He ought to be happy that she was satisfied with a casual encounter and didn’t ask for a piece of him in return. He was off the hook and usually reveled in it. Now he felt used. Cindy’s brush-off only increased his desire to make her his, to make any changes necessary to keep her happy.
“I just want to be left alone. No point.”
“Or maybe you just don’t want me. Lord knows I’ve tried to gain your favor for years. Nothing I do or say seems to be good enough for you.” He wouldn’t force himself on the cowgirl. It was impossible to instill love in another person’s heart. Chance should know considering how many women tried to mold him into the perfect mate, only to be disappointed.
“I want no one, and trust me on this, you don’t want me.”
“You keep saying that, but it’s my choice to make,” he said.
Cindy made an exasperated groan. She pushed at his chest, trying to plow by him.
“And you’re the one angry, darlin’.”
She finally stopped, and he could hear her take in a deep, cleansing breath. “I’m mad at myself, not you. I’m always professional with my clients. Always. For some reason I’ve been out of sorts lately, doing things I normally wouldn’t even try.”
“It can be good to take chances.” He spoke softly, afraid to spook her. She was no different than a skittish green broke horse, and he didn’t want to lose her.
“Please. Let’s just go back to the way things were and forget all this.”
He’d had enough. His heart could only take so much punishment, and he didn’t like his weaknesses becoming more prevalent by the moment. “That’s easier said than done. I can’t turn off my emotions like a switch.” Then he laid it all out on the table. “I’m sure you won’t have any trouble giving me the cold shoulder for another five years. I guess it’s impossible to defrost the ice queen.”
Then he stalked off, not wanting to argue or grovel. He’d hit the town pub and filter out his sorrows with booze and women.
“Chance!”
He ignored her distant cries. This was her land, so she’d know how to find the house. Her parents had already put on the spotlights, creating a beacon in the inky blackness. If she wanted to act as if nothing happened between them, he’d oblige her. He only hoped she had a change of heart before his blackened completely.
Cindy watched the shadowy figure disappear around the old barn as she neared the house. She’d wanted him to leave her be, but not like this. His reaction was completely unexpected. She felt like a piece of shit for brushing him off, but a man like Chance should have welcomed the opportunity to walk away from a woman. He was known for his countless one-night stands, not long-lasting relationships. For a moment she swore she’d pegged him wrong. Either he was sorry for not taking the chance to fuck her proper or by some miracle he had decided to change his womanizing ways.
But just like she’d told him, a relationship was impossible for her. No matter how sexy and adored a man made her feel, all the newfound confidence in the world would be like water through her fingers once he saw her missing limb. She had to keep reminding herself of that. Commitment would equal humiliation, shame, heartbreak, and regret. Even her mother never pushed for grandchildren even though Cindy knew she wanted them more than anything. If the one woman who loved her unconditionally felt she was unmarketable, then it would be foolhardy for her to try and land a man.
Her usual excuses for staying single barely convinced her these last couple days. The three men who’d dared to kiss her had unleashed something from deep inside her that had lain dormant all these years. If she was only worried about her physical appearance, then she would have allowed Matthew to court her properly. He’d seen her at her worst and best, but he still appeared interested. Then what was her problem? She recognized there was a hurt little girl within her—one terrified of rejection, but desperate for approval. As much as she’d like to ignore that little voice, it was impossible. Her childhood had been so cruel that Cindy had a feeling that little girl would always be a part of her, never able to fully grow up.
She dropped down in the hammock at the rear of the house. Two massive oak trees watched her from either side, their leaves rustling with each passing of the wind. Cindy tried to understand herself, but came up blank. Maybe she was greedy. It would be difficult to choose between Chance, Josh, and Matthew—if she had such a choice. She smiled as she imagined wicked scenarios featuring all three men. Chance seemed turned on when she spoke about Matthew’s handling of her.
She shook her head slightly to cast away the thought. Cindy fiddled with her hair as she stared up at the moon. The gentle rocking of the hammock and symphony of insects lulled her until she was fading in and out of consciousness.
“Come on in the house now. It’s too late to be out here alone.” It was her mother’s soft voice. She hadn’t even noticed the screen door open.
“He’s not coming back, in case you were wondering,” she said.
“I expected as much.”
Cindy knew her parents had latched onto Chance and invited him to dinner for one reason only. They were desperate to see her in a real relationship. “Are you disappointed?”
“I’ve gotten used to you running off any man that shows an inkling of interest.”
She sat up. “What’s that supposed to mean?”
“It means you’re determined to be alone for the rest of your life. Your father and I won’t be around forever. You’re our only child, Cindy. We want to see you happy.”
She didn’t want to get mad when her mother sounded so sincere, but her emotions were all over the place tonight.
“I’m alone for a reason, mom. And you didn’t have more children for a reason, too.”
“Don’t…”
Cindy got off the hammock and began pacing the area. She realized that she hadn’t voiced her feelings in too many years to remember. She’d been bottling everything up, internalizing all her sorrows and regret. It was bound to come bursting out sooner or later.
“I’m a cripple. In a province brimming with beautiful cowgirls, why the heck would a man settle for me? And the only reason men give me the time of day is because I hide behind denim and lies. If they knew the truth they’d never call me again. You know that as well as I.”
“Cindy, please…”
“I know you mean well, but don’t make me feel guilty for being alone. Don’t you think I want the whole happily ever after?” Her voice cracked and tears began to swim in her eyes. She could only lie to herself for so long. The truth was she wasn’t happy. Not at all. She wanted the dream. “Don’t you think I want a man who loves me for who I am?”
“Chance seemed like a nice fellow.”
She spun away from her mother, looking out into the black fields. The cool air was settling in now, crisp and refreshing. “He has a new girl every couple weeks. He’s looking for immediate gratification, not a long-term commitment. Besides, he’s looking for perfection, and that’s something I’m not.”
“Nobody’s perfect, sweetheart.”
Her mother wasn’t helping. Cindy didn’t worry about a fat ass, acne, or stretch marks. She didn’t hide behind a layer of makeup or stuff her bra. She was missing a leg. According to her, that put a scarlet letter right on her forehead—not for adultery, but still warning men to pass her by. Even if nobody could see the letter, she knew it was there and felt it burning into her flesh whenever she got her hopes up.
“You’re right, mom. I best get to bed.”
She loved her mother to death. She’d always defended Cindy and loved her unconditionally all the years of her life. Her parents weren’t rich or educated, but they tried their best to raise Cindy the best they could. Sometimes life just was what it was.
As she made her way to her room, she knew her mother would never mention men to her again. It made her sad for so many different reasons. Part of her wanted Chance to come back, whisk her off her feet, and declare his undying love for her. But the logical part knew she’d only
push him away again, certain he had a hidden agenda. How could she teach herself to trust? Because it was terrifying.
She crawled under her blankets and rolled the lip of her prosthesis off with her foot, just wanting it off for the night and not caring to look at it. Once she’d managed to get it off, she kicked it to the floor. They had a love-hate relationship. She was thankful to have it because it kept her out of a wheelchair. But she also wished to be normal, something she’d never be. She wanted to slip into a fairy tale where she could trade her voice for a leg…or true love.
Before she fell asleep she said a silent prayer. She gave thanks for her mother, her father, their home, and the security of her job. She also thanked God for the three men who briefly opened up her world. They’d given her a glimpse of what it would feel like to be normal, to be desired. For that she’d suffer the pain now making her heart ache.
Chapter Ten
A week had passed since Cindy Taylor showed up to appraise his land. Josh had busied himself with work around the ranch, trying his best not to focus on those blue eyes haunting his waking thoughts.
He stabbed a pitchfork into the hay and wiped his brow with a clean rag. The heat wouldn’t let up, making the installation of an irrigation system even more imperative. But he refused to be the first to call. She had to make that move.
“Hay won’t shovel itself,” said Adam. Josh hadn’t noticed his younger brother staring at him. He was leaning against the bay doors of the barn
“Just taking a breather.”
Adam shoved off from his spot and approached him. “You look like shit. You haven’t been yourself since that girl left.”
“I’m busy is all.”
“Bullshit, Josh. You’re acting like a lovesick teenager, and you barely knew that girl. It’s ridiculous. Part of me thinks you want her just because Matthew does.”
He’d known Matthew took Cindy out to dinner, but he didn’t know all the details. In fact, he preferred not to think about it because it made him see red. “What girl are you talking about?”
Adam laughed out loud and threw up his hands. “That’s the biggest joke I’ve heard in a long time, brother. I mean, I know our town lacks for eligible females, but come on. It’s like you have a neon sign above your head announcing that you’re pining over a woman. Everyone knows it, not just me.”
It was true that men outnumbered women ten to one in their town. It was likely the reason there were so many ménage relationships. Both Matthew’s brothers and his sister had settled down with more than one partner. Did Matthew plan to do the same thing? Would Josh even want to share Cindy if she agreed to date him?
Adam was right. He was acting out of character. It wasn’t like Josh had known the girl all his life. He faintly remembered her from before she left town, but that was it. There was just something intangible about Cindy—her personality, her strength, her guarded playfulness. His attraction, combined with his recent urge to settle down, had put him in a black mood since she left. Add a healthy heaping of jealousy and he was not to be reckoned with.
“Well everyone can just mind their damn business. I ain’t pining over anyone. If I were, I certainly wouldn’t be out here doing my job. Do you see me calling her?”
Adam adjusted his Stetson. “Maybe you should.” Then he returned to the shadows of the barn, leaving Josh alone with his morose thoughts.
He finished hauling the hay over the split-rail fence for the horses, and then he made a beeline for the telephone in the kitchen of the house. It’s only business, he told himself. He needed to find out about the irrigation system quote, or he’d have to look elsewhere. Just business.
“Mr. Oakley?”
“Can I help you?”
“It’s Josh Granger. I was calling to find out about my quote. It’s been a week, and I thought I’d hear something by now.”
“Son, I apologize, but my girl Cindy asked to be taken off the last leg of this assignment. Can’t say why exactly, but she was quite adamant. I only have one other staff member knowledgeable enough to finish the final details with you. He won’t available until Tuesday.”
“That just won’t do,” he said. “Ms. Taylor started this quote and I expect her to finish it. It’s nonsense to redo the work she’s already done, wasting everyone’s time and money. Have her complete her job, or I’ll be forced to look elsewhere.”
Why the fuck was Cindy giving him the brush-off? What had he done so wrong besides kiss her? Was she that unattracted to him? Did she prefer Matthew? He’d called Mr. Oakley, but he’d really called to find out about the girl plaguing his mind. She’d been avoiding him all this time.
Josh knew there were little options in finding an irrigation company close enough and available to do the work he needed, but he wasn’t thinking with his head when he gave Mr. Oakley the ultimatum. He felt like a jerk, but before he could retract his words and apologize, the old man agreed.
“I’ll have Cindy drive up first thing tomorrow morning.”
“Sneaky little devil,” she muttered under her breath. Mr. Oakley had sided with Josh Granger and insisted she finish the job up north. And the job was nearly complete, just a few minor details she’d overlooked. How was she expected to think clearly after everything that had happened on the ranch? When her boss said she had to come back, she argued and threw a little fit, but he wouldn’t budge. Her job at Oakley Irrigation was all she had, and she couldn’t lose it by refusing the boss.
Cindy had hoped to avoid both Josh and Matthew, unable to come to grips with the array of emotions they brought out in her. Over the past week, since Chance walked out on her, she’d decided it was safest and best to cut off men entirely. There was more to life than marriage and children. And sex. She may die a virgin, but at least she’d have her pride.
She neared the back roads of her old town. Seeing the familiar sights brought her the usual anxiety, but now there was something more. Her body lit up in anticipation, her pussy growing moist just recalling her time with the two cowboys. This was not good.
How was she supposed to remain professional and distant if all she could think about were all those hard, tanned muscles, kissable lips, and roaming hands?
Cindy pulled into the lot in front of the Granger ranch. Josh was leaning against the fence as if he knew the moment she’d arrive. What game was he playing?
She slammed her truck door shut once she hopped down to the gravel with disregard.
“You have some nerve, Granger!” She didn’t care about being professional now that he’d crossed the line himself. He only wanted her to complete the job so he could have another chance to court her—right into his bed. It was bad enough she had to deal with one playboy at home, but two was an overload.
He tilted his black Stetson back, looking too good to be holy. “Well aren’t you in a mood, Ms. Taylor,” he said, playing innocent.
“A mood? I had to drive all the way out to this god-forsaken land just to keep my job. And I have you to thank for that.”
“I just asked for you to finish the job you started. Was there a reason you wanted to drop the assignment?”
“Yes, there was, actually. You!”
She stormed off to the rear of the house. There wasn’t too much data to collect, but she planned to do it in record time and be on her way.
He tagged along behind her, his heavy footfalls closing in fast. “Me? Did I get under your skin, darlin’?”
“Yes, like a splinter. Now, please leave me be so I can do my job.”
He laughed—a deep, masculine sound. His presence was a distraction. Josh was so tall and commanding. Even his scent drove her libido wild.
“Can’t I watch?”
For some reason his comment made her think of Chance when he asked to hear about her encounter with Matthew. She could imagine two of the men watching as another fucked her. Maybe in Josh’s hay loft with the wooden doors wide open. What is wrong with me? She’d gone from a respectable woman to a wanton hussy in the span of a week.
“You’re a menace,” she said. But by the time she turned around to gauge his reaction, he had her pinned to the side of the house. He shackled her wrists and brought them high above her head. Her heart raced, her blood heated, and her pussy tightened.
“You have no idea what I am. Or what I’m capable of.” He stared at her, his eyes so blue she swore she saw the ocean waves. “You avoid me, but then you play games.”
“I’m just trying to do my job.” She struggled, but he held her still. “I have no idea what games you’re talking about, Mr. Granger.”
“Mr. Granger now?” He clucked his tongue.
She felt no sense of fear, only titillation. There was no anger in Josh. He remained calm, his voice steady, but he was in control. She liked it.
“Let me go.”
“I bet if I slid my hand down your pants you’d be soaked through.” He held her wrists up with one big hand and used his free hand to lightly run along the side of her breast. “And your nipples are begging to be sucked.”
“You’re disgusting,” she said. But in truth, his words spiraled around inside her, lighting up every erogenous zone. His raw, crude nature was driving her wild on the inside. Could he sense it? Did desire have a unique fragrance to men? He certainly behaved like an animal. Would he be as untamed in bed? Or would he be patient for her first time?
“Better for you.”
She wasn’t sure what that meant, but she was certain it had sexual connotations.
Cindy parted her lips to breathe. Her heart was pumping so fast she didn’t doubt she’d pass out for the thrill.
Josh slid his work-roughened hand up her shirt. She closed her eyes as he neared her breasts. Cindy wore no bra today even though she always did. It was as if part of her anticipated this moment, secretly yearning for it. Would Josh refuse her in the end like Matthew and Chance had?
“You’re soft, Cindy. Like silk against my fingers.” He cupped one breast in his palm, squeezing slightly. The forbidden nature of the touch set her nerves afire. Her senses became magnified. She could hear the wind, the birds in the distance, even the shed door flapping open and closed near the front of the house.
The Reluctant Virgin [Ride 'em Hard 6] (Siren Publishing Ménage Amour) Page 8
