I’m sorry that happened to you, Cadence, he said. I’m sitting outside right now and... As much as I find myself attracted to you. As much as being around you makes me feel good. As much as I’ve wanted you since the moment I met you. And, I’ll admit, as angry as this whole farce has me... That you wouldn’t just ask me... A part of me wishes I was wrong. And you were right. Though it still pisses me off to a good degree that you won’t give me that explanation you keep promising me you will, I never wished this on you. And I didn’t mean to hurt your feelings. I’m just so angry, it’s killing me to keep it inside. I can’t even tell when the people who want me dead are coming. I can’t smell them. I can’t feel them. They could be heading here right now, but... I’m sorry. I feel like a real...
It’s okay. I know you didn’t. I haven’t switched off the spell yet. I guess a stupid part of me is still hoping it can fix all this... Even if it doesn’t desire to... In any event, I felt terrible for you too. I’m having trouble concentrating myself, and I’ve been doing this for many years. But, Juno. She’s... Well. It’s not my place to say.
Feel free. I was sure there wasn’t much there before tonight. I had no idea the extent to which I made her ill. But well...
She’s awful to you, David. God, I love how your name sounds in my head. It makes me feel like I’m... Talking out of turn again. I’m sorry, David.
For the love of God, Cadence. Would you please quit apologising for yourself? There’s nothing you can say to me that’s improper. I’ve almost certainly heard far worse. You’re never going to be able to talk out of turn with me, because I value and respect your opinion, even if I don’t agree with it all the time. Seriously, Cadence. You don’t have to mother me. Whatever you have to say, you can say it. If it offends me, I’ll let you know. You’ll end up apologising a whole lot less. I guarantee it.
You’re making me blush, David.
I know, Cadence.
I must ask you something, David. And I hope I’m not overstepping my... I mean. Oh. I’m sorry. No. I mean. I’m not sorry.
Don’t be ‘not sorry’. Just don’t be sorry. And there’s really only one thing I wish you would ask me. You know that. Why won’t you? Is it because I’m giving you a choice? If so, then maybe I’m not the one.
No, it’s not... David. I’m... Oh you make me feel so... Wanted? Not like the display Brent put on. Just. I wanted to ask you something else first. I need to know certain things, too. If I looked to you, how I looked to them and everyone else, before. If you smelt what they smelt. Would you still feel the same way about me?
I don’t know, Cadence. You present yourself differently to everyone, right? I mean, I’d like to think so. I knew you were beautiful before I saw you. And everyone has their own smell. I got used to yours fast. And I’ll never forget how Melody smelt. No one else cared for that either, yet it was the most stimulating perfume in the world to me. It made me feel lucky... But I’ve never seen you ugly, as you say. And you’ve never smelt bad to me.
May I show you?
If you’d like to. It’s your body. You can do with it as you wish. My permission isn’t required.
This is how I looked when I felt ugly. Before you showed me I was beautiful.
David looked up as he felt an invisible finger tickle his chin.
Cadence stood before him. Nude as the day she was born. Feeling repulsive inside. Can you stand the sight of me? Be honest.
You look almost exactly the same.
I said be honest, David. Please? For me. I know you care about me. You’ve almost always been decent about respecting my feelings and treating me with dignity. It was never entirely your fault that you grew angry with me. You’ve, in one way or another, always made me feel special. Even when you kept going overboard, which I tried really hard not to love... I mean... I need you to honestly tell me what you see and how it affects you.
I am being honest. I can’t lie to you consistently if you haven’t lifted this fog yet, right?. You’re in your room?
Yes, I am.
Look in your mirror and you’ll see what I see.
Cadence walked over to her closet and opened it, standing in front of the full length mirror inside the door, looking at her naked body. Except for a few extra pounds here and there, that just happened to be in rather appealing places, and slightly softer features, she found she looked the same as she did when David had forced her to take a good look at herself before.
Does this mean I will never be ugly to them ever again, David?
The spell, or whatever it was you put on me, and on yourself. It makes us see how people feel about themselves and hear what they really think, right?
Yes, David.
Then what you see in your mirror is what you feel about yourself, right now. While you’re trying your hardest to feel ugly. What I see might not be exactly the same, but I’d imagine it is. As a control, let me ask you this: Did Junie look like a cat when she saw you tonight? Was she hissing when she saw your new face?
Yes. She laughed. Yes, she did. She became territorial rather quickly. Strange, since she obviously thinks so little of you.
Then, you. Ugly, attractive. However you are. You look beautiful to me. You are beautiful to me. That’s the truth. Besides, if you can look at yourself and see someone worthy of adoration. If you can feel that about yourself without looking, isn’t that enough? And if you find someone in this life who feels the same way about him or herself, what more could you ever need? Two people is all it takes to make a perfect world. A beautiful life.
As long as those people feel the same way about each other, I suppose that’s true...
You know what, Cadence. I think I’m just going to head home. You can dodge the issue all night, but there’s no point in dragging this out. I know I’m not the one. This is just all getting to be too much. Half of my world wants me dead or hates me and the other half just hurts too much to be around. David stood up, looked in through the patio door, seeing no one, and began walking back to his house. I hope you find what you’re looking for. I really do. I mean that. But, I can’t do this anymore. You can take the powers back, if that’s possible. I don’t want them if you don’t come with them. There’s no point in being invincible, or immortal, or whatever I’m becoming, if I’m just going to end up alone again. I’m going to go call the fine folks who want to bury me and see if I can stall them. Or meet up with them so I can get out of here and not be a burden anymore.
What? No, Cadence’s voice boomed. Panicked and confused. That’s not... I mean. Just...
Trust me, Melody. This is for the best. I know the people coming for me pose no threat to you, but I should really be moving on.
David’s face bumped into an invisible wall and he fell backward onto his ass. Smashing to the ground with a pained grunt.
Please allow me to finish, Cadence begged. I wanted to thank you for adoring me, David. And for being honest with me. Even when it hurt. When your hand wasn’t forced. And for never forcing mine. I’ve never known this before. God, I may be getting hooked on you again. I need you to understand—
Look. This is getting complicated. And it’s not fair to either of us. Just... ...Wait. What do you mean about my hand being forced?
Nothing, and not at all. Cadence made a sniffing sound. Everything’s actually gotten so much simpler. Although, as I said before, you may not care for what that means. Though you said you would. ...Go away, shadow. Now... Come to my room? Please? If only to say goodbye?
David smiled with sadness as he felt Cadence’s tongue begin to love him and her lips closed in a kiss on his forehead. He sniffed the back of his hand, let the cigarette drop and squashed it underfoot as he picked himself up off the ground.
“...This is not a fairy tale... And I don’t hate to say ‘I told you so’.”
Although the degree to which It’s become so accepting of Its monkey form disgusts me, I’m relieved at the same time. In order to be alone with my favourite monkey, to the extent that it’s possi
ble, It’s finally commanded me to leave and made Itself deaf to me. And, as It waits for my favourite monkey, It doesn’t even think of covering Itself with the clothes that make It bearable to observe.
But, by that same measure, the faulty thinking pattern It had fallen into is being erased the more comfortable It becomes in Its monkey skin and the more It projects Its mental energy outward. And that can only mean It will see Its way Home, and my mission will be over, soon.
Unless It manages to figure out some way to fuck everything up. I can’t discount that. It’s proven Itself fairly good at making that possibility a fixed reality more times than I care to recall. And every second I spend in the In-Between feels like an impossibly large number of the same in the Above, though the opposite is true with regard to the relative time that passes.
But I’m feeling hopeful now. Even if It gives my favourite monkey the explanation It so desperately craves, Its sluggish ape words and Its aura are showing me It sees a brighter future.
A part of me hopes It will give my favourite monkey the explanation he repeatedly requests. Firstly because my favourite monkey has all but given up on It. And, secondly, because, since I wasn’t assigned to It until It had already become lost, I’d love to hear how It could have come to love and care for the filthy monkeys and their primitive culture. I’d love to know how being trapped in a monkey’s body could, in any way, even remotely be fulfilling.
My favourite monkey is coming, reluctantly, now and It’s truly happy for reasons that, again, I can’t fathom.
Perhaps It knows my favourite monkey can show It how close It’s been to Home all the time It thought It was lost. Perhaps that’s why It smiles.
I like to think so. And though Its monkey happiness has nearly made me invisible, I whisper a reminder to Its monkey brain:
“...This is not a fairy tale... And we’ve come too far to blow this now. Right? Hello?”
David came back inside to the sound of Juno laughing and blathering on the living room couch. He popped his head in the room. Juno was laying with her head in Brent’s lap, licking his trouser bulge. Brent was busy ignoring some mindless twaddle on the television as he held his wireless phone, with its docking station plugged into a wall outlet, to his ear. Gulping loudly..
“How’s everything going, you two?” David asked. “Who are you talking to, Brent? Is Cadence all right?”
“I’m not sure. Only you would care,” Juno said, massaging Brent’s crotch and worrying. “Fuck off. I’m trying to get Brent to make a move on me.”
“She’ll be all right,” Brent said. “You know how embarrassed she gets. But, these guys on the phone. They’re the real deal. Scary. And they want to talk to you.” Brent and Juno both looked up at him, trembling with fear. “I swear, anything and everything gets Cadence in a tizzy. If she couldn’t provide, her ass would be on the kerb in five minutes. You, on the other hand, are a lucky man. You get to spend the night in the sack with this peach now and then, and there’s no commitment? You’ve got to teach me that trick.”
“Brent.” Juno lightly slapped the bulge in his pants. “He knows he’s lucky. You could be too, big guy. Just fix your zipper. There’s something wrong with it. It’s still closed. That’s all I ask. I’m... Really, I’m trying to work with you here.” She looked up at David, who took the phone from Brent. “I think that’s Ricky. Please, God, don’t be an asshole to him this time.”
“Ricky, that you?” David asked, making sure to keep the wireless phone plugged into its base. “I’m on live electricity now, so you can say whatever long-winded bullshit you have to say.”
Juno and Brent looked up at him in disbelief.
Ricky’s voice came loud and angry through the receiver. “Hey, Davey boy, you little fuckin’ rat piece of shit. How’s everybody doing? Your new friend sounds like he’s got a yeast infection. I hope you’re not counting on him for backup.”
“For what, Ricky? Make this quick. The battery may not run out on me, but I’m this close to the end of however much patience I have left. Are you coming by tonight?”
“You’d better watch your mouth, Davey. You pissed Paul off something good,” Richard replied. “We could be out there any time. You know that. Could be we’re on our way right now.”
“Look.” David’s face screwed up with anger as he clutched the phone. “Are you coming out here or not? I haven’t got time for your bullshit right now. Yes? Or no? Answer, you fucking pan-fried mistake of nature.”
“Are you having fun playing tough guy for your neighbours, Davey? Listen. Here’s the deal. I want to set something up. We can still make a deal. We’re both adults. There’s no reason we can’t—”
“Then call me at my house, later. I told you, I’m fuckin’ busy. I’m talking about a ‘lifetime’s worth of waiting’ busy. So, goodbye.”
“No,” Richard barked. “You’ll listen to me now, God damn it. You’ll listen to me now or I’ll send some muscle down there to grab those two honeys you mentioned earlier and go to town on their farm-fresh asses, you hear me, you little fuck?”
David rubbed his forehead. “Listen, Ricky. We’re going to have to talk later. At my house.” David continued to talk over Richard as he protested. “And, just to complete our last phone call, since I got cut off right after Paulie made almost the exact same threat. I have this, and only this, to say to you.” David pulled the phone from his face and howled into the receiver. “If you even think about touching her, I’ll fuckin’ kill you, you cock sucking piece of shit. I’ll fuckin’ murder you in the street. So come on down. Right now, if you like. I’ll be waiting here to take you the fuck apart.”
David hung up the phone and handed it back to Brent, patting him on the shoulder. “Thanks, buddy,” David continued. “That was... cathartic. I owe you one. Even though I kind of want to kill you, too.”
Juno and Brent just sat and stared as David began pretending to watch the TV again.
“Sounds like you have everything under control?” Brent asked, looking unsettled. “Regardless of the threat on my life, I think I’d go happy if I could work up the guts to take Junie back to my room, throw six or seven bucks on the floor and watch her crawl around picking them up in her birthday suit, while I—”
“That sounds like tonnes of fun, Brent,” David interrupted.
Brent looked at him, puzzled. “Seriously, man. Are you going to be all right? I thought Junie was just being a snotty little shit, but you’re on another planet, I swear.”
“I hope you know we’re going to have to run by tomorrow,” Junie said. “As much as I appreciate your bullshit show-boating, getting upset over them calling me names hasn’t done us one bit of good yet, has it? You just don’t care about anything, or anyone, but yourself, do you? Now, run along, Davey. You’re ruining my fantasy.” Juno unzipped Brent’s jeans. “This gets more humiliating every time I redraw my line in the sand. Sooner or later, he’d better try to fuck me.”
“I guess not. But I can’t believe you’re so self-centred you actually think I was defending you.” David pretended to watch television as a second Juno fluttered into view and a second Brent reached into the room from behind him. Dragging the second Juno down the hall by her hair. Throwing her into the bathroom’s full tub and jumping on top of her as they wrestled around. Splashing dirty water everywhere as the second Brent seemed to gain weight and change skin colour while he strangled the second Juno. Keeping her head under water as she spread her blanching, spasming legs. Though David knew what he was witnessing was most definitely not real, it made him wonder about how pitch dark Brent’s imagination really was.
Cadence, David said. Can you please turn this spell off? I have no idea what’s actually going on in here.
But if I do, no matter how angry you are with her or the men who are threatening my safety... Then you’ll see how beautiful Juno is and she’ll bewitch you and make you forget. It’s best you see what she really thinks about your relationship, don’t you agree?
No. I won’t forget and they... she can’t bewitch me. As you noted, looks aren’t everything. I just don’t want to ask the one Junie to, please, have the common decency to take the one Brent back to his room before she goes down on him, if they’re actually sitting on opposite sides of the couch. And I also don’t want to rescue the other Junie from the other Brent’s ultra-violent bathroom sex fantasy if it’s not really happening.
Cadence’s laugh wafted through his ears. Oh, you make me smile. David. Where have you been? All my life. Where?
Somewhere else. In a hell you’d like to forget exists, Cadence. Where you left me.
Oh. All right. Cadence sounded hurt and a little scared. I’ll turn it off. But... Before I do, will you come to my room?
“Certainly,” David said. Aloud. Accidentally. Again.
“What?” Juno and Brent asked.
“Certainly am, I mean,” David said. “Just answering Brent’s question. I’m okay, I mean.” Brent and Juno looked back, waving him off. “I need to use the bathroom. I’ll be right back. And what happened to your hard-on for Cadence, Brent? Anyway... You two have fun turning an unbelievably easy hook-up into a long, lonely night. I’ll check on Cadence to make sure she’s all right on my way back.”
“Take your time,” Brent said. “If you stay away long enough, maybe I can work up the nerve to try and convince this little beauty to dump your ass and ride me off into the sunset. And, who? Cadence? She’ll be all right. No matter how ‘hot’ she makes herself look, she’ll always be fat and ugly, with a stupid looking face. Anyone could do a lot better. You know?” David nodded again, trying to contain his anger as Brent’s words hit him. Remembering Melody.
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