by Erin Trejo
Before anyone else can say a word, I leap out of the ring and run toward the back door. Shoving the door open, I run down the hall and stop dead in my tracks when I see her standing there with Jersey’s arm around her. Snake stands behind her, his arms under her armpits. Her face is puffy from tears her lower half covered in blood to match her face. Her eyes find mine and the tears start to flow. I drag my gaze up and down her body as tension slowly collects in my muscles. I shouldn’t care. I shouldn’t give two shits after the way she treated me but I do. She looks like she’s been raped. Whoever fucking touched her is going to die. Slowly and painfully. I will cut the motherfucker piece by piece. I move toward her slowly as her pale face slowly falls. All the strength she had left in her is gone. I reach in and lift her into my arms, shoving Snake away from her. Jersey doesn’t move though, and when I look over at her, tears slide down her cheeks too.
“She’s gonna be fine, Jersey. Call the Doc and get him over here.”
Jersey nods her head and pulls her phone out of her pocket as I head towards the room. Lola wraps her arms around my neck as she cries into my sweat-drenched skin. My knuckles scream from fighting Rebel but nothing compares to the ache in my chest when she cries like this.
“Whoever did this to you, I will kill them. Every one of them. You tell me who it was and I will take care of it.” I kick the door closed behind me and head into the bathroom. I set Lola on the edge of the tub while I turn the shower on. Her body trembles and my shoulders tighten.
“I heard you with her,” she says softly as I reach for her shirt and pull it over her head.
“With who?”
“Shimmer.” Her voice sounds disgusted. I lift her so I can pull her skirt down her body and notice just how much blood she’s lost.
“I was never with Shimmer. Are you hurtin’ anywhere?” I ask her. Lola starts laughing hysterically while shaking her head before pulling out of my grasp.
“I heard you with her! In that fucking office, Blade. Don’t lie to me!” Her laughter quickly fades and her anger seeps in. That makes two of us.
“You heard me and Shimmer in the office when she was stitchin’ up my arm, Lola. What the fuck did you think I was doin’?” I roar as I spin my arm for her to see where the stitches have since been popped apart thanks to my fight with Rebel. Her eyes widen and her fingers come up to trace over the gash.
“Stitches,” she says softly, her face paling even more.
“You thought I fucked her? You really thought I fucked her?” I ask softly keeping my tone even. Something clicks into place right then. “You were jealous.” Her eyes snap to mine and those little rivers that run down her cheeks rip my apart inside.
“I came in from a shitty night and I heard you in there. I thought…”
Shaking my head, I kick my boots off and pull my jeans and socks off before grabbing her around the waist and lifting her into the shower.
“I told you how I felt about you, Lola. I’m not a cheater. Some guys might be but I’m not one of them.”
“I was pregnant,” she spits out quickly taking me by surprise. The water rains down over the two of us as I step back and look at her face.
“Were? What the hell does that mean?”
Lola drops her gaze to the pink tinged water that washes off her body and I gasp.
“I don’t think I am anymore.”
“Was it mine?” Her sad eyes come to meet mine and I know it wasn’t. I can see the look in her gorgeous eyes but damn it what I wouldn’t have done for her to say yes. My heart falls a little in my chest.
“I’ll leave as soon as I get dressed. I’m sorry, Blade.”
“You lied to me. You fuckin’ lied straight to my face! What was all that shit about you couldn’t get pregnant?” I yell louder than I need to, but my mind is trying to catch up to my heart and I can’t seem to stop myself. I’m rocked by disbelief, betrayal, hurt, and anger. What the actual fuck is going on? Granted we hadn’t known each other that long, but I still felt as though we had connected. How had I been so wrong. And I fuckin’ hate liars!
“I couldn’t because I was already pregnant.”
I run my hand through my hair and take another step away from her. She watches me but doesn’t say a word. I feel like I’m drowning in her words. She was pregnant. And it wasn’t mine. And she never said a word.
“I need a drink,” I grumble under my breath.
“I’m sorry. You don’t understand what it was like, Blade!”
“Tell me,” I say truly wanting to know. I need to know.
Lola takes a breath and opens her mouth, swiping at tears that keep falling.
“No one ever wanted me when I was little. My mom never really wanted me. She did what she had to do until I met Ryan. I went to live with him. He made me feel special. He made me feel loved and that’s all I’ve ever wanted! You don’t know what it’s like to have someone hate you all the time and then have someone else show you so much compassion and love. I thought I found my forever, my heart.”
“But you found a fuckin’ monster instead.”
“Not at first. He was good to me, took care of me. He didn’t care that I worked at the club because I wanted to have my own money and he seemed to understand that. When I told him I was pregnant, he lost it. He said I was a whore and that he didn’t want it. When I called him a piece of shit and told him I was keeping it…well you know the rest.”
“And this time? He find you? Send someone after you?”
Chapter 16
Lola
This is so fucking hard. I hate seeing the look in Blade’s eyes as I tell him all of this. It kills me a little more inside.
“I went to work as always and one of the other girls said a table requested me. I went over there and it was him. He dragged me out of the club and kept punching me.” New tears roll down my cheeks as his assault hits me again. Blade doesn’t make a move to come near me; he just stands there watching me.
“I know the goddamn security at that club! It’s the only reason I set you up there!” he roars, scaring the hell out of me.
“He paid them off,” I say softly.
“I’ll fuckin’ kill them all.” Blade pauses and looks me in the eye. “You still lied to me, Lola.”
“You kill people! So what if I kept my pregnancy from you! I had every right to. I figured you would have thrown me out on my ass by now and it wouldn’t matter!” The water begins to turn cold as Blade stands still, his muscular arms hanging at his sides.
“You lied.”
“You drink away your problems,” I tell him in anger.
Blade chuckles and steps out of the shower, grabbing a towel and wrapping it around his waist. “I guess that makes us even then, yeah? Little black lies and a bottle of whiskey. Come find me when you get out,” he turns and walks out of the bathroom leaving me with all the hurt I can handle. He didn’t tell me to leave. He didn’t tell me to stay. I’m stuck in the middle of a war that I don’t know how to win. As my heart aches from the loss I’m experiencing, I know the bigger hurt is yet to come. Blade pushing me away or telling me to leave is going to devastate me. The one thing that I’ve clung to over the last month has been him. His strength, his courage, and his caring side. It’s everything I’ve ever wanted and more. Now because of my shitty fucked-up past, I’m losing that, too.
I wash quickly and climb out of the shower,dry and dress. The bleeding has stopped and I hope that’s a good thing. Slipping my feet into my fuzzy slippers that Blade got for me, I head into the silent room. His towel lays on the floor right next to Diablo. As soon as he sees me, he jumps up and runs to my side. I run my fingers over his head and smile.
“You still like me, huh?” He turns his head and licks my hand making me giggle. “Let’s go find your dad.” I walk toward the door with Diablo right behind me. I don’t know why but having him near me makes me feel safe. Maybe it’s his size or the fact that he has been the sweetest thing to me. I know that he would follow any order that Bl
ade gave him but for now he’s my comfort.
As I step into the main room, I spot Ransom leaning against the bar next to Rebel. He’s holding a rag to his face but I can’t see why or figure out what happened. Glancing around a little more, I find Jersey sitting on the couch chatting with Angela. Diablo stands next to me looking up at me waiting for me to move. When I see Blade at the table with a bottle of whiskey in his hand and an unknown girl smiling at him my stomach drops. The girl nods her head in my direction, and Blade turns toward me. The look in his eyes is unrecognizable.
“You should go over. He was pretty freaked out when I told him about you,” Neo says. I turn to glance at him over my shoulder and smile at the soft look in his eyes.
“I don’t know that he wants me around anymore, Neo.” It hurts to say those words. It hurts worse to imagine that they are true.
Neo rests a hand on my shoulder and says, “We’ve talked about you, Lola. We all see how he feels. All of us accept you. He isn’t a bad guy. Give him a chance.”
“I wish it was that easy after what I told him.”
“Doesn’t matter what you told him. It matters what you feel, darlin’. If you’re feelin’ anything like he is, you’ll go to him.”
Neo walks past me and heads toward the bar. When I pull my gaze back to Blade, I find his eyes are still on me. A shiver races over my body the way his eyes are hooded and sexy. His lashes brush softly across his cheek each time he blinks but that stare stays in place. I tell my feet that this is a good time to move but my heart doesn’t know if that’s true. I force myself to take the steps toward him, and when I’m close enough, he reaches up and pulls me into his lap. I gasp when my ass hits his hardened cock and wonder what he’s thinking about. It doesn’t take long for him to lean in and tell me.
“No bra? You’re a bad little girl, Lola. You lettin’ all the guys see what’s for me?”
I suck in a breath at his words and look down seeing my hardened nipples showing through the flimsy tank top I put on. When I make a move to get off his lap, thoroughly embarrassed, he chuckles and holds me tighter.
“Shimmer, take a walk, yeah?”
I glance over at the pretty red head that I thought he was fucking in the office. She offers me a smile before getting up and walking off. Blade grabs his glass, pours some more whiskey into, and hands it to me.
“Might as well have a drink with me if we’re gonna have this conversation.” His voice is husky and sexy as hell. If I wasn’t in the mess I’m in, I would turn around and ride his cock right here in front of the whole room. Instead I take the glass bring it to my lips and down it in one gulp. Setting the glass on the table, Blade drinks straight from the bottle.
“I was in the Navy a long time ago. A lot of things I saw there were things no one should have to see. I suffer from PTSD although it hasn’t been as bad lately. I’d like to think you had somethin’ to do with that but who the fuck knows. I got Diablo not long after I came back. He’s been my best friend since then,” he says before taking another long pull from the bottle. I watch the contents of it slosh around as he sets it back on the table and continues. “Some days I wonder what the fuck I’m doin’ with my life, ya know? I love my job. I love my place in this club, but what else is there for me? I’ve never loved anything but my momma, and when she died, that was that. I never looked for an old lady simply because I didn’t have to. My life isn’t flowers and sunshine, Lola. I do shit. Illegal shit.” He’s silent for a long second after that.
“Is that what happened to your hands?” His chuckle vibrates through his chest and slams into my back.
“No. That was a little fight we were havin’ earlier when one of my brothers disrespected me. I’ve had my head a mess since the day you fuckin’ showed up, Lola.” The growl that leaves him scares me. It was loud enough that Diablo popped his head up to check on the situation. I want to climb right off his lap, but the way he holds onto my thigh, I don’t dare try it.
“I never meant to cause problems, Blade. In fact, I never asked to be brought here,” I snap.
Blade grabs the bottle taking another long pull before he laughs. “That shit right there? That’s what I fuckin’ like about you. You are goin’ through some shit and you still have that goddamn fire about you.” I don’t know how to respond to that so I don’t. I sit with my mouth shut and hands in my lap.
“These guys are my brothers, my family. You might not get what they mean to me but it doesn’t matter. They are what they are. They asked me the other day if I’d ever thought of havin’ kids and settlin’ down with someone.” He shifts in his seat looking a little uncomfortable.
The way he says it makes my heart clench. I never thought I’d want a family. When I found out I was pregnant, I was almost excited about it. Had it not been Ryan’s baby, I’m sure I would have been ecstatic to find out. Now it’s been taken from me, another piece of me has slowly been taken away.
“What did you say?” My nerves are firing off. I want to jump and run as far and as fast as I can but where would I go?
“I said I wouldn’t mind havin’ a few kids. Somethin’ about lookin’ at a woman I love with my baby in her… I don’t know it just makes everything else in life seem worth it.”
Tears slip down my cheeks at his admission. I wish I could have been that for him. I wish that we were different people. I wish I was a different person. I’m physically and emotionally drained. That baby wasn’t his and now that he knows I doubt he’d want anything more with me. Losing the baby has killed a part of me. I’ve kept it all in, not showing how hard this is on me because I don’t want to be a burden on Blade or anyone else for that matter. I want to cry. I want to break down but I can’t. This isn’t my place, it’s his and I have no right to break down here in front of him but inside? I’m falling apart.
Chapter 17
Blade
I can feel her heart thudding in her chest with her back pressed to my chest. I’ve never felt something beat so wildly.
“I’m sorry for who I am,” she whispers and I almost didn’t hear her. I’m not even sure I was supposed to.
“I’m not,” I whisper back. I grab the bottle and take another drink before setting it back in its place.
“I’m okay now, Blade. I can go.”
Fuck! Why in the hell does she think she has to go? Besides, if there’s anything I’ve figured out in the past few days, it’s that I don’t think I can let her – even if there is a part of me warring with her deception. She isn’t going anywhere.
“Is that what you want?”
“Isn’t that what you want?” she questions me back.
To be honest, I’m pretty torn. Part of me says to let her go and live her life. She lied to me and that’s something I can’t live with. I hate lies but then the other part of me says that she had her reasons and to a point, I understand that. She never expected to like me. She never expected me to have feelings for her. Hell, I didn’t see it coming either, but she’s a spitfire that keeps me guessing and I like that. The more I look at her the more I can see us becoming something more. I can see a future with her, us together. It’s not something I had planned on, but I can still see it and that fact far outweighs her lying to me. It means more, I can feel it.
“If I’m bein’ honest, no. I don’t want you to go.”
“I can’t be the one to give you that family, Blade. It would be a mistake to keep me around,” she says, sounding like her heart’s breaking with her words.
“Oh yeah? Why is that?” I ask slipping my hand up her thigh to her stomach. I pull her back gently, getting her as close to me as I can.
“I’m a nobody. You need somebody. You don’t need a stripper who can’t even keep her own shit together. I’m a leech of the worst kind.”
I can’t help but chuckle at that one. She is far from those things. My fingers move over her stomach slowly, tracing small circles that cause her wiggle on my lap. I don’t agree with her assessment, but I do need to know her better an
d understand her thought process. I want to know her.
“Can we talk about the baby?” I ask, wanting to know her feelings on everything.
“There isn’t anything to talk about.”
“Were you happy about it?”
“Not at first. After I thought about it, I was a little excited. I knew I wouldn’t have anything to offer a child so maybe this was all God’s way of telling me that.”
It’s killing me. It kills me that she thinks so little of herself. She has more to offer than she thinks. What in the world has happened to her that she can’t see herself? That motherfucker Ryan and her mom must have been prime pieces of shit to have ruined her self-image to such a degree.
“Stop talkin’ like that,” I snap at her.
“Why? Truth hurts sometimes, Blade.”
“You know what? I’m sick of you talkin’ down about yourself!” I roar, drawing attention from everyone in the room. Lola grabs my wrist, flinging my hand away from her body and climbs out of my lap. Her hands on her hips look sexy as fuck with that pissed off glint in her eyes.
There she is.
“You know what? I’m sick of you acting all caveman telling me what the fuck to do! You don’t own me!” Shoving my drunk ass off the chair, I stand unsteadily in front of her and smirk.
“Wanna bet?” I challenge her. Her nostrils flare, her face reddens, and fuck does that make me horny as hell. My cock hardens in my jeans but after what she’s been through tonight, I have to try and calm that fucker down. I may be drunk, but I have enough presence of mind to remember that.
“Don’t you dare challenge me!” she snaps back at me. That fire right there is exactly what I fucking want. I want to touch it, hold it, and watch it turn my ass into ash.
“You’re mine, Lola! Mine!” I throw my hands out to the sides and turn to face the guys.
“I’m claimin’ her ass right here, right now! She’s mine,” I growl as all the guys begin to cheer. I turn to face Lola again and her eyes are wide.
