Cadence looked straight at David, shaking. Fear in her eyes and, though she was ashamed to admit it to herself, a growing feeling of animal arousal. I can’t ask you that, David.
David sat himself back at his place and gave Juno a solid slap on the back of the head that made her squeak with fear and start to cry. Feeling something hit his leg and raising his hand to Juno once more, he looked down and saw a little red waggon rolling out from under the table. He blinked again and it was gone. “You watch what you say about her too, Junie. I’m sick and tired of this shit.” David rubbed at his eyes, looking back at the floor, which caused Juno to flinch as she visibly shook with terror. “Sound good?”
“Yeah, sure.” Brent started to mope. “No sense in worrying over what might be nothing.”
“Okay.” Juno rolled her eyes. “God forbid I enjoy any piece of mind. You say you give a shit about me, but name one thing you’ve done to make sure I was safe during this whole ordeal.”
May I, Melody? David asked. And what’s with the kids toy on the floor? Where did that come from, or go to?
No, Davey, Cadence replied, ignoring David’s questions and stroking Brent’s shoulder. Looking deeply, horribly sad, as he stuffed a slice of pizza in his mouth. Even Brent doesn’t really know what I do. And please refrain from the display you put on. I know you care about me and, you told me, it hurts you to see me not being treated like you think I should be. Treated well, I mean. I know it bothers you but, please, if you continue thinking those thoughts, this is going to become so difficult to follow even I’m going to start having trouble keeping up. For what it’s worth, I wish it was you... I mean... Please, Davey?
David shook his head in anger and frustration. I’ll try, Melody, but I’m not promising anything. It’s not just about him... And I’m not sorry, but I apologise. He watched Cadence wipe her eyes dry. She continue to make sure she looked presentable as her breath grew more choppy and weak.
Just. Please don’t, Davey. I beg of you. I know this is hard. You’re really being very good to me. You always have been. I love it so much, but I could never tell you, because that would be... Fine, Davey. I give up. I’m not going to stop you from tricking me into saying whatever horrible and indecent things are on my mind. Your eyes are so beautiful... Stop. Okay. Fair is fair. But I want you to know I appreciate your patience. I need Brent to see me first. So you can see he does love me and you were wrong about what you said this morning. So you can hear him speak his commitment to me. Can you wait until after then?
Seriously, Melody? You’re not hearing any of this conversation between Brent and Junie? You didn’t hear what he said about you? Are those tears of joy? Seriously, you’ve got to stop this. It’s becoming difficult to deal with. I mean—
Davey, Cadence said, somehow managing to stutter. I can hear. But they’re not talking back and forth. And Brent’s just... It’s... We’re the bad people here. We don’t have the right to listen to their private thoughts. If they could hear me, I’d be deeply shamed.
Why? You haven’t said one hurtful thing about... Okay, you said one hurtful thing but... Well, then, Melody, shouldn’t we just—?
I said no, Davey. I love you, dearly. I adore you, I do. God, I do. But please let me have this. Please?
Okay, Melody. For you. Only for you. Fuck these two, if you’ll pardon my French.
Davey. Please. Mind your language. And thank you.
Of course, Melody. I’m going to shut up now, so they have to pay attention to you. I can’t take much more of this, and that’s fair, I think. Cadence blushed, her eyes drying, and she began to stare even more fiercely at the floor as David looked over at her and tried to smile.
“What?” Juno asked. She looked over at Cadence. “Oh my God, did the drama queen get dressed up all pretty and no one’s noticed? Jesus, I swear.”
“I didn’t say anything,” David said.
“No shit, Davey,” Juno said. “That’s why I asked you ‘what’. Are you pretending to be fuckin’ retarded or is it a recessive gene?”
“All right, you crazy kids.” Brent squeezed Juno’s arm. “You two have your little wordless argument. I forget everyone else has their own problems when I get all wrapped up in my head. Fuck me, though, right? I just pay the bills. Make sure you two, and the pudgy little grouse I have to live with, have a safe place to stay.”
“It’s okay, Brent,” Juno said. “You’re not the problem. I wish Davey was half the man you are. But seriously, are you ever going to make a move? You’re available, right? I haven’t been checking out your package since we met because I have lazy eyes. Fuck, man. If I have to initiate any more than I did outside our house yesterday, I’m going to lose all respect for you.”
You can still ask me to tell you, Melody, David said.
Cadence coughed as Juno looked over at her with disgust and contempt. “That’s right,” Juno said. “Keep looking at the floor so we don’t have to watch that ugly mug of yours hoover up food like a pig at the trough, you titless freak. I, honestly, have no idea why Brent keeps you around if he isn’t fucking you. I’m sure the thought of burying his dick in your nasty little clam makes him ill. When you spread your legs, does a loaf of bread pop out? Jesus. Just thinking about it is curing my appetite.”
“Are you okay?” Brent asked Cadence as he patted her on the back. “What the hell’s the matter with you? Are you trying to be annoying tonight? Did you forget how to eat? I swear to God, you can be a royal pain in the ass sometimes.”
Cadence lifted her head and cleared her throat. “Yes, Brent. Thank you so much. I just got a little... Oh. I’m so sorry.” She brought her napkin to her mouth and spit out whatever she’d started choking on. She wiped her mouth and looked around at everyone. “No more pizza for me. Would anyone care for pie? I have some already prepared. In the refrigerator.”
David looked over at Juno, who had transformed into a mangy cat, baring her fangs and hissing. Brent drooled like a basset hound, his face going all soft and gooey.
“That sounds delicious, Cadence,” David said. “Junie? Brent?”
Juno looked at Cadence and covered David’s eyes with her hands. “You’re... You’re looking... ...Good tonight. Cadence. New hairdo? Make-up?”
“Hot damn.” Brent stared at Cadence with delight. “You look amazing. What did you do today? Did you put something in the pizza? It’s like you’re the same, but different. Turn your head.” Cadence turned her head to the left and the right, smiling and loving the attention. “Damn, baby. Where’d the spade-faced bog beast go? You’re looking like something I could fuck.”
“Brent,” David said. “Junie’s virgin ears.”
Juno looked at David like he was from outer space.
“What do you mean, Davey?” Brent asked. “I just said she looked amazing.” He nudged Juno. “Didn’t mean to upset the prude over there. Does he make you turn the lights out when you hold hands?”
David looked over at Cadence who continued to smile, although it was beginning to look a bit forced, as Brent’s hands molested every inch of her.
“Sure, I’d love pie,” Brent said. “You two?” David and Juno nodded. “Looks like everyone’s up for your pie.”
Juno elbowed David in the ribs. “You better not be thinking about her pie,” she whispered. “I don’t know what kind of magic trick she pulled off with her make-up, but... Holy shit, it feels like I broke my fuckin’ arm... Don’t go thinking she’s any better looking than she’s ever been. My pie is the only pie you should be thinking of eating. And you better not be getting a hard-on thinking about her pie either.” Fortunately, having to listen to Juno and Brent go on and on all evening had left him limp as a wet rag.
David smiled back at Juno and she shrugged as she looked back at him and waved. Wondering what the hell he was smiling about. At the same time, a second Juno leapt into Brent’s lap and stroked his crotch as she covered his eyes. Brent shoved her face away and down, kicking her body under the table and out of sight.
There was just more than one of Junie, Melody, David said.
Cadence moved from the table, stumbling as Brent felt her up, and retrieved the pie from the refrigerator. She cleared everyone’s plates and put out the dessert ware while Brent kneaded her ass like Play-Doh.
Yes, Davey. If she’s thinking strongly about more than one thing at the same time, that can happen. Now, please. She served Juno and David. “It’s apple,” Cadence said. “Home made. I do hope you like it.”
Well, thank the Lord Brent’s so focused. I hate that mother fucker, David said as Cadence glared at him and waved her finger in the air. Junie dislikes not being the centre of attention to a degree I never realised. Funny.
“‘I do hope you like it’,” Juno said, mocking. “She thinks she’s all that because she managed to pull off some make-up trick she read about in Homely Bridesmaid Magazine. She’s still a ferret-faced pirate’s dream.” Juno looked over at David and scoffed. “Of course, she must look like a goddess to you now, Davey. You think she’s pretty when she’s plain vanilla ugly. I can’t believe Brent is buying this bullshit too. He’s not even ogling my tits anymore. What the fuck? You should both be checking me out. Hello? I’m the real, actual, naturally good looking woman at the table.” Juno grabbed David’s wrist, giving him a start. “When you take me home tonight and fuck me, Davey, you’d better not be thinking about her.”
“No worries,” David replied.
“Who the hell are you talking to tonight?” Juno looked at Cadence and swirled her index finger around her temple. “Davey’s finally gone nuts. You’ve done it at last, Cadence.”
Cadence put three slices on Brent’s plate. “For your appetite, my beloved.” She gave him a peck on the forehead as he manhandled her breasts.
“Yeah, whatever,” Brent said. “And please quit calling me that. ‘My beloved’. Jesus, it’s fuckin’ pathetic. Just... Stop talking altogether.” Cadence stared forward. Trying to keep her lips from trembling as Brent continued to kick her ego in the teeth. “Look, let’s eat this fast so we can get these two out of here. Then I’m going to take you into the bathroom and fuck the shit out of your stuck-up little ass. With the lights off, just in case whatever make-up you’re wearing stops working. You do this every night and we can start sleeping in the same bed together.” Brent paused. “But not if this is a quick fix trick. If you’re doing this to get me to finally have sex with you and then you go back to the way you used to be—All comfortable and scary looking—All bets are off. I’ll tell you what, though. If you can keep this up until we’re too old for it to make a difference anymore, I’ll give you a little slap and tickle every night for the rest of my life, no matter how much more unbearably annoying you eventually become. We’re not having any kids though. One of you is more than the world should ever have to suffer.” Brent wolfed down his pie. Chunks of it falling out of his mouth as he continued to drool over Cadence’s face and figure. “Damn. You’ve got the body of a dancer. I’ll tell you what, you’re going to get some of this.” Brent pointed at the tent he was pitching in his lap. “All night long. Oh, yeah.” He looked over at David, pointing at Cadence with his thumb. “Forget the apple. This here is one sweet slice of cherry pie. Am I right, Davey?”
“Sure,” David said, flummoxed.
“Sure what?” Brent asked as Cadence took her seat and served herself. “You’re right, Junie. Davey may have lost his marbles. You getting enough sleep, pal?” Brent looked over at Cadence, pulling her right knee over his left and smacking her inner thigh. Watching its tender flesh ripple and redden. “You are looking like one delicious piece of pussy. That Junie’s got nothing on you tonight.”
“Yeah, I’m just...” David looked down, as Juno tugged at Brent’s arm, pulling her top down over her shoulders, letting her bra straps flop to the sides and trying to get him to look at her as he continually slapped her face away.
“You wanna help me out and stick your cock in this one?” Brent asked David, pointing over at Juno. “Unless there’s a three-way brewing, the least you could do is keep Junie’s ass on a leash for me, buddy.”
I can’t deal with any more of this shit. You win, Melody, David said, as Juno nudged him, more and more violently, trying to get his attention and crying as her elbow bruised. He glanced over at her for a moment, but her face looked like a Rottweiler’s, and he immediately looked away. I guess I was wrong.
No, Davey, Cadence said. You were right. I’ve been pretending it isn’t so. And, well, I got my wish. Now I know. I can’t make him change and... You were right. I’ve never done this before so I wouldn’t have to face the truth. Know I was wrong. It’s finally happened. He’s treating me with less respect than a common prostitute. I mean nothing to him.
Cadence began crying hysterically. “Excuse me,” she managed to say as she got up, ran into her bedroom and slammed the door behind her.
“What was that all about?” Brent asked. “Did I not thank her stupid ass properly? I swear to Christ. I’ll never understand that crazy fuckin’ bitch.” He looked at the ceiling with aggravation. “Well, it is what it is. But, as soon as you two leave, I’m breaking down her door and taking her tight little ass to pound-town whether she likes it or not.” He shook his head, looking at David. “Who am I kidding? I don’t have what it takes to do that... But, I’m owed, right, Davey?”
David looked back at Brent. “Why don’t you just shut the fuck up before I start treating you like the prison bitch your mother groomed you to be, you closet rapist. If you so much as think about hurting Cadence again, I will fuckin’ kill you right here, right now. In the real world..” Then he turned to Juno. “Did you and Cadence have any issues today?”
“Oh, I exist all of a sudden? No,” Juno replied. “I was still half asleep when you showed up here today. Remember seven minutes ago, you dumb fuck?” She turned to Brent, leaning forward and jiggling her breasts. “I’m still waiting for you to do something about these, big boy. Seriously, Brent. How much more work am I going to have to do before you pitch in?”
Brent excused himself and ran down the hallway, finding Cadence’s door locked and pounding on it furiously. Trying to talk her back outside, but Cadence wasn’t making a sound.
“Maybe your new girlfriend’s make-up started to run.” Juno pouted. “That little stick figure thought she could pull one over on the world for more than seven minutes? You’ve either got it, like I do, or you don’t. She thought she was going to upstage me? What a laugh. You can’t fix ugly.” Juno nudged David in the ribs again, whimpering with pain, and he fought to keep from shuddering as he looked at her. For Juno’s sake, David hoped that wasn’t true, because he’d never seen a woman so disgusting before in his life. Not only were her features misshapen and discoloured, her skin was peeling off the muscle underneath.
“Believe me, Junie. You’ve got nothing on Cadence. She may not put everything she’s got on display and shake it for any man who’ll look, but she’ll always be more attractive than you. Sure, you’ve got a cute face and a great body, but your personality is so toxic you can’t even pull in an asshole like Brent. The only way you’re ever getting a piece of him is if you take it. Because no one on earth can make sense of your fucked up signals. You run hot and cold like a tenement faucet. And, let’s face it, you’re a whiny, self-centred little shit. And no man with an ounce of self-respect can put up with that for long, even if you are blowing him morning, noon and night. You got another cigarette on you?”
“Sure.” She handed him one, along with a lighter. “You want me to smoke it for you too, you cheap, lazy fuck? And don’t bother inviting me out to have one with you. I’m just here to look good and keep my mouth shut. Dick.”
“I’m going to go outside, smoke this real quick and think about our situation with Ricky and Paulie. I need time to clear my head. And the blather that keeps coming out of that hole beneath your nose isn’t helping. Maybe that’s why I’ve been so spaced out this whole meal.”
“Ok
ay, baby. You go think. Maybe you’ll come up with the cure for cancer. You sure as hell won’t be able to save my ass from Ricky and Paulie without a helping hand from God and a healthy plague. Why I shacked up with you, I’ll never figure out. You’re fun in bed, but Jesus are you a fuckin’ loser. In a perfect world, you’d be stuck here in the ass-end of space with ‘poor me’ Cadence and I’d be living with a real man like Brent. I’m going to go see if I can help him talk Cadence off the ledge. If not, I’ll let him think he’s sneaking a peek at my panties. So he has something to jerk off to the next time he gets horny. Or maybe he’ll man up and take me into his bedroom. While the crier hides under the blankets in her room and you sit around outside dreaming.”
“Thanks,” David said. “I’ll be back in soon, you miserable little three-faced bitch.”
Juno waved. “Take your time. No one misses you. I’ll have to spend the evening alone with your dumb ass later anyway. I swear, if you couldn’t fuck me halfway to heaven, I’d be gone already. Pretty soon, even that’s not going to be enough. I’ll tell you, at this point, I’d take a bad smack habit and strange dick over you in a heartbeat. Who knows, maybe if I can take care of Ricky the way he loves, and hand him your balls on a silver platter, he’ll let me start working again. See you in a few.”
David sat out on the picnic bench, facing away from the Strange household, smoking a cigarette and hating the taste. In the background, he could hear Brent and Juno talking about Cadence and what might be wrong with her. And, since Cadence had gone and messed with his head in a way he couldn’t figure out how to reverse yet, he also heard them both talking about how they’d love to throw each other a revenge fuck, to show their respective companions. David stifled a laugh as he listened to Juno begging Brent to just, for God’s sake, take her back to his bedroom. She’d charge him if it helped. And Brent wondering aloud how in the world he could get a girl as tasty as Juno in the sack without getting her blind drunk first.
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