Tragically Flawed

by A. M. Hargrove

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “Good. Now, get your ass back to work. You have the list of houses and I expect you to have it all completed by the end of the week.”

  “I don’t know if that’s possible. This workload is way beyond what I think anyone is capable of.”

  Marsha Sue stood and walked toward Riviera. As she advanced, she looked like a hawk, getting ready to scoop up her prey. Riviera shrunk away from her, dropping her gaze to the floor.

  “Did you or did you not claim that you were a hard worker and were up to the task of getting the job done when I hired you?”

  “Well, yes, but …”

  “Just answer the damn question, girl.”

  “Yes, then.”

  “If you don’t think you’re capable now, just tell me and I’ll find someone to replace you.”

  “But Marsha Sue, I need this job.”

  “Good! Then I see we’ve reached an agreement. Get your butt to work. You’re wasting my time.” Marsha Sue watched Riviera leave. She’d be damned if she’d let that hussy sink her grubby little paws into Shan. He was all hers and she’d do anything to keep things that way, even if she had to fire her. She’d worked too damned hard to get this far in her plan to let some young nobody ruin things for her.

  Riviera’s shoulders were slumped as she left Marsha Sue’s office. All she wanted was a few measly hours to herself. It didn’t look like that was going to happen anytime soon, though. She was burning the candle at both ends, trying to please Marsha Sue.

  With the pressure Marsha Sue was putting on her, it didn’t look like Riviera would be able to help Amie with the fundraiser she was working on for Shelby’s Shack. A local benefactor was auctioning off a new house to raise money and Riviera wanted to help with some of the volunteer activities. Now she would be pressed to find any spare time.

  When she arrived at her job site, she plugged in her music and went to work. A kitchen was on today’s schedule where Riviera would be creating a Tuscan look. All the walls would be color-washed but then one wall would have a mural depicting a scene in Tuscany. Riviera thought it a bad choice for a mountain home in Colorado, but it wasn’t up to her. She was paid for services selected by the owner.

  It was after eleven when she wrapped up for the night, but she was only half done with the mural. She cleaned her brushes and headed home. Thank God for Amie—sitting in the fridge was a nice bowl of chicken noodle soup. After Riviera ate, she took a speedy shower and hit the sack.

  Her alarm woke her up at six and by the time she was ready for work, the coffee pot was screaming her name. When she entered the kitchen, she was surprised to see Amie sitting at the bar already.

  “What are you doing up so early? Thanks for the chicken noodle soup, by the way. You’re a lifesaver.”

  “Glad you liked it. I wanted to chat with you before you left this morning.”

  “Oh? What about?”

  Amie looked at her coffee cup for a second and then at Riviera. “Riv, how long have you lived here now?”

  “Um, over a month. Oh crap! I owe you rent. I’ve been so busy, I forgot. I’m so sorry,” she said as she hurried to find her checkbook.

  Amie smiled. “No worries. I hadn’t even thought about that. What I wanted to ask you is if you trust me.”

  Riviera came back and handed her a check and said, “Yeah, I do.”

  “You gotta tell me, then. I’m pretty sure I know the basics. It’s what I do, Riv. But you see, every night, you have these nightmares. You yell and even scream sometimes. Cry too. You need to talk to someone who can help you. I see women like you every day. I won’t breathe a word of this to anyone, I swear. I know he hurt you, bad. If you talk about it, it will help. I promise you it will. Not just now, but in the future too.”

  Riviera bit her lip to stop it from trembling. “I don’t want to, Amie. It makes me sick. I want to push it away.”

  “But you see, Riv, it won’t go away. It will sit and fester, eating a hole in you. Please. Please don’t let that fucker win. Beat the piss out of him. Expunge him from your life. Let me help you do it.”

  Amie watched her. Riviera had all the signs … the way her body morphed into a protective stance when anything remote about this topic came up, the way she fidgeted when she thought about it, how she shook, bit her lip, squeezed her hands together. Every damn sign, not to mention all those bruises and the swelling when they’d first met.

  “Can I ask you one more thing?”

  Riv nodded.

  “How many trips to the ER?”

  “More than I care to remember.”

  “Okay. I’m just gonna hug you now.”

  Amie put her arms around her and held her. “I’m your friend and you know where to go. Your secret is safe with me, Riv. I won’t betray you. I promise.”

  *****

  Riviera thought all day long about what Amie said. Her friend was right. Memories of Jasper would never go away. That bastard had screwed with her for too long for that. She would need help to rid herself of him forever. She wasn’t proud, but she was still scared of opening those wounds. The memories of some of the things he’d done to her were so awful, she wasn’t sure she’d ever get over them. A burst of nausea settled on her and she flew to the closest bathroom, her stomach exploding violently.

  That’s how Shan found her when he came in through the garage entrance. Riviera was on her knees in front of the commode and didn’t hear him standing outside, watching.

  When her heaving stomach finally calmed, she stood and rinsed her mouth. “Fuck you, Jasper!” she growled.

  “Who’s Jasper?” Shan asked.

  She screamed as her body slammed into the wall next to the sink. She fell to the floor with a harrumph and cowered by the sink, feeling defenseless and vulnerable, trying to make herself as small as possible. She didn’t connect the voice with the man, only that the voice was male and she knew she was going to get the shit beaten out of her.

  “Hey, it’s okay, Riviera. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Shan said softly, surprised at her reaction.

  She huddled there, a quaking mass of nerves, unable to move, frozen on the floor.

  When a warm, calloused hand touched hers, and a soft voice kept talking to her, she couldn’t figure out why she wasn’t getting punched. She took a chance and peeked above her hands and noticed it wasn’t Jasper after all, but Shan hunched on the floor next to her.

  When he saw her fearful eyes looking back at him, he smiled. “You okay?”

  Her shaky voice replied, “Yeah, you scared me is all.”

  “I’m sorry. Are you sick?”

  “What?” she asked in confusion.

  “When I came in, you were throwing up.”

  “Oh yeah, something must not have agreed with me,” she lied. Her cheeks suddenly flared with heat. She dipped her head again and mumbled, “Sorry you had to see that.”

  “No need for apologies. It’s okay. Can I help you up?”

  She gave a pitiful attempt at a laugh. “Yeah, that’d be nice.” When she placed her hand in his, a tingle raced up her arm and straight into her belly. She sucked in her breath at the foreign sensation. Their eyes locked and she was incapable of looking away. She wondered if he felt this too, but when he squeezed her hand tightly and then laced his fingers with hers, she knew with a certainty that he did.

  Shan wanted to wrap his hands in her hair, pull her on his lap, and kiss her until her mouth relaxed and she allowed him to make love to it with his tongue. He wanted to rip her shirt off and see her nakedness as he touched her all over. But he knew that wouldn’t work at all … that doing so would send her running like the wind and that’s the last thing he wanted. So he simply stared into her warm golden eyes, his fingers laced with hers, and smiled. Sometimes being a gentleman was a damn bitch.

  “Riviera,” he breathed. He cleared his throat and swallowed. Taking his free hand, he reached for a wave of her hair resting on her shoulder, picked it up, and let it slide throug
h his fingers. “Your hair is so lovely. I really like how you color it. The blue and purple are perfect.”

  “Um, thanks,” she said, looking away. She’d rarely received compliments; to the contrary, she had mostly been ridiculed. When she arrived in Colorado, she’d decided to add a touch of colored highlights to her hair for fun. It was something she’d always wanted to do, but was afraid Jasper wouldn’t care for it.

  Afraid if he stayed there, he’d do something foolish, Shan slowly rose to his feet and helped her stand. “All good now?” he asked softly.

  “Yeah,” she nodded, still staring at him.

  “Your mural is beautiful.”

  She shook her head. “It’s out of place,” she whispered.

  “What?”

  Raising her hand to her neck and massaging it a little, she attempted to ease the thickness that had formed. “I would’ve never painted a Tuscan mural on a home in the Colorado mountains.”

  Shan let loose a laugh. “I would have to agree with you.”

  That seemed to ease the sexual tension between then. Riviera beamed. “I just think it’s strange. I know I shouldn’t say this, but …”

  “Go ahead. Say it.”

  “No, I could lose my job.” She hunched her shoulders, which made Shan wonder precisely how often this woman had been browbeaten.

  “Is that bitch threatening you already?”

  Riviera’s eyes nearly popped out of her head. “You don’t like her?”

  Shan howled with laughter. “No one likes Marsha Sue. She’s meaner than a rattlesnake.”

  Riviera giggled.

  “I love that,” Shan said.

  “Love what?”

  “The sound of you laughing.”

  Her face fell as her flesh flamed.

  “I’m sorry,” Shan said immediately. “I didn’t mean to offend you. You … you have a great laugh.”

  “Oh.”

  “So, what were you going to tell me about Marsha Sue?”

  “That this was in poor taste. The owner wanted a scenic mural. So I suggested a mountain scene, like maybe the Gore Range or something. Softened and aged. But she jumped all over me and said that I needed to do Tuscany. It’s so off in here. I mean, all these timbers, stacked rock, and stone, and they want fricking Tuscany? What the hell?”

  Shan looked around and couldn’t agree more. “You’re right on, Riviera. I think I’ll mention that to her.”

  She blurted out, “No, don’t! She’d blame the whole thing on me, saying Tuscany was my idea. She lies all the time. I’d carry the brunt of it. Not to mention I don’t want to lose my job.”

  “Are you worried about that?”

  “Well, yeah. She said she would ruin any chance I had of ever working in Eagle County again.”

  “That bitch. Listen to me, Riviera. I keep her in business. If you want to paint and keep doing what you’re doing, just tell me and I’ll make sure you have more work than you can ever handle. I’ll have my clients work directly with you. She can handle everything else, but you can be in charge of the painting. Don’t ever worry about not working here. You’re unmatchable in your talent, and she damn well knows it.”

  Riviera gaped. She’d believed Marsha Sue these past couple of months. She’d put the fear of God into Riviera, threatening her with termination, and it was all a sham. “Why would she want to be so cruel?” she asked incredulously.

  “That’s just the way she is. She’s jealous of anyone who can possibly be better than her in any way. I’ve known Marsha Sue for a couple of years now and she’s brutal to other women. She can’t keep female employees. You should know that by now.”

  “I guess. I just thought they didn’t want to work hard. Or at least that’s what she said.”

  “Of course she would. Like I said, she’s a bitch.”

  “Not to you.”

  “Oh hell no. And she better not be. I’m her bread and butter.”

  “I guess so. Plus I think she …” Riviera clapped her hand to her mouth.

  Shan cocked his head to the side. “She what?”

  “Nothing.”

  “Give it up Riviera,” he teased.

  Riviera snickered a little and scrunched up her face. “I think she has the hots for you.”

  “Oh, that’s old news. She’s been hounding me ever since she met me.”

  “Well?”

  “Well what?”

  “Are you two an item?”

  “Are you kidding? That woman annoys the hell out of me. I’d rather have a root canal than go out with her. Not to mention she’s almost old enough to be my mother.”

  Riviera laughed again.

  “You really do have a great laugh.”

  His voice made her warm and tingly all over. Why did he have such an effect on her? She’d never felt this way and wasn’t quite sure what to say.

  “Thank you. I guess I should be getting home. It’s late and I need to finish this up by morning so I can move on to my next job.”

  “Let me walk you out.”

  “I’m fine.”

  “I insist. It’s really dark outside.”

  She bobbed her head and said, “Okay. Thanks.”

  “Riviera, are you ever going to tell me who Jasper is?”

  She made a strangled sound as her breath caught in her throat. “No,” she squeaked.

  “It’s okay. You don’t have to.” He walked her to her car and she drove off, leaving him wondering just what the hell this Jasper fucker had done.

  Chapter Seven

  Some Truths

  Amie was sitting in the den with the TV on when Riviera got home.

  Riviera blurted, “I want to see your friend. I want to get all this off my chest. I need to talk to someone, Amie.”

  Amie jumped up and went to the fridge to grab a couple of beers. She offered one to Riviera and she took it, her hand shaking so badly she had to double-fist it.

  “Come on and sit with me.” Amie grabbed her gently by the arm and guided her back to the den. “When can you go?”

  “I’m not sure. You know how packed my schedule is. But I had a talk with Shan and he assured me that even if Marsha Sue fired me, I’d still have tons of work. He said he’d hire me directly and I would be in charge of the interior painting in all his homes.”

  “Holy wow, Riv! That’s major shit!”

  “Really?”

  “You do realize that Shandon Homes is one of the largest construction companies in Colorado, don’t you?”

  “Well, no. How would I know that? I’ve only lived here for a couple of months.”

  “If you have Shan backing you, you can tell Marsha Sue to kiss your sweet ass.”

  “Yeah, but I want access to her ideas, because she really is good, Amie.”

  “Okay, but now you have leverage. You just tell her that if she wants to fire you, fine, but then you’re a free agent working directly for Shan. He wouldn’t care if you said that to her, would he?”

  “Probably not. He really dislikes her, but I’d want to check first.”

  “Then check. And afterwards, we’ll set you up with an appointment. You won’t be sorry. What made you change your mind?”

  “I had an episode today. A flashback, if you will. I ended up puking my guts out and I know that he’ll never be gone until I mentally expunge him too.”

  “You wanna talk about it?”

  Riviera had kept her story bottled up for so long; it was difficult letting it go. She began when she met Jasper, and three long hours later, she ended with the night she left. She told Amie everything except for some heinous things he’d done to her. Even she had trouble verbalizing those.

  Amie grabbed Riviera’s hands. “You were one of the lucky ones, Riv, because you survived. I know you don’t think so, but trust me. Statistically speaking, you are. I promise I’ll do everything I can to help you. Spiritual healing takes a while, but I’ll be with you every step of the way.”

  “Thanks, Amie. You don’t know how much it
means to have you as a friend. I’ve never told anyone about this before.”

  “You know, something else you might want to consider is attending a group therapy session. They meet in the evening and it’s sort of like AA—it’s one hundred percent anonymous. No one has to know. You only divulge what you want. I know the psychologist will recommend it.”

  Riviera promised to think about it. Revealing her secrets to a room full of strangers made her tense. If they would allow her to listen and not tell all, she might be able to do it. But otherwise, she wasn’t so sure.

  *****

  A week later, thanks to Amie’s connections, Riviera found herself one of eight women sitting in group therapy. If she could’ve crawled in a hole, she would have. Never having told anyone other than Amie and her new psychologist of her shameful relationship with Jasper, she would rather have walked through the town center butt naked than to share her past.

  Most of the women discussed their fears of men in general while some revealed how they felt like they’d deserved the beatings.

  Riviera didn’t fall into either category. She didn’t exactly fear men, except when they showed aggression or became loud and angry. She was ambivalent toward them, sexually, and at one point she’d even wondered if she was a lesbian. But she’d never been the least bit attracted to women. Her feelings toward men were that they were nonexistent; at least that’s how she felt until she met Shan. He’d stirred something in her she thought she didn’t possess.

  As for deserving the beatings, she called a loud bullshit on that. Riviera knew she’d never deserved any beating she’d received and if she hadn’t been so damn petrified of Jasper or had been physically strong enough, she would’ve fought back with all her might and tried her best to get out of there sooner.

  The group disbanded an hour later and Riviera headed home. She had to tell Amie about her misgivings with the group.

  “What you have to keep in mind, Riv, is that not everyone is as capable as you. Most of these women feel inadequate and have no self-esteem. They’re told over and over again that they’re worthless, and they start to believe it. You’re different. You have something inside of you that they don’t. You’re special because you had the strength and resourcefulness to get out.”