Lacey Luzzi: Seasoned: A humorous, cozy mystery! (Lacey Luzzi Mafia Mysteries Book 7)

by Gina LaManna

  Mack’s lips turned up in a smile, but his eyes never once left the road, and I could see the wheels turning in his head, two, three, four steps ahead of us. My doubts about his driving capabilities faded away, and Lizabeth’s warning that he was a complicated man came back in a rush.

  “You’re not really just a driver, are you?” I asked.

  “I am.” Mack stepped on the brakes, letting the F-type shoot by us before he reversed past a street filled to the brim with museums. I thought I caught a street sign that read something like Wilshire, but I couldn’t be sure. He was magic behind the wheel, even I had to admit it. “Just not a personal driver, usually. But for Miss Lizabeth, I accepted the job as a favor. I’ll be honest, I didn’t expect it to be this fun.”

  “What do you do normally?” I peered over the center console. Where my nerves were rattled, Mack didn’t seem to be breathing heavier at all. Or sweating. Or showing any sign of anxiety. “You know, for work?”

  “Stunt driver,” he said. “For movies.”

  I narrowed my eyes. “Is that the truth?”

  He shrugged. “If you want it to be.”

  “You’re really exasperating,” I said. “I appreciate you getting us away from the bad guys and all, but cripes. Not a single straight answer. I think that’s a record.”

  “Let’s call a truce and focus for a second. Do you have any enemies?” Mack asked. “Enemies that might be chasing us?”

  “Who, me?” I pointed a thumb at my chest. “Enemies, hmm. Let me think for a minute.”

  “You’ve gotta add more filters around that question,” Meg said. “Enemies line up to take swings at Lacey. Or if not her, the Luzzi family.”

  “Any of them feel strongly enough to follow you out here?” Mack glanced in the rearview mirror. “Whoever’s behind us is skilled enough to keep up with my basic getaway maneuvers, so they’re not complete newbies. I’m going to step it up. Prepare for Level Two.”

  “What does Level Two entail?” I gulped in air, my stomach knotting at the thought.

  “Don’t answer my question with another,” Mack said. “Think. Is there anyone with enough motivation to fly across the country after you?”

  “Even I didn’t know I’d be flying across the country until a few hours ago. The jet picked us up thirty minutes later and we were off. We only just landed an hour ago.” I bit my lip. “Even if someone was after me from Minnesota, they couldn’t have gotten out here this quickly. They would’ve had to catch a flight, buy tickets – all things that would’ve taken time.”

  “Are you suggesting they were already out here, waiting for you?” Mack asked.

  “I don’t know!” House upon house decorated with Christmas lights flew past, the ambiance strangely off-putting due to the lack of snow. “I’ve never been out here. If we were in Chicago, I could understand how that might happen because the Luzzis work closely with their people, but not out here.”

  “Well, we ain’t in Chicago,” Meg said. “This here is Hollywood. Is that Ryan Reynolds? That tush looks like it might belong to Ryan Reynolds.”

  “Meg, duck,” I said. “Getting shot is not worth a glimpse at a celebrity’s rear end.”

  “Depends whose we’re talkin’ about,” Meg said. “Give me a few minutes alone with one or two high up on my list, and I just might be okay accepting death as a payment.”

  I shook my head. “Although, Meg’s right about the Los Angeles part. As far as I know, we…er, our company hasn’t dealt with anyone on the West Coast.”

  “Well then, we have a mystery on our hands, don’t we?” Mack licked his lips, easing the car into a higher and higher gear until the Christmas lights became a blur of sparkles. “They’re not falling off at Level Two. We all know what that means…”

  “We do?” My question came out squeaky. “What does Level Three entail?”

  “These men are professionals in the car, and I respect that.” Mack burst onto Third Street, a main drag, judging by the amount of foot traffic from pedestrians on the sidewalks. We cruised by a building hosting a movie theater, a Whole Foods, and a Kmart, all in one. “Which means that we have to beat them in a different way.”

  “This place looks very populated,” I said. “I don’t like involving civilians in our issues.”

  “They’ll chase me all night if we keep going at this rate and, while I wouldn’t mind taking you on a high-speed tour of The Hills, I don’t think you all would get much rest.” Mack glanced in the cramped backseat. “That would mean Miss Lizabeth wouldn’t be happy with me, because I wasn’t being a good host to her guests. Since this job is a favor to her, I’m making the executive decision to take us to Level Three.”

  “Do we get a warning of what’s about to happen?” I asked.

  “If you’d like one.”

  “Yes, please.”

  “All right. Here we go. On three, everyone’s going to get out of the car.”

  “At this speed?” My voice rose several octaves. “We’ll all die.”

  “I’m going to stop the vehicle first.”

  “Oh.” I said. “I like that plan much better.”

  “But when we get out of the car, everyone must walk away as nonchalantly as possible. Got it?” Mack eyed each one of us before continuing. “Don’t look at the car, pretend it’s not yours, don’t look at each other. We’ll blend into the crowd. But stay near enough to keep in contact. If you get lost, meet at the large clock in the center of The Grove.”

  “The Grove?” Meg piped up. “That’s sweet, I’ve seen it on television. Maybe I’ll see Mario Lopez. I wanna ask how he gets his eyebrows to look like that.”

  “No wandering off, Meg,” I said. “There’s people after us.”

  “Spoilsport.”

  “What about Tupac?” I asked. “We can’t carry him, he hates us all.”

  “Don’t you have a leash for the thing?” Mack asked.

  “It’s a he, not a thing,” I said. “And who puts a cat on a leash?”

  “I don’t know, I’ve never had one.” Mack said. “Figure it out fast, because I’m starting the countdown. One…”

  “Meg, do something,” I said. “You’re the only one who can touch Tupac the Cat without him bolting into a hiding spot for years.”

  “Two…”

  “I’m working on it,” Meg growled amidst a cacophony of crashing sounds. “Give me a minute.”

  “We don’t have a minute, he’s almost on the magic number for counting,” I said, my voice cracking with desperation. “Speaking of…Mack, what are we going to do? How are we going to get away? They have guns. If we get rid of our car…” I paused, my breaths veering into hyperventilation mode. “What if we get separated? Oh no, is this how it’s all going to end?”

  Mack looked at me, cranking the speed up to high. The F-type careened behind us as we raced towards a crowded parking lot. “Do you trust me?”

  “What?” I gasped. “You’re starting this now?”

  Mack reached out a hand, which was as firm and course as it looked. He grasped my chin between his fingers, forcing me to look at him with a not-all-that-gentle touch. “Do you trust me?”

  “Yes,” I managed.

  “Three.”

  Mack moved his foot from the gas to the brake, stopping us so rapidly we careened into the red spindly bar blocking the parking entrance, and with a crunch, the entire thing snapped right off the toll booth. I held on for dear life, my head wobbling back and forth, Meg and Clay letting out grunts and cries from the background, though it was impossible to decipher whose were whose.

  “Mack,” I yelled. “Mack!”

  He ignored me, deftly turning the wheel left and right until he flipped the emergency brake. “Everyone out. Walk away and blend. I’ll meet you at the clock tower.”

  I had no choice but to do as he said. My body froze, my arms and legs mechanically pulling open the battered door, then yanking the back door open in a daze. Meg flopped out, carrying a blanket as if it were her baby.
Except that this baby spoke in meows.

  “I’ll see you,” Meg whispered, pretending to shush her mewing baby. She disappeared into the crowds.

  Clay took a bit more coaxing, his face as white as the snow we’d left behind, a scratch on his cheek.

  “I’m retiring after this, Lacey,” he hissed in my ear. “You hear me? I’m done. Moving to an island away from…from this. From you.”

  He stomped off, also vanishing into the mass of people now gathering around the car. Taking a deep breath, I made eye contact with Mack, who gave a knowing nod before turning his back on me and walking away.

  I huddled deeper into my sweatshirt – thankful the freezing Minnesota weather had prepared me with an easy method of hiding. Wrap up with a scarf, pull up my hood – I was a walking disguise.

  Taking a few steps back, people nodded and pointed in my direction, but as I pushed through the crowd, fewer and fewer people were interested in me. By the time I reached the candy store at the end of the block, nobody gave me a second look whatsoever.

  I paused, looking back at the scene of the crime. Despite the wreckage and destruction in our wake, not a single person appeared hurt, which was a huge relief. Somehow, despite all of his frustrating non-answers, I’d begun to trust Mack, though I couldn’t explain why. Maybe I trusted Lizabeth enough to let my trust carry over to her contacts. Regardless, I hoped my trust was well placed, because we weren’t out of hot water, yet.

  In fact, the appearance of a man dressed similarly to myself – black jacket, and black scarf pulled over his mouth – set off alarm bells in my head. I didn’t recognize him, but something told me he didn’t belong – the way he ignored the scene of the crime, refrained from whispering and pointing, scanned the crowd religiously. Whatever it was, I didn’t like him being near me.

  I ducked into the candy store, hiding behind the rows and rows of jelly bean containers, watching as he scanned the crowd. As he turned in my direction, I busied myself scooping an oversized bag of self-serve candy.

  It was for the job, I told myself. All these calories, boy was I taking one for the team. Maybe Carlos would let me expense it.

  When the man’s hand slid down, I realized he was reaching for a gun. My heart rate picking up to an incredible speed, I grabbed a box of cereal and hid my face behind it. I peeked out from the corner of the package, waiting, holding my breath as the man shook his head, muttered something into a band on his wrist, and disappeared.

  Who was after us? A shiver rocked my spine, causing goosebumps to cover my flesh. I shouldn’t have taken the job without Anthony being here. He’d know what to do. He’d get us out of this.

  I sighed, glancing down at the box in my hand, staring at the name. Only the Marshmallows? With a soft squeal of glee, I couldn’t believe my luck. Even in this mess of an evening, even after being chased and shot at and careening through a crowd of people, I’d found the Holy Grail. The thing I’d been searching for my entire life.

  A box of Lucky Charms, with only the marshmallows. If I didn’t believe in fate before, I most certainly did now.

  CHAPTER 8

  “Really? Now’s the best time to indulge your sweet tooth?” Clay threw his hands up. “Next you’re going to tell me you organized this whole job with Lizabeth just so you could get your sugar fix.”

  I held up my bag of sugary goodies. “No, that’s false. I told you. Someone was following me, so I hid behind the box of cereal.”

  “And then you needed to buy it?” Clay nodded towards my other hand. “And you needed all those jelly beans. And that licorice rope. And whatever else you’ve got tucked in places I can’t see.”

  “What do you got tucked in places I can’t see?” Meg asked. “Anything good?”

  I glared at Clay, holding up the box of marshmallows. “It’s part of my disguise. Without it, the guy would’ve seen me hiding in there and come after me. You should be grateful to these Lucky Charms.”

  “Not to mention, they’re all marshmallows,” Meg said. “Did you know I went by the name of Marshmallow at the karaoke bar up at the cabin?”

  “She’s got a point.” I shrugged. “If a box of cereal I’ve been searching for my entire life falls into my hands, do you expect me to just let it go?” I shook my head. “I have to take advantage of the opportunities presented to me. And that includes this one.”

  “Are we done discussing Lacey’s sugar addiction? Because to my knowledge, men are still out there with guns, searching for you.” Mack considered my purchases. “Where do you put all that?”

  “Put it?” I frowned. “I suppose I’ll need a new suitcase, since my last one is in the vehicle we’re abandoning.”

  “No, chickie, he means on your body.” Meg rolled her eyes. “She’s an anomaly. Feasts on sugar, and it just goes straight into her bloodstream and comes out as energy. Annoying, right?”

  “I was going to say impressive,” Mack said. “My dental bills would put me in debt if I ate like that.”

  “Never had a cavity.” I smiled proudly. “Now, what’s the plan of action, seeing how your perfect driving machine is not available to us at the moment?”

  “This is where the Level Three part of the plan comes in.” Mack pulled a second set of keys out of his pocket. “Follow me.”

  Our somewhat bedraggled group followed the completely unruffled Mack as he wound his way through the touristy outdoor mall. Rows upon rows of lights decorated the walkway above our heads, while ornaments, Christmas trees, and candy canes lined the storefronts. The Grove’s neon sign in huge block letters cast a glow bright enough to illuminate the entire shopping center.

  Restaurants peppered the spaces between retail stores, each of them bustling with cheesy Italian music and servers dressed for a black tie event. A fountain in the middle of the mall danced to a Christmas song in an endless loop, the sprigs of water causing a light mist to float into the cool night air.

  “Look at that,” Meg said. “What posers.”

  I followed her gaze a spot of land just above the fountain, where a ginormous, life-sized snow globe contained a fake ice rink on the inside. Dry snowflakes made of some substance that wasn’t water filtered down, though the sixty-something degree weather disproved any illusion that the snow might be real.

  “I never thought I’d say that I miss a Minnesota winter,” I said. “But I have to admit, it doesn’t feel like Christmas without the threat of frostbite.”

  “Or scraping off your car windows,” Clay said.

  “Or two a.m. sledding,” Meg added. “Or snowball fights that send kids to the emergency room.”

  I frowned at Meg for the last one, though she brought up a good point about the two a.m. sledding – another one of our traditions that dated back years and years. There was something about the middle of the night, in the quiet lull of human life under the clear glow of the moon, that made everything more magical.

  “Here we are.” Mack stopped at the front of the shopping center, just before the main cluster of buildings. Here, the valets had parked several of the fanciest cars in the mall on clear display for the shopping patrons to admire.

  A Lamborghini sat first in line, followed closely by a brand so expensive I didn’t know the name. But it had doors that reminded me of Batman. I turned away from Meg for one second to find Mack, and by the time I turned back, she had her hand on the door to the Lambo.

  “Meg, get away from there,” I said. “Wait here.”

  With a frown, she cradled her “baby” closer and pulled her hand away, whispering the entire time to Tupac the Cat about how I was being a meanie. I resisted an eye roll, turning to watch Mack work his tricks.

  “Here you are, sir.” Mack handed over a ticket to a Latino man in a valet suit.

  The valet’s eyes widened as he glanced at the ticket. “No.”

  “Si.” Mack muttered another soft Spanish phrase, then pulled out his wallet and handed over a hundred dollar bill. “Rápido, por favor.”

  “Yes.” The sma
ll man took off, his legs moving so quickly I worried he might trip and fall.

  “Are you going to explain your plans?” I sidled up to Mack.

  “Nope.”

  “Dang. I figured as much.” I crossed my arms, not because I was cold, but because I didn’t really know what else to do with them. “Thanks again for helping us out with this whole…thing. I’m sorry you got wrapped up in our business.”

  “Why are you apologizing?”

  “Because the guys were after us, and you were just supposed to drive us from one place to another, and…” I gestured to Meg and Clay, who were coddling Tupac like a newborn, “this happened.”

  Mack met my gaze. “What makes you think I didn’t know what I was getting into?”

  “How could you have? Everything was so last minute.”

  “Maybe.”

  I furrowed my brow. “It wasn’t?”

  “I’m just saying, there are multiple options. I’m prepared, aren’t I?” Mack smiled. “Have I complained?”

  “No, and that’s what makes me suspicious.”

  Mack laughed. “I like you guys. All of you.”

  His smile seemed so genuine, I couldn’t help but offer one of my own. “Yeah, I suppose you’re not so bad yourself.”

  “It’s hard to meet genuine people out here,” Mack said. “Believe it or not.”

  “Oh I believe it.” I glanced around at the fake flowers, the fake trees, even the fake snow. “Lots of glitter and glamour, not a lot of normal.”

  “I didn’t say you were normal.”

  I swallowed. I certainly didn’t want to lead Mack on if he was flirting. But at the same time, he hadn’t really flirted. In fact, he hadn’t once sized me up with anything other than curiosity in his eyes. Maybe we could be friends.

  “This is awkward for me to say,” I started. “But I wouldn’t feel right not making it clear from the start—”

  “I know about Anthony,” Mack said. “And I hate to be awkward about it as well – you seem like a nice girl and all – but I’m really not looking. I’m okay being friends if you’re okay being friends. I owe Lizabeth a huge favor, and I’ll help you during your stay here, if you’d like. If you don’t want to be friends, we can stick to business only. But I promise you, I’m not looking as much as you’re not.”