by A. J. Macey
Kingston was waiting for me at the bottom of the stairs, his grin easing the dissonance that had been building throughout the day. Feeling lighter than I had in what felt like days, my own smile grew to match his. Instead of putting his hand on my lower back like I anticipated he would, Kingston wrapped me in his arms and kissed me gently. The sweet gesture made my toes curl and my heart flutter as I leaned into him more.
“I figured you could use one of those,” he murmured, his lips brushing gently against mine.
“Thank you,” I whispered, pulling away and grabbing hold of his hand so we could make our way through the line.
I had been able to ignore most of the other students’ stares between classes; zoning out had helped keep my mind blissfully ignorant, but now, being in the center of the student body, awareness returned with shocking quickness. My skin tingled as I felt eyes on me once again, the hair on the back of my neck standing up even though I knew none of them were Brad.
“Way to take forever,” Jesse teased when we finally reached the table. Sticking my tongue out playfully, I tried my best not to let the other students, or the fact that Reid wasn’t here, get to me.
“You hear back from the shelter yet?” Kingston asked as he started to dig in to his lunch.
“Yes, thankfully. I’m good to start tomorrow morning and can do it every day, so that’s a huge chunk of those community services hours,” Jesse explained, relief thick within his tone.
“Goal still to have it done by the last day of school?” I questioned after taking a drink of water. Jesse nodded, holding up a finger as he finished chewing.
“Yeah, though with just serving breakfast at the shelter it’ll take ages, so I plan on spending spring break knocking out another huge number of hours. Even then, I’ll need about thirty-six hours if everything works out, so I’m not sure where I could do that and not get burnt out.”
“You know you could help out at the law office, filing papers or recording information in the system. Do it a couple hours one night a week so it doesn’t interfere with any tutoring. I can talk to my dad,” Kingston offered.
“I mean… if that’d be okay.” Jesse stumbled over his words with a shrug. “I’m already living in your house and eating your food, don’t want you all to get sick of me.”
“It’s your house and your food too, Jesse.” Kingston’s gaze hardened slightly, his way of conveying that there was no use arguing. Jesse sighed and nodded, knowing all too well what that expression meant. “I’ll call him now.” It didn’t take more than a few moments of talking to get the details sorted out, and Jesse’s shoulders finally relaxed with the knowledge that he could start that afternoon.
At least there was one good thing from today.
Taking a deep breath and preparing myself for being alone in a solemnly silent home, I turned off my car and got out. A shiver shook my body as an icy gust blew over me, the cold making me tighten my coat over my chest and cross my arms as I darted across the grass to the door. Slip on the icy driveway? Never again. God, that hurt. As soon as I’d unlocked the door, I realized I had made a mistake. I wasn’t alone, my mother’s typing filling the otherwise silent space… and judging by the sound, typing was way too gentle of a word for the way she pounded at the keys.
Grounding, here I come.
“Emma, is that you?” her hard voice called out, the short, snappy tone making me cringe.
“Yeah, Mom,” I responded, shedding my winter weather gear and hanging them on the hooks that lined the small entryway.
“Come here, please.”
At least she said please, I thought grimly. Resolving to get the scolding over with as soon as possible, I hustled down the steps to the basement and dropped my bag next to the couch then made my way directly upstairs.
“Yes?” I asked when I reached the door to her office.
“Because of your actions over the weekend you are grounded for the next two weeks,” she bit out, her eyes cutting from her computer screen to stare daggers at me instead. “Without your phone. If you get a call from your work, I will let you know, but when you are home, you will not be texting your friends or those boys. Am I clear?”
“Yes,” I murmured.
“They are no longer welcome in this house,” she continued, holding open her hand for me to surrender my phone. A sense of panic filled me. It wasn’t because the guys weren’t being allowed in the house. I had anticipated that after her previously vehement disregard of our relationship. No, this panic was something I hadn’t realized existed, and my grip tightened around my cell. My one lifeline, given over to my mom where I didn’t have access.
What if something happens? my brain hissed. There’s no way to call for help.
Squashing the sensation as best I could, I stepped forward and placed my phone in her waiting palm. A lump formed in my throat, my chest constricting as she tucked it into her desk drawer, but I smoothed out my frown as she waved me away. Not going to look at me, Mom? Or even say anything as you dismiss me? No questions about the trial or maybe even checking whether I’m okay or even need your support?
After all the fighting with my mom and months of the cold shoulder, of being treated like I didn’t exist, I had expected to be used to it by now, but it still stung. The stairs started to waver as I made my way down to my room, a wall of unshed tears building with each step.
There were so many things I wanted to talk about, ask, and confide in her, but every time I had tried it resulted in nothing but arguing. My mom was too wrapped up in seeing what she wanted to, her jaded views tinting anything I said or did into the wrong light, and I knew there wasn’t anything I could do. At least not today. So after I shut my bedroom door and turned on my newest CD, I decided on what I wanted to try to help me find some semblance of comfort.
Part of me wanted to flop face first onto my bed, but everything swirling around in my mind practically screamed to be written down. So, grabbing hold of Mr. Fritz, I sank into my desk chair and pulled up a fresh digital diary page.
January 28th
#TickedOffTuesday
34 days. That’s how long it’s been since I’ve spent any significant amount of time with my mom. Since freaking Christmas, almost five long weeks. I miss my mom. I miss when I could go to her with everything under the sun, anything on my mind. Now though… I don’t know what the hell we are.
I’ve had nightmares and fears threading through me when I leave the house, enough ‘what if’ thoughts to make anyone crazy. What if there’s someone else who would do something to me? What if something happened to someone else when I was there? Would I be able to help, or would I freeze? There are so many underlying questions that I never thought of before the party from hell. With my phone taken away, I feel even more panicky. I’m sure a lot of people would just say I’m a typical teenager addicted to their phone. *cue eye roll* But it’s more than that; it's the lack of a lifeline if something were to happen, not only to me but to someone I care about.
Should I talk to someone? Yes, and I probably will when things calm down, which will hopefully be soon. Nothing like a second criminal trial in the course of your senior year and the likely possibility of testifying to help build character.
In all actuality, I know I’m not alone. I have my friends and the guys—much to my mom’s dislike—but as much as I care about them, as much as they’re a part of my life… they’re not my mom. Or my dad for that matter, but he’s at least reached out in an attempt to bridge our communication gap. It’s hard and it sucks, and while a portion of me wants to cut ties (as best as one can when living in the same house) to save some heartache, there’s one chunk of me still cemented in that family I had in California.
But I think that’s all I can really muster for currently, Diary. There’s plenty more, and I’m sure they’ll be word vomited into a new entry, but for now, I’m going to snuggle my teddy bear and lie in bed. Bye for now.
Pushing away from the desk, I walked over to my bed, not even changing into
pjs before I flopped onto the mattress.
Only four months until graduation.
I can totally mend everything with my mom by then…
Hopefully.
2
January 29th
Did you know that there’s a thing called black ice? Yeah. I freaking tripped on it even though it looked totally normal. Why on Earth do I live somewhere that has invisible ice??
#WarmWeatherWishing #IsWinterOverYet #WeirdnessWednesday
Despite the dreary winter weather on a Wednesday evening, Coffee Grounds was bustling as people stopped by for a hot drink and tasty treat on their way home after work. Lyla and I had spent the first couple hours of my afterschool shift taking and filling orders nonstop until the crowd finally started to slow. Sighing, I wiped the bead of sweat that had formed on my brow, tucking a loose strand of hair behind my ear in the process.
“Phew,” Lyla huffed breathlessly, slumping against the counter. “I’m beat! Is it time to close up yet?”
“Still have another hour, Ly,” I reminded her with a moan. All I wanted was to go home and curl under my blanket even if it meant handing over my phone.
The guys understood why I hadn’t texted since I had logged on briefly to my social media profile the night before to shoot them a quick message. My mom may have cut off texting, but she seemed to forget I had a computer for homework. Not that I’d bring it up to her anytime soon. My boys had spent a good fifteen minutes telling me silly jokes and random facts to cheer me up before getting called away for dinner, leaving me alone again. Thankfully, the lack of communication gave me a chance to knock out all my homework and get ahead in some of the readings that were slotted for later this week.
“Yoohoo!” Lyla sing-songed, her freckled face hovering in front of me.
“Big summer blow out,” I replied out of habit, the movie quote falling from my lips easily and making both of us giggle.
“That was good, I’ll give you that, but you had started to zone out even when I was talking,” she explained. “Still working through what happened on Monday?”
“Eh”—I shrugged a shoulder before letting it drop dejectedly—“with that in particular, not really, since it’s done and over with. The next trial is definitely worrisome, but Reid was still suspended today and, mixed with the grounding my mom dished out, I’m just feeling kind of… I don’t know… disjointed? Lonely? I’m not sure how to describe it. The change in routine is just a rough adjustment is all.”
“He’s coming back tomorrow, right?”
“Yes, ma’am,” a familiar effervescent voice stated. My gaze darted behind Lyla to see my cute clown standing at the register. In our fit of giggles and talking, we apparently hadn’t heard the bell ring when he entered. That or we had learned to tune it out after today’s craziness.
“Hey, babe,” I greeted, my cheeks aching with how wide my smile was. It had only been a day and a half since I’d seen him, but I felt like I couldn’t tear my gaze away from him. He looked as cute as ever with his forest green beanie cap and plaid winter coat.
“That’s how you greet him?” Lyla countered with a sassy head tilt. “Go give your boy a kiss. And take your break while you’re at it!” she called as she started toward the back hallway, leaving the two of us alone.
“I’m always open for kisses from my Cali girl,” Reid divulged playfully, but before I could wrap my arms around him, he held up a single flower—a pink carnation the same shade as the earrings and necklace I’d gotten from Jesse. I took the flower, sniffing it with a tiny smile, loving that he had thought of something so sweet. “Now come here, I want kisses.”
Chuckling, I closed the distance between us and molded myself to him, being sure not to smash the flower between us. Popping up onto my toes, I pressed my lips to his. Berry Chapstick met me, and the way his arms tightened around my waist made my toes curl as a wash of love filled me.
“You look beautiful,” he told me softly, one hand coming to cup my cheek, his thumb rubbing against my skin. “I’ve missed you.”
“I’ve missed you too. Want some coffee and we can take a seat for a bit?” The sparkle in his eyes told me he had some silly comeback planned, and I could already feel the grin that wanted to take over.
“Are you asking me on a date, Emma Brooke?” Reid teased as he stepped back so I could make our drinks. Lyla stayed in the back, giving us some semblance of privacy as I made up Reid’s usual peppermint mocha with an extra dollop of whipped cream and a simple latte for myself. With drinks in hand, we moved to a two-person table near the counter in case someone came in.
“So, how’s it been camping out at the house instead of having school?” I asked, wiping the foam from my upper lip after I had taken a sip.
“Eh, not terrible.” Reid shrugged, unzipping his coat as he hummed in thought. “Boring and lonely with everyone either at school or at work but I’ve gotten ahead on studying and had a chance to look more into college programs that UNL and UNO offer. I’ve also been able to get through several levels in the video game Stella and Kaleb got me for my birthday when I wasn’t being studious. How about you, Cali girl? I know it’s been kind of a rough adjustment back at home.”
“Not much different than it was before being grounded for a second time. At least Tyler’s no longer here,” I murmured. “I can handle having my phone taken for two weeks.” Reid didn’t say anything for a long moment, his hazel eyes trailing over the planes of my face before his smile turned sad, telling me he could see right through my façade.
“How are you really feeling, Emma?” he questioned, his free hand coming to hold mine on top of the table.
Taking a deep breath, everything came pouring out. Reid sat there patiently, listening to all the little worries that had plagued my thoughts over recent days without interrupting. I appreciated the opportunity to simply be heard, and by the time I was done, it felt as if a weight had started to lift.
“So, uh, yeah, it’s just kind of been a lot all at once, and I think I just want to take a nap for like an entire week and then binge all the funny movies. You know?” I ended my statement with a scrunched-up expression, feeling as if I wasn’t really making sense despite Reid’s quick nod.
“Yeah, I feel that. I don’t like being alone for long periods of time, and it really hit me the last two days without school or you guys to distract me that my parents and I aren’t speaking anymore. Not that I feel bad or ashamed about us—” Reid started to ramble, his bottom lip tucking between his teeth as his finger tapped against the tabletop while he spoke. The motions caught my eye, the small tics giving away that he was more bothered than he wanted me to believe. Before I could talk to him about it, his eyes went wide as if he’d realized the end of his statement could be misconstrued, but I leaned forward and pressed a finger to his lips.
“I know you’re not; it’s a rough time for all of us, but we have each other,” I assured him, making a note to keep an eye out for those signs going forward. “And Killian and Stella and Kaleb.”
“And me!” Lyla called out enthusiastically, popping out from the swinging hall door. “Didn’t eavesdrop, I swear! I just heard that last line.” Her grimace had both of us laughing, lifting the heavy topic from us even if for only a little while.
“This is very true,” Reid agreed, shooting me a grin. “Who else would keep Cali girl from losing her mind when the three of us drive her crazy?” I knew if I could see my face I would be turning pink at the insinuation blatantly obvious within his question, and the burn in my cheeks only grew when Reid threw me a cocksure smile and a wink.
These boys are going to be the death of me with their dang teasing.
Though not that I would complain.
“All right, I’d just forgotten my phone. Have fun with your conversation,” Lyla stated, retreating back through the employees only door.
“So,” I started, propping my chin into my fist. “Since we’ve got some time, I want to hear a fun story or two.”
“O
h, do you now?” Reid laughed, his hazel gaze lighting up at my change of conversation.
“Mhm, I love hearing about all your guys’ stories,” I admitted, enjoying that there was no worried body language or shadows in his expression. I want my silly clown to be happy.
“Well, in the spirit of winter and since we just had the holiday break not too long ago,” he said with a grin, “King, Jesse, and I had planned to play a little prank one Christmas a few years ago.”
“Meaning you wanted to play a little prank and they came along for the ride?”
“Psh, they were totally in on the planning,” Reid huffed playfully, but based on his reddening cheeks, it was all him. “Anyway, we had gotten a giant blow-up Santa and had planned to put it on the roof of the garage of King’s house.” I sat there, pressing my lips together in an attempt not to laugh because knowing them, something went awry. The more Reid talked, the more extravagant his storytelling became.
“So, you planned on putting a giant ten-foot tall inflatable Santa… on the roof in the middle of winter? Hmm, seems like a good idea,” I teased.
“It went well! We got Santa secured and up there without waking anyone…” He trailed off, his lip quirking up.
“Mhm, then what?” I chuckled, loving how ridiculous this story was because it was one hundred percent my boyfriend.
“It’s slippery in the middle of winter, and well… I may have… possibly… fell off the roof and into a snowbank mid-prank.”
“Holy crap, Reid!” I exclaimed, my jaw dropping. “Hopefully you were all right. Clearly whatever it was, wasn’t too bad seeing as how you’re sitting here.”
“Yeah, Cali girl, I was fine. A bit winded, but the worst part was King and Jesse just left me there while they finished securing the Santa. The assholes even shoved a giant pile of snow from the roof onto me.”
I couldn’t hold it in, both of us bursting with giggles at his story. As much as King and Jesse were the more responsible of the three, I could picture his story as if I were there myself. The more I thought about it, the more I laughed. It was ridiculous and yet so perfectly Reid that by the time I stopped laughing, tears were streaking down my cheeks.
