Love Me Always

by Marie Higgins

  “Yes...well...um, now that we have that settled, I shall leave.”

  He tapped twice on the roof and the coach jerked to a stop. Without another word, he climbed outside and mounted his horse. Kicking the animal into action, he tried to rid himself of the confusing feeling he’d just experienced, and somehow recover his anger.

  That’d be the only way he could survive.

  Chapter Three

  The sun disappeared beyond the horizon and darkness blanketed the earth. Nick led his caravan to an inn where he’d previously arranged for them to stay. At this establishment, the food tasted better, the people were dressed a little nicer, and the floors were swept clean.

  Catherine sat across the table, keeping his brothers’ attention. Nick twirled his spoon around the stew in his bowl, listening to the conversation at the table as he watched Catherine’s reactions. Every time she smiled and laughed, a beautiful sparkle lit her blue eyes. Caught unawares, his stomach flip-flopped.

  Tearing his focus away from Catherine, he looked upon the serving woman who brought another plate of bread to the table. He smiled at her, but nothing like the way he’d acted with the serving girl in the first inn they’d visited. Quickly, he checked to see if Catherine had noticed.

  From across the table, he found her gaze on him. A slight blush stained her cheeks. Once their eyes connected, a deeper color spread across her face and neck. She looked down at the plate of meats and cheeses and picked up a slice of beef.

  He grinned and brought his drink to his mouth to hide it.

  “Nick?” Gregg asked. Nick dragged his attention to his brother. “We are going to escort Catherine and Mrs. Berkley to their rooms so they can retire. Would you care to join us?”

  “No, I shall here.” He shifted his attention to Catherine who still had a pink tint on her cheeks. “Good evening, Catherine. I hope your bedchamber will be suitable tonight.”

  She nodded. “I’m certain it will be most accommodating, thank you.”

  * * * *

  Catherine moved away from the table and toward the stairs with Gregg and Ian by her side. She took her time, mainly so she could watch Nick a little longer. The serving woman rushed to Nick’s side, and he gave the servant one of his earth-shattering grins.

  Once again, the beat of Catherine’s heart knocked out of control. Why did she act in such a way? And how, pray, could she stop it from happening again?

  She tried her hardest to keep her thoughts centered on Gregg and Ian as they walked her to the bedroom, but the longer she thought of Nick’s smile, the fluttering in her stomach multiplied. Why did he have to be so incredibly handsome? Why couldn’t he just keep his dark scowl all the time?

  After Gregg and Ian left, Emily helped Catherine change into her nightclothes. When she crawled into bed, her mind strayed to Nick, but she forced it onto her future husband instead.

  Was Grant really dying and going blind? The news distressed her, but she mainly mourned for herself than for Grant. Why did she have to marry a man who was going to die? Of course, in a way, this was good news. That meant she wouldn’t be married to him for very long before he left this world to meet his maker.

  She pushed the heels of her hands against her eyes and groaned. Forgive me, Lord, for wishing such a thing. Thinking of Grant right now and how to make his lasts days happy were of utmost importance. He’d always been a wonderful and generous friend to her and her parents, and now was the time she would return the kindness.

  Catherine relaxed against the feather-down pillow and closed her eyes. The lumpy bed caused discomfort to her back, but she could sleep on anything. As the daughter of a Colonel she had been trained to adjust to any kind of bed since they traveled so much in her younger years.

  A lot of things had been different in her youth. After her mother’s death, her father had been stricter, and always leery. He suspected her of killing her mother, and the thought pierced through Catherine’s heart even deeper. She hadn’t remembered that night, but his accusing stare always caused her self-doubt. Insanity ran in her mother’s side of the family, he’d kept reminding her. Perhaps that’s why she didn’t recall hearing anything that awful night.

  Father had been away in the neighboring county, and she stayed home to take care of her ill mother. She’d gone to bed like she always did, but when she awoke, something was different. Not only had her mind filled with a disturbing fog, but when she walked out of her room it was as if she were floating, moving through a different house. Dishes were broken and scattered all over the kitchen floor. The padding from the sofa had been ripped and strewn across the floor. On the floor by the fireplace…her mother lay…dead. The poker rested beside her head with blood still on the tip. Her mother’s head split open as crimson liquid stained the carpet beneath her.

  Catherine shook the nightmare from her mind, turned on her side and willed herself to sleep. Trying to remember that fateful night would certainly drive her insane. Instead, she must think of more pleasant things...things like wondering if a pair of intoxicating royal blue eyes would look at her in a tender stare, exactly the way they’d gazed upon the serving woman not too long ago.

  * * * *

  Accepting Gregg’s hand, Catherine climbed down the steps of the carriage and gazed upon the house where she would be living as Grant’s wife. Its grandeur held her in awe. The grounds and the house itself were much larger than she remembered as a child. Carved gray stone held together the two-story mansion. A balcony on the second landing seemed to wrap all the way around the house. Certainly different from the other estates they’d passed.

  A butler opened the double doors for her and she entered. Then she saw him. Grant stood just inside the first of many rooms that lined the large hallway. Bits and pieces still remained in her memory, but the man before her now was nothing like what she remembered. Now he was older. Frailer.

  Although tall as Nick, Grant’s body stooped slightly as he rested on his cane for support. The years had taken away Grant’s thick black hair, replacing it with a thinner patch of prominent silver. His eyes bothered her the most. In her memory, they were a rich, chocolate brown, but not now. These were paler...sicker.

  This was wrong. All of it. Suddenly, the stress of everything consumed her, suffocating her. She couldn’t breathe, and if she didn’t do something soon, she’d become sick all over the floor. Perhaps even swoon.

  Taking a quick glance behind her, she paused. She wanted to turn and run, get far away from here. She didn’t want to go through with any of this; didn’t want to be married to a sick old man whom she’d have to nurse until his dying day. Didn’t want the responsibility of such a grand mansion with multitudes of servants, and especially, she didn’t want to be the step-aunt to three men who were all older than her nineteen years.

  On shaky legs she took a step back to flee, but a strong, warm hand grasped her elbow and stopped her from flight. She looked into the stimulating eyes of Nick, and nearly melted. He smiled now only because of their agreement, but somehow it made her strong again. His expression eliminated all of her doubts, his warm eyes gave her the courage she needed to stay.

  “Catherine, my dear?” Grant Fielding spoke loudly. “Come closer and let me look upon your loveliness.”

  Nick kept his grip on her elbow and helped her over to stand in front of his uncle. “Here is Catherine, Uncle Grant,” he said. “Delivered to you safe and sound as promised.”

  Grant smiled, his whole face brightening. “Oh, Catherine, you’re absolutely beautiful. Your very presence brings light to my house.” He took hold of her hand and brought it to his lips, kissing her knuckles. “Did you have a pleasant trip? Was everything to your liking?”

  She smiled. “Yes, thank you very much, Your Grace.”

  “No need to stick with formalities, my darling little one. When it’s just us, please call me Grant.”

  She nodded. “As you wish.”

  Mrs. Berkley hovered behind her like a mother hen and Catherine wished everyone
would go away. Grant squinted in the older woman’s direction, then smiled.

  “It’s nice to see you again, Mrs. Berkley. I assume you have been taking good care of Miss Catherine for me?”

  The lady’s companion nodded. “Yes, Your Grace. I have not let her out of my sight this whole trip.”

  “I commend you on a job well done.” Grant turned and placed Catherine’s hand in the crook of his elbow and led her into the drawing room. Nick and the others followed.

  “Would you like anything to drink, my dear?” Grant asked.

  Catherine swallowed the knot of fear down her dry throat, and although she should accept, the only thing she wanted to do right now was to be shown to her room. “No, thank you.”

  He led her to a sofa where she sat then he settled beside her. He motioned to the servant hovering near. “I would like my usual.” Turning back to Catherine, he took her hands again. “I hope you don’t mind, but I have arranged a ball to introduce you into society.”

  She nodded.

  “Even if it’s tonight?”

  She widened her eyes, but kept her smile even while her heart sank. “Tonight is fine.”

  “We still have several hours before the ball. Would you like to rest a spell and freshen up?”

  It’s about time! “Yes, that would please me very much.”

  Grant looked up at Nick. “Would you be so kind as to escort Catherine and Mrs. Berkley to their chambers?”

  * * * *

  Inwardly Nick cringed. He suspected this would happen. Since his uncle couldn’t see to her needs, Grant left it to Nick.

  “Yes, Uncle Grant,” he replied, his tone clipped. He moved and took Catherine’s hand to help her stand. Grant reached out and stopped them and pressed a chaste kiss to her cheek.

  “It thrills me to have you here,” Grant said.

  “Yes...um, me too,” she mumbled.

  The smile Catherine gave his uncle was forced. Her lips were too tight, and she looked to be gritting her teeth. Once they started up the staircase, Nick released her arm. Mrs. Berkley followed closely.

  He didn’t say a word until he opened the double doors to her bedchamber. “Catherine, this is your room.”

  She walked in, her eyes growing wide. It appeared as if Grant had overspent on her account. Red and gold decor abounded throughout the room, and dashes of green and mauve gave it an elegant appearance. The drapes on the windows were thick, and the carpet plush instead of the wooden floor it used to be. The large bed stood against the far wall, and the sheer drapes around it cascaded to the floor.

  “Are you pleased?” he asked.

  She nodded but didn’t meet his stare. “Your uncle has gone out of his way to make me happy.” Her voice was low.

  Nick turned to the older woman. “And your chamber is through here.” He walked out of Catherine’s room and across the hall, opening another pair of doors for Catherine’s companion. Although not as lavish, Mrs. Berkley was still treated well.

  The older woman thanked him and he left. With each step away from the rooms, his chest tightened, as did his fists. It wasn’t proper, but he needed to speak to Catherine alone. He needed to find out what had almost happened downstairs. Had she tried to flee and would she do it again? They’d made a bargain in the coach yesterday, and Nick was going to make certain she stuck to it.

  Turning sharply, he retraced his footsteps until he reached Catherine’s room. He knocked softly as to not alert Mrs. Berkley. Catherine opened the door and her eyes widened. He put his finger to her lips to hush her, stepped inside the room and closed the door.

  He grabbed her arm and she gasped. “I seriously hope you won’t take leave of your senses again and try to run. I saw the fear in your eyes earlier, and I’m relieved I was able to stop you from escaping. I’m also thankful my uncle didn’t see your panic. Do not let it happen again.”

  Her bottom lip quivered, and her eyes swam with tears. “Do you think this is easy for me? I can assure you it’s not. I’m truly sorry I had a moment of weakness, but the truth is I’m frightened to death. I have no idea what to expect from this whole situation, but what scares me is the thought of sharing ––” she paused and shivered, “—married life with a man who is as old as my father.” Tears streamed down her cheeks. “When your uncle first kissed me at age fourteen, I was disgusted by the feeling of his lips on mine, and I’m scared when he kisses me again, it will provoke the same feelings I once had. I know I promised to make him happy, but I’m just so terrified of everything.” She sniffed. “I really don’t know why I tell you this.” Sobs poured from her as she covered her face with her hands. “What does it matter to you? It’s not as if you care.”

  Nick stood frozen. The control he’d seen her exert during their trip home had completely abandoned her. He really should give her a good talking to, but right now as she cried, the poor frightened girl inside the lovely woman touched him in an odd way. Without knowing why, he stepped closer and wrapped his arms around her, holding her against his chest. Warmth spread through him, bringing back feelings from long ago.

  “Y—y—you don’t understand.” She hiccupped and struck her fists against his chest.

  “Yes, I do.”

  Through her struggles, he stroked her stiff back and within seconds she stopped, her arms snaked around his waist and she pressed herself next to him. Automatically, he tightened his hold. What am I doing? This was torture plain and simple. He’d never been one to comfort another, but within moments, the strange feeling soothed him. As he held her in his arms and rocked slowly back and forth, an ache in his chest grew and nearly suffocated him.

  He bent his head closer to her ear and whispered, “It’s all right, Catherine. I’m here.”

  Now why did I say that? He really didn’t want to be here for her. Didn’t want to be the person she turned to for comfort whenever she had a problem, but he couldn’t stop himself. The longer he held her, the more he wanted to bring some kind of solace. “It’s all right...Kitty.”

  Her crying stopped and her face lifted and he gazed into her wide blue eyes. The nearness made his heart hammer, and the warmth expanded in his chest.

  “Why did you call me Kitty?”

  As he stared at her full, heart-shaped lips, he battled with the urge to kiss her. But he couldn’t. She would never be his.

  Forcing himself to pull away, he took two steps back. “I—I—I don’t know. Perhaps it’s because you are cuddly as a kitten. Cat fits you, but not when your eyes are swimming with tears.”

  Her hands shook as she clutched them against her stomach. “When I was a child, my parents called me Cat.”

  His gaze swept over her once more. “Right now, you look like a Kitty.”

  She smiled.

  Nick’s heart melted again from the tenderness of her expression, and he had to mentally shake himself out of the stupor. “You had better wash away those tears and get some rest before tonight’s activities.”

  Her smile faded and she nodded.

  “I’m truly sorry you are so frightened. I can tell you don’t wish to marry.” He shrugged. “I thought all girls your age wanted to marry.”

  “Don’t get me wrong. I do wish to marry in the eyes of God and one day start a family, but my fear of the unknown has robbed me of my happiness.”

  “I remember your grandfather was a Pastor.”

  “Yes. He was a great man.” She managed a small smile. “He taught me to love the Lord.”

  “Do you not believe this is what the Lord wants for you?”

  She sniffed and wiped the moisture under her eyes. “No, I don’t.”

  Nick’s chest tightened even more. If only he could tell her how much he felt the same agony as she. He’d felt as if God had abandoned him and ignored his prayers. “I do understand, Kitty. I wish I could help, but I cannot. You have no reason to be afraid of my uncle. He’s a good man. He took in his brother’s sons to care for us. Grant is gentle and kind. Just let him know your worries, and he will
understand.”

  “Thank you.”

  He winked, smiled, then left her room and hurried down the stairs. Taking deep breaths, he willed the fluttering sensations in his chest to leave as he hurried into the drawing room. Gregg and Ian were absent, but his uncle sat in his high-backed leather chair by the fireplace, his attention turned to the low burning flames. Nick took a step toward the older man and the floor creaked. Grant’s head turned Nick’s way.

  “Catherine is settled in her room,” Nick informed. “She seemed very pleased with everything. It appears you have changed a lot of the furniture and redecorated a bit.”

  “Indeed. I didn’t think she would appreciate getting your aunt’s second-hand furniture.”