Renewed (The Fractured Series Book 3)

by James, Holleigh

  We came out of the store with several packages. Most of them were for Jennifer, but I had two of my own. One was a gift I’d be giving during her bridal shower, and one was for me to wear for Rob.

  We bought lunch from our favorite stand in the food court, and found a table for four so our packages would fit, too.

  “Mandy, I’d like to ask you something.” Jennifer looked down at her untouched lunch.

  “Sure, Jen, shoot.”

  “I want to know if you’ll be my maid of honor.”

  I didn’t expect that. My head flipped up to look at her. “Don’t you want your sister to be your maid of honor, or Courtney, Tanya, or Liz?”

  She shook her head. Her blonde curls jiggled. Her pretty green eyes weren’t overdone with makeup. They seemed very sincere. “No. You’ve been more of a friend to me than any of them. More like a best friend ever since Bryan and I started going out. Every time I’ve needed someone to talk to, you’ve been there. You’ve never judged me, and you’re not superficial like Courtney, Liz, and Tanya. You’ve been a very good friend. I don’t think I could have come through this without your support.”

  Her words gave me the warm fuzzies. I reached over and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. “I would love to be your maid of honor.” We both smiled.

  “Good. Let’s go to the bridal store and pick out a dress for you.”

  “Aren’t you going to eat your lunch?” I asked.

  “Nah. I’m nauseous,” she said, placing a hand on her flat stomach.

  We tried on dresses – she wedding gowns, and me, everything else. We finally agreed on a simple pink empire cut dress for me and the other bridesmaids. She told me she was going to wear her mother’s wedding dress after a few alterations. I felt like saying, “Maybe you should go with one that a lying, cheating bimbo has never worn,” but I decided not to ruin any of this for her. I loved my brother too much. I hoped his new bride would turn out differently than her mother. Maybe she could change the luck associated with that dress.

  I used the fifty dollars I had left from my shopping excursion to put a deposit on the maid of honor’s dress.

  “I’ll tell the other girls to come and do the same by the end of the week,” Jennifer said. “Let’s go home. I’m tired.”

  “Me, too.”

  “I’ll drive you to Rob’s.”

  “Thanks.”

  ***

  We spent the first fifteen minutes of our reunion kissing in the kitchen.

  “You’re brother asked me to be an usher at the wedding,” Rob said.

  “What did you tell him?”

  “Of course I said yes. How can I let you get all dressed up and have no one to dance with? I have to look good when I pull you away from all those wedding guests.”

  “That was so nice of you to do that.”

  “Bryan’s a good guy. I feel bad he has to put college on hold. His football opportunities will fade away.”

  “I think my dad is more upset about that than Bryan is,” I said, taking a bottle of water from the refrigerator.

  “But he’s worked hard for the consideration. Notre Dame is one of the finest schools in the country. It’s not easy to get in, and on a partial scholarship no less.”

  “Well, he should have taken precautions.” I took another sip from my water bottle.

  “I’m sure he didn’t plan this.”

  “I know he didn’t,” I said. “Still, he should have been careful.”

  “Oh? And you’re not worried something like that might happen with us?” His deep blue eyes stared at me.

  “No.” I didn’t look at him.

  “And why not?”

  Lifting my nose in the air, I said, “Because I’ve been responsible.”

  “What do you mean you’ve been responsible?” he asked.

  “I’m on the pill.”

  His smile faded. “You are?”

  “Yes. Why are you so surprised?”

  “I guess I never thought about it before. I just thought…”

  “What? That we’ve been lucky? Rob, I’m only seventeen. I have to put a four-year college on hold. I may not be able to pursue the career I want to for a few years, but that doesn’t mean having a baby is the answer to filling that void. I want to be able to give my children everything.”

  My logic percolated in his head; I could almost smell it brewing.

  His shoulders dropped and his face drooped a bit. “You’re right. It’s better to be safe.” It was almost as if he was disappointed. He pulled me close to him. His chest was wide and strong. The faint smell of his cologne had my head swimming. “But you would make a fantastic mother.” He aimed right for the base of my neck. I couldn’t harness my thoughts.

  “You’d better stop or you’ll be late for work.”

  He pulled back. I could see his pout.

  “Now, now. I promise there will be time for all of that. After you get home from work.”

  His face morphed into a smile.

  Chapter Seven

  “I’ll call you at nine,” Rob said when he drove me home.

  “I’ll be waiting.” It was harder and harder to leave him each time.

  I closed the front door behind me and walked into my living room. The whole family was sitting around the television, waiting for me. Dad lowered the volume.

  “Mandy, could you come in here for a minute?” Mom said.

  “Sure, Mom. What’s up?”

  “Have a seat, Sweetie,” Mom said.

  My eyes darted around the room and studied everyone’s faces. Bryan didn’t look happy. “Am I in trouble?”

  “No. Why would you think that?” Dad asked.

  “Because you’re all in the same room and you want to talk to me. I swear, whatever it is, I didn’t do it. I’ve been at the mall with Jennifer all day, and Rob just dropped me off.”

  “You haven’t done anything wrong, Mandy,” Dad started. “We just want to talk to you about something important.”

  Part of me hoped it was Dad coming clean with the whole family. I looked at Bryan. “Is everything all right?”

  With a less-than-enthusiastic look, Bryan said, “Yeah, just great.”

  “Jennifer? The baby? The wedding?”

  “Mandy, just sit down,” Mom said.

  I sat on the couch next to Bryan. My eyes stayed fixed on him as his head flopped back on the couch.

  “Mandy,” Dad’s tone was very fatherly. “Since Bryan won’t be able to attend Notre Dame in the fall, your Mom and I want to offer you the money we’ve saved for your own college tuition. I know you’ve only applied to the community college over here, but maybe you can apply to that medical college a few towns over.”

  “But what about when Bryan is ready for college, after the baby is born?”

  Bryan’s head flipped up from the back of the couch. He looked happy that I hadn’t written his life off as a failure yet, the way my father obviously had.

  “We’ll keep saving, and by then, maybe he can foot his own bill with all the money he’ll be earning in that big fancy stock office his new father-in-law is going to give him.” Dad gave Bryan a look that showed his displeasure with the path his son was on.

  The silence in the room was awkward. On one hand, this was my opportunity to go to college and study neuroscience. On the other hand, I was stripping Bryan of his chance to pursue his own dreams. Well, he kind of did by being careless.

  “Dad, I don’t know. I want to talk to Bryan about this… alone.” I pulled Bryan’s hand and dragged him up to my room. I shut the door and pushed him onto the bed. I pulled the chair from my desk over to face him.

  “What do you want to do about this? You can still go to school at night; it just won’t be Notre Dame.” I looked into his face.

  “I’ll be fine, Mand. You use the money. At least one of us will be getting a good college education. I’ll be struggling just to learn what my new job will be, and getting used to being married. And then with the baby…” His voice traile
d off. “I can’t throw college into mix. I’ll have a nervous breakdown.”

  I never felt sorrier for my brother. “Bryan, do you want to do this? Do you want to get married and have a baby? You aren’t even eighteen yet. There are alternatives, other choices.”

  He looked at me, at first with worry, then with surety. “I love her, Mandy. And, she’s pregnant. She didn’t get that way all by herself. We should have used… I should have been more careful. If I ask her to do something she doesn’t want to do, she’ll never talk to me again. And, although I’m terrified about being a husband and a dad, I’m even more terrified about losing her. I think Jennifer’s scared, too. But we’re going to try, just like Mom and Dad did when they had us. I don’t think I can live without her.”

  I knew how he felt. I had the same feelings for Rob.

  “Okay, then, this is what I’m proposing. I’ll go to college first, and when I’ve graduated, you’ll go. It’s the same plan we had before, except we’ll reverse the order. I was going to wait until you were done with Notre Dame, but now, you’ll just wait until I’m done at Stony Brook. I’m sorry you won’t have a football scholarship, but maybe you’ll find something else you’ll excel in. Maybe, you’ll earn millions in the stock market. You’re very smart, and I know you can do whatever you want to.”

  His face lightened. “That’s a good idea. That’ll give me a chance to get into a groove with a comfortable job and figure out how to be a good husband and father. Then I can better myself so I can make Jennifer and the baby proud of me.”

  I was so happy with Bryan’s line of thought. I hugged him.

  “What was that for?” he asked.

  “For thinking and being a responsible adult. I know you’re going to be a great husband and father, because you’re a fantastic brother.”

  He squeezed harder. “Thanks, Mandy. You’re the best sister in the whole world.”

  Before he walked out the door he said, “By the way, you got a letter today.”

  “A letter? From who?

  “I don’t know. I’ll get it.” He was gone and back in two minutes.

  I looked at the return address; it was from Suffolk County Jail. I opened the envelope and pulled out a folded slip of paper. The handwriting looked familiar.

  Dear Mandy,

  It has been several weeks since I saw you at the trial. I know I was a bit rough the last time we were together. It won’t be like that anymore. I promise. I have regular visits with a counselor. He helps me with sorting out my feelings. Come visit me so you can see how well I’m doing now. It’s lonely here without you. I miss you.

  Love, Jimmy.

  I ripped it up and threw it in my trash.

  It took a long time for me to fall asleep that night.

  The fluorescent lights shone brightly, making the long hallway look stark and sterile. The walls were close together. It made me feel claustrophobic as I walked toward the door at the end. My heartbeat pounded in my eardrums as I reached out to grab the doorknob. With a slow turn, and a gentle push, it opened.

  Jimmy was sitting at a large wooden desk. “So, you want to go to this college? You must pass the test before you’re allowed to attend.”

  “Test?” I asked.

  “There are three requirements. I have to see if you have what it takes. Cognitive: What is the square root of four?”

  “Two.”

  “Pass.” He checked off a box on his clipboard.

  “Physical: Strip down to your underwear.”

  I removed my clothing and stood before him. He looked me up and down several times. A sinister grin spread over his face.

  “Very nice. Pass,” he said and checked off another box on his clipboard. “Emotional: Why him?”

  I knew he meant Rob. “Because I love him.”

  This time, I wasn’t sweating when I woke up.

  Chapter Eight

  After the talk with my parents about college, things happened quickly. Mrs. Lindsey, my guidance counselor, helped me get all of the paperwork signed and submitted so I could send in a late application to Stony Brook University. She attached a note asking if they could review my transcript for possible enrollment for the fall. She promised they wouldn’t be disappointed with a student of my caliber. I bought her a plant for her office as a thank you.

  Mrs. Sutton and my mother had countless lunches together to discuss wedding arrangements. It made me sick to think of my mother hanging out with my father’s slut, and they were going to be related in a weird kind of way. I wondered how it would affect my father, if it would at all.

  Dad worked more hours, but I couldn’t be sure if he actually spent those hours at the shop, or with Mrs. Sutton at that cheap, sleazy motel I saw them at a few months earlier.

  Dillon was getting better at making eye contact with people who were talking to him, and got an award for using a whole sentence in school. Way to go, Dill!

  Bryan went with Jennifer to the gynecologist for her next appointment. He couldn’t wait to show Mom and me the sonogram picture. Of course, you couldn’t really tell what anything was; it was just a big, white, fuzzy blur, but that was my little niece or nephew, so I was excited too.

  Courtney, Liz, Tanya, Michelle, and I all went for numerous fittings for our bridesmaids’ dresses. Courtney kept asking me about Rob’s cousin, Eric – what his favorite color was, whether or not he dated older girls, if I thought he might be interested in her. I didn’t know the answer to any of the questions. It got to the point where I just wrote his phone number down on a piece of paper and handed it to her.

  And Rob… well, Rob was just wonderful. He was supportive and caring about every aspect of what was going on in my life, which surrounded me on every side. That’s why I totally missed what he was going through.

  I used my key to open the mahogany door to his house and walked straight into the kitchen with a bag of bagels in my arm. Rob was at the breakfast nook, looking down at the paper on the counter. He didn’t look up.

  “Hey,” I said, looking at him with apprehension.

  “Hey.”

  “Rob, what’s wrong?” I put the bagels on the counter and walked around the nook to him. He still wouldn’t look at me. “Rob, what’s wrong?” I asked again. My hand caressed his back.

  His blue eyes were red, as if he had been crying.

  “Rob!”

  “It was today.”

  “What? What was today?”

  “The fire…”

  “Oh!” My arms wrapped around him, and he stood from the chair into my embrace. He cried into my shoulder. How selfish was I not to be there to support him during this time? I tightened my arms and held him without another word.

  Several moments went by before he composed himself. He pulled back and wiped the tears from his face. “I’m sorry.”

  “Why are you sorry?” I held him at arms distance.

  “I know you have a lot going on in your own household.”

  “Rob, don’t be ridiculous. This is a hard day for you. Your whole life changed on this day. I wish I could have been there for you last year. I’m here for you now. What can I do to ease the pain?”

  “There’s nothing you can do, Mandy.” Tears pooled in his eyes again.

  “Rob, I don’t want you to hurt, but I know you are. I promise to do everything I can to help you through this, whatever it takes. I love you.”

  He smiled. “I love you, too.”

  I stroked his dark, wavy hair and smiled back at him. “I bought bagels. Are you hungry?”

  “Not really.”

  I took his hand. “How about we sit on the couch?”

  He nodded and I led him to the off-white couch in the family room. When we sat, I put my arms around him and didn’t let go. No words were spoken. I ran my fingers through his hair, tracing each of his waves.

  Several long minutes went by before he spoke. “I’m not happy I can’t walk down the aisle with you at the wedding,” Rob said. His voice was still weak from being upset.<
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  “I’m not walking down the aisle with anyone. Jennifer wants the maid of honor to walk by herself. You, on the other hand, are walking down with Tanya.”

  “I know, but I wanted to get the feel.”

  “The feel of what?”

  “Walking down the aisle with you.”

  My spine tingled. “Well, you can pretend that Tanya is me.”

  “Oh no. She isn’t amazing the way you are.” He was staring at me, and I felt warm all the way through my body. “If I’m going to walk down the aisle with someone, I would prefer it be you.” He smiled. It made me feel special that he didn’t want to even think of another girl next to him, especially walking down an aisle.

  He was quiet.

  “What are you thinking?” I asked.

  “Just about my parents.”

  I knew this day must be difficult for him. “Wanna talk about it?”

  “I miss them, Mandy. My dad was my best friend. He taught me how to throw a football and how to swim. He took me to my first baseball game, and bought me a hot dog and cotton candy. He built me a rocket and pretended to go to the moon with me.” He hesitated. Then he looked at me. “My mom grew roses and filled the house with flowers. She answered every question I had. She taught me how to read, and how to love.” This time the tears rolled down more quickly.

  I cupped my hand under his jaw. I said nothing, but I hoped he would read my eyes, which said, “It’s all right. I’ll take care of you.”

  “They’ll never see me accomplish any of my plans. They won’t be at my graduation, or see me get married, or spoil my children. They don’t know how happy I am now, or know how wonderful you are.”

  I pulled him into my chest and kissed the top of his head. His body shook as he sobbed. I wanted to hold him until the pain went away. I was prepared to do this forever.

  Several long minutes passed. I didn’t move until Rob had composed himself again.

  He lifted his head. “I’m sorry.”

  “Stop apologizing. You miss them. They were taken too soon.” I searched his face. He offered a small, forced smile. “I know I can’t replace them, Rob, but I’m here for you. I’ll hold your hand and be next to you every step of the way. I love you.”