Lethal Bayou Beauty

by Jana DeLeon

  “We were just taking a break,” Ida Belle said.

  Gertie nodded. “Enjoying some of the summer greenery.”

  I choked back a laugh and nodded.

  “I give up,” he said. “Get in that car and get back to Sinful. I want all of you in the seats.” He looked directly at me. “And no more leaving Sinful until I’ve sorted this Pansy mess out. Understand?”

  “Loud and clear,” I said and hurried to the car.

  I looked back at Deputy LeBlanc as we drove away, certain we’d just made things much worse for Ally.

  ###

  It took me an hour to get Ally on the phone. In an effort to relax, she’d gone fishing, which for Ally translated into sleeping in her boat, so she hadn’t heard her cell phone ringing. I gave her a brief rundown of our findings in Pansy’s journal and our trip to New Orleans, leaving out the more dramatic details.

  “I’m so sorry, Ally,” I said. “I never wanted you involved, but I don’t see any way around it if we want the evidence to stand up in court.”

  “It’s all right,” she said. “I figured everything would come out eventually.”

  “That’s not necessarily true,” I said. “It doesn’t have to come out unless it goes to court. We need to arrange to speak to Deputy LeBlanc in private. I think I can convince him to keep this quiet until absolutely necessary.”

  “I don’t want you in any more trouble than you already are,” Ally argued. “I’ll tell Carter it was all my idea.”

  “No. I won’t let you do that.”

  “Well, I’m not about to let you do it. You’re already a suspect and the bottom line is I’m the one who stole the journal and it was my idea to do so. Carter doesn’t need to know I had help.”

  “At least let me go with you. You shouldn’t have to do this by yourself. After all, you did it for me.”

  “I don’t know…won’t people wonder if you and I stroll into the police department and ask to talk to Carter?”

  I frowned. She had a point.

  “Hold on,” I said and explained the situation to Ida Belle and Gertie.

  “We can meet in the back room at the General Store,” Ida Belle said promptly. “I’ll call Walter and set it up.”

  “Won’t Walter mind us using his store for sordid business?” I asked, not bothering to argue with the “we” part of her statement. I knew arguing with her was futile.

  “We do it all the time,” Ida Belle said and punched in Walter’s number on her cell phone.

  I didn’t even want to know what kind of sordid business Ida Belle conducted in Walter’s store on a regular basis, so I just waited until she finished the phone call.

  “He said you can come now,” Ida Belle said. “Tell Ally to take her boat and go in the back entrance. We can enter by the front. Walter will call Carter when you’re both in position.”

  “Did you get all that?” I asked Ally.

  “Yep. I’m heading that way. Make sure you bring the journal.”

  “Right,” I said and hung up the phone. “Gertie, can your purse handle transporting the journal to the General Store?”

  “It’s on its last leg, but I think it can handle the journal.”

  “Good, then I’ll need one more ride in your car. Marge’s Jeep doesn’t have a top and I don’t want to risk another demented citizen attack on my way to the store.”

  Gertie stuffed the journal into her handbag and we headed out.

  We were the first to arrive at the store and my curiosity was piqued when Walter escorted us to a back room without question, then said, “Let me know when to call for Carter.”

  He closed the door behind us and I looked over at Ida Belle.

  “He’s not going to ask why we’re meeting like this?”

  “Heck no,” Ida Belle said. “Walter learned a long time ago that it was better not knowing what we were up to.”

  Gertie nodded. “Knowing means you might be called to testify.”

  “Just how often are the two of you involved in things that might require the other to testify?”

  “Well, I don’t really have a number,” Ida Belle said vaguely.

  “Probably once a week or better,” Gertie said. “Every day if you take into account that we’re running moonshine as cough medicine.”

  “But Walter sells the cough medicine in his store,” I pointed out.

  “Yes, but he’s never drunk any,” Gertie said. “That way, he can always say he didn’t know.”

  Ida Belle nodded. “Plausible deniability is a useful thing in Sinful.”

  I shook my head. “You people should be in DC. You could give them a run for their money.”

  Ida Belle waved a hand in dismissal. “Politicians are boring. Most of them are only average intelligence, if that, and their motives are clearly defined by self-interest. No challenge really when someone’s walking around wearing their weak spot on their fake smile.”

  She had a point.

  The door opened and Ally stepped inside. Walter poked his head in after her.

  “You ready for that call?”

  “We’re ready,” I said. No sense putting it off any longer.

  Walter ducked back out and Gertie pulled the journal from her handbag and handed it to Ally.

  “Are you sure we’re ready?” Gertie asked. “Don’t we need to get our stories straight first?”

  “No!” Ally said. “I don’t want Carter even knowing you helped. There’s no sense all of us being in trouble.”

  “But—” I began.

  “No arguing,” Ally said.

  I smiled. “I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this forceful.”

  She smiled. “You never saw some of my arguments with mother—especially before she moved to the assisted living center.”

  “Ally’s mother is a real piece of work,” Gertie agreed. “We always said Ally’s dad died so that he could get away from her. It was the only place she couldn’t readily follow him. Sorry, Ally.”

  Ally laughed. “It’s not the first time I’ve heard it, and unfortunately, I have to agree. My dad was a really nice, docile, quiet man. I never understood why he married my mother, who was his exact opposite in every way.”

  Ally’s smile faded. “I talked to Mom today. You guys should know Aunt Celia’s sister came to visit her. She told mom she’s not attending the funeral.”

  “Wow,” I said. “She must really be holding a grudge against the mayor if she won’t even come to her own niece’s funeral.”

  “Did she say why?” Gertie asked.

  Ally shook her head. “If she did, mom’s not telling. I came right out and asked how she could do that to Celia. Mom said some things are too painful to face, no matter what good manners call for.”

  “Hard to believe she loved the mayor so much it still hurts,” Ida Belle said.

  “Especially when she made off with the better part of his money,” Gertie said, “but then, she always was a strange one. She and Celia are cut from the same cloth that way.”

  “Nice to know there’s two of them,” I said.

  “Ssshhhh,” Ida Belle said. “I think I hear Carter…yep, that’s definitely him.”

  “Showtime,” Gertie said and looked at Ally. “Take a couple of deep breaths and get centered. If he asks you anything that you don’t want to answer, pretend to be confused. It works every time.”

  Ida Belle rolled her eyes. “It works for you because he thinks you’re dim-witted. He’s not going to give Ally the same leeway.”

  “I don’t need leeway,” Ally said. “The truth is the best defense.”

  Ida Belle sighed. “Oh, to be young again.”

  The door flew open and we all spun around to face it. Carter took one step into the room and frowned.

  “Oh man,” he said, “there is no way anything good is happening here.”

  Then he locked in on Ally and sighed. “Don’t tell me they’ve got you involved, too? This is so disappointing.”

  Gertie opened her mouth bu
t Ally stepped on her foot and inched toward Carter. “Actually, I’m the one who got them involved.”

  Carter raised one eyebrow. “This ought to be good.”

  “It’s not good, but it’s relevant to your investigation,” Ally said, and told Carter about Pansy’s ranking list from high school and its hiding place in her bedroom closet.

  “So I figured,” Ally continued, “Pansy being Pansy, she probably hadn’t stopped keeping score, and if she brought it with her from LA, then it would be a good list of who might want her dead.”

  “Why would some man want Pansy dead because she graded his sexual prowess?” Carter asked. “How would he even know?”

  “I don’t think the guys would know, but if you remember, Pansy specialized in ‘attached’ men.”

  “Oh,” Carter said. “And you think one of those men might be afraid Pansy would tell?”

  “Wouldn’t you be if you’d slept with Pansy?”

  Carter blanched, slightly raising my opinion of him. “Definitely.”

  “So I thought maybe a scared man or his angry wife would be a prime suspect.”

  He sighed. “I see. And if I had another suspect, then I might not arrest Miss Morrow, which seems to be the current push among some of Sinful’s more vocal residents.”

  Ally nodded. “Fortune had no reason to kill Pansy, and I don’t believe for a moment that she did. But some people will not rest until they see her behind bars.”

  Carter frowned. “Do all of you really think I’m foolish enough to let a lynch mob dictate how I do my job?”

  “No,” Ida Belle said. “But if you don’t find the real killer before the mob spins out of control, you may not have a job.”

  His expression didn’t change, but I saw the tiny tic in his jaw and knew that it was a truth he’d gotten around to already, even though he wasn’t about to admit it.

  “Anyway,” Ally said. “All of that was to say that I went to Aunt Celia’s house and pretended I wanted to help her choose an outfit for Pansy so that I could look in the cubbyhole and see if Pansy had hidden a list there. And she had.” She handed him the book.

  He took the journal and looked at me, Ida Belle, and Gertie. “And I’m supposed to believe that the three of you had nothing to do with this?”

  Ally turned around and glared at us, and we all put on our most innocent-looking faces. Carter knew better but as usual, he had no evidence.

  “So if you have to arrest me for stealing,” Ally said, “then go ahead. I understand.”

  “I’m not going to arrest you,” Carter said. “Yet. But you realize what kind of position you’ve put yourself in if this goes to trial? Why didn’t you just tell me your suspicions and let me look for the journal?”

  Ally shook her head. “If Aunt Celia got even an inkling of an idea that something like this existed, she would have burned it.”

  “Even if it meant destroying evidence against the person who murdered her daughter?” Carter asked.

  “Aunt Celia is a bitch, but a practical one. Nothing can bring Pansy back, but something like this would mar Aunt Celia’s community standing. Everyone knows what kind of person Pansy was, but as long as it’s only gossip, Aunt Celia can ignore it and no one would dare mention it to her.”

  Carter didn’t say a word, but I could tell he didn’t disagree with Ally’s assessment of her aunt.

  “I’m not sorry for what I did,” Ally said. “And if I had to do it all over, I’d do the same thing. I have no problem telling the truth in court—about now or back then. It’s about time people in Sinful start dealing with reality and stop couching every word in misplaced politeness.”

  “Bravo!” Gertie said and started clapping.

  Carter’s lips quivered and I knew he was struggling not to smile. I didn’t even bother trying. He looked away from Ally and over at the three of us.

  “So I guess the big question is,” he began, “if Ally did all the thieving and plotting, then why are you three present for the confession?”

  “Because we came across some information that fits with what Ally told you,” Ida Belle said.

  “What kind of information?” Carter asked.

  “Pansy owed the IRS a ton of back taxes from working as an escort—a very highly paid one from the size of the bill.”

  “And you found this out how exactly?” Carter asked, his ears beginning to redden.

  “We’re not saying,” Ida Belle said, “but I’m sure you can verify it all with the IRS. The escort part is in the journal.”

  “You read the journal?” Carter exclaimed, on the verge of explosion. “What part of ‘stay out of my investigation’ do the three of you refuse to understand?”

  “There was no point giving you the damned journal if it didn’t say anything relevant,” Ida Belle said. “We would never let Ally confess to stealing unless it was worthwhile.”

  He stared up at the ceiling and blew out a breath. I wasn’t sure if he was praying or counting to ten.

  Finally, he looked back down. “So since you arranged this secret confession, I guess that means the journal contains something worth going to jail for?”

  Ida Belle nodded. “One of Pansy’s big customers is a plastic surgeon, and he’s been in New Orleans since last Friday. His receptionist thinks he’s at a conference, but there are no medical conventions of any type in New Orleans this weekend.”

  “It’s very suspicious,” Gertie threw in.

  Carter narrowed his eyes at us. “Tell me I did not catch you coming back from New Orleans earlier.”

  Ida Belle rolled her eyes. “You did not catch us coming back from New Orleans. We already told you where we were.”

  “Uh-huh. So I’m to believe that Ally snatched this journal, gave it to you three, and you read it and then went antique shopping?”

  “Yep,” Ida Belle said, “that’s it exactly.”

  “You didn’t do anything else?” Carter asked, not buying it for a second.

  “We did eat hot dogs on the way,” Gertie said. “Those big ones from 7-Eleven. I don’t think we told you that part. And I had strawberry soda and Lay’s potato chips. I wanted a candy bar, but some people have been harassing me about my fitness, so I abstained.”

  “I had yogurt and mineral water,” Ida Belle said.

  “I—” I started to throw in my two cents, but Carter held up his hand to stop the barrage.

  “I don’t care,” he said. “Half of what comes out of your mouths is nonsense. The other half is lies. I tell you what I’m going to do. I’m going to lock the three of you up in jail overnight. Then maybe you’ll think twice before you go against a direct order from a law enforcement officer.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  “What are we charged with?” Ida Belle demanded, hands on her hips and glaring.

  Carter smiled. “I don’t have to charge you with anything to detain you for questioning.”

  “You can’t keep us there indefinitely,” Ida Belle argued.

  “No, but I can keep you there long enough for me to get a good night’s sleep and a whole day of investigating without having to follow up on you three.” He waved a hand at the door. “After you.”

  Gertie’s eyes widened. “But Ida Belle and I were going to have a Walking Dead marathon tonight.”

  “You can improv it in the cell,” Carter said.

  “I’m going to assume,” Ida Belle said drily, “that’s not a dig at our age.”

  “Take it however you’d like,” Carter said, “as long as you take it to cell number two. Junior Petrie’s working off a two-day drunk in cell one.”

  I waited for the comeback, the argument, the whatever needed to happen to get us out of this, but for the first time since I’d met them, Ida Belle and Gertie seemed stumped. They simply nodded and started heading for the door. I sighed and fell in line behind them.

  As Ida Belle reached for the doorknob, Carter’s cell phone rang. He answered and I could immediately tell it wasn’t good news.

&nbs
p; “What the hell do you mean—you’ve got to be kidding me!”

  He shoved the phone in his pocket. “Looks like you’re off the hook. Apparently, something has caused the air-conditioning unit at the sheriff’s department to catch fire.”

  Sure enough, a second later, we could hear the whine of a fire engine.

  “Oh my,” Gertie said. “What caused the fire?”

  Carter smirked. “If I weren’t standing here looking at you three, you would have been my first bet for it. Sheriff Lee thinks it was a raccoon.”

  I frowned. “You let raccoons carry lighters?”

  “Only on Mondays,” Gertie said and patted my arm.

  “Regardless of how it happened,” Carter said, “I can’t hold you there in June with no air-conditioning. Looks like you’re off the hook once more. But this is my last warning—if I catch any of you poking into my investigation again, you’re going to sit there until I catch the perpetrator, even if we all sweat to death.”

  He pointed a finger at Ally. “That includes you, which is highly disappointing because I’ve always given you credit for being smarter. I want you to think long and hard about the company you’re keeping. It may shorten your freedom and/or life expectancy.”

  He whirled around and stomped out of the back room. We all looked at each other and I let out the breath I’d been holding since he said he was taking us all to jail. Sitting in jail meant legal paperwork. If Director Morrow saw his niece’s name pop on anything, he’d go ballistic and I’d be flipping burgers somewhere in the Midwest.

  “That went well,” I said.

  Ally frowned. “Is he always so disgruntled when you help him? You’d think he’d be a little more grateful that we just handed him a prime suspect.”

  Ida Belle laughed. “Keep thinking that way, Ally, and you’ll be on Carter’s permanent shit list along with the three of us.”

  Ally grinned. “At least I’d be in good company.”

  “Got that right,” Gertie said and gave Ally a high five.

  “I owe you—big time,” I told Ally.

  “You don’t owe me anything,” she said. “That’s what friends are for.”