Lacey Luzzi: Seasoned: A humorous, cozy mystery! (Lacey Luzzi Mafia Mysteries Book 7)

by Gina LaManna

  “Whatever shape you prefer, the moral of the story doesn’t change. We go around in all sorts of shapes and accomplish nothing.” I opened my arms to include the sweet-scented evergreen tree, the dim light from the overhead lamp, the stack of Christmas lists on the chair beside me. “I want to enjoy the holiday season. Can we put a hold on this until after Christmas? Heck, let’s make it New Year’s Eve. We’ll start up strong in the new year if you guys want.”

  “One condition.” Clay raised a finger. “I’m allowed to keep my alerts running, check them as frequently as I would like, and if I have a lead, I will act on it. Just so that’s understood.”

  “You haven’t gotten a lead for two months,” I said. “Do you really think it’ll happen now?”

  “Maybe he’ll get lazy around the holidays,” Clay said. “You never know. The art of surveillance means hundreds or thousands of hours of waiting and watching and listening, usually for a ten-minute window of opportunity. If he uses his credit card and then disappears again and I missed it, I will not be a happy Clay.”

  “Fine,” I said. “Have it your way, Burger King. I just don’t want you to be disappointed if nothing happens.”

  “I just don’t want you to be disappointed when something does happen.”

  “All right, so we’ve reached an understanding? No new digging for information until after the holidays, unless it pops up in our faces and we can’t ignore it.” I smiled at the team. “Sound reasonable?”

  “Yeah. ’Cause if that happens, it’d just be fate.” Meg smacked her lips and leaned back in her chair. “Fickle fate.”

  I didn’t know where she was going with this “saying,” so I left it alone. “Anthony, sound good to you?”

  He nodded. “Starting tomorrow morning, my next few days will be occupied by a project that’ll require my attention from dawn until dusk. So I won’t have time, anyway.”

  “A project?” I raised an eyebrow. “You mean, an assignment?”

  “Something like that.” Anthony coughed.

  I stepped closer. “Feel like explaining?”

  “I can’t.”

  “Dude, are you getting ready to pop the question?” Meg asked. “Cripes, you’ve only been dating for, like…well, I’m not good at math. But you’ve only been dating for one Christmas.”

  “Uh, no. Anthony’s not proposing.” Clay shook his head as if that were the most ludicrous thought in the world. Then all at once, his face went white, his eyes flashed, and he turned to Anthony. “You’re not proposing, right?”

  “No!” Anthony raised his hands. “No proposal!”

  “Hey, hey, people.” I pointed around the room. “What’s so far-fetched about my getting married?”

  “It’s not so much you,” Clay stuttered. “It’s just…” He gestured to Anthony. “Him. And…you. And…” he shrugged, giving up on his explanation.

  “What he’s trying to say is that Anthony hasn’t asked me for permission,” Meg said. “That’s how I know he’s not proposing, now that I think about it. You’d ask me first, right, buddy? Since we can’t find Lacey’s father.”

  Anthony cleared his throat.

  “Enough making Anthony uncomfortable,” I said, pretending that I was “totally cool” talking about all of these plans for our future, as if I were an adult and actually knew what I wanted. When really, underneath it all – including my oversized sweater – my armpits were a tiny bit sweaty from all this proposal talk.

  “I’m just putting a bug in his butt,” Meg said. “For when the time comes.”

  “Bug in his ear!” I cried. “Meg, let’s go to Sayings School, shall we?”

  She waved a hand in dismissal.

  I was just about to suggest we all go to the kitchen – which was a true sign of my desperation – when my cell phone rang. I looked down at the number. Blocked.

  Stepping back from the fire, I plopped in the cozy lounge chair as I answered. “Hello?”

  The room went silent, thanks to my friends’ nosiness. Nothing like a mysterious phone call to get the room to quiet down.

  “Lacey?” the voice on the other end of the line spoke in a clipped, beautiful tone.

  “Hi, is this Miss Lizabeth?” I asked, sitting up straighter in the chair. “How are you doing? It’s great to hear from you.”

  “I’m just peachy, dear. I trust you’re having a happy holiday season?”

  I glanced around the room at my family and friends, all staring at me like dogs waiting for a bone. “Yes, it’s wonderful. Lots of family time.”

  Lizabeth laughed, a tinkling, refined sound that made my own laugh sound like a donkey’s bray. “I imagine that must make for some interesting discussions.”

  “Never a dull moment.” I hunched a bit lower in the chair. “How are you doing? May I help you with something?”

  “Are your services still for hire?”

  “Mine? I typically work for Carlos, so if you’d like to talk to him, I can pass your message along.”

  “I’m not talking about Carlos, I’m talking about you.” Lizabeth paused. “We discussed the potential for Lacey Luzzi Services last time I was in town, and I’m interested in exploring those options.”

  “What did you have in mind?”

  “As you may know, I have houses across the world. One of my favorites is my Beverly Hills home, especially this time of year. That cold can be brutal in the Midwest.”

  I looked out the window, watching the harmless snowflakes drifting in lackadaisical circles to the ground, thinking that if I never had to leave the safety of my personal space heater, the cold might not be so bad. That’s about as positive as I could get when the thermometer read below zero for ten days straight.

  “In fact, I hear there’s a deep chill coming your way over the next few days,” Lizabeth said. “Might be nice for a getaway.”

  “I imagine,” I sighed, thinking of palm trees. “Is that where you’re headed, Beverly Hills?”

  “Oh, I’m already here.” Lizabeth laughed. “But I hope it’s where you’ll be headed, too.”

  “Me?” I nearly choked on my own saliva.

  “It will be fully compensated, of course. And I’m assuming you have a team of folks you work with, their travel will be compensated as well.” Lizabeth took a quick break before continuing. “Lodging, food, transport. I have quite a nice home at your disposal. A pool, a masseuse, a chef, a driver…all is included.”

  I still couldn’t speak. Lizabeth must have taken my silence for hesitation, because she plowed on with even more perks of the job. “In addition, I’ll compensate your team fifty thousand dollars for two days of work.”

  “Hold on a minute,” I whispered, slinking against the back of my chair. “You’d pay for travel, lodging, and that…that generous fee for two days of work?” I inhaled a deep breath. “What sort of work are we talking about?”

  “It may be a tiny bit dangerous, just a forewarning before I go on. I want you to be aware of all the risks.”

  “That’s the nature of the game,” I said, giving a weak laugh. “I’m not getting paid the big bucks to rescue cats from trees.”

  “Right, well then. I have a large event coming up, full-on Hollywood. Celebrities. Red carpet. And I’d like you to provide security detail for the event.”

  “The whole event?” I shook my head. “I don’t think we’re prepared for something like that, not my team.” I scanned over Meg, Anthony, and Clay. Definitely not. “You’d need a lot more men, that’s something more in Carlos’s realm of influence.”

  “No, just for one of the featured guests. You’d escort her to the event, stay by her side the entire night, and make sure she arrives home safely. There might be a bit of pre-work to scout out the site and get the lay of the land, but that should be it.” A few clicks sounded on the line, as if Lizabeth was pulling up her calendar. “Today’s the twenty-first of December. I have a jet landing in the airstrip just north of Carlos’s property in thirty minutes. Are you interested?”


  No less than one zillion questions popped into my head. So I started with the first one. “There’s one thing, Lizabeth. First of all, I’m so incredibly grateful for the opportunity. I do have one concern…”

  “What is it?”

  I sighed, looking around at my ragtag clan once more. “I’d really like to be home for Christmas. My family might be nutty, but I do enjoy spending the holidays with them.”

  “Of course, darlin’. I’m picking you up today. You’ll have tomorrow, the twenty-second, to scout the event site and do any pre-planning. The event is the evening of the twenty-third. I’ll have you on a jet home Christmas Eve, first thing in the morning. Alternatively, you can leave at midnight on the twenty-third after dropping the guest off safely.”

  “That sounds doable,” I said. “I can only think of one more question.”

  “Before I continue, I forgot one important element,” Lizabeth said. “The reason I’m hiring extra, well-equipped services is because we’ve had a few threats on the guest’s life. Under normal circumstances, we wouldn’t need extra security. But these aren’t normal circumstances.”

  “Threats like…kidnapping? Murder?”

  “Something like that. We hope they’re not serious, but one can never be too sure.”

  A bit of nerves fluttered in my stomach. But then again, she had said I could bring a team of people. With Anthony’s knowledge and skills, Clay’s surveillance, and Meg’s…well, her brute force, we were capable of more than I normally gave us credit for, though calling us well-equipped was a bit of an overstatement. I didn’t even own a gun.

  “I think my last question is the obvious one,” I said with a laugh.

  “What’s that?”

  “Oh, well,” I swallowed. “Who is the guest to whom we’d be providing protection?”

  “I thought that was obvious!” Lizabeth chuckled. “Poopsie, of course.”

  “Your dog?”

  “Not just a dog.” I could practically hear Lizabeth frown over the phone. “My baby. Remember the crown I came to retrieve for a dog show? Well, she won her show and has been invited to walk the red carpet at opening night of the latest James Bond film. She had a featured role in it, you know.”

  I swallowed. “James Bond?”

  Meg shot up across the room, clutching her hands to her chest. “Just say yes, whatever it is. Be still, my heart.”

  I stood up, speaking loudly now, unable to hide the grin on my face. “Let me get this straight. Poopsie scored a role in the latest James Bond movie and has been invited to the premier and asked to walk the red carpet.”

  Meg squealed.

  “And you’d like me and my team to fly out in thirty minutes as her security detail, since there have been concerns over Poopsie’s safety during the premier. You’ll pay food, lodging, and a generous fee.”

  “That’s accurate. Cash, it will be delivered when you get off the jet on the way home. I’m good for my money.”

  I fanned myself. “I don’t doubt it. Wow.”

  “So, what’s your answer?”

  Meg waved a hand in the air, jumping up and down with such gusto the Christmas ornaments on the wall knocked against one another. “Am I on your team? Pick me! Pick me, Lacey.”

  “We’ll be back by Christmas?”

  “I promise you.”

  “Then I can’t think of a reason to say no.”

  “Wonderful. I will see you in a few short hours, and I’ll have my staff prepare for your arrival. What sort of car would you like to have our driver use while you’re here?”

  I shrugged. “I just have a Lumina. Or also a Kia, I’m not fancy.”

  Lizabeth laughed. “This is Hollywood, sweets. Red carpet. No budget.”

  “A Hummer!” Meg shouted.

  “Meg, we don’t need a Hummer,” I said. “Any sort of plain, functional car will work perfectly.”

  “I’ll have one waiting for you.” Lizabeth said. “Any other special accommodations?”

  “How about that massage where fish eat your feet?” Meg called from the background, while I waved a hand to shush her.

  “No, that’s wonderful,” I said. “But tell me, did you know I’d say yes? I know the flight from Cali to MN is nearly four hours. Why is your jet already on the way?”

  “Well it wasn’t sent specifically for you, but I was hoping you’d return with it.”

  “Who was it sent for?” I asked.

  Lizabeth paused, and I could almost hear her blushing from across the phone line. “Just be at the airport, sweets. You’ll be well taken care of. I’ll see you soon. And I’ve changed my mind. I will pay you fifty percent upon the jet’s arrival. That way, you’ll have some cash to use for a fun time while you’re out here. Do some Christmas shopping, visit The Grove, stroll down Rodeo Drive.”

  “We have ourselves a deal,” I said. “Thank you for using Lacey Luzzi Services for all your security needs.” I hung up the phone after scribbling down directions to the airport. When I turned to face the rest of the room, I smiled at their expectant expressions. “So, who wants to go to Hollywood?”

  CHAPTER 3

  Twenty minutes later, en route to the airport in a Luzzi family vehicle – a sleek black Suburban as large as my bedroom – we pulled up to the airport. The hulk-sized driver, a man straight from Men in Black II, let us out without putting the car in Park. He let the engine linger as Anthony, Meg, Clay, and I stepped from the vehicle.

  Clay held a carrier containing Tupac the Cat, since on short notice we hadn’t been able to find a babysitter for the ungrateful little furball. So in the end, we decided to take him with us, though he didn’t seem all that happy about the adventure.

  Meg had been easy to convince. She’d overheard the words shopping, down payment, and Hollywood while I was on the phone, and by the time I’d hung up, she’d mentally packed four suitcases. Clay had taken a second to convince, but all I had to do was ask Meg for a little help with persuasion tactics, and he was in for the trip.

  Anthony, he was hard to read. He’d come with us in the Suburban, so I assumed he’d be joining us on the plane. But in true Anthony fashion, he’d managed to neither confirm nor deny his plans for the entire ride out here.

  “This is it?” Meg gasped. “Glamorous.”

  A private jet sat on the runway, a staff of well-dressed individuals waiting outside the steps to the aircraft. Upon seeing us emerge from the vehicle, the group of uniformed men and women scurried over, relieving us of every inch of our belongings.

  “No, really, I’ll keep my jacket,” I said, trying to let the sharply dressed woman down easy. “It’s zero degrees out here, ma’am, I’d freeze without it.”

  The woman looked to Anthony, but he shook his head as well. Luckily, she caught the vibe of the moment and disappeared just as stealthily as she’d arrived, toting at least three bags on her skinny little arms.

  I stepped close to Anthony, wrapping my arms around his waist as my breaths cast little puffs of visible clouds through the chilly air. Snowflakes drifted in lazy swirls, decorating Anthony’s hair for fleeting seconds before melting into oblivion. Though it was hardly late afternoon, the sun had already set and it was dark enough to pass for midnight. Only the blinking lights from the jet allowed us to see anything.

  “You’re coming with us, right?” My cheeks stung with cold. “The car ride over here was so loud, Meg going on and on about red carpets and blue dresses and…well, between the Tupac debacle and packing my bags, we haven’t really gotten the chance to talk.”

  Anthony’s eyes softened as he murmured a shh. He pressed his lips to my forehead, leaving them there for a long minute before he pulled away. His dark eyes shone, almost mystically, under the glow from the moonlight. “I’m sorry, sugar. I can’t go with you.”

  “But…” I paused, dumbfounded. “You have to come with us.”

  He laughed. “I have to?”

  “What am I supposed to do without you?”

  “To which
aspect of me are you referring?” Anthony raised an eyebrow.

  I fought back a blush. “Besides that.”

  “So you’re using me just for my professional skills?”

  “Would you prefer if I said I wanted to use you for your body?”

  “As a matter of fact…” Anthony bit his lip in playful thought. “I wouldn’t be opposed.”

  “In that case, let me revise.” I sucked in a breath, the cold burning my lungs. But I pushed past the icy sensation and pressed my body against Anthony’s, hip to hip, chest to chest, until my lips brushed against his neck. “I need someone to keep me warm at night, someone to cuddle with me under the Christmas lights. Someone to kiss under the mistletoe, and someone by my side on the red carpet.”

  Anthony made a low, deep sound in his throat, one that heated me up.

  “What will I do without you there?” I reached a hand up, toying with the zipper to his fancy, impeccable black jacket. “Please come with us, Anthony.”

  “Lace…don’t.”

  Throwing caution to the wind, I tried one more tactic. Giving his shoulder a firm pat and looking him straight in the eye, I leveled with the man. “I need someone to make sure I don’t get shot, or make a fool of myself in front of Lizabeth. Especially the latter.”

  “Aha!” Anthony grinned. “I knew you had an ulterior motive.”

  “This is my first business venture as Lacey Luzzi Services, a separate entity from Carlos and the Family.”

  “Lacey, if this weren’t so last minute, you know I’d go in a heartbeat. But once I make a promise, I stick to it. I can’t abandon your grandfather for my next project. He’s my boss, for starters.” Anthony reached up, tucking a strand of hair back into my hood. “And I want his continued approval of our relationship.”

  I groaned. “You’re so loyal.”

  “That’s a good thing, sugar.” He skimmed a thumb over my chin. “How about this? You say the event is not tomorrow but the next night?”

  I nodded.

  “I’m busy all day tomorrow, and I have one more project on the twenty-third. But I’ll be done by the early evening. What if I fly out and join you for as much of the event as possible? Even if I don’t make the red carpet, I’ll be there with you at the end, for the after party, and the flight back the next day. Thoughts?”