It was not until she was in bed, having had no chance for any discussion with him, that she could think about it. How could he do this to her, when they had only lately discovered their love for each other? They both knew that nothing could come of it, of course, although it had crossed her mind several times during the previous few weeks that they could run away together, go to a place where no one knew that they were actually twins - she’d have been willing to go anywhere in the world with him - and live happily ever after. Why couldn’t Roddy have thought of that? Why was he taking the coward’s way out?
She let her mind slip to an imaginary scenario, where she was a happy housewife, cooking and cleaning for the man who had vowed to love her for ever, having his babies and watching them grow up.
Her thoughts came to an abrupt halt, a searing stop that shook her. Was it true, as she had heard or read somewhere, that children made by close relatives would be born insane? If not altogether mad, they would probably be born malformed in some way. No, no! That couldn’t be true! It couldn’t!
Her heart had almost stopped at the very idea, so she pushed it away vehemently. She and Roddy would have been different. Their children would have been perfect in every way - healthy, wealthy and wise, as the old saying went. But the old beliefs refused to go away. It was against the law for brothers and sisters to marry, and, presumably, it was far worse if they were twins, born from the same seed.
Roddy was right to leave, to put all temptation behind them, and she’d have to steel herself to abide by his decision. But how she wished that it had been different.
The whole family had been dreading this day, the day of Roddy’s departure. Roselle’s fears had been a little allayed by what his boss had told her, but she knew that she was still going to be extremely upset. She just hoped that she’d be able to hide her fears from her son. He would be putting on a brave face, no doubt, but his mother’s anxiety could undermine him.
As it happened, she was the most composed of them all. She had her feelings well under control, while Brian’s eyes filled with moisture as Roddy, biting his lip to keep back his tears, closed the carriage door, and Dilly was sobbing loudly. Saying goodbye like this was a harrowing experience, even knowing that it was not for ever. The three sad figures stood waving until the train was out of sight, and it was Roselle who shepherded them off the platform. The journey home was made more or less in silence, with only Dilly saying, as they left the city behind, ‘He’ll be all right, Mum, won’t he?’
‘Of course he will.’ Her mother’s confident reply soothed the girl, who leaned back in the back seat and closed her eyes, while the woman fought back the tears that were threatening to break through at last. She had to keep calm. If she let down her defences for a single moment, she would be lost.
She had been assured by Mr Petersen that her son would be well looked after, that the woman who would be his landlady had proved her worth over and over with his young employees, but this, instead of helping Roselle, had raised a new fear in her: would this Mrs O’Shaughnessy turn into a surrogate mother, take over the role that should be hers, Roselle’s, alone?
No matter how much she scolded herself for this thought, she couldn’t shake it off.
‘Today’s the twins’ eighteenth birthday.’
His wife’s remark took Frank Milne by surprise. He had believed that she had forgotten about the Lewis family ages ago, or if not entirely forgotten, had surely given up on worrying about them. ‘So they’ve reached the age of majority,’ he remarked.
A frown crossed her face. ‘What d’you mean by that?’
‘Nothing, I was only saying. I hadn’t forgotten how old they are.’
A little mollified, she gave a sigh. ‘I just wish I knew if they stayed on at school to take higher education. I think they’d both have been clever enough.’
‘Aye, I agree there. They were bright wee things, the pair of them.’
‘They were that, but they knew their own minds, even at that age, especially Roddy, and I can see him wanting to leave school, to earn some money.’
‘He’ll get on, whatever he’s doing.’
After a brief silence, Helen said, reflectively, ‘I can’t understand why Roselle never wrote. I thought she liked us, and she must have known we’d want to hear about the twins.’
‘You used to think it was Brian’s fault. You thought he didn’t want her to keep in touch.’
‘A girl can change her mind, can’t she?’
Her husband wasn’t convinced. ‘So you’ve stopped blaming him, then?’
‘I don’t know what to think, and that’s a fact. Mind you, I hope she would write to me if she ever needed help. She has nobody else to turn to, as far as I know.’
‘She’s likely made a lot of friends wherever they are. She was a friendly soul.’
His wife nodded her agreement, and then changed the subject abruptly. ‘Well, do you want to watch the football or not?’
Deciding to be diplomatic, and aware that Helen preferred The Bill, Frank shook his head. It was better than telling a deliberate lie.
Chapter Seven
For his first few weeks in Liverpool, Roddy did feel homesick, although Mrs O’Shaughnessy did all she could to make him feel at home. He missed his parents, he missed his old school pals, but most of all, he missed his sister. When he awoke each morning, he felt this acute pain nagging at his heart, and it grew worse at night. It was as if part of him had disappeared, had been lost for ever, yet he knew that he would always have this same love for her, whether it was right or wrong. Deep down, of course, he knew that it definitely was wrong.
As the weeks passed, however slowly, so slowly at first, he got to know his workmates and other young men in his lodgings, and the hollow feeling diminished and almost died, although there were times when, late into the night, he woke up with the same yearning eating at him; the yearning that could never be appeased.
It was another young clerk from the same firm who guided Roddy’s feet onto the road to enjoyment. He had, as a result of his mother’s nagging letters and enclosed postal order, made the journey home to Cruden Bay after three months, and returned after the weekend in deep depression. It had been agony to see Dilly, to have to talk about mundane things, never to have the slightest chance of touching her, or speaking privately to her. On the Monday morning, he looked so miserable that Tony Riley, at twenty just over a year and a half older than him, asked if he would like to go to a cafe with him for lunch. Roddy agreed listlessly, lunch wasn’t a priority for him just then, and he was pleasantly surprised by how well they got on. Over their soup and sandwiches, Tony had him smiling, then giggling, then laughing out loud, and lunch together became a regular thing, followed by the weekends.
The invitation to spend Saturdays and Sundays at the Rileys’ home was issued on only the third week of their acquaintance, although Roddy was reluctant to accept at first - he didn’t feel up to mixing with other people, nor intruding on a family’s weekend - but when he arrived there it was obvious by their welcome that they enjoyed extra company.
Indicating each one with a wave of his hand, Tony made the introductions, ‘Mum, Dad, Boppy - my pest of a baby sister - and my faithful companion Google. After my favourite website,’ he added with a grin.
His mother shook her head at his casual manner. ‘You’ll have to excuse my son, Roddy. He’s got no finesse. I’m Tess, my husband’s called Wilf, my daughter was christened Barbara but called herself Boppy when she was just a wee tot, and it sort of stuck. Google’s a mixed breed …’
‘He doesn’t like being called a m-o-n-g-r-e-l,’ Tony interrupted in a loud whisper, stroking the dog’s head affectionately.
Noticing the adoring way the dog’s eyes regarded Tony, Roddy knew that the dog felt the same way about his master. ‘Thank you very much for inviting me for the weekend, Mrs …’
‘It’s Tess, and we’re delighted you agreed to come.’
Wilf came forward with his hand out, giving the boy a brief, but extremely firm, handshake. ‘Now you’ve met my unruly brood, you’ll maybe have reservations about coming again, but we’ll always be pleased to see you.’ He turned to his wife. ‘And now the introductions are over, perhaps we can have our meal, Tess?’
Still feeling slightly ill at ease, Roddy sat down in the chair Wilf pulled out for him, while Tess and Boppy went through to the kitchen to dish up and the other two took their seats. The meal passed in a flurry of light, teasing talk, especially between the brother and sister, with their parents smilingly putting in an occasional few words to settle a difference of opinion. Roddy was soon drawn into the discussions and mock arguments about anything and everything.
The evening was spent in playing Monopoly, which lasted until Tess said, ‘I think we should call a halt now. I don’t know about the rest of you, but I need my beauty sleep.’
Roddy was surprised to see that the large clock on the wall was showing five past twelve, and realised that he actually felt quite tired. Of course, the scores had to be totted up before the table was cleared - Boppy having most of the cash and only Roddy left with some property. He had never played the game before and thoroughly enjoyed the pseudo-serious bargaining that went on, and when he went to bed - a cup of cocoa and a digestive biscuit later - it dawned on him somewhat belatedly that he had laughed more over the past few hours than he had done for months. The Rileys had been a proper tonic. They were a very close-knit family although they pretended to bicker about this and that. Brother and sister were not in the least alike physically, Tony taking after his mother with his almost black hair and startlingly blue eyes, while Boppy and her father had light brown hair and dark, nearly black eyes.
It was the opposite from his own family, he reflected, sleepily; he with the same colouring as their father and Dilly with their mother’s. He fell asleep thinking of her, as he had done ever since he had realised that he loved her, but this time it did not keep him awake as it usually did.
He awoke in the morning feeling refreshed He still loved her, he always would, but he was only too aware that they had to lead separate lives now, find new friends, new happiness. Boppy Riley was the only girl he had come to know in Liverpool and it was too early to tell if she would be his eventual Fate, though he was almost sure that she wouldn’t. She could be good company, though, and that was what he needed now.
‘He’s writing a lot about this Tony Riley who works with him.’ Roselle Lewis handed the letter to her husband, but couldn’t stop speaking her thoughts out loud. ‘He’s been going there for whole weekends and …’ ‘I can read, thank you.’
Brian’s quiet comment made Dilly smile a little. Her parents often argued but not for real, and she knew they loved each other as much as she loved Roddy. She was not quite so sure now, though, that he still loved her. How could he when he was for ever going to see Tony Riley’s family? There was a sister there, too, so it was on the cards that she and Roddy would get together … wasn’t it? Not that he ever hinted at anything like that, but if she was a pretty girl, he must be tempted. He’d been seeing her every weekend for months now; it was too awful to imagine what they could be doing together. They did go to the pictures, and her brother surely wouldn’t want to play gooseberry, so they’d be sitting together, walking home together, maybe even sitting in the sitting room or lounge or whatever after everyone else had gone to bed.
Her father cut into this agonising thought. ‘What d’you think about it, Dilly? Your mother seems to think he’ll hit it off with the daughter of the house.’
‘He could do worse, I suppose,’ she said, forcing herself to make a joke.
Roselle shook her head. ‘He could, and she seems to be a nice girl, but he’s still a bit young to be thinking of settling down.’
The knife turning in her daughter’s heart stilled at this. Of course he was too young to get serious, with this Boppy - stupid name - or any other girl. She was worrying for nothing. Once he’d had his fill of Liverpool, he’d come back to her, even though he’d said they could never be really together. They could, if he loved her as much as she loved him. She would go away with him tomorrow, if he asked her to. Nobody would know they were twins if they went to a strange place. He said that was impossible, of course, because any children they might have would be insane, or misshapen, but they wouldn’t need to have any children. There were all sorts of contraceptives available. She felt the blood rushing to her face, wave after wave, at the thought of having sex with Roddy.
‘Are you all right, dear?’ Her mother was eyeing her in concern. ‘You’re very flushed.’
‘I feel a bit queasy,’ she lied, ‘but I’ll be all right when I get outside in the cool air.’
‘You should have a lie-down.’
‘I’m all right, I tell you. I promised to meet Janice Burns at eight. She wants to go for a walk in the hope of seeing Jeff Dawson and his pals.’
‘So are you after one of his pals?’
‘Don’t be silly! They’re a bunch of dopes. Well, I’d better be going, or I’ll be late.’
She was barely out of the door when her mother said, ‘You know, Brian, I’m getting really worried about her. She hasn’t been well for …’ she paused, then ended, ‘… for a long time.’
‘You mean, since Roddy went to Liverpool?’
‘Well, yes, but it surely couldn’t be that? He’s her brother - her twin brother.’
Pulling on his jacket, her husband pulled a face, and then said, quietly, ‘I’ve read somewhere that if one twin goes away, the other pines, and I’ve heard people saying it’s true.’ He turned as he went out, adding, ‘It’s only natural, Ros.’
Knowing that there was no sense in arguing further, she wisely said no more, but she was still convinced that there was something far wrong going on in her family.
Although Roddy enjoyed Boppy’s company, it did not take him long to realise that she felt more for him than he felt for her, and he was always relieved when there were other people present. Then, to his horror, over lunch one day, Tony said, with mock drama, ‘Thou art not the only one with an admirer, Roderico. I, too, am being pursued by a tasty wench. Which of us, prithee, will get his leg over first, I wonder?’
‘Stop clowning,’ Roddy snapped, angry at his own embarrassment. ‘I don’t know what you’re on about. I don’t have a girlfriend.’
Tony shook his index finger at him reprimandingly. ‘Cruel, cruel. Thou cannot pullst the wool over mine eyes, however. Canst thou not see that the fair Boppy is ready for the plucking?’
‘Don’t be daft, man! She’s your sister! How can you say anything like that?’
‘It be the truth, Roderico. Hast thou not got eyes in thy head?’
Deciding that changing the subject was the only way out, Roddy said, ‘So you’ve found a girlfriend, have you? Come on then, out with it. Who is she?’
‘Nice try, my friend, but thou willst soon find out the truth for thyself, so I willst answer thy question. See, here she cometh, the delectable Desdemona.’
‘Cut it out, Tone,’ said the tall blonde girl now taking a seat beside them. ‘Hi, Roddy.’
He blinked in amazement. ‘Samantha?’
‘Didn’t you know about Tony and me? Everybody else in Finance does.’
Guffawing at his friend’s blank look, Tony said, ‘Blind as a bat, this one, Sam. Never mind, m’laddo, it’ll be your turn next.’
Roddy gave his head a vehement shake. ‘I don’t think so, Tony. I’m not ready for a girlfriend.’
‘Hast got a wench waiting for thee in Aberdeen - or that Godforsaken place you call home? Is that it?’
‘If you mean Cruden Bay, it’s a lovely village, and there might be somebody there.’ As far as he could
see, it was the only way to stop the teasing.
His ploy certainly worked. Tony’s face turned a deep red, and his brows shot down. ‘My God! So you’ve been leading my sister up the garden path all this time. Well I tell you this, you low-life, you’ll never be welcome in our house again.’ He jumped to his feet. ‘Come on, Sam! I can’t stand to look at his two-timing, lying face!’
The girl did as she was told, but before following Tony out, she turned and shrugged apologetically. Roddy, however, was left with a horrible sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach. He hadn’t told Boppy any lies, he hadn’t let her believe he was serious about her. He hadn’t wanted to hurt her, but he would never get the chance now to tell her so. Unless …? Should he write and explain? How could he, though? He could never tell her, or anyone else, for that matter, that the girl he loved was his twin sister. That would set alarm bells going with a vengeance. It would be blazoned from the rooftops and soon everybody he knew would believe he was some sort of pervert. His name would be in all the papers, with a photo, no doubt. Maybe he’d land in prison for - whatever the crime was called, because it was a crime, he was well aware of that.
He had to force himself to return to work, and was thankful that Tony Riley was on another floor, but no doubt he’d be telling all and sundry what had happened. He did not see his ex-friend during the rest of the week, but knew by the embarrassment of the other members of staff he encountered that news of his ‘girlfriend’ had got out. He purposely avoided the little cafe where he and Tony had always gone for lunch. Going hungry was better than being ridiculed by the people who had witnessed the incident.
On finishing work that Friday afternoon, he made for the railway station. He had to go home, to be with people who wouldn’t turn their backs on him.
Duplicity Page 20
