by Erin Trejo
Restlessness eats away at me long into the night after Blade falls asleep. I watch the numbers on the clock as they tick by one by one. I know I can’t stay here forever but where can I go? Maybe just until I get enough money to find a place of my own and figure out what to do with my life and the one growing inside of me. I could avoid Blade. I could work extra hours and come in late - hell I could even sleep on the couch out in the main room if it meant not having to be this close to him. As he pulls me in closer, I shift a little, trying to get out from under his grasp.
“Mine,” he mumbles in his sleep, his grasp not relenting.
Resigned, I sigh and let him hold me if only for tonight. It’ll be the last night, I can assure you of that. I’m not his, and after what I heard happening in that office, I most certainly don’t want to be. The thought alone hurts but I know deep down that this would never work. I don’t know him at all, if we’re being truthful. Hell I don’t even know myself most days.
Chapter 13
Blade
I watched Lola sleep this morning before I had to go to work. She’s avoided me the last few days. I don’t know what the hell is happening in that pretty little head of hers, and frankly I want to know. It’s driving me insane that she isn’t talking to me. I take down my fourth glass of whiskey, trying to drown out the hatred that keeps repeating in my head. The one telling me I’m not good enough to keep her and that this shit was only temporary.
“You gonna be drunk as fuck goin’ to talk with Akeno,” Neo says, sitting on the step next to me. We finished up our job today and I can’t thank fuck enough for that. Our next one starts in a few weeks, leaving us with some down time in between.
“Who fuckin’ cares? I can still handle my shit and I ain’t fuckin’ drunk,” I snap back at him, grabbing the bottle and filling my glass once more.
“You sure as shit look it, Prez,” Rebel adds pissing me off further.
“Why don’t you motherfuckers mind your own business, yeah? I remember bein’ well over twenty-one so I can drink what the fuck I want when I want!” Snapping at them, I down my drink before tossing the glass into the bush next to me. Grabbing the bottle, I figure it’d be best like this – more direct and less time wasted on the pouring bullshit. That is until someone grabs it out of my hand. Rebel’s eyes pin me in place as he stares me down.
“We’re all walkin’ on eggshells with you, Blade. Talk, motherfucker!” he roars, drawing attention from the people next door. Neo flips them off before turning back to look at me.
“Fuck. I don’t even know man. Lola has been blowin’ me off for the last few days. I don’t know what the fuck is goin’ on. I try to talk to her, she turns away. I wait up for her to get back from work, and she always says she’s tired,” I say with a shake of my head. I blow out a breath and wonder what I did to make her mad. How I managed to piss her off.
“She was cryin’ a few nights ago. Ran into me in the hallway. She didn’t say what was goin’ on though,” Neo says as I jerk my head up to look at him.
“She wasn’t hurt, was she? If someone at that fuckin’ club hurt her, I will kill them all!”
“She didn’t look hurt, Blade, just upset.” He shrugs as I run my hand through my hair. The rough sides are strange for me but I had Neo shave that shit off. I needed a change. I needed it to fill the hole where Lola used to be. My stomach cramps at the thought of her leaving me, but maybe that’s what she’s trying to do; push me away so that it’s easier for her to go. I knew she had a life outside of me but I suppose I didn’t want to admit to that. Granted we really didn’t know each other well or that long, but something in her connected with me. And all I know is that I wanted more. The thought that she doesn’t want to be with kind of sets my nerves on edge.
“You didn’t claim her, Blade,” Rebel reminds me. Heat courses through me and my blood boils.
“Did I fuckin’ ask you? I’m about sick of you chimin’ the fuck in all the time, Rebel!” He shakes his head and smirks at me. I’m about to stand and go after him when Neo puts his hand on my shoulder trying to calm me.
“Look, I get why you’re mad, Blade, but if she doesn’t want to talk about it what can you do? You can’t force her to say what the problem is.”
Neo’s words ring true in my head. I know she isn’t mine to keep and I guess that’s just something I have to fucking deal with…whether I want to or not. But I don’t have to fucking like it.
“Let’s go meet up with Akeno. I’m over all this shit anyway,” I mumble and shove myself up off the steps. I ignore the rest of them and walk toward my bike ready to get this shit handled. My head’s a mess and I want nothing more than to take my anger out on someone. Who better than the asshole that has information I need?
“You sure you wanna ride like that?”
I swear to God if Rebel says one more thing to me, I will run his ass off the road. I ignore his fucking comments, grab my helmet, and climb on my bike. Revving the engine, I glare at him over my shoulder, daring him to say something else - anything else to give me a reason to kick his ass. When no one says another word, I pull out onto the road and head toward our destination.
There are very few things in this life that I actually give a shit about. My club and my brothers being the main ones, but Lola is quickly taking up the second place and that is fucking with my head. I’ve never had a woman like her, one who I could see myself with in the long run. I fucked, yeah, but none of those girls meant shit to me. I don’t know if it’s because I’m the one who found her or that she looks at me like a savior, but I love the feeling I have with her. She makes me feel calm and controlled, although when it comes to her body, I can’t seem to get a handle on myself. She drives me insane and the thought of some other guy putting his hands anywhere near her piss me off.
With all the thoughts running wild inside of my head I almost missed our turn. I take the left and pull up in front of the house that Akeno lives in. Killing the engine, I climb off and strut toward the door not bothering to wait on the others. I don’t knock either, instead I kick the door open, pull my trusty SOG out and head inside.
“Take a seat!” I roar when I see the woman I assume to be his wife standing in shock in the living room. I wave my blade through the air when she looks like she wants to scream.
“Fuck man! You could have waited!” Ransom roars as he steps up behind me. The woman drops to the couch, sitting still with her mouth gapping open.
“Where is Akeno?” I ask her knowing damn well that she speaks English. She shakes her head and tries to pretend that she doesn’t understand me when I reach for her. Holding her by the throat, I spin her so her body is pressed against mine, her back to my front. I bring the blade up to her neck slowly sliding my hand down until I hold her around the waist instead.
“I’ll ask you one more time. Where is he?” She shakes in my arms but she doesn’t try to fight me, she doesn’t speak either and that pisses me off further. Pressing the tip of the knife into her flesh, she screams. I love that sound. The sound of fear.
“Akia!” I hear a man scream and I know its him. As soon as he rounds the corner, Rebel, Ransom and Neo pull their guns and aim directly at him.
“How nice of you to join us,” I sneer.
“Let her go. She doesn’t know anything,” he says quickly taking us all in.
“I don’t give a shit what she knows. You’re gonna tell me where my meth is or I’m gonna carve up your pretty wife. Maybe cute off a tit.” The guys chuckle behind me but I’m dead serious.
“I don’t know shit about meth!” Akeno growls watching the knife that now slips a little deeper into his wife. Her cries are annoying as hell and I’d like nothing more than to finish her ass off.
“Tell them, Akeno!” She cries. So, now she speaks English. Stupid bitch.
“I don’t know anything!” he protests. It’s getting a little annoying with the back and forth bullshit.
“He knows,” Neo sounds bored behind us.
�
��Yeah, he does. You know don’t you?” Rebel asks walking a little closer to him. I nod my head as Rebel grabs a hold of him, jerking his pants and briefs to the ground.
“Here,” I say passing the bitch off to Ransom and walking toward her man. I see the fear in his eyes and I love every second of it. Twirling my knife in my fingers I reach for his dick and tug.
“Please! Don’t do this,” he cries louder now. I bring the knife down slicing right through his dick. Blood sprays everywhere and gets on everything. I chuckle as I toss the part that’s in my hand at his hysterical wife.
“Shoot her,” I tell Rebel. He raises his eyebrows as if he’s challenging me. Rage dances behind my eyes. My head throbs, an impending headache coming on. I want to go home. I want to lay in my bed and fuck this whole day but not until I finish what I came here for.
“Are you challengin’ me right now?” I eye him with anger in my gaze.
“I think you’re drunk and not thinkin’ straight, brother,” Rebel replies. I flip my knife in my hand once more before I throw it from across the room. The bitches body slowly falls from Rebel’s grip and drops to the floor. The room is silent. Akeno passed out a minute ago from the loss of blood. I walk over, kick the bitch onto her back and pull my blade free of her chest. Wiping the blood on the sleeve of her shirt, I slip it back into the holster.
“Check the fuckin’ house. Get whatever you can and then get someone to clean this shit up,” I growl as I keep my eyes on Rebel. He doesn’t change his stance. He stands there stoically watching me for any sign that I may go after him next.
“You will be dealt with when we get back. Fight night, motherfucker,” I tell him as I walk past and head outside. Neo comes out behind me slapping a hand on my shoulder.
“You okay?”
“Why the fuck do you assholes keep askin’ me that? I’m fine. If you don’t wanna find your ass in that ring with me next, I’d suggest you watch your ass,” I warn him. Neo gives my shoulder a light squeeze before walking back into the house. I reach in my pocket and pull out a cigarette lighting it up as I walk to my bike. Sliding my helmet on, I sit and let this day sink in. It’s been shit and I can’t say that I’m happy about it. I took my anger out on Akeno and his wife before getting any fucking information from either of them. It was hasty and out of character. My reaction to the shit with Lola is starting to affect the club and I can’t let that happen. I need to see where the hell her head is at and what she’s planning on doing. If she wants to leave, I’ll let her. Hell I’ll even drive her ass where she wants to go but I have got to get that girl out of my head somehow.
Chapter 14
Lola
The club is packed tonight and I’ve been getting amazing tips. Maybe it’s this mini skirt that shows half my ass. I walk back to the bar and lean onto the counter my tits spilling over the top my shirt.
“Can you refill me?” I ask sweetly fluttering my lashes at Ray, the bartender as I tell him what I need. He flashes me a sexy smirk and turns to get the drinks I asked for.
“You have a table asking for you,” Shelly, the other server says with a smile.
“Are they hot?” I ask hollering over the music.
“Oh yeah. Has money to burn too. Table thirteen.” Taking my tray of drinks, I spin on my heel and head back into the crowd. I make my way to drop off the drinks before heading over to the table that requested me. As soon as I step up my heart stops.
“What are you doing here?” I ask my voice shaking. He turns his head, his brown eyes burning holes through me.
“Nice to see you too,” Ryan says a full smile on his face. My heart beats rapidly and my chest tightens. He can’t hurt me here. He can’t, not in front of all these people. I straighten my back and hold my head high as I look at him. I refuse to let him see the fear he instills in me.
“What do you want, Ryan? Don’t make me call security. You will get your ass kicked and thrown out of he-” The words don’t even finish falling from my lips when he stands, his hand around my throat. Flashbacks of what he did to me flicker behind my lids. His warm breath hits my skin and I shudder as he whispers in my ear.
“You forgot how much money I have, didn’t you, Lola? I paid off the fucking security guards, which is exactly why you are going to walk along with me now.”
My insides seize and I can’t move. Ryan jerks me, my tray falling to the floor. In the midst of all the commotion, no one notices me. Just like always, I am invisible. Ryan drags me through the crowd, his hand tight around the back of my neck.
“Stop, please.” I beg him but he doesn’t stop. He keeps moving until I can see the back entrance. He’s going to kill me this time. I can feel it. I came so close last time that I won’t be able to bounce back again. Last time was more than I could already handle; my body can’t handle any more. As he pushes through the back entrance and into the alley, I make the decision to fight. I won’t just accept his pain and punishment like last time. I try to scratch and claw at his hand but Ryan shoves me into the brick of the building knocking the air from my lungs. I double over and gasp for air.
“You are still a pain in my ass. I’ve heard about the little friends you’ve shacked up with. It was amusing at first. I thought you were dead but then you turn up at fucking biker’s clubhouse. Imagine my surprise when it was the same one I stole from,” he speaks as he paces in front of me.
What the hell did he steal from them? Blade will kill him. I have no doubts about that.
“You’re so stupid. Do you know what they will do to you?”
He spins around quickly narrowing his gaze at me. “They know nothing about me. That’s the beauty of it and you won’t tell them a damn thing, now will you?” The hatred in his eyes is all I need to see. He moves toward me quickly, his fist slamming into my stomach over and over. Pain radiates through my body when another blow steals my breath away. I fall to the ground in pain when he pulls me back to my feet. He holds me by the hair, his face inches from mine.
“You were a means to an end. You fucked that up by getting yourself pregnant. I was supposed to be married before I had a kid. You ruined that for me. My father was all but ready to hand over the reins of everything when you opened your pretty little cock sucker. You messed up my life and I hope to God that baby doesn’t still live inside of you. I will find out, Lola.”
“I had a miscarriage!” I yell trying to protect myself and my unborn child. Ryan chuckles like it’s funny before another fist lands in my stomach. I cry harder. I cry for a life that I never knew. I cry for a love that I never had but most of all I cry for the way my life has turned out, the choices I’ve made that got me here. This baby, I want this baby. It doesn’t matter that I thought I wasn’t good enough or that I wasn’t truly sure that I wanted this child, I do now.
“I never hated you, Lola. In fact, I almost loved you. You were everything that I wanted. A nice body, a pretty face. You could take a cock like a porn star. But you were rebellious and I hated that part of you.” I can feel the blood trickling down the inside of my thighs as he keeps talking. “You wouldn’t listen and you became a little too cocky for your own good. You tried to be the man in the relationship and that failed you. We could have had it all or at least I could have.”
My heart aches. For the child that I never got to know and never got the chance to protect. For me and everything that was ripped away from me. Ryan has ruined everything. Every part of me.
“You are worthless and I will make sure I take you down right along with those disgusting bastards you have shacked up with. Every single one of them can thank you for showing up at their clubhouse. Now run along and make sure you don’t say a goddamn word to any of them,” he sneers before shoving me against the building one more time.
I fall to the ground in a puddle of my own tears with my arm wrapped around my stomach. The tears don’t stop and I can’t force myself to even try. Taking a few deep breaths, I shove myself up the wall until I’m standing. Sucking back all the tears and hurt, I s
lowly begin to make my way back to Blade. Back to a man who cheated on me but still cared for me. He’s my safe place regardless of what he did.
Chapter 15
Blade
My fist slams into Rebel’s face, blood splattering all over the half-ass ring we have set up out back. No outsiders can see in and that’s the way we want it. Handling our own in-house issues this way is how it’s been done for years. Rebel disrespected me at Akeno’s place, and for that he has to stand in this ring and face my wrath. He’s gotten a few good punches in but that’s about it. I’m stronger and always have been. His eye swells from the past few hits; I take in all the damage I’ve inflicted as lick the blood from my lip. With an evil grin, I raise my fists and go after him again. I can’t say that this physical release doesn’t feel good either. The guys all cheer as they stand around the ring, enjoying the primitive nature of the beatdown. We even have some of the other clubs we’re good with, out here tonight watching. Details of what happened weren’t shared because that’s our business. They know how we operate. Another jab to Rebel’s jaw and his head snaps back. I relish in the sound it makes when my fist collided with his bone.
“You don’t ever disrespect me!” I growl as Rebel comes back at me. I block the best I can but Rebel moves quickly, a fist hitting me in my stomach. It knocks the air out of me but that doesn’t stop me from moving back in on him. He keeps his guard up until I hear Neo. He’s calling out to me but I am way too into this to listen to his shit right now. I throw another jab when Neo leaps into the ring and straight in between us.
“What the fuck?” I roar, shoving him back a step. He leans in and whispers words I never thought I’d hear again. My heart pounds in my chest as I pull back and look at him, watching him carefully.
“You’re full of shit.”
“No. You need to go in, Prez.”
