Autumn's War (The Spirit Shifters Book 4)

by Marissa Farrar

  The wolf’s fur began to melt from his skin. All signs of the animal disappeared, though Autumn knew its spirit would be somewhere nearby.

  Romero’s eyes fluttered open.

  He was naked in front of a group of strangers. Quickly, Autumn got to her feet and grabbed a throw from the couch, draping it over his nude torso. “How are you feeling?” she risked asking.

  He frowned. “Better. Not in pain anymore. Though I can still see something else. I mean, in my head I can see tree trunks, and I’m running, and there’s dirt beneath my feet.” He gave his head a shake. “I don’t know. I’m not sure that’s what I mean to say.”

  Chogan moved in, crouching beside Autumn and his uncle. “It’s okay. What you’re seeing is right. Your wolf has accepted you now, and it’s free to do as it wants, just as you are. But if you need it, you can call it and it will come. Then you will shift.”

  He shook his head, frantic. “I don’t want to shift. Can’t you just make it go away?”

  Lakota spoke. “I’m sorry, but I can’t. Once a spirit guide has been bonded, only death will break you apart. All I have done is make the spirit guide at peace with you. It will no longer fight you for your body. Only when you call it, will you share the same form.”

  Chogan placed a hand on the other man’s shoulder. “Don’t be frightened of shifting. Yes, it hurts while it is happening, but the pain doesn’t last. Once you take on the full form of the wolf, you will feel freer and more powerful than you ever have in your life.”

  “I don’t want to be a God-damned wolf! I want to go home to my family.”

  Autumn shook her head. “I don’t think that would be a good idea. As I’m sure you know shifters and everyone associated with shifters are being persecuted by the government and the military. For the moment, I doubt anyone knows or cares you’ve been released and the shift has been corrected, but if you go back to your family and someone reports on you, you could find your wife and child being arrested and taken to one of the facilities your people have set up to contain shifters.”

  His eyes widened. “But I never wanted to be a shifter! Vivian made me this way. I haven’t done anything wrong, and neither have my family.”

  “Do you think the military are going to care?” Chogan butted in, his tone sharp. “No one cared that shifters had done nothing wrong before they started experimenting on us, and then rounding us up like cattle.” His voice grew more heated as he spoke, his body tense.

  Autumn touched his arm. “Hey, Chogan. It’s not his fault either. He was doing his job. I’m sure he understands that he’s switched sides now, don’t you Romero? None of the people working for Vivian Winters will be your friends now. Look at what happened to Calvin Thorne.”

  Romero frowned. “Why, what happened?”

  The thought of Thorne’s death made something coil sickening inside her. “He was helping us get you out, and your ex-colleague—and his—shot him. Thorne is dead. They’ll do exactly the same thing to you as soon as they see you. You’re one of us now, whether you like it or not.”

  Romero’s gaze shifted between them all. His body sagged. “I just want to see my family. They’ll be so worried.”

  Autumn glanced to Chogan. “I’m sure a phone call will be okay. Just a couple of minutes to let your wife and little girl know you’re fine. But don’t mention the shifter thing, okay?”

  “I wouldn’t dream of it. I’d only give them nightmares.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  WITH TALA AND Romero as far back to their normal selves as they would ever be, Autumn, Lakota, and Chogan turned their attention to Blake.

  He remained lying across the back seat of Lakota’s truck, having refused to allow Chogan and Peter to carry him to the house. They’d not wanted to leave him out there, but what could be more humiliating than carrying him against his will? They’d decided to leave him, bringing water and a sandwich out to him, while they dealt with Tala and Romero.

  They approached the vehicle. Autumn noted that while he’d drunk some of the water, the sandwich remained untouched. She wondered when he’d last eaten. He’d lost weight, though he remained a big man. The change in his physique was hard to tell when he was so different mentally.

  With both rear doors opened, Autumn crouched beside Blake’s head. “Hey. I thought you’d want to know that Tala is better now. Your father helped her.”

  For the first time, the hint of a smile touched Blake’s mouth. “That’s good.”

  “Now it’s your turn. Your father might be able to do something to help you, too.”

  “What’s wrong with me has nothing to do with the spirit world.”

  “You don’t know that, Blake,” Lakota said from over Autumn’s shoulder. “You haven’t healed, and that could be a spiritual issue. You said your wolf wouldn’t come near you.”

  “It knows I’m broken,” Blake snapped. “It’s got nothing to do with the spirits.”

  “Doesn’t it? Perhaps it’s your spirit that is broken as much as your body?”

  “I don’t need a goddamned lecture, Father. No one can help me.”

  “Please, Blackened Hawk. Will you let me try? It’s all I ask.”

  Autumn held her breath, waiting for his response. He was so volatile. Would even his father’s pleas soothe him?

  “Okay, do as you want. It’ll make no difference to me.”

  She exhaled, slow and measured.

  “But don’t be disappointed when nothing happens.” His gaze locked on Autumn. “That goes for you too, Autumn. You don’t need a cripple for a boyfriend.”

  She risked a smile. “So you’re admitting you’re still my boyfriend?”

  He sent her a glare that said, ‘don’t push me’, and ice ran through her veins.

  He was strong enough in his upper body to push himself to the open doorway, and then Chogan and Peter awkwardly pulled and lifted Blake from the vehicle.

  Between them, they carried him to the house. Tala stood in the doorway to meet them. His sister smiled at him, but Autumn recognized the sadness in her eyes. If she could see herself, she imagined her smile would be much the same.

  “I’m going to need the candles again,” said Lakota. “Put Blake in the armchair, and I’ll place the candles around that. I don’t want to see my son on the floor.”

  The two men complied, placing Blake into the armchair—a high-back chair with worn upholstery that appeared to be Wenona’s favorite spot. The older woman watched from the doorway, her knuckles held anxiously at her mouth.

  Autumn helped to move the candles.

  Blake didn’t even look at them. She sensed how deeply embarrassed and uncomfortable this was making him, and her heart broke. She prayed Lakota would be able to make him walk again, or if not walk, at least give him some feeling back, some hope that his current position wasn’t permanent.

  Lakota, too, must have picked up on Blake’s discomfort. “Please, everyone, can you leave? It’s best Blake and I do this alone.”

  “But Father,” said Tala. “What if you need help?”

  “Then I will call for you. Just go, please.”

  Autumn began to file toward the door with the others.

  Blake’s voice spoke out. “Not you, Autumn.”

  She paused and turned back to him.

  “Please, stay.”

  She nodded, her heart lifting. “Of course.

  Lakota moved around the chair, using a match to light each of the candles. This time, he didn’t burn the herbs.

  “This is different to the others,” he said. “I’m not going to be binding a spirit, or placating one. I’m simply going to try to communicate with your wolf, and try to learn if its unwillingness to shift also has something to do with why you’re not healing.”

  “I think you’re wasting your time, Father.”

  “It is my time to waste. Now be quiet and try to concentrate.”

  He crushed some of his herbs against Blake’s forehead, the oil in the mixture leaving a greasy sme
ar against his smooth skin. Then he opened Blake’s hands, turning them up, and crushed another pinch of herbs into his palms. He sat, cross-legged in front of Blake in the chair, and repeated the application of the oil infused herbs to himself.

  Autumn moved away, to give them space. She watched anxiously, her stomach in knots, her heart beating erratically. She didn’t think she’d ever wanted anything so badly in her life.

  Lakota shut his eyes and began his song, a low, melodic hum which swelled and grew louder, filling the room. Blake’s eyes slipped shut as well.

  She wished she could see what they could, somehow be a part of the experience rather than just a spectator. She hated feeling so utterly useless. The minutes ticked by, Lakota’s song barely seeming to change. She studied Blake intently, watching for any movement in the lower half of his body, willing him to move his legs.

  Tension grew in the air, the hairs on her neck standing to attention, her skin prickling with goose bumps. She sensed a presence—or perhaps more than one—around her, and a shiver wracked through her body.

  Lakota’s singing changed in timbre, becoming softer, and the charge she’d experienced in the air began to fade with it.

  Both Lakota and Blake’s eyes flicked open at the exact same time.

  Autumn held her breath in anticipation.

  But Blake shook his head. “I feel no different, Father.”

  Lakota slowly got to his feet and approached Blake to rest a hand on his shoulder. “I’ve asked for the spirits’ help, but you must be open to them. It may take time.”

  “Or it may not work at all.”

  “Try to keep your faith, Blackened Hawk. The ways of the spirit world are not always obvious to us at first. I agree your wolf is wary of you, but it may be more concerned with what is happening in here,” he touched Blake’s chest, right about his heart, “than with your legs.”

  A cough came from the doorway, and Autumn looked up to find Wenona standing there.

  “I have food almost ready, if you’d like to eat?” the older woman said.

  Autumn smiled. “That would be amazing.” She turned to Blake. “Are you hungry?”

  He shook his head. “No, I’m tired, that’s all.”

  “You need to eat.”

  “I need to rest.”

  Wenona spoke up. “He can take the back bedroom. It’s all made up.”

  “Thank you,” Autumn said. “Chogan, can you help?”

  Chogan nodded. “Sure.”

  He and Peter helped to lift Blake. Together, they carried him into the bedroom Wenona had pointed out. They lay him on the bed.

  “Leave me alone now,” he said, lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. Chogan and Autumn exchanged a glance, and Chogan shrugged and backed out of the room.

  “You too, Autumn,” Blake said.

  “I’d rather stay here with you.”

  “Go and eat. You need your strength.”

  “The same thing goes for you.”

  He turned his face toward her and glared at her. “Please, Autumn. Don’t argue with me on top of everything else. I just need to get some sleep. I’ll eat after, okay?”

  “I’ll make sure Wenona puts something aside for you.”

  He didn’t respond. The hearty wafts of meat and gravy were drifting down the hallway, together with the aromatic scent of freshly baked bread. Her stomach growled in response. She was so hungry, she felt hollow.

  With a sigh, she left Blake and headed out into the kitchen. Wenona had made up a couple of huge pots of stew, served with cornbread.

  Numerous people were crammed around the huge old farmhouse table, while those from outside came in and grabbed hunks of bread, spooning meat onto it to create a kind of stew sandwich. She was pleased to see no one being greedy, and taking more than they needed. They were a lot of mouths, and the food had to stretch between them all.

  “Wow,” she said, smiling at Wenona, who bustled back and forth from the table, clearing away dirty bowls and plates, rinsing them so others were able to use the tableware. “Where did you rustle all this up from?”

  The other woman shrugged. “I don’t often get to the store, so I buy in bulk.”

  Someone made space at the table for her and dished her up a bowl of stew and some bread. Autumn took a mouthful, barely taking the time to chew properly before she swallowed. The meal warmed her stomach, immediately making her feel stronger.

  “This is amazing, thank you.” And she meant it. It was the first hot, home-cooked meal she’d had in forever, and she didn’t think she’d tasted anything so good. “It almost gives your cooking a run for your money,” she said, waving a piece of bread at Mia, giving her a wink.

  “Oh, Mia, helped, didn’t you honey?” the older woman said. “That girl knows her way around a kitchen.”

  Mia grinned and lifted her eyebrows, as if to say, ‘told you so.’

  “We’ll stay here for the night,” said Autumn. “As long as that’s all right with you, Wenona.”

  “Of course. You’re welcome to stay as long as you like.”

  Tomorrow would be the big day. She already felt like they’d left it too long, abandoning both the shifters and citizens of Chicago to military rule. She had no idea how things would go, but at least her people would be well rested and with a decent meal in their stomachs.

  Autumn finished up eating, and rinsed off her bowl before refilling it for Blake. Most of the food was gone now, and she felt bad for not taking Blake’s portion to him before eating herself. She excused herself and went back to the room. Would he tell her to go away again, or perhaps take the bowl and throw it against the wall?

  With her heart thumping, she paused outside of the door, her fingertips touching the wood. She could sense Blake’s presence beyond the door. She wished she could go back to when they’d first met, how the fire of attraction had burned so brightly between them. She still experienced that attraction, as much as ever, but she was frightened Blake no longer felt that way about her. Of course, he had far more important things to think about, but she wanted him to open up to her, to take comfort in her presence. She desperately wanted to make him understand she was still here for him, and they would work it out, even if he didn’t walk again.

  She pushed down the rising fear of the enormity of what that promise to him meant. It would be a new role in life, yet again, this time as the girlfriend of a man who may never walk. She wondered what it would mean for their sex life. Would they even have one? Was it even working down there? From what he’d said, she thought perhaps it wasn’t—another blow to a man like Blake. It was as if the paralysis was taking his masculinity from him.

  But it didn’t matter. There were other ways to pleasure a woman. And she would learn what she could do to pleasure him. She would make it work.

  With her convictions solidified in her chest, she exhaled a deep breath and opened the door.

  Though he lay on his side, facing away from her, his deep voice came from the bed. “How long were you planning on standing out there for?”

  She glanced back at the door, as if she would find a camera or something to show who she was. Then she remembered his wolf guide. “I thought you weren’t in touch with your wolf anymore.”

  “I still get glimpses. It must have been curious to see what you wanted.”

  She risked a smile. Though he couldn’t see her, he might hear it in her voice. “Maybe it likes me.”

  “Maybe.”

  She was glad wolves couldn’t read minds as well.

  “I brought you some food.”

  “I told you I didn’t want any.”

  She didn’t want to have the same argument with him again. Instead, she set the bowl down on the dresser beside the bed.

  He’d taken off his shirt, so he lay covered only to the waist with Wenona’s starched white sheets. His back was so beautiful. The tattoos over his nut-brown skin. The bulk of his muscle. The slight curl of his hair into the dip at the base of his neck. She felt a surge of
desire rise within her. It gave her courage and she crossed the room, and sat on the edge of his bed.

  She reached out and placed her hand on his shoulder. “Don’t shut me out, Blake.”

  He turned to her. “I don’t want your life to be ruined, too.”

  “The only way my life would be ruined is if you weren’t in it. I love you. I know you love me, too, even if you’re doing your best to tell yourself right now that you don’t.”

  His voice came quietly. “I never said I don’t love you. The reason I want you to stay away from me is because I love you. I can’t stand the idea of your life being restricted in any single way because you’re being forced to live it with me.”

  Her heart lifted at his words. He did love her. That was all that mattered. They would figure a way around this. She only wanted to be with him.

  “I don’t care if you spend the rest of your life in a wheelchair. I will take care of you.”

  Roughly, he jerked his shoulder away and then twisted to stare at her, full of hurt and rage. “I don’t want you to take care of me! I’m not a God-damned child. I should be the one looking after you, but I’ve failed you, over and over again. Even when I could walk, I failed you. You shouldn’t be with me. Chogan loves you, too. I’ve seen it in his eyes. Go and be with him. He’s different now. I don’t know if it’s being around you that’s made him change, but he seems to have developed something along the lines of a conscience.”

  “You’re wrong.” She did her best to keep her voice steady, to not inflect any kind of emotion in her tone. “Chogan has his eye on a new woman he’s picked up.”

  Blake snorted. “I guess Chogan hasn’t changed that much after all.”

  “And anyway, I’m not interested in Chogan. You’re the only one I want, and that’s not going to change. So are you going to make me live the rest of my life alone because you won’t even give us a chance?”

  He shook his head, and she could see the pain tightening across his handsome features. “Don’t ask me to do this, Autumn. I can’t think about you as well.”

  “I’m not asking you to think about me. I’m asking you to let me be here for you.”