by A. J. Macey
“That’s never stopped him before,” I muttered, glaring at the man. Every single thing we ever did seemed to be wrong, but I couldn’t understand why.
“It seems like he’s always gunning for us,” Reid pointed out, his hazel eyes narrowing in thought.
“That’s the vibe I was getting,” Jesse added softly. “But… I don’t understand why.”
“That’s what I was thinking too.” I glanced over my shoulder at Jesse where he trailed behind me, his lips quirking into a tiny smile. “It’s not just one of us; it seems to be against all of us. Or at least anyone who associates with me at any given point,” I thought aloud.
“Honestly I’m starting to wonder if we need to talk to someone about it. Principal Rudley or my dad,” Kingston whispered, his words almost lost amongst the loud jumble of talking that filled the kitchens as we worked our way through the food lines.
“I definitely don’t think it would hurt. With everything coming up with the trial, your dad should be aware of everything… at least I would think. I’m not really a law person,” Reid rambled. Letting go of my plastic tray to hold it with one hand, I rubbed his back gently in an attempt to soothe the nervousness that was clear within his voice.
“I think that’s a great idea, babe,” I told him with a reassuring smile. The tension seemed to melt away from his body, his grin growing more confident as we paid for our food and headed to our table. “Besides, I don’t think this is going to get any better,” I muttered under my breath when I looked up and saw the assistant principal glaring at me from where he stood across the room.
“We’ll talk to him tonight,” Kingston started, “unless you want to come with us. Your grounding’s over tonight, isn’t it?”
At the reminder of what day it was, a solid lump formed in my stomach. Nerves that I had been trying to avoid thinking about, returned with a vengeance. I was excited for dinner with my mom, but for whatever reason, I had an odd sense of dread worming its way through me.
“Uh, I’m actually going to make dinner tonight,” I explained quietly. “I decided on Sunday that I was really struggling with the rift between my mom and me, and since she’s been home so much it might be nice to try and… I don’t know… work it out? So she said she’ll have dinner with me, and we can try and talk some stuff out like we used to. Figured with it being a workday she’d appreciate if I made dinner and everything. Going to be running to the store after school and picking up the stuff I need for it. Since my grounding was up, I figured it would be all right to not come home immediately.”
“That’s sweet, Cali girl.” Reid was smiling, but I could see the sad glimmer in his gaze as he looked at me. I tried to come up with something reassuring to say about the fact that his parents had kicked him out and refused to talk to him, but when I couldn’t, I reached over and took his hand, squeezing gently. “I’m sure it’ll be great.”
“You’ll be able to text us while you’re doing that too which will be nice. Well, that is if you’re allowed to keep your phone,” Kingston added. Jesse nodded next to him silently. “We can always ask you if there’s anything we’re confused about or think we’re missing when we talk to Dad.”
“Yeah, you enjoy your time with your mom, Em. We can hang out tomorrow after school or…” Jesse trailed off, glancing at the others in a not-so-subtle way that caught my attention. My gaze narrowed in suspicion, but I waited patiently for them to do their weird silent communication. “Even go out Friday, for Valentine’s Day?”
“Will you be our valentine, Cali girl?” Reid asked, and my eyes fell on the bundled bouquet of heart-shaped lollipops in his hand that I assumed he grabbed from his backpack. All three of them watched me with tiny grins and hopeful expressions as I took the candied present and flipped open the small tag.
We’re suckers for you, our sweetheart!
I gasped as soon as I finished reading their note. It was sweet, and I loved the three hand drawn hearts at the bottom. Nodding fervently, I had completely forgotten Valentine’s Day was this upcoming weekend.
“We would have planned on asking you in some cute way, but that was kind of hard with the grounding and everything,” Kingston explained with a sheepish shrug.
“You guys don’t need to do stuff like that every time you want to ask me out—”
“No, but we like to,” Reid cut me off, pointing at me with a half-eaten fry, “so expect something cheesy and ridiculous for prom.” With his declaration, we all laughed and went back to eating, but all I could think was one thing.
I can’t wait.
The grocery store was fairly empty, most people were at their jobs since it was still the workday, so I was able to push the cart up and down the aisles easily and not have any of the dreaded traffic jams with other shoppers. Music filled the headphones that I had stuffed into my ears, not wanting to make small talk as I ran over my list. Hopefully, none of the recipes I had picked out were things that would remind her of my dad… well, non-biological dad, I thought.
As I continued to stroll down the aisle and put the ingredients into the cart, my chest squeezed with the memories. I missed my mom, and when we were fighting and arguing, it was easy to let the anger and hurt flow, but the truth of the matter was, I loved her, and I didn’t want to lose the close relationship we had.
Taking a deep breath, I focused on the positives. Not only would we have a yummy meal together, we could finally have some time for just us. My mom and me. No boys or work or drama… hopefully.
With those in mind, the shopping went faster and my mood improved significantly. Not only was there a smile on my lips, but a little pep in my steps as I felt myself nearly skipping down the fruit and vegetable section. As I placed the salad ingredients in the cart, my gaze fell on the small flower section of the store. A bundle of bright colorful flowers arranged beautifully in a small ceramic vase caught my eye, so I headed that way and checked the price.
I would have just enough to be able to get the flowers, yay!
Wheeling the cart to the check out, I found myself humming along to the song in one headphone, pulling the other loose so I could hear the cashier. It went quickly, and before I knew it, I was wheeling my haul to the parking lot.
I loaded up the trunk of my car, returned the cart, and headed home, dancing by myself the entire way. In the midst of all the completely emotionally draining events that had happened in the last few weeks, it felt good to have a few positive things happen, first with the Valentine’s date the boys had asked me on, and now this.
The drive was peaceful, my humming continuing along with the radio as I turned into my neighborhood a little while later. The driveway was empty which lately hadn’t been surprising since my mom had kept her car parked in the garage, but when I unloaded the first batch of groceries, the house was once again depressingly silent. A notepad sat in the center of the counter, my mom’s script scrawled across it.
Work emergency came up, will be back in time for dinner!
Love, Mom
P.S. I’ll bring our favorite ice cream for dessert
“Oo, ice cream. Yummy,” I murmured, a smile spreading over my face. That meant I could make dinner without it being potentially awkward and still enjoy the time with my mom. Glancing at the clock, I realized it was only four, giving me plenty of time to work. I went about unloading the rest of the bags from my car, making sure to be careful with the vase of flowers. Right as I set them on the center of the table with a happy clap, my phone started to ring with the signature ringtone I had specifically for the boys.
“Hey,” I greeted, “I’m putting you on speaker as I unload the bags.”
“How was the store, Em?” Jesse asked. Rustling sounded in the background along with Reid and Kingston egging each other on, probably over a video game if the ‘ugh!’ shouted at the end of Jesse’s question was any indication.
“Good, not busy which was nice. Got everything I wanted to and had enough to spare for some pretty flowers. How’s it going there?
I’m assuming Reid just lost the race or match you three are playing?” As I talked, I started washing veggies, filling the pot with water and putting the pan on the stove to brown the meat for the lasagna.
“They’re so mean to me, Cali girl!” Reid whined playfully. “I never win.”
“You just won the last race, stop trying to be pathetic,” Kingston countered, laughing at Reid’s ridiculousness. “But I’m happy you got everything you needed for tonight. Still nervous?”
“A little, but she’s dealing with a work emergency right now, so I’m able to cook on my own. It’ll give me time to get my thoughts in order before I talk to her.”
“What are you making?” Reid asked. “And if there are any leftovers, can I have them?”
“Really?” Jesse huffed. “Tonight’s about her and her mom, not your incessant stomach.”
“Don’t tell me you don’t want Emma's cooking too,” Reid countered. “Besides, I know that, I’m trying to help her keep from worrying.”
“You three are ridiculous, but I’ll make you food sometime soon, Reid. As for tonight, I’m making salad, lasagna, and some chocolate pudding. I’m hoping since it was things we would have on ‘girl nights’ when my non-bio dad wasn’t home for work stuff that it won’t be too much of a reminder of their divorce and everything. We’ll see though, she’s also bringing home our favorite ice cream.”
As I talked, the meat started to sizzle, so I worked on breaking that up while the guys continued to go back and forth on my cooking. The longer I went about cooking, the more my nerves dissipated. I knew it would probably be a bit hard to get back into that comfort zone of talking to my mom, but it really was what I wanted, so putting in the effort to get there was worth it.
“So, Babydoll, anything in particular you want to do for Valentine’s Day?” Kingston’s question pulled me from my cooking right as I slid the lasagna into the oven a little while later. Standing, I shoved aside a stray lock of hair that had fallen into my face and shut the door.
“I want you three to decide, though knowing Reid that slightly scares me,” I teased, setting the alarm before moving to the pudding. “It’s our first Valentine’s together, and I know it’ll be special no matter what we do.”
“No pressure then, got it,” Kingston joked.
“I have the utmost faith in the three of you,” I reassured them, finishing up the pudding and stashing it in the fridge. Glancing at the clock, I noted it was getting close to dinner time, so as the guys continued to chit chat about random topics, I set the table.
“Oo, I hear the clinking of dishes!” Reid exclaimed. “Almost dinner time, Cali girl?”
“Lasagna has another five or so minutes before I pull the foil off. So about fifteen to twenty and it’ll be ready. You guys eating soon?”
“Now, actually. Mrs. Bell just called down. If you want to talk after dinner, call or text us. Okay, Em?” Jesse relayed.
“I will. Enjoy dinner,” I told them, echoing their goodbyes and hanging up.
As soon as it was quiet, my lip found its way between my teeth in a bubble of nerves. The silence seemed to grow around me, making me uncomfortable, so as I waited for my mom, I turned on the TV in the living room. I didn’t watch whatever cartoon was on, but the cheerful noise in the background helped keep my growing worry from getting worse as I made the salads up. As soon as everything was ready, I sank into a chair and waited.
Twenty minutes passed, my foot bouncing against the chair seat where I had my leg propped up. The jarring movement shook my cheek where it rested on my knee, but I didn’t mind. The repetitive motion helped keep me from checking my phone every couple of moments.
It was when the clock stuck eight-thirty that I started to realize dinner was looking less and less like an option. Picking up my phone for what felt like the twentieth time, I still didn’t have any messages or calls from my mom, so I called her.
One ring.
Two rings.
Three... voicemail.
“Hey, Mom,” I started off, feeling my throat closing up. “I’m sure you’re really busy with work stuff, but I just wanted to see if you were still going to be home in time for dinner. If not, I can always put it in the fridge for tomorrow for lunch or something. Uh... call me back, I guess. I love you.”
My voice hitched at the end of my statement before I hung up. The burn of tears filled my eyes, but I focused on picking up and packing the food into Tupperware so they wouldn’t go bad. Keeping busy helped, but my thoughts still wandered, my lips curling into a harsh frown the longer time went on.
She hadn’t left me alone in two weeks, claiming I needed babysitting because I couldn’t be trusted, but the one time we were supposed to spend time together, she didn’t show up. With every moment that went by the more forceful and angry my movements became. It took almost an hour to pack up the food, clean the kitchen, and do the dishes, so the fact that nothing was broken by the time I was done was a miracle.
Exhaustion weighed down on me, and the emotional toll of the ups and downs of the day had worn on me, so by the time everything was cleaned up, I wanted to do nothing but sleep. Unfortunately, when I lay in bed, I just couldn’t clear my mind and drift away. After what seemed like the fifth time flipping over in an attempt to get comfortable, my phone buzzed.
Reid: How’d it go, Cali girl?
Kingston: Hope you had a good night with your mom, Babydoll.
Jesse: Can’t wait to hear all about it tomorrow.
That was it, the crack that broke the dam holding my emotions back. The tears that I had tried to contain fell over, streaking my cheeks. The watery streams were both from hurt and irritation. She was my mom, and I loved her, but I didn’t want to keep trying to open that door only to get hurt again. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I picked up my phone to respond, to tell the guys everything, but I was too conflicted to convey how I felt. I’ll do it tomorrow, I told myself, but I knew I would never be able to sleep if I didn’t get at least something out and off my chest. So, I rolled out of bed and headed back to the kitchen.
Dinner’s in the fridge—there’s lasagna, chocolate pudding, and salad. Went to bed around ten.
That was all I wrote, my hand shaking too badly to write much else, but it was enough that my mind settled. I walked over and dropped the note next to the vase, hoping desperately that my mom would see how much I tried. With a final look at the flowers sitting lonely at the center of the table, I went back to my room and curled in bed with the promise that I would figure out what happened tomorrow. For now, though, it was just my music, Mr. Fritz, and me as I attempted to slip into a restless sleep.
Only it didn’t work, my eyes growing irritated and red as I stared at the ceiling for a long while, but by that time the garage door sounded, meaning my mom was home. I listened to her enter the house and head upstairs. She seemed to be walking all over the place, and a sliver of me hoped that she would come down, despite my note. I would’ve given anything, even my forgiveness for tonight, if my mom had just made that little step forward in showing how much our relationship meant to her.
Finally, the sound of steps ceased and my brain stopped whirling enough to fall asleep, the clock just having struck midnight as my eyes closed.
4
February 12th
From a family to this… how did this even happen?
#BreakdownPartyOfOne #MamaDrama #WeirdnessWednesday
My alarm went off, the ringing tone wearing on me before I even had time to open my eyes. Trudging out of bed, I went about my morning routine as slowly as possible to minimize as much time with my mom. Can’t face the problem if I’m not here long enough, I thought cynically. It didn’t take nearly as much time as I had anticipated to get ready even with moving slower than molasses, so I found myself heading to the kitchen for an apple or other snack for breakfast.
“Are you serious...” I muttered to myself, my eyes falling on my note from the night before lying amongst a stack of bills in the garbage whe
n I threw away the sticker off the apple I had plucked from the fridge. It shouldn’t have mattered, it was only a silly piece of paper after all, but a pang of something twisted my gut. Taking my foot off the pedal of the trash can, I walked out of the kitchen, needing to leave for school as soon as possible.
“Emma,” my mom called out as soon as my first foot hit the top step, and my movements paused as I waited to hear what she had to say. “I just wanted to say sorry for missing dinner last night.”
The words were out of her mouth, yet for some reason I didn’t seem to care, nor did it seem like she did either with how flat and hollow her apology sounded. A night of endless swirling thoughts, weeks of being treated like I wasn’t a good person or daughter because I stood up for myself, and finally several attempts at fixing our relationship... all to have the one night I needed for her to prove to me that she cared thrown away.
“Yeah,” I responded simply, my disinterested tone mirroring hers unintentionally. “I need to get to school.”
“Before you go,” she stated, stopping me as I tried to continue back down the stairs. “There’s someone coming by the house tonight I would like you to meet.”
“All right.” I sprinted down the rest of the way down the stairs before she could say anything else, grabbing my backpack on my way out. The cold air of the never-ending Nebraska winter swirled around me, a nice contrast to the hot patches I felt on my cheeks. If I looked in the mirror, I knew they’d be bright red in my emotional war.
Unlike last night, the drive to school seemed to take forever. I somehow hit every red light, got stuck behind only abnormally slow drivers, and ended up nearly fishtailing on a slick ice patch. By the time I was safely parked in the lot of the school, I was trembling.
“Note to self, practice driving in snow,” I ground out under my breath as I climbed out. “Or get a damned four-wheel drive vehicle.”
