by A. J. Macey
“Okay, Cali girl, I’ll let you get back to work,” Reid brought up when Lyla reemerged from the back, his own laughter still filling his words. “Want to call us when you’re off? We can speakerphone on your drive home before you go back on lockdown.”
“I’d love that.” I stood as he did while making sure to grab my flower. “Talk to you soon, babe.”
“Can’t wait,” he whispered, kissing me one final time before leaving with a wave to Lyla. Without thinking, I took in the flower’s delicate scent again, the velvety petals soft against my nose.
“You are one lucky girl, Emma Bean,” Lyla said with a genuine smile that I couldn’t help but return.
Yeah, yeah, I am.
February 2nd
I’m pretending today’s theme is self-care Sunday because a bath and a face mask are calling my name.
#RelaxationHereICome #InnuendoIntended #SundayFunday
It was dark, nearly pitch black, and when I reached out, my fingertips brushed nothing but air. The silence was terrifying, yet I wasn’t sure why, and my head whipped from side to side in an attempt to see… well, anything.
“Hello, Em.” The mocking greeting echoed off the unseen walls of the space, its clear disdain painting a picture of the sneer that must be twisting the speaker’s face. Brad’s cruel chuckle followed in the moment of silence.
“What do you want?” I bit out, trying to steel myself for whatever was about to come, but when the inky blackness faded, shrinking into the narrow bathroom from the party from hell, I gasped. It became harder and harder to breathe, and the pressure worsened when Brad’s smirking face appeared in front of me, blocking the exit.
“You, babydoll,” he whispered, crowding me. I pushed, punched, and screamed, but nothing worked. The rough grip and unwanted lips brushing on my neck had my stomach rolling.
Oh, God…
Startled awake, I shot up in bed. I was panting, the tightness of my chest constricting until I felt as if I couldn’t get any air, but the longer my sleepy brain recognized that I was in my room, the easier it became to breathe. The thudding of my heart rattled my chest, and the roaring of the blood in my ears slowly faded with each inhale.
“Ugh,” I groaned, shoving the comforter off my lap and stepping up to my stereo. I needed music, something familiar and distracting to shake the final remnants of my vivid nightmare. Wanting—no, needing—to talk to someone comforting to help soothe the residual panic that was left behind, I sank into my office chair and logged in to my computer. As soon as it was booted up, I pulled up the site I knew the guys would get my messages from and shot off a quick group message.
Emma: Morning, boys.
Please tell me they’re at the computer, I pleaded silently. Thankfully, it only took a few seconds before messages started to flow in, their usual greetings grounding me. I wasn’t sure if it had been the slowly increasing nightmares that I had been having, the isolation during my grounding, or what, but I felt like I was slowly going stir crazy. It definitely didn’t help that my mom was actually home. Maybe that would’ve soothed me a few months ago, but now, with the way things were between us, home felt as lonely as ever, and the silence was even more oppressive than before.
Reid: Morning, Cali girl. How’d you sleep? You’re up early.
Kingston: Morning, Babydoll. I hope you slept well.
Jesse: Good morning, Em.
Emma: Slept okay for a while until I had a nightmare. I think being stuck in this tense and awkward situation with my mom since she hasn’t seemed to have left the house all week, claiming needing to ‘babysit me’ is throwing me all out of sorts. Stir crazy I tell you. C R A Z Y. Honestly, I’m considering even calling my dad in Cali despite it being like… super early there just to have someone in my family to freaking talk to.
Jesse: I’m sorry, Em. Can we help?
Kingston: Have you considered taking a bath? I know those help you when you’re having a rough time.
Reid: Ooo, yeah, with a face mask and the girly stuff you love! I know you were excited to use the goodies from the gift basket you got for Christmas. Maybe take a few hours to listen to some music and relax. And we all know that while Jesse loves doing homework all the damn time, the stress of your assignments mixing with everything going on might not be helping.
Jesse: Fuck you, dude. I don’t love homework, I love the idea of sticking it to all the other asshole students in our class.
Kingston: Is there anything we can do to help?
With those few messages, I felt tremendously better, but I figured taking their advice would be a good idea. It had been a long time since I had taken some time to veg, soak, and pamper myself.
Emma: Just continue to be your amazing selves, I think I’m going to do what you suggested. Bath, face mask, all that girly stuff. I’ll be back on afterwards since I want to finish up the study guide for this anatomy test so I can get some studying. I’ll brb.
With one final batch of messages, I logged off, the scowl that had been plastered on my face since waking up turning into a smile. They really were the sweetest, and I wasn’t sure what I had ever done to deserve amazing guys like them, but I definitely wouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth… or whatever the silly phrase was.
Hopping up, I gathered a fresh pair of comfortable lounge pants, soft t-shirt, and bra and underwear before making my way into the bathroom. For once I was glad that my mom never came down to check on me. At least it meant that I could take my bath while leaving the door open, as weird as that might have seemed. The nightmare was too fresh to be enclosed in a small bathroom, and I was in here to relax, not have more anxiety.
As soon as the water was hot enough, I pushed the stopper down and tossed in a bath bomb. While the tub filled, I decided to grab my stereo from my dresser and situate it onto the bathroom counter, making sure to not have it overly loud to where it would echo off the hard surfaces of the room. The music was nice to have as I stripped out of my pajamas and picked out a facemask to wear. Haphazardly tossing my hair up into a messy bun atop my head, I slathered the bright pink mask onto my face and rinsed off the remaining product from my fingers.
It only took a few more moments before the tub was filled to my liking with steamy, shimmery blue and purple fizzy water. I sighed as I sank into the bath, my tense body already relaxing. Slumping farther into the tub, my eyes fell shut while my mind started to wander. At first it was normal thoughts, the lyrics from the song playing, what things I wanted to do, but then as a slower, more seductive song came on, the things popping into my head started to drift into a hotter direction.
What would it be like if one of them was here with me?
Would they run their fingers over my skin, teasing me mercilessly?
With each question, my heart picked up speed and my fingers shifted over my slick skin. My body slowly started to tingle as the tips of my fingers brushed over the crests of my chest and nipples, goosebumps rising despite the heated water. A jolt of desire curled through my lower belly, drawing my thighs together, but with a deep breath to steady my racing heart, I spread my legs as wide as the narrow tub would allow.
Being opened and exposed even though I knew no one was around was a thrill, anticipation building as I rolled the sensitive peaks between my fingers. A soft whimper wanted to escape, but I tucked my lower lip between my teeth to silence the noise as much as I could.
If Reid was the one in here with me, he would no doubt give me one of his confident grins and slip his fingers between my legs as soon as I gave him the go ahead. My hand followed the fantasies, falling away from my nipple to go between my parted thighs. What would Kingston or Jesse do? Jesse, the little teasing jerk, I was sure would surprise me. Knowing how forward he had been during movie night and campus touring, he would more than likely pull me into his lap so that I straddled his thighs, his calloused hands coming to cup my butt in a rough grip.
Slipping one finger between my folds, I shivered, my core aching. It felt so wrong yet so good
to be playing with myself as I thought of my boyfriends. I knew I probably should have stopped since the door was open, but the curtain covered most of my body. Tentatively circling my entrance, my thoughts changed again. Kingston... now, he was the mystery. Would he be confident or hesitant? Would he be gentle or rough?
I didn’t know what he would do, but I was excited to explore and try things. I wasn’t a virgin anymore, but I was still inexperienced. With one final circle, I slipped my middle finger in. It was soft and warm, silkily slick as I let my head fall back against the shower wall. The goosebumps flared once more, my heart racing as I added another finger.
It burned, but not in a painful or bad way. I wanted more, and it was like I was on fire from the inside out. The ache grew the more I pumped my fingers in, each muscle tensing as I let go. It felt odd to explore myself, yet not unwelcome, while I continued fantasizing about my boys. Reid’s cocky yet caring attitude filled my mind. He’d been my true first, and I knew he’d stretch me, treating me like the queen he always wanted me to be. Jesse would give me his smirk before slipping inside, while Kingston… well, I couldn’t wait to find out.
A slight gasp left me, the sound lost amongst the music in the small room, but it brought me back to myself. I was on fire, my core tingling and closing in on my fingers quickly as I neared that peak of release. Feeling adventurous, I tweaked the nipple still gripped in my other hand. That was all it took. My body tightened almost instantly, spasming as I came on my fingers.
Breathless and tired, I slumped farther into the water. My thighs closed when I pulled my hands from my core and chest, and all I wanted in that moment was to bask in the heat of the water and listen to my music. With a sigh, I realized one thing. I would definitely think about doing that again when I was stressed because this was the most relaxed I had been in a while…
Masturbation: 1
Nightmares: 0
February 3rd
“A smooth sea never made a skilled sailor” -Franklin D. Roosevelt.
#IGotThis #GoWithTheWaves #MotivationMonday
“Ugh,” Reid groaned, his head dropping down to rest atop his crossed arms. “It’s my first full week back, and I’m already over it.”
“Aww, is little Reid stressed about school?” I teased with a playful pout. He turned to look at me, and his sparkling hazel eyes gave away his delight in being teased. His cheek bunched up as he smiled even though I couldn’t see much more than the corner of his lips and the profile of his face. The glint in his gaze reminded me of everything that had filtered through my mind the day before. My blood started to thrum as I remembered my… fun in the bath.
Thankfully before anyone could say anything else, the bell signifying the end of lunch rang, distracting any further teasing that I was sure wouldn’t help my wandering thoughts. Dumping my tray, I shouldered my bag and glanced at Kingston to see if he was ready to head to trig. With a kiss from Reid and Jesse, we broke off from them and headed down the crowded hall. Despite being in the middle of fellow classmates, Kingston’s hand on my back kept me focused on him, and before we reached our classroom, he gave a small tug on the back of my sweater. Stopping next to him, I looked up with my brows drawn low over my eyes, confused as to why he stopped us against a bank of lockers.
“Are you all right, Babydoll? You’ve seemed… I don’t really know how to describe it. Kind of jumpy, I guess?” he murmured, his free hand coming up to tuck a strand of hair behind one ear. As his gentle touch brushed over my cheek, I felt my body lighting up once again.
“I, uh,” I stumbled over my words, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation other than ‘I masturbated to thoughts about the three of you in the bath yesterday.’
“Really?” Kingston questioned with a sly smile, letting me know I had in fact said that very thought out loud. The signature burn of a flush spread over my cheeks, neck, and ears. Well, at least I didn’t blurt that little personal tidbit out when the hall was still full.
“Yes,” I admitted in a low voice, shrugging slightly. “Being around the three of you today has been hard because, well… my mind just keeps going back to that.”
“I can’t wait to hear more about it then,” Kingston murmured, leaning in closer until I was trapped between the cold metal of the locker and his heated torso, “when we’re alone, and maybe we can try some of it out.” His forward statement took me by surprise, and the sexy grin spreading on his face made me want to melt into a puddle, but his lips capturing mine kept me together.
Barely.
His lips were soft and warm, but they moved confidently. Over our months together he’d slowly grown more and more self-assured, each time making me more excited to see what would happen when we were truly alone. Reaching up, my fingers clutched the back of his neck as a new wave of desire started to build.
“Kingston, Emma,” Ms. Ester stated blandly, startling me.
Jumping slightly, I released Kingston like he was on fire which only made him chuckle. Well, those pink patches on his cheeks show that he’s at least got a little shame left too.
Ms. Ester’s head was tilted slightly as she tried to not laugh. “Try to stay out of trouble, you two. I don’t want two of my best students to get detention, or Lyla will never let me hear the end of it.”
At the reminder of Lyla and my American History teacher’s family relation, I felt my lips twitch. It didn’t completely make the embarrassment ease, but it at least helped make the ‘scolding’ from her more bearable. Steering me down the hall when the warning bell rang, Kingston gave me a sly smile telling me one thing.
Next time my sweet laidback boyfriend and I are alone, we’re going to see exactly what he has in mind to try.
3
February 9th
Mission ‘Try To Bridge The Awkward Gap Between Mom and me is a go! Here goes nothing… though it might need a better and shorter name.
#AllTheWords #WishMeLuck #NOTSundayFunday
Breathe, Emma, I told myself, trying to gather the courage to walk up the stairs to the main floor. The last two weeks had gone slowly, so much so I felt myself growing antsier by the day. I had tried everything I could to distract myself: homework, self-care, reading, music, movies, anything, and yet my sleep only got worse as my mood gradually plummeted.
With all this slow-motion misery came a lot of thinking time. As much as I felt like my mom wouldn’t listen to me, based on the several previous times we’d tried to discuss some high-stress topics, I hated the rift between us. So, with my grounding coming to end, I decided to make an attempt to bridge the gap that had grown between us since we’d started this new life together.
Swallowing the bile that tried to creep up my throat, I started up the steps. I had no idea why I was so nervous; once upon a time my mom and I had been able to talk about anything and everything, but since the divorce I felt as if I was a stranger in my own family. Though not if I had anything to say about it.
Step one to fixing it? Marching my nervous butt up to talk to her.
“Mom?” I called softly when I reached the top of the stairs, surprised to see her curled up on the couch reading a beat-up paperback instead of in her office where she’d practically been living since the trial.
“Yes?” she questioned, glancing at me with a smoothed over expression, covering how she was feeling in a mask.
“Uh, I know my grounding isn’t up until the end of school day on Tuesday, but I was thinking…” I took a steadying breath when her eyes started to narrow suspiciously. “I thought that we could have dinner together that night. I could make food since I know it’s a workday… but maybe we could talk? Like before?” By the time I finished, my fingers were tangled together, and my words were barely audible. It took everything within me to keep from trembling with my nerves.
“That’d be nice, Emma,” she said softly with a smile. With those few words, all my anxiety drained, leaving me giggly in relief.
“Okay, cool. I’m going to go finish my last bit of homework an
d then probably head to bed,” I told her, hitching my thumb over my shoulder toward the stairs. “I love you, Mom.”
“Love you too, sweetie.”
With a final smile, I practically skipped down the stairs.
We might be okay after all.
February 11th
One of these days, you’d think I’d learn.
#IMatterToo #AlwaysListenToYourGut #TickedOffTuesday
“Boo.” Jesse’s whispered word surprised me, making me jump slightly into Reid’s chest. My heart was galloping from the startle, but as they closed around me, it started to pound for an entirely different reason. Each of them laughed at my response, Jesse’s honey laugh mixed with Kingston’s warm chuckle and with Reid’s teasing snicker.
“Meany,” I huffed out, trying to calm my racing heart.
“Aww, did Jesse scare you, Cali girl?” Reid teased, holding me even closer as we started toward the lunchroom. Sticking my tongue out, I didn’t dignify their comments with a response, but when I stepped into the bustling space, my eyes fell on another person I didn’t want to remember.
Assistant Principal DeRosa.
Can I just say ugh?
“Don’t think about him, Babydoll,” Kingston soothed softly, his hand coming to rub my lower back. “We’re not doing anything wrong.”
