Fever Cure

by Phillipa Ashley

  “Then what on earth could be wrong?”

  Chapter Seven

  Tom lifted his hand to her face and touched her cheek. It felt like a butterfly landing for a moment, and it made the inside of her mouth tingle.

  “Tell me what’s the matter?”

  Keira shook her head. Why had she let things get this far? Now he looked hurt and angry, and she didn’t blame him. She’d let him strip her and touch her, greedily snatched mind-shattering pleasure from him, and now she wanted to run away without giving any gift in return.

  His eyes tormented her. “Don’t you want me?”

  “Didn’t what just happened tell you how much I want you? Couldn’t you feel how much?”

  His arms reached out again and dragged her back towards danger. Her whole body quivered at the kiss he dropped so gently on the top of her head and at his hands winnowing her hair. “It was beautiful, Keira, and now I want to do it again. With us both naked in bed.”

  “This can’t carry on, because…” She hesitated. There was no way she could tell him how strongly she felt. She barely knew him. The truth would open her up too much, exposing the strength of her feelings in a way she hated to do.

  A shadow crossed his face. “Is there someone else?” he asked carefully.

  She might have expected that he would ask about other men, but no way was she prepared to elaborate, certainly not drag up the whole miserable saga of Alex again. The last thing she wanted was Tom trying to persuade her to ignore impulses and gut feelings she knew were right.

  “No,” she said wearily. “No one else.”

  Her chest was tight with emotion as he stared at her. Doubt flickered across his eyes for an instant before his expression became softer. “There’s not something you want to tell me, is there? Because if there is…anything worrying you about me making love to you. Anything at all, we can talk about it. You know that.”

  He looked so solemn that in the midst of this excruciating situation, she could almost smile. Tom, the man of the world, the experienced doctor, was embarrassed.

  “It’s not your first time, is it?”

  She did laugh now. “At twenty-eight? Oh Tom, you should know better, and besides, couldn’t you tell? I mean, you must have been able to tell.”

  “I don’t make assumptions about things like that. Just because…you don’t have… Well, it doesn’t necessarily mean…”

  Tom’s voice tailed off as he found himself tongue-tied. He was a doctor, for God’s sake, and he couldn’t bring himself to discuss a basic sexual matter in plain terms. Not with a woman he liked this much, cared about this much, and now he’d embarrassed Keira and himself.

  “It does mean it in my case,” she said. “I lived with a guy for two years, so draw your own conclusions.”

  He let go of her hand, and Keira’s heart sank as she saw the knowing half smile on his lips. “Ah. Now I know why you didn’t answer my question about boyfriends.”

  “It’s not what you think.”

  “Do you still love him?”

  She hesitated, not because she had any doubt in her mind about the answer, but because it was the first time she had been forced to say it out loud. Six months had gone by since Alex had left, banging the door behind her, leaving her cheek stinging from the back of his hand and her life in disarray. Yet speaking about it out loud for the first time felt like the door slamming on her world all over again.

  “No. No, I don’t. He’s a world away. Gone forever.”

  “But talking about him still hurts?”

  “Not enough to stop me from…from liking someone else.”

  “But enough to make you want to avoid more pain?”

  She had no reply to that question, but Tom saved her by answering it himself.

  “Why not let it go? Come to bed, spend what time we have together. Let’s take our pleasure while we can.” His voice had a bitter edge, and he gave a rueful smile as he added, “It’s not like you’ll be stuck with me forever, is it?”

  Tom was so close now, his maleness, the sensuality in his voice, the hunger in his eyes were making her head swim and her resolve melt away.

  “Give me one good reason why two adults who want to enjoy each other’s company and bodies so much shouldn’t go right ahead and do it?”

  Keira didn’t feel like smiling back. He just wasn’t giving up, was he? They must breed them tough here. No, there was only one way to deal with Tom’s brutal honesty and that was to give as good as she got.

  “Because neither of them can make any sort of commitment to each other. Because they’re both headed in entirely different directions. I know you’re not planning to stay here that long, and if you really are going, I don’t think I can just switch on and off like that to suit your plans.”

  She almost heard the deep breath he took as he tried to steady his voice. “You’re right, of course.”

  Panic stirred in her stomach as he crossed to the fireplace. For a few moments, he stood with his back to her before taking down an envelope from the mantelpiece and holding it out towards her.

  “You asked me earlier this evening when I was going back to Melanesia. I should have told you then, but I didn’t want to spoil our evening with real life.” He gave a short and bitter laugh. “This is a letter from Volunteers Abroad offering me a permanent position as the chief medical officer in the village where I worked. I’ll be helping to develop a proper health service for local communities. This is my chance, let’s call it my once-in-a-lifetime opportunity, to really make a difference to someone.” The envelope trembled slightly in his hand, but his voice was firm. “Keira, this time, I’m not coming back.”

  Part of her, a small and very stupid part of her, had hoped that Tom might say he would stay, that he’d be back one day. Now he’d laid the brutal facts on the table, and it hurt more than she’d imagined it could. Tom was going away and he was never coming back and she had been a whisper away from falling for him.

  “You asked me about my work, and you can see that, inept as I am, useless with people, someone out there needs what I have to offer.”

  “Don’t people here need you?” she asked.

  As Tom stroked her soft skin, he could feel her pulse beating strong and hard. Luckily, she couldn’t feel his. He hadn’t dreamed saying good-bye could be so painful after such a short acquaintance with a woman. But then, he hadn’t bargained on that woman being Keira. He’d thought, foolishly, that they could both have fun and sex and keep their emotions out of the equation. He’d been wrong.

  He should have done this before at the restaurant, at the school, no, at the wedding. In fact, he should never have even have asked Carrie to introduce him to Keira. He felt like something that had crawled out of a hole in the ground.

  “I shouldn’t have asked you back tonight. Fuck, I mean yes, I should have. I wanted to, of course. Not to seduce you.” He raked his hand through his hair, telling himself what an idiot he was. “Well, of course, I wanted to seduce you. Look, I’m not making a very good job of this. The truth is, you drive me absolutely wild, but…”

  She smiled at him, and he wanted her all over again. “Tom, it’s okay.”

  “I should have told you about the letter before. I just didn’t want…” His words hung in the air as he struggled to express himself. I just didn’t want the fantasy to end. That’s what he wanted to tell her, but it was impossible.

  “I just didn’t want to hurt you,” he said.

  “You haven’t hurt me.”

  Hadn’t he? He wasn’t sure. He must have hurt her, and oh God, did he want her to be lying or to mean it? If he’d hurt her, he hated himself, and if he hadn’t, it meant she didn’t care. Which was worse?

  “We’ve both been to blame,” she said in that sensible tone she’d used on him at the school. “Both of us know this can go nowhere. Don’t we?”

  Did he?

  As he looked at her cheeks, still flushed, her hair messed up, her brow furrowed, he wondered. For a tiny momen
t in some deep recess, he actually began to imagine that he could have what he wanted from life. That he knew what he wanted from life. And it wasn’t a life devoted to other people, no matter how needy they were—or how much he needed to make up for what he’d done to two people he’d loved and who had loved him.

  “Now, I think that it’s late, and I’d better go home.”

  Her bright and brittle words poured icy water on any fantasies he’d been harbouring.

  “Of course. If that’s what you want.”

  “I think it’s best for both of us. Could you fetch my coat, please?”

  As Tom disappeared into the hall, Keira looked around the room, at the dying embers of the fire and the picture above the fireplace. The envelope was propped up on the mantelpiece, mocking her. Voices drifted in to the drawing room from the hall. Vaguely, she rationalized them. Tom must be on the phone, but she hadn’t heard it ring. Then she realised it was voices plural she could hear. Two men talking, one clearly Tom, the other sounded…also like Tom, but older and more relaxed.

  “Good evening. It’s Keira, isn’t it?”

  She looked up, startled. Standing in the frame of the door was Tom—except it wasn’t Tom. Not quite. The man grinning back at her wore a long waxed jacket and had threads of grey in his rakish ponytail. He crossed the room and held out a hand. “You are the famous Keira, aren’t you? My brother’s told me all about you.”

  Keira stared at the man and caught Tom’s eye. He hovered behind, her coat clutched in his hand. He pulled an apologetic face. “Keira, this is Charlie.”

  “And you’re just leaving, I see?”

  Tom held out her coat, annoyance burning in his eyes.

  She shook Charlie’s outstretched hand and forced a polite smile to her lips. “Yes, unfortunately, I am just going. It’s late, and I’ve got an early start tomorrow. Reports to start, marking to do and all that.”

  And all that… She laughed at herself. Marking was about as exciting as it was going to get now that she and Tom were breaking up before they’d even started.

  Tom spoke firmly. “Charlie, we’ll have to go. I need to run Keira back to the city in the Land Rover.”

  Charlie gave a long, exaggerated sigh. “That old thing? Tom, you really should get a decent car. So, Keira, you’re a teacher.”

  “That’s right.”

  Charlie gave a sharp intake of breath. “Very brave. Couldn’t do it myself, but hats off to you. Actually, I must apologise for the bad timing. I didn’t know my brother would be bringing you back here tonight.”

  Could Charlie guess they’d had a row? Feel the tension in the atmosphere?

  “Neither did I.” Tom’s expression was mutinous. “You do know it’s almost midnight, Charlie?”

  Charlie patted him on the arm. “I get the hint, but I was on my way home, and I thought I’d drop in on you.” His blue eyes sparkled with irony. “While he’s here, we have to make the most of him, Keira. Don’t we?”

  Keira managed to keep a straight face. Had Charlie been listening outside the window? No, that wasn’t fair, but he didn’t seem to like Tom’s leaving any more than her.

  “And now,” said Charlie, “I have to get back home. Shame I’m going to miss out on the pleasure of chatting to you, Keira, but no matter how much Tom may want to keep you to himself, I can’t let you go without issuing an invitation back to Carew Hall. Just in case my little brother is remiss in that respect, of course, although I’m sure he’s already invited you.”

  Keira’s stomach churned as she picked up her bag, trying to avoid Tom’s face. “That’s very kind of you but I don’t think I can.”

  “Why don’t you bring your class for a day?”

  Her class? Oh Lord… “Well…I don’t know. They might be a bit boisterous. I couldn’t answer for the safety of your lovely house.” She pictured Ben and Josh hurtling round the family heirlooms, and shuddered inwardly.

  “Oh, I wouldn’t inflict anything as boring on kids as my old house,” said Charlie. “Not unless they want to see it, of course. In that case, they’d be very welcome. No, you should bring them to the park farm. There are lots of animals and interesting stuff there and a fantastic adventure playground, if I do say so myself. I must try and get Tom on it someday.”

  Tom was visibly cringing. “Absolutely not,” he said, sounding so stuffy she wanted to hit him.

  “Well, I’d have to think about it. It’s so kind of you.”

  “You name the day, then. Here’s my card—just give me a call.”

  No way in a million years, she told herself but smiled politely. “I will. Thank you, Charlie. That’s a really nice thought.”

  “Excellent. Now, I must be off. Good night to you both.”

  Watching Tom almost shove his brother through the door made Keira want to giggle. Poor Charlie, he had no idea that he’d walked in on a regular soap opera. Except it was really happening, and no one was about to write a happy ending for the script. She sighed as Tom insisted on helping her into her coat. It felt like a duty…a misplaced sense of duty, and she hated it.

  “Sorry about that,” he said as she pulled away from him to fasten the buttons. “Brothers, who’d have them?”

  “Me,” she said. “I’m an only child, and you seem like you got a pretty good deal to me.”

  “Maybe,” he ground out.

  She clutched her bag. “Tom. He’s a lovely guy. Generous too. Now, please. I’d really like to go.”

  An hour later, they pulled up outside her flat. Tom insisted on getting out, opening the door and handing her down from the car.

  Kissing her softly on the cheek, he whispered in her ear, “Lukim yu bihain, Keira. It means farewell, where I come from. And take care.”

  The strange language made her feel uncomfortable and more convinced than ever that they belonged in different worlds.

  “Same to you,” she whispered, kissing him back even more softly.

  “Can I see you into the flat? It’s dark.”

  “Best not. But thanks, Tom. Thanks and good-bye.”

  That was it. The final word between them. The door of the flat seemed miles away as she walked off as confidently as she could in her heels. She listened for the rattle of the Land Rover’s engine to tell her he was on his way. Her eyes were hot with unshed tears as she reached the door, and her hand shook as she pushed in the key. Still, she hadn’t weakened and turned round, not even as she got inside and flicked the light on.

  Closing the door behind her, she leant back against the wood before she heard the rumble as the car pulled away. Loud at first, then more distant as it took Tom Carew back to his own world. Two flights of stairs to the top landing had to be climbed before she could let it all out, then get on with her life, not Tom’s, not Alex’s, not anyone else’s. However dull or boring or unadventurous, she was determined to stay in control this time.

  Her feet ached with relief as she slipped off her shoes and started the climb up the stairs, reminding herself of what could have been. She would have been in Dubai now, if Alex had had his way, the perfect financial director’s wife, hosting dinner parties, charity events and ex-pats’ ladies’ lunches. When she’d refused, Alex had become a different man, one she’d only suspected and feared had existed.

  Tom Carew hadn’t done anything more than invite her on a casual sexual adventure, but that hadn’t been what she wanted, either. Keira couldn’t understand what he wanted beyond that, but she knew it wasn’t here in the UK or with her. Tom was pledged to a village of people on the other side of the planet, maybe to another woman there. She made it to the landing, and then realized she’d left the rose at Carew Lodge.

  Chapter Eight

  Two a.m.

  The chiming of the mantelpiece clock jolted Tom out of the dream. He woke stiff-limbed on the chaise longue in the drawing room at the Lodge and groaned as he lifted an arm that was numb with pins and needles.

  Shit. He knew why he was stone cold. His shirt was soaked in sweat. He hel
d out his hand into a shaft of moonlight and saw it trembling. The dream he’d been having, the nightmare memories of those final days of his time in Papua, had all tumbled back again as he’d slept on the sofa after driving Keira home to her flat in the city. As he switched off the table lamp, he felt the stab in his stomach again. Last night had been more painful than he’d thought, for both of them.

  He drew the curtains. Outside a frost sparkled on the lawns of the Lodge.

  As he hauled himself upstairs to bed and pulled off his damp shirt, he tried to diagnose the situation. Keira had decided on a short, sharp cure that had ended the fever of their growing feelings before it could take hold. He ought to be grateful to her for saving him; instead, she’d made him want her more than ever.

  “It was just a dinner and coffee.”

  Keira crossed her fingers as Su raised her eyebrows in disbelief. She feigned interest in a coat hanging on the rail of the store. It was way out of her budget, but who cared. The shopping trip had been Su’s idea.

  “Shall we go and have one now? Just coffee, of course, no strings.” Su’s eyes twinkled mischievously. “Maybe those skinny jeans we saw in that boutique will fit my bum. Pull the other one, Keira. The way you’ve been mooning about for the past few weeks, hon, I know you two got up to more than that at his castle.”

  Keira thrust the coat back on the hanger. It promptly missed and fell with a clatter onto the floor. “It wasn’t a castle. It was a lodge.”

  Su picked it up and smiled. “Guilty conscience?”

  Keira gave a grimace. “He came to the school. I went out for a meal. We said good-bye politely, and that was it.”

  “So why have you agreed to this adventure playground trip?”

  “For the children, that’s why.”

  It was true, wasn’t it? Since her date with Tom, she’d sworn that wild horses wouldn’t get her within ten miles of the Lodge or the Carew brothers ever again. There was no way she was going to accept Charlie Carew’s invitation, even for the children’s sake, no matter how generous or well meant.