Choices

by Annie Brewer

“Are you okay?” He asks, as if sensing my emotions. It’s hard to answer so I just nod. The bottom of my feel start to throb but I do my best to ignore the pain and enjoy the moment. I see Meg and Mason make their way out to the dance floor as well, they move a little closer to us. I have to say, I’ve never seen this side of Mason but he’s a pretty good dancer. He looks slick in his black slacks and dress shirt.

  “Hey.” Carter brings me back to our special moment. I smile to assure him everything is okay. I snuggle close to Carter’s chest breathing in his scent-soap and cologne mixed together. We slowly sway to some country song. I don’t even like country music. So I tune it out and hum to a Nickelback song-a personal favorite, Never Gonna Be Alone. It’s kind of ironic, since once this little gem of mine enters the world; I’ll never be alone again. Even if it’s just Kylie and me.

  I pull back. Carter smiles down at me. His hand comes up and traces my jawline. I shiver at his soft touch.

  “What are you thinking about?”

  “I’m curious, if you were to pick a song for me which one would you chose? Any song that reminds you of me.” He lets out a breath and holds me tighter, squinting his eyes in wonderment.

  “Just The Way You Are by Bruno Mars. I heard that song on the way home from dropping you off your first day of work and even then it made me think of you.” I feel shy but hearing him say that warms my heart. I smile and squeeze his neck affectionately, then run my hand through his thick hair, making him squirm.

  “Your turn.” I lick my lips together.

  “Because You Love Me by Celine Dion. I am everything I am because you love me. You gave me wings and made me fly. You stood by me through everything and gave me faith, making me see the light when I saw darkness.” I feel his fingers graze my back and I close my eyes leaning into his amazing touch.

  “Hey, when are we going to this party? I’m afraid if we stay here much longer, you’re gonna get it on, on the dance floor.” Meg interrupts the moment and I peak at her from one open eye.

  “Soon. Do you want to leave now?”

  “No, I just want to ride in the limo.” She answers honestly.

  “Come on baby; let’s give them a little extra time.” Mason ushers her away from us and winks at me. I’m grateful for the diversion, at least for a little while longer.

  I turn back to Carter, who is grinning at me. “What?”

  “I got us a hotel for the night.” I raise my eyebrows.

  “You didn’t.” He shakes his head and smirks. “I did. Your parents think you’re going to be at Meg’s for the night. Meg knows to cover for you.” Always thinking ahead is one of Carter’s strong points.

  “I love you, you know that? You’re so selfless.”

  “Don’t paint me a saint Gracie. I have a lot of making up to do for the shit I’ve caused. But I’m trying.”

  “I see that. You’re amazing and as long as you try, nothing else matters.” One side of his mouth is turned up in a smile.

  “I wish Nick thought so. He’ll probably never forgive me.” I hear the emotion in his voice as he talks about him. I hate that they didn’t get along but it seems to be one sided.

  “He’ll come around one day. He’s not any better.”

  “Well, let’s not talk about that now and enjoy our moment.” He kisses my forehead.

  “Okay, let’s talk about something else.” I pretend to look lost in thought but it’s a ploy. I smile wide. “Let’s talk about how my answer is yes.” He looks confused, tilting his head to the side.

  “And the question was?”

  “What you asked me in the limo, before we got here. My answer is yes.” He still gives a confused expression and I stop moving, studying him. “You don’t remember our conversation?” I ask in disbelief. He gazes upward in thought for a minute, then meets my eyes.

  “I remember every conversation, Gracie.” He says seriously as he runs his thumb over my cheek.

  “Well, then…” Before I can finish his lips are on mine fervently and I return his kiss as our mouths move together in a slow rhythm. I wrap my arms around his neck tightly. He grasps my face between both of his warm hands, then pulls back to look at me.

  “You don’t know how happy you just made me, Gracie. I love you. I fucking love you!”

  “Yes I do because it’s the same feeling you give me. I love you so much Carter and I want to move in with you and see you every day and wake up next to you every morning.” I’m full of giddiness at the prospect of taking our relationship further. I couldn’t imagine a better feeling than having his arms around me each night as I fall asleep. But what this meant for our future, I didn’t know. Right now, that wasn’t important. All that mattered was right now. We’d figure it out somehow as long as we were together. He kisses me again then takes my hand.

  “Let’s go find Mason and Meg and get the hell out of here. I’m ready to go have some fun before sweeping you off your feet tonight.” But I can’t move.

  “Uh, I’d hate to ruin your plans, but someone else has something else in mind.” I look down to see clear liquid that resembles water, all over the floor. He steps back with wide eyes.

  “Oh my God, it’s time? She’s coming? Is that?”

  I shake my head, noticing a gathering of stunned students whispering to each other. “Yeah, my water just broke. Oh shit, I feel like I just pissed myself.” Then cramps shut me up and I hunch over. Carter is dialing a number.

  “Come on, let’s get you to the limo. We’ll have him take us to the hospital. You still have a little time before anything happens. Just keep breathing.” I am grateful that he’s been around pregnant girls and knows how to handle the situation because I am panicking.

  “Gracie!” I hear Meg shouting from across the dance floor, panic in her eyes when she sees Carter ushering me out.

  “She’s in labor Meg. I’m taking her to the hospital.” She is at my side in an instant.

  “Oh my God, how are you feeling Gracie?” The truth is I had been having stomach pains for a little while, but I thought it was just that. I had no idea it was labor pains I was experiencing. But, I was determined to enjoy tonight with Carter and my friends so I ignored the pain.

  “I’m sorry we can’t go to the party Meg. But you should go, have fun with Mason. You deserve it.” I tell her in between breaths. The pain was intensifying. I wish I had taken the Lamaze classes so I’d be better prepared. Meg follows us out to the limo.

  “I’m coming with you.” She says in earnest. I turn to look at her seriously.

  “You’ve done so much for me, Meg. You need to have fun. I will be fine. You can come later if you want. This is your last night of enjoyment, go enjoy it.” She shakes her head, firmly. She’s so stubborn.

  “Nope, I’m coming. I’ve gone this far with you. I want to be there the whole way.” She insists and looks at Mason who is now at our side. “Could you drive to the hospital while I ride in the limo with them?” Mason is about to protest when he sees me nodding in agreement.

  “Okay, I’ll meet you guys there.” Mason takes off to his car. At that point my pains become worse and I grab my belly and close my eyes.

  “Breathe baby. Breathe.” I hear Carter’s soothing voice and I obey. He holds my hand and I squeeze it. The cramp finally lessens and I let go of his hand, hoping I didn’t break his fingers.

  “I’m sorry for ruining your plans tonight.” I say hoarsely. Carter smiles and shakes his head. We get in the limo.

  “Umm, we have more important things to worry about. How are you feeling? You’re gonna be a mommy soon. Well, in a day give or take.” I glance at him out of the corner of my eye, then another cramp comes and I hunch over trying to breathe.

  “If I have to go through this shit for a day, I’m gonna lose it.”

  Carter rubs my back. “Breathe sweetie, breathe.” I didn’t take the classes but I watched a lot of episodes of Labor & Delivery to try and prepare myself for this moment. I think it only scared me more than anything else. I reme
mber one episode of a woman that lost her baby during delivery. I don’t remember exactly the cause of it because I was a little scared and shut it off quickly. I kept thinking, what if something goes wrong? What if Kylie is born dead? So many scary thoughts ran through my head and I couldn’t breathe. I saw a few episodes before that where everything went well and the baby was healthy and beautiful. I try to focus on that thought as another contraction hits me. Meg grabs my hand squeezing, but I squeeze her hand firmly. She sucks in a breath feeling my pain in her wrist.

  “Oh my God, this is painful.” I choke out, tears staining my cheeks.

  “You’re telling me.” Meg says, shaking the numbness in her hand once I let go.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “Hang on babe, we’ll be there soon. Can we please move a little faster Mitch? Unless you want my girlfriend to have her baby in your nice ride.” Mitch looks in my direction and shakes his head, then he steps on the gas. I’m jolted slightly from the unexpected jerk of the limo.

  “What if something is wrong? I mean, I’m early. Is that normal for a first time mother? What if something happens to Kylie or they can’t get her out the right way. I didn’t prepare for this part.” I become frantic, spewing scenarios left and right all the while crying as I try to calm my nerves. Stay calm, Gracie. Don’t upset the baby, my subconscious tells me.

  “Look, it’s not normal for women to go into labor early, but it’s not abnormal either. It’s like mid-mal. Ya know, like in the middle? I’ve heard of some deliver early and then some deliver past their due date. Every woman is different. Every pregnancy, different.”

  “I’m so glad you are schooled at this, Carter. I’d be panicking too.” Meg says, surprised by his knowledge.

  “Cassie, my sister had kids young. I know a little here and a little there. I’m no expert though.” He looks at me, seriously. “Quit putting negative thoughts in your head. She’s going to be fine. The more you panic, the more stress you put her through.” I nod in understanding.

  We arrive to the hospital and Mason greets us as we get out. He’s got a wheelchair ready for me and helps me into it. “Thank you Mason. You’re the best. After Carter of course.” I catch a wink from Carter as he hands the limo driver money.

  “Thanks man. I appreciate the ride. Hope we weren’t too annoying.” Mitch smiles at me and bids us good luck and farewell.

  “How are you feeling?” Mason stays by my side as Carter wheels me inside.

  “Like I want to test that theory that Chandler in Friends brings up. You know, whether child labor or getting kicked in the balls hurts worse.” I say.

  “In other words, she’s hurting like a Son of a bitch and I know because my wrist still fucking hurts like a bitch from her squeezing it.” I look at Meg, apologetically.

  “I’m really sorry Meg. I didn’t mean to break your fingers.” She waves me off, but I can tell she’s gonna have a bruise. “I never did tell you tonight Mason, but you look great!”

  “You think so? Well, you look pretty hot yourself Miss Gracie Mae.

  “Ha! I’m sweating and my makeup is probably running down my face and my hair is a wreaking havoc mess. I doubt hot is the right word. Maybe hot mess will suffice.” I start to breathe as another cramp, contraction-whatever comes on.

  “Gracie Jordan is here, in labor.” I hear Carter tell the nurse.

  “Thank you guys for being here. You mean the world to me.” I say to Mason and Meg.

  “Oh, I wouldn’t miss this for the world. And I got to ride in the limo after all.” She gave me a smirk. I laugh at her but stop.

  “Okay, who is coming with you?” The nurse asks. “Your doctor will be here shortly.”

  “We’ll call your parents. You go. If you need me, I’ll be close by.” Meg pulls Mason away but not before she kisses the top of my head and wishes me luck. I smile at her.

  “Okay, Gracie you’re early hon. You feeling okay? You guys are all dressed up, were you out somewhere?” My doctor approaches us and I suddenly feel overwhelmed, scared.

  “Yeah, we were at my prom actually. Is this a bad sign that she’s early? I’m kind of worried about it myself.”

  She shakes her head and pats my shoulder, sympathetically. “No, you should be okay. Some mothers do deliver early. It’s not common, at least among first time mothers, but it happens. As long as there was no bleeding involved or anything like that. So, your water broke at your prom?”

  “Yeah, perfect timing huh?” She laughed.

  “It will make for an interesting story, that’s for sure.” The doctor smiles. “Okay, so I’m assuming you want in the room with her?” She asks Carter and he nods in confirmation.

  “Affirmative.” We begin through a set of double doors.

  “I’d like my mom there too when she gets here.” I moan in pain, breathing in and out. “Carter, it fucking hurts.” I shout, my breathing ragged.

  “Hey, just breathe baby. Think happy thoughts and breathe. Okay, I’ll do it with you. Ready?” I nod my head as begin breathing together. It amazes me how much he knows this stuff. I smile in-between breaths.

  We come to an empty room, and Carter eases me on the bed. It’s soft on my back but at this point nothing is comfortable.

  “Okay, take your clothes off and put this gown on.” The doctor tosses me a hideous hospital gown and I scowl, crinkling my nose. She leaves the room briefly, leaving Carter and me alone. Suddenly I feel shy.

  “Do you want me to leave so you can change?” I contemplate saying yes but I shake my head no instead.

  “No, you can stay. And maybe help me.” He swallows, a small smile playing on his lips as he comet to stand by my side, taking the gown from my grasp. There is a slight shift in the air and it’s pretty palpable to the both of us.

  “You look beautiful Gracie.” Caught off guard, I snap my attention to his face.

  “Can I see a mirror?” Then I think better of it. “Nevermind, I’ll probably scare myself.” Carter laughs as he helps me out my clothes. His hands brush my bare back and I shiver. I pull him around to face me and kiss him-before another contraction comes back. He pulls back, studying me. “Are you ready for this?” He asks, taking my hand.

  “I don’t know what you mean. Okay, yes I do. But I don’t have a choice; she’s ready to come now. I am nervous as hell. But I am ready to move in with you. I know that.” I grab the back of his neck and pull him closer, kissing him again. “And I’m ready to be intimate with you. Not pregnant sex.” He smiles, thoughtfully. I love his smile.

  “I have to agree with you there.”

  “Where does this leave us?” I ask.

  “What do you mean?” He looks confused.

  “I mean when she comes, where do you fit in?” I have another contraction and start breathing before he answers. He rubs my back, soothing me until it subsides.

  “We’ll talk about that later Gracie. Don’t worry about any of that right now. I’m not going anywhere, just know that okay?” The doctor comes back into the room.

  “Am I able to get an epidural?” I get set up with an IV.

  “I need to check your cervix and see how far you’re dilated first.” I grunt in frustration and in pain. Just give me the damn thing, I want to say.

  “I’ll get you some ice chips.” Carter leaves the room. It’s quiet and disconcerting, making me wish my mom was here with me. Carter comes back a few minutes later with a cup of ice and starts feeding me. I lay my head back against the pillows. I’m suddenly feeling relaxed. Carter smoothes my hairs from my face, our eyes lock. His finger grazes my cheek. A little smile touches his lips. My eyes start to get droopy, ruining the moment between us.

  “Hey.” I hear Carter whisper into the silence.

  “Hmm.” My feet feel cold, hanging off the bed. He notices my toes peeking out of the blanket and covers them.

  “Do you need anything?” He asks when he’s at my side again. I feel him finger gliding up my arm and I refrain from squirming.

 
“I need sleep.”

  The last thing I hear him say is, “Okay I’ll be right here when you wake up.” My eyes start to close, then open for a fraction of a second until I’m out.

  I’m not sure how long I’ve been asleep but I suddenly wake up from the pain. I wince and grab my side. Drugs! I need more drugs! “Carter!” I shout and he’s at my side in an instant.

  “Are you okay?” I shake my head no as he rubs my back. God, these contractions are cramps on unbearable. How do so many women deal with this? Of course there is the fact that they get an epidural. Unlike my stupid ass who decides I can do without. I close my eyes and will the pain to go away. Tears run down my face and sweat beads my skin. I thrust the covers off my body and momentarily feel sickened by the smell that is my body odor. I need a shower.

  “When am I supposed to go?”

  “Not until you’re closer to ten centimeters.” He replies. I look up at him and ask, “And how many am I dilated?”

  “Five.” He says nervously. Five…five fucking centimeters. I shake my head, breath out a sigh of frustration. How long is this supposed to take?

  Chapter 44

  Ten hours and a lot of pain later, I’m finally being prepped for delivery. I’ve been miserable, so much pain and downright cranky. Who knew this could take so long?

  Carter hasn’t left my side and he hasn’t complained about rubbing my back or feeding me ice chips. He’s been amazing through everything. I’ve had visitors here and there but they mostly stayed out of my way, which is a good move. Pregnancy, especially during the last moments before delivery are pretty rough. “Have you had any sleep?” I ask as Carter lightly caresses my cheek, grinning at me.

  “No, I’m fine. I’ll sleep later.” I want to protest and demand he sleep but I’d be lying if I said that’s what I really wanted. I’m being selfish and want him by my side. He looks beyond exhausted, dark shadows under his beautiful eyes, I feel like shit. “Hey, I’m fine. Chin up sweet girl.” He lifts my chin up with his finger. Another contraction hits me and I hunch forward, breathing through the intense pain. What is taking so long?