a decoration.” I worked the shiny blue package from her hands and placed it under the tree in my grandparents’ Great Hall. “There’s nothing in there except packing peanuts.”
“I’m gonna need you to clarify something for me.” Meg turned around, flouncing one hand on her hip and pouting her lips. “What the heck is the point of a gift-wrapped box…if there’s nothing inside?”
“I don’t know, ambiance?” I grabbed my best friend, a former cop and current diva, by the arm and pulled her down the hallway towards the den.
My grandparents owned a mansion the size of a castle in the heart of St. Paul suburbia. But it wasn’t just any sort of mansion, it was a fortress. Carlos, the don of the Italian mob – Twin Cities flavor – had enough guards surrounding this place to invade Canada. Even the windows on the bathroom were bulletproof, and if I were a bettin’ woman, I’d say he had enough explosives in the basement to send this place to the moon. That’s not even counting my grandfather’s death stare – I’ve heard one look from Carlos can kill zombies. But that last one’s just a rumor, I think.
Luckily, I’m related to the guy. As his long-lost granddaughter, I discovered my family a few years ago after my mother’s death, and somehow ended up taking a job with him. I use the whole “job” word lightly, since what I technically do is sort of illegal.
I work for my grandfather. But I don’t hurt people, I don’t steal anything that wasn’t stolen in the first place, and I donate to the local charities when I have extra cash on hand. I’m not a bad person for the most part, though every now and again I head to the grocery store and make a meal out of their samples. But that doesn’t make me a thief…or so I tell myself.
My boyfriend? Not so much. He’s a complicated sort of guy. People say you are what you eat, but in this case, that’d mean Anthony ate Muscles for breakfast, Tall, Dark, and Handsome for lunch, and Sex on a Stick for dinner. He might blur the lines a bit between good and legal, but those two things don’t have to be opposites, at least not in the Luzzi family. The Luzzis have a messy, complicated situation full of too many people, telling too many loud stories, giving too many opinions. And I love ’em all to death.
&nb
sp; “I like this part of the castle,” Meg said. “Why haven’t we been here before?”
“They never told me it existed.” We trekked down a hallway, the mansion coming to life with the Christmas spirit all along the way.
Goosebumps prickled my skin as we entered an offshoot from the main hall, this one quiet, still, and sparkling. I didn’t mean to get the shivers at the sight of tinsel wrapped around the bannisters, or the glittering snowflakes hanging underneath the icy white bulbs lining the ceiling, but I couldn’t help it; I love Christmas.
Actually, it’s not Christmas that I love so much as all that it stands for: traditions, hot chocolate with mountains of whipped cream, sugar cookies, spiked eggnog…and yes, even family time. There’s just something about the soft snowflakes falling outside, the hot, crackling fire inside, and an unlimited budget for calories, seeing how resolutions don’t start until the new year, that makes family time not only bearable, but enticing. The only thing I don’t particularly care for are the presents that go along with the holiday, but that’s a story for a different day.
“They should really give you a map to this place,” Meg said, as we pulled up short in front of a doorway with a stocking hung on the outside. “So many neat places we haven’t explored.”
“I think that’s the point. They don’t want us running loose and peeking at all the presents. Breaking the fingers off all the statues. Things like that.” I shoved the door open. “Okay, we have to be careful going through the doors during this time of year. The staff all go single file, so you should get used to it quickly. Ready? You go first.”
“Single file? Why?” Meg gave me a confused expression, then followed my line of sight towards the top of the doorway. “Oh, mistletoe! I love mistletoe! Is that Nora’s doing?”
I nodded. My grandmother, forever on her quest to pair people with their soul mates, had hung mistletoe everywhere in the mansion. And I mean everywhere. Not a doorway remained untouched, not a room could be found unadorned, not a chair or couch existed without mistletoe above it. I’d been more than a little disturbed earlier today when, having to use the restroom, I glanced up and saw mistletoe above the toilet. I’d asked Nora about it, but she’d shrugged and said, “Love happens in the strangest of places.”
I didn’t ask for further clarification.
“What’s this meeting about?” I followed Meg into the room Nora called the den.
Meg had requested a private room for a surprise meeting, and my grandmother had directed us here. Saying I was skeptical about the meeting would be an understatement. But since I was in the holiday spirit – and they’d ordered in fresh cookies for breakfast – I’d agreed to attend.
“Secret.” Meg wiggled her eyebrows. “You’ll find out with everyone else.”
“Everyone else?” I looked up as I darted past the mistletoe after Meg, careful not to linger a second longer than necessary. “Who else did you invite?”
I got my answer as soon as I stepped into the den. Clay and Anthony sat in armchairs on opposite sides of the room, neither of them talking, both of them looking mighty uncomfortable. Clay, my computer genius cousin, could hack into any computer around the world in a matter of minutes, but put him in the middle of a normal conversation and he’d freeze up like a deer in headlights.
Anthony wasn’t much of a talker, either. He’d begun using his words a bit more lately, ever since we’d started dating this past summer. Still, social functions weren’t his forte. In fact, his glare didn’t look much like he was enjoying the Christmas spirit. It bordered more along the lines of murderous and unamused.
“What am I doing here?” Anthony growled.
“Lighten up, I brought a carton of eggnog.” Meg raised the carton she’d nicked from Nora’s fridge.
“Meg,” I whispered. “He’s not an eggnog type of guy. He’s into the healthy stuff. I mean, look at him.” I nodded towards his body, which he kept as finely tuned as the Lamborghini out front.
“What is this travesty?” Meg turned to Anthony. “Are you not human? Eggnog is a human tradition. I hereby declare you a robot.”
“You can’t declare everyone a robot when they disagree with you,” I said. “First it was Carlos, now it’s Anthony…who’s next?”
She sniffed. “I’m not sure, but nobody’s safe. Keep up that tone with me, and see what happens. Try it, Lace.”
Movement across the room caught my attention. Upon closer inspection, that movement was Anthony. More specifically, his fingers clenching into fists. Deciding it was time for a change of subject, I clapped my hands. “We’re all gathered here today at the request of Meg. It’s a surprise event, and even I don’t know what it is. So thank you in advance for coming and being in those festive, good spirits of yours.”
“I was in the middle of an assignment,” Anthony said. “So I hope this is important.”
“Oh, it is.” Meg smiled, her ’tude appeased now that she was the center of attention. “Don’t you worry your cute little head, Anthony. Big head, actually. You know, that’d be an interesting comparison, the size of my head and yours. I have lots of brains, so—”
I cleared my throat. “Meg?”
“Oh, right.” Meg smiled around the room. “We’re waiting for three more people.”
“We are?” I glanced around.
“I took the liberty of inviting a few friends I suspected would want to participate in this activity.”
“Do we even have any other friends?” I glanced at Anthony and Clay, Meg, and myself, thinking that we didn’t have a ton of other options. It’s not like Anthony had a BFF, or Clay, for that matter. My cousin’s last coffee date had been with a mannequin named Veronica. As for me, Meg, Clay, and Anthony about summed up my list. I’d say I strove for quality over quantity, but quality is a relative statement.
“Here’s one of ’em! Hello, Vivian.” Meg smiled. “Do come in.”
Vivian snapped her gum, stepping into the room with hair frizzed to the point that had me wondering if she’d been electrocuted. She’d tanned her skin to a shade of burnt orange that looked toxic, and her nails lengthened to the point of talons. She nodded at us all. “Hey, gals.”
Clay coughed loudly.
“Like I said, hey gals.” Vivian looked in his direction. Her cheeks pinkened as she saw Anthony. “Oh, you’re here. Hey, gals and Tony.”
“Anthony.” My boyfriend’s teeth were ground so tight I worried they’d be nubs after this meeting. “That’s Anthony to you.”
“It’s Anthony to everyone, really,” I said, trying to keep the peace. Since I didn’t want a boyfriend who had nubs for teeth, I waltzed across the room and grabbed his hand in mine, running my fingers over his back in circles until his shoulders relaxed. “Meg, let’s get on with the meeting, shall we?”
“Two more folks should be arriving…ah, here we are.” Meg smiled at two little girls, one blonde and one brunette, as they entered the room. “Marissa and Clarissa, welcome.”
Anthony slipped an arm over my shoulder, and I snuggled into his embrace, thinking that this meeting might be cozier than I’d thought. Until…he kept squeezing me. Tighter and tighter, like a boa constrictor, until eventually my eyes felt like they’d pop right out of my noggin.
“Anthony, what are you doing? I can’t breathe.”
“I was told this was an emergency.” Anthony nuzzled against my neck, which I’m sure looked sweet on the outside, but felt a little dangerous at the moment. “I was told you were in trouble, and that’s why I should get here quickly.”
I swallowed. “Well, now I’m in trouble. You’re pinching my hair, Anthony, it’s stuck in your armpit and you’re gonna yank it all out! Help!”
“Cut out the catfight,” Meg said. “We’re all here, so let’s get this party started.”
“Grandma said you two are getting married soon, and I get to wear a fancy dress in your wedding,” Marissa said, bobbing over to where Anthony and I stood. “Can I wear a fancier dress than Clarissa?”
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br /> “No wedding happening here,” I said, afraid to look at Anthony. “I’m not sure why Grandma would say such a thing.”
“Well, she said since you guys kiss so much anyway, it just makes sense.” Clarissa bounced next to her sister, shrugging her shoulders. “And I want to wear a crown. Can I wear a crown?”
“There’s no wedding,” I said, as Anthony’s grip on my shoulder began cutting off circulation to my brain. “Ouch! Meg, please start this meeting before you drive Anthony to do something he’ll regret.”
Meg cleared her throat. “I’ve brought you all here today under the most important of circumstances. Now, did everyone bring pens and paper?”
The room gave a collective headshake of no.
“Did nobody read my invitation?” Meg grumbled.
“I didn’t get one,” Vivian said.
“You say that like it’s my fault,” Meg said. “You should’ve read my mind. I read peoples’ minds all the time. In fact, I’m Lacey’s psychic. But that’s no matter today, we’re all here for the great art of list writing.”
“List writing?” Clay asked in a hollow tone.
“Christmas list writing, to be more specific.” Meg smiled. “We’re here to write our letters to Santa.”
If someone had dropped a pin in the room, it would have echoed.
Anthony opened his mouth, and then closed it again when I gave him a little jab to the side. “Don’t say anything,” I whispered. “I can handle this.”
“We did this project at school already,” Marissa said. “Do I have to write another list?”
“Do you like presents?” Meg asked.
“Christmas is not about the presents,” I said, leaving Anthony’s side and joining Meg at the front of the room. “But it is about magic. And family. And believing in things the eyes can’t see, like Santa. Now, we’re all here as a family, so we’ve got one of those things checked off already. Before I hear anyone argue, you take this sheet of paper and write down your top three Christmas presents. I’ll take care of mailing them to the North Pole.”