Roselle had been delighted by the phone call from her son a couple of days ago. It was time he put in an appearance. It must be at least four months since she’d seen him, and she was beginning to think that he was serious about this Boppy girl he’d got to know. She wasn’t sure how she felt about it. As his mother, she thought he was far too young to be serious about any girl, but, on the other hand, it would mean that he’d got over his feelings for Dyllis, which would be the best news she’d had for ages.
As soon as she saw him, she could tell from his manner that something had happened, and made signs to her husband and daughter when they returned from their usual Saturday morning walk. Sometimes they went to Slains Castle, the eerie ruins standing on the edge of the cliff, where, the story went, Bram Stoker had got his setting for Dracula. Today, however, they had gone a little farther, to the Bullers of Buchan, the fearsome natural formation where, over hundreds, thousands, of years, the sea had eaten deeply into the cliffs, leaving only a tiny footpath between two bottomless pits in which the sea constantly churned in a massive vortex. Both places were known to be extremely dangerous - several accidents, even suicides, had taken place there - and Roselle was never happy until they came home again.
Fortunately, each gave Roddy a loud and boisterous welcome now, and conscious of what Roselle was trying to convey to them, asked him no questions. It was not until after lunch, when the ladies were washing up, that he took the chance of speaking to his father.
‘I suppose you’re wondering why I’m not with the Rileys this weekend?’
‘It did cross my mind,’ Brian said, quietly, ‘but don’t tell me if you’d rather not.’
‘It was Boppy, you see, the daughter. She … she …’
‘You didn’t … ? For God’s sake, man, you haven’t made her pregnant, have you?’
The young man hastened to dispel the gathering anger in his father’s face. ‘No, no, nothing like that. It was just, um, well, she got the wrong impression. I didn’t feel the same way she did.’
Brian nodded wisely. ‘A woman scorned, was she?’
‘I didn’t give her any reason to think I was interested in her. I did like her, she was good company, but I think her family must have been expecting a romance.’
‘What’s this about a romance?’ Roselle asked as she came in. ‘Have you found a girlfriend at last?’
Stricken with guilt at seeing Dilly’s stunned expression as she followed her mother, Roddy said, ‘No, no, it’s not me.’
Roselle saved the situation by adding, ‘It’s your friend, then? Tony?’
Unwittingly, his mother had given him a way out. ‘Yes,’ he nodded. ‘Tony’s got a girl, and I’d just be odd man out.’
‘Never mind, dear,’ she consoled, ‘your turn’ll come.’
Dyllis’s face had brightened as she sat down. ‘You’re still quite happy working in Liverpool, are you?’
He turned to her. ‘Oh yes. Of course, it’s much bigger than Aberdeen, and Cruden Bay would fit in dozens of times, so there’s a lot to do - lots of things to see.’
‘I was going to suggest a walk,’ Roselle said now, ‘but I suppose you and your dad have done enough walking for one day, Dilly, so what about a wee run out in the car? It’ll be like old times again, the four of us.’
Sitting close beside his sister in the back seat, as he had always done, was a heavenly torture for both of them, as Roddy could tell when she turned her wistful eyes on him. He took hold of her hand with the intention of comforting her, but instantly wished that he hadn’t. This was worse than torture, it was absolute purgatory, but he couldn’t break away now. And so they sat for the rest of the journey, through the rural countryside, the small villages, and back along the shore road, past Boddam, which had been home to an important aerodrome during World War Two and had remained as RAF Buchan until its closure in 2005, but which was better known now for the huge chimney that had been built for its role as an oil terminal.
Five minutes later, they were home again, the back-seat passengers having to untangle legs as well as fingers before spilling out of the car, relieved that neither of their parents had noticed. Both Roselle and Brian, however, although they had their own separate reasons for not mentioning it, had been acutely conscious of what had been going on.
That night, after an evening of watching television, each of the Lewis family spent a wakeful night. For hours, Roddy’s thoughts veered between love, lust and guilt, but just as dawn was coming up, he made the great decision. He couldn’t go on like this. He couldn’t expect Dilly to keep loving him when there wasn’t the vaguest chance of a future for them. He would have to put an end to his visits home … but how could he explain that to his parents? He agonised over this for some time before the answer hit him like a kick in the stomach. When he went back to work on Monday, he would ask for a transfer. He’d been in Liverpool for just over a year now, and the Head Cashier seemed to be pleased with his progress, so there shouldn’t be any problems. It would also take him away from the uncomfortable situation he was in because of Tony Riley. The move would need to be out of Britain altogether, though; somewhere far enough away so that he couldn’t afford to come home very often … if ever.
The idea of never seeing Dilly again was unbearable, but it would be the only way to give her a chance to meet and, hopefully, fall in love with somebody else and start a family of her own. This was another unpalatable thought, but he did wish for her to be happy, and - who knows? -he might fall in love with somebody, too. Stranger things could happen, although he couldn’t believe that at the moment. Having jumped the hurdle, almost, he dozed off only to be awakened in what seemed like minutes by his mother calling, ‘Breakfast’s ready, you two sleepyheads. Come and get it!’
Dilly was reliving the ecstasy of Roddy’s fingers twining through hers, of his hip against hers as they sat in the car. Why couldn’t he see that she didn’t care how closely they were related? What had that to do with being in love? Even if they had a child together, it would be all right. They were both healthy - she’d only had that silly meningitis when she was newly five - what was that? It wasn’t catching! It didn’t run in families - not that she’d ever heard of, anyway. She would never - could never - love anyone else, and Roddy said the same, so why wouldn’t he throw convention, or whatever, to the wind and take her away somewhere. They could be really happy without this constant worry that somebody who knew them would spill the beans. Nobody would know them if they went far enough away. It would be heart-wrenching to leave Mum and Dad, but they had each other, and they’d been in love once - maybe still were - so they shouldn’t begrudge their children the same happiness.
Her imagination lingered over the loving life she and Roddy could lead, maybe somewhere in the Caribbean, their kiddie-winks turning as brown as berries in the sun, and she and Roddy would sit holding hands on the beach to watch them. It would be absolute heaven … wouldn’t it? Common sense edged in now. Was Roddy right? Would their children be born disfigured, or have something far wrong with them. If that happened, people would know, or at least suspect, that they weren’t an ordinary couple at all - they were criminals living a life of lies, that they had committed a sin and were being punished for it.
Restlessly, she turned over. It could never happen. She could see that now. Even if Roddy did swallow his principles and take her away, their parents would never rest until they were caught. It was all a pipe dream and she had better try to get some sleep or else she would be like a washed-out dishcloth in the morning, when she wanted to look her best for Roddy. She had barely closed her eyes, it seemed, when her mother’s voice penetrated her dulled senses. ‘Breakfast’s ready, you two sleepyheads. Come and get it!’
He couldn’t let it happen, Brian thought. It wouldn’t be so bad for him now that he was thinking more rationally, but Roselle would go out of her mind if she knew that their son and daugh
ter had really fallen in love and wanted to go off and live together. It was a confounded, difficult situation, but there was surely some way out of it. The trouble was that Dyllis, vulnerably romantic, was probably, at that very moment, spinning some airy-fairy dream of them running away together and setting up home somewhere exotic. In her mind, Roddy would be her knight in shining armour, taking her away from her humdrum existence. It was going to be a bugger getting that out of her head. The best way to go about it, he supposed, was to speak to Roddy, warn him that he must not let her talk him into doing something stupid. The boy was more wordly-wise, however, so maybe he had the sense himself to steer clear of it. It was Roselle who was the real problem for him, Brian concluded, and he would do anything, within reason, to save her from being hurt. He had overcome the panicky fear of this same situation that had almost led to him taking his own life before.
‘You awake?’ The soft question came as he had nodded off, but what did that matter? She likely hadn’t been sleeping either.
Roselle’s mind was a welter of ifs and buts, it’s not trues and it is trues. It couldn’t be possible, she told herself, over and over again, but the reflection she had seen in the front-seat mirror of the car told a different story. It was true, there was no getting away from that. Not only had her twins been holding hands, they’d been gazing into each other’s eyes as if they couldn’t see enough of each other. It had given her a right shock, but she didn’t intend to say anything to Brian. Relationships don’t last at that age. In another few months, they’ll have moved on to someone else and she’d be left wondering why she’d been so upset today.
But she couldn’t stop thinking about it. She needed to confide in somebody, talk it over with somebody, but she didn’t want to drag Brian into it. It was better that he was left in ignorance. She lifted her head to look at the clock, the hands capable of being seen even in the dark. Ten to six - there was no point in trying to get some sleep now. ‘You awake, Bri?’ she said softly. ‘Mmm, what is it?’
‘I was thinking we could go for a picnic today. The forecast’s good.’
‘We’ll have to be back in time to drive Roddy to Aberdeen to get his train.’
‘Oh yes. Well we can still have a wee run around. It’ll be good for all of us to get away from the house.’
‘I suppose so. We’d better get up, then, and get breakfast going. We can have lunch somewhere on the road.’
When Brian took the Fiat out of the garage Dilly was excitedly looking forward to being close to her brother in the back seat again, but Roselle said brightly, ‘I’ll go in the back with you, Dyllis, and Roddy can go in the front. He’ll get a better view.’
The girl was obviously disappointed, but the thought that she was still in company with him soon cheered her. Brian took the coast road, all of them marvelling at how lovely the sea was with the sun shining overhead.
‘It reminds me of pictures I’ve seen of the Medittera-nean,’ Roddy said, which started a discussion on holiday resorts they would like to see some day.
Cruden Bay and Peterhead were well behind them when Brian decided to stop for some ice cream in Cullen.
They all got out when they got round to the Seatown part of the town, and sat on the sands to enjoy the treat.
‘Look at the three rocks over there,’ Dilly said. ‘They look like a family, as well. The one farther up the beach is the father, the middle one is the mother, and the smaller one just coming out of the sea is the child.’
‘I’d say they were probably all standing in the sea at high tide,’ Brian observed. ‘They’re quite a height, anyway. Look how small those people look beside them. Do you want to go and see them properly?’
The boy and girl were quite keen, but Roselle said, ‘No, I’d rather not. I don’t like the idea of stones being human. They give me the creeps.’
Brian grinned at Roddy. ‘Your mum’s got some peculiar ideas.’
But he didn’t try to force her, and took them a walk round the harbour before going back to the car. ‘This is great,’ he smiled as he turned on the ignition. ‘The whole family out for a jaunt. I’m glad you thought of it, Roselle.’
The other three nodded their agreement and off they set again, through all the quaint fishing villages, until they reached the signpost to Pennan, the setting for the film Local Hero. Brian had to carefully negotiate the extremely steep road down to the inn, where they went in for lunch. An hour later, their stomachs pleasantly full, they left the seaside and made for the main road to Aberdeen. The A90 was, as usual, very busy, but they all enjoyed this part of their trip as much as the first part. This route, of course, took them through agricultural land, fields of corn almost ready for harvesting, large areas of vegetable crops, and villages and towns completely different from those in the coastal areas.
They had taken Roddy’s haversack with them so it was straight to the Joint Station in Aberdeen, with some manoeuvring to get a parking place before going to the tea room for a quick snack. Roddy had been worrying over his departure all day. His family didn’t usually come to the station with him, and he feared an emotional farewell, and when his father pointed out that he wasn’t going to the other side of the world, it struck him that that was what he might be doing - should be doing.
His mother’s eyes were moist when he said, ‘Well, this is it,’ and without thinking he gave her a kiss on the cheek. This could be the last time he would see her. With this painful thought in his mind, he had to hold himself from kissing Dyllis too, knowing that he would have difficulty in breaking away from her. His father came forward to shake his hand, and luckily the guard blew his whistle, so he had only time to touch his sister’s hand briefly. Even the tears on her cheeks did not stop him from jumping aboard and by the time he found his seat, he was too far away for his family to see the tears trickling down his face. Having waved from the window until he could no longer see them, he sat down. He felt as if his heart had been torn from his body by some alien force and lashed with a whip until it bled.
Three very despondent people made the journey back to Cruden Bay, Roselle being the first to speak, her voice husky. ‘I don’t think we’re ever going to see him again.’
‘Don’t be so daft!’ her husband reprimanded, although the pressure of his son’s hand on his had made him suspicious. It had seemed as if the boy was bidding him a final farewell, but his wife couldn’t have thought that, too? Glancing in his mirror, he saw that his daughter was also wiping tears away, and his resolve to be strong for them wavered a little - but he had to reassure them. After all, he couldn’t be sure. He had probably imagined it. ‘He’s a bit upset with the misunderstanding over the Riley girl, and you can’t blame him, can you? Anyway, he won’t be going there for his weekends any longer, will he, so he’ll be home a lot more.’
Roselle’s sigh was long and deep. ‘Oh, I hope so. It’s just there was something about him, I can’t tell you …’ she broke off to look round at her daughter. ‘Did you not feel it as well, Dilly?’
‘I know he was upset,’ the girl said, carefully, ‘but he’ll get over it, won’t he?’
Her forlorn tone, her uncertainty, was almost Brian’s undoing, yet somehow he managed to save himself from giving way. Gulping, he said firmly, ‘What a pair of worriers you are. He’d be ashamed of you if he knew.’
It was the right approach. For a few moments there was silence, and then Dyllis said, ‘Of course he’ll be back Mum. It’s just because he hasn’t been home for a while that we feel like this. It’s stupid, really.’
In bed that night, however, she couldn’t convince herself of that. She could swear that what she had seen in his eyes just before he jumped aboard the train meant that they would never see each other again. He did love her, she was quite convinced of that, but he was just as sure that there was no future for them. If only he had believed her when she said she would go away with him whenever h
e wanted, that she didn’t care what other folk thought of them. That train of thought came to an abrupt end. Other folk, yes, but their parents would never forgive them. They were the ones who would suffer. They would have to face the inevitable scandal it would cause.
Much as she hated to think it, Roddy had done the honourable thing, the only thing, really. He was too decent to change his mind, so she would just have to accept it and get on with her life, though she might live to regret it when she was a lonely old maid. Upset by the prospect of having nobody to care for her thirty or forty years on, she turned over to sleep, or at least try to sleep, though she knew that she wouldn’t.
Roddy Lewis’s long journey back to Liverpool was taken up by imagining the poor quality of the life ahead of him, wherever he ended up. He could never love another girl, never have the comfort of a wife waiting at home to give him a welcoming kiss, with his slippers heating by the fire, a substantial meal ready for him. He’d be a decrepit old bachelor, grumpy with his landladies, working for no purpose at all, going to bed by himself with nobody to unburden his troubles to - for there would be troubles, there was no doubt about that.
He took a taxi to the office. It wouldn’t do to be late nowadays; not when he was intending to ask for a transfer to somewhere abroad. The firm had offices in Norway,
Canada, head office in New York, and probably lots of other branches he knew nothing about. There were oil companies all over the world. It didn’t matter to him where he was sent, of course, as long as it was far enough away to give him the excuse of not returning home. He wouldn’t be able to leave Dilly if he was ever in her presence again. It would be absolutely fatal.
All that morning he had quite a problem keeping awake, and dreaded meeting Tony Riley in any of the corridors. Thankfully, as he was on his way out to buy a couple of sandwiches for lunch, it was only Samantha - he didn’t know her surname - who ran into the lift as the doors closed, leaving him waiting for it to come back for him. She did say, quite breathlessly, ‘I’m sorry, Roddy’, whether because she didn’t have time to speak to him, or what had happened the previous week, he didn’t know. What did it matter, anyway?
Duplicity Page 21
