TAUT

by JA Huss

  She takes a moment to steady herself and I try to imagine what it must’ve been like, to be all alone in another country and going through all this. “Did your family come? Your father or sister?”

  Her head shakes out a no. “They never knew I was even pregnant. Not until I came home, and even then I never intended for my father to find out. It was an accident. I only wanted to come back, talk to Tony one last time, and then go home to Japan and be left alone.”

  “Friends?”

  “I have some friends, but I’m sort of a loner. My grad school friends were just co-workers, really. I was the only American in the program and even though I look a little bit Asian and I speak Japanese pretty well, I’m not Japanese. I enjoy the culture, I fit in, I guess. But Tony was my life. So when he was gone, I got very lonely.”

  We’re both silent for a few seconds and then she huffs out a laugh. “I’m sorry for being such a downer. I bet I make your head spin with my mood swings.”

  “I like hearing about it.”

  “I like hearing about you, too, Ford.” She peeks up at me from under her hair.

  “Well, then I have a confession to make.” She waits for a moment to see what I’ll say and I enjoy her attention. Her eyes sparkle a little and I look for that now. I crave it. It means she’s happy and I like seeing her happy. I’m looking for ways, words, things that will make that sparkle appear in her eyes. “I didn’t tell you the whole truth back in Vail. About why I never went to the funeral.”

  “Are you going to tell me now?”

  “Do you still want to know? It’s not a big deal. I’m not even sure why I left it out, other than I would’ve had to admit that my dad died in the avalanche and I didn’t want to do that with you right then.”

  She nods enthusiastically. “I still want to know. I really do.”

  “OK.” I take a deep breath and let it out slowly. “Well, Minturn is the town where he was laid to rest, you already know that because we went there. But there’s this out-of-bounds run on the backside of Vail Mountain, it leads to Minturn and it’s called the Minturn Mile. It’s three miles long, so don’t let the name fool you. It’s no Corbet’s Couloir, it’s a baby trail compared to that shit, but you know, it’s got its own set of challenges.”

  I picture the ride up on the lift and the sign that says you’re leaving the in-bounds run and if you need a rescue, you better have a lot of money because there will be a bill. That memory is a little funny, but knowing that part of my life is over, that’s not fun at all. I suddenly know how Ashleigh just felt admitting that having her baby alone in a foreign country hurts. It’s hard. It’s hard to admit this stuff hurts.

  “My dad and I did the Minturn Mile at least once a year. We’d take the lift up, hike over to the trail, and ski down to Minturn, then take our skis off and walk into town and have lunch at the local tavern. My mom always picked us up later. It’s kind of a Vail thing, right? A tradition. Something we do as locals, something people come and do when they want to pretend they’re local. So when the lawyers gave us his final wishes it said he wanted to be cremated and then buried in Minturn and he wanted to go down the trail one last time. It was a pretty big deal to set it all up, and like Mrs. Pearson said, everyone turned out for it. Everyone but me. The whole town was disappointed I didn’t come.”

  I stop because I’m suddenly overwhelmed with shame that I missed it. My dad made his final request something special for me. Something we could share together, something that might give me a bit of pleasure. Something that might ease my pain.

  And I missed it.

  I ran.

  “But you couldn’t bring yourself to do it, could you?” Ashleigh asks quietly.

  My throat feels like it’s closing up on me and I have to clear it several times to make that tight constricting feeling go away before I answer. “I never skied again. I never went back to Vail. I just… left. I left my mom to clean it all up and took a job producing a game show in Japan.”

  “When were you in Japan?” she asks, her eyes squinting down a little.

  “On and off for the past few years. I started out there after graduation and they liked me. My weirdness never rubbed them the wrong way. I almost fit in there, if you can believe it.”

  “So you and I were living in the same foreign country at the same time. And yet we met on a freeway in Colorado. Do you think that’s weird?”

  That conversation I had with Rook at Coors Field comes barreling back to me. She got off the bus in Denver on a whim, so she could go to CU Boulder and study film like the guys who made South Park. The same school I went to.

  I said fate and she said weird.

  But I’m done with fate. “Yeah, it’s weird all right.”

  We’re silent for a few moments. And then Ash kicks me under the table. “You know what’s really weird? The game shows in Japan! I can’t believe some of the strange stuff they do on TV there. What was your show called?”

  I go from sad and ashamed to embarrassed as fuck in two seconds flat. “I can’t tell you,” I say, laughing.

  She knows why because she’s laughing too. “Let me guess, it was Kiss Ass Roulette? And saying ass isn’t a spankable offense, because it’s a real show!”

  “Oh, I know. Believe me, I know all the game shows in Japan. But no, that wasn’t it.” I have to lower my eyes and shake my head a little, that’s how funny this moment is. “I can’t even think about Japan without remembering those shows. When people look at my resume they think I’m making this shit up. But when they realize they’re real productions, they give me the job out of pity, I think. When I got the call for the HBO show in LA I almost couldn’t believe it. I really thought my career would end up being one long string of Japanese game shows or Shrike fucking Bikes reality TV.”

  She laughs with me and then the food arrives and we sit back and wait for the plates to be served.

  “Ford—” she says after the waitress leaves.

  “Yes, Ashleigh.”

  “You are a nice guy.”

  Any other moment and I’d probably brush her off, but today I feel like a nice guy, so I just accept the compliment. “Thanks. I don’t try to be nice all that often, but it’s good to know I can put in an effort and it makes a difference.”

  “You’ve made a difference to me, Ford. And even if we never see each other again after we get to LA, I’ll never forget you.”

  Her words hit me hard. The fact that she can say that so easily and not be bothered by it. So I shut down again and don’t answer. Just dig into my food. Because I can’t even go there yet. I can’t. I’m not gonna let her get away. I’m not gonna stand aside so this guy can take her back and probably throw her away the first chance he gets. I let Ronin keep Rook, but Ashleigh is mine. And I’m not giving her up without a fight.

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  “I haven’t been here in ages,” Ashleigh says as Vegas shimmers off in the distance. She’s got the windows down and the breeze whips her hair around as we finish the final leg of our journey today. “And I’ve never come from this direction. We come from the west, so it looks so different. Where are we staying?”

  I don’t answer her, I want it to be a surprise.

  She sits up a little so she can tuck her feet underneath her. Her socks and shoes were discarded as soon as the climate changed about an hour ago. It’s not hot, but compared to the frigid temperatures we just left behind in the mountains, this feels like August. She had to climb in the back and relieve Kate of all her blankets and her pink sweat suit. Thank God for a little bit of sun. At least the child can wear a dress now.

  “We need to hit the stores for So Cal clothes.”

  “I say we shop for all our clothes in the gift shops.”

  I look at her like she’s crazy.

  “Yeah, we can be walking Vegas billboards!”

  “Get my phone and look for Pam in my contacts.”

  For once she doesn’t even ask why, she just finds Pam on the phone and then looks at
me for directions.

  “Tell her what kind of clothes you want for Kate. I’ve already got an infant gift basket in the room, so we don’t need any of that essential stuff. Tell her what size and she’ll have the hotel shoppers send some stuff up.”

  “I love this,” she says as she types out the message.

  “Love what?”

  “Being taken care of for a day.” She stops typing and looks at me. “It’s been a while and ya know, sometimes you just want a gorgeous man to take you out to eat and buy you stuff.”

  I want to say a thousand things back to her. Things like, I’ll be getting my payback later or just wait until you see what I’m really going to do with you tonight.

  But I keep my mouth shut. Because I don’t want to cheapen the experience for her. I want her to feel taken care of. I want this to be the best night of her life.

  “You have an appointment with the fashion consultant at six, but you’ll be busy all afternoon. I’ll be watching Kate.”

  “I’ll be doing what?”

  “So eager,” I say with a hint of innuendo. “Be patient. Slow down, enjoy this, Ashleigh. Make it count.”

  “You smell that, Ford?” Ashleigh sticks her head out the window and her hair whips past her face. “That’s called pollution.” I laugh. “I’ve missed it!”

  It takes another forty-five minutes to get to the Four Seasons and by this time the novelty of traffic has worn off, the baby is cranky, and Ashleigh is looking sleepy. But as soon as we pull up to the valet everyone perks up, even Kate. She’s quiet and still as she lets us bustle her out of the Bronco.

  Everyone looks at us like we are vagrants who drifted in off the desert like tumbleweeds, but as soon as I hand over my credit card, they change their attitude. Maybe this bothers some people, but I could give a fuck. I stand there in my I’m not a ski addict t-shirt and hand the keys over to the valet. “This vehicle is very special, do not get a scratch on her.”

  He looks at me with a very serious face and says, “Yes, sir.”

  Money does this. The fucking Bronco is nothing but scratches from top to bottom because the two-toned brown and tan paint is original. Ashleigh just shakes her head at me and we walk through the lobby doors together.

  The concierge approaches us immediately and I bark out, “Aston family.”

  “Yes, sir. You have the Presidential Strip-View Suite on the thirty-ninth floor. Can I have someone help you with your bags?” He looks around, noticing we have no luggage. Ash has a purse and the diaper bag and I have the baby in the car seat and that’s it.

  “There should be clothes upstairs?”

  “Yes, everything you asked for has been provided.”

  “Thank you. And have the staff come find Miss Li for her spa and dressing appointment in thirty minutes.”

  “Yes, sir.” He hands the key card to the bellboy and we follow him to the elevators.

  Ashleigh squeals again and kisses Kate on her head.

  “You act like a resort virgin, Miss Li.”

  “I’m a resort slut, Ford.”

  I shake my head at her.

  “But it’s been a pretty long time since I’ve been pampered, so if it’s all the same to you, I’m gonna be a silly virgin today.”

  I take it Tony is not loaded. But I’m not gonna bring him up at all. She doesn’t need me to point out the financial differences between the two of us so I hold in any and all snide remarks I feel like making and concentrate on keeping her on her toes. “I love silly virgins who are really sluts so I do not mind one bit.”

  The bellboy laughs, then pretends to cough as Ashleigh kicks me and shoots him a dirty look.

  I wink and hand her a dimpled smile in return, and before she can decide if she’s really upset or not, the elevator opens. The bellboy walks us to our door and presents it to us like he’s Vanna White. I set Kate’s carrier down in the room, then stuff some cash in the bellboy’s palm and shove him down the hall.

  “OK, let’s see what they left us.”

  “Baskets filled with baby stuff.” She sorts through it and then looks over at me with a questioning smile. “Breast pump and bottles?”

  “Hey,” I say, opening my arms up wide. “It’s what all the moms do.”

  “Says who?”

  “Says Pam, my assistant. I asked her how I’m supposed to sweep you off your feet if I have to bring you back to feed Kate, and she said pump.”

  “I think you have a thing for Pam.”

  “She’s fifty-two, Ashleigh. I do not have a thing for her. Now get pumping. I want it stored in the fridge before you leave. And I rented the room across the hall for the babysitter. When we’re done, the baby can come sleep with us. But I get you alone until I say we’re done.”

  I wait for the fight but she tips her head up and smiles. “Deal.” Then she grabs the pump and the bottles and settles on the couch. The room is boomerang-shaped, like it’s got two wings. One side has the master bedroom and bath, the middle is the sitting area, and the far side has the dining room. Our dining room has been transformed into a nursery complete with crib, baby swing, changing table, a supply of diapers and so much other shit I can’t identify, I start to feel a little apprehensive. “Should I put Kate in the swing? Does she use one of these?”

  The pump is making noise in the other room so I walk back out and pick up Kate and ask again. “Can I put her in the swing, Ashleigh? We have a whole room filled with baby stuff back there.”

  “Yeah, she might like that,” Ash says with her sleepy eyes. Shit, I guess pumping makes her just as tired as nursing.

  “Come on, Kate, let’s check out the rides.” I carry Kate over to the dining room and set her down inside the swing. I lower the tray that locks her in place so she can’t slip out, and then turn the thing on and press start. It begins slowly, gently swaying back and forth and each time Kate comes forward she closes her eyes. Each time she goes back, she tries to open them again, and after about ten swings, she’s out.

  I go back to find Ash and she’s sleeping too.

  Fucking girls.

  I’d like to just stare at her, but the bottle is almost full so I tap her on the shoulder. “Ashleigh. You need to change the bottle.”

  She reluctantly opens her eyes, switches the pump to the other breast and gets a new bottle. “This thing is the shit, Ford.”

  I laugh. “Is that right?”

  “Yes, I like the nursing, but bottles of breast milk, that’s like revolutionary. I should’ve done this a long time ago.”

  I grab the remote and turn the TV on for some background noise, then go back to my phone to check messages. Pam is handling things—Pam always handles things. I’ve been living in Denver for the past seven months, taking a few trips here and there trying to secure this producer job for the sci-fi thing, so Pam had to keep everything in check. I’m not worried about what’s going on in LA professionally, but I am getting nervous about what Ashleigh might do once we get there. If I knew Tony’s last name I’d look him up, check his shit out and see what his deal is. But now that Ash knows I can hack, I’m pretty sure she’d see through any prying questions.

  A little while later Ashleigh is packing the bottles away in the pantry fridge and Kate is sending off stink signals. I get up and get her out of the swing, just as Ashleigh comes out of the pantry.

  “She needs a new diaper, Ford. I got this.”

  There’s a knock at the door and Ashleigh looks conflicted.

  “I’m not helpless. Besides, it’s just Kate and me while you’re getting all spa-ed up. I’m gonna have to do it eventually, might as well give it a try now.”

  “Ford—”

  “Go. That’s an order.”

  She hesitates a little longer but then lets out a long sigh. “OK, thank you. I totally owe you for all this.”

  I smile big and if she could read my mind right now, she’d be wet and blushing.

  I wait until she’s gone, then lay Kate on the changing table near the window. It’s
got a mobile toy thing over top of it, and even though Kate is a little bit upset at first, she’s attracted to the bright-colored things dangling above her. I take off her t-shirt and open the diaper carefully.

  “Yeah,” I say to Kate, my captive audience. “That’s some shit right there.” She throws me a gummy grin and I laugh. I manage the diaper duty, toss that thing in a bag, and then put it in the diaper pail in the corner.

  I grab a diaper that has Elmo on it and slip it under her butt, then close it up with the sticky tabs. Any man who cannot figure this out is a moron. I get busy dressing her in a new outfit next and this is a little more challenging, but I’m not called a genius for nothing.

  Chapter Thirty

  I answer the knock at the door a little while later. “Can I help you?” I ask.

  The messenger holds out a slip of paper. “The name of the babysitter procured for this evening, sir.”

  I get some cash out of my pocket and hand it over as he passes me the envelope. “Thanks,” I say as he smiles and walks off. I close the door and go back to the couch. Kate is in the swing again. She’s a pretty good baby. Not that I have a lot of experience, but from what I can tell, she’s not anything like those babies you see in movies that make fun of clueless dads.