Katie Cox vs. the Boy Band

by Marianne Levy

  “Because it isn’t,” said Amanda.

  Somehow, I knew that she was right.

  • • •

  “Okay then,” said Jaz.

  It was the next morning, and the Katie Emergency Committee—i.e., the very few people in the world who could still stand to look at me—was sitting around the table having breakfast.

  The fact that we were there at 8:00 a.m. just goes to show how big an emergency it was.

  Adrian cleared his throat, this long, flappily wet noise that made me remember that I’m never going to smoke, and said, “What can we do?”

  “We can’t do anything,” said Amanda.

  “What can we do to help?”

  “Nothing,” I said. “The entire world thinks I’m a complete idiot, and they’re right. I can’t go near Lacey, and even if I could, what am I going to say to her? Plus, I accused Kurt…” I couldn’t even finish that one.

  “So tell him who it really was,” said Amanda. “And that you’re sorry.”

  “I should.” Then I thought about it for more than half a second and plunged even further into my pit of despair. “But I can’t. There’s no way.”

  “That one seems easy enough to figure out.” Adrian took a glug of cold coffee. “Can’t you just send him a message? Through one of your websites?”

  “No,” I told him. “He blocked me.”

  “Are you sure?”

  I unlocked my phone and scrolled through, but there was no Kurt. Instead, I just got a load of Paige and Sofie and Lacey, rattling on about getting a pre-dance manicure, and how orange was the color to go for because of how it went with everything or didn’t go with anything or something. They were getting tons of likes, so clearly some people were finding it useful.

  “He’s gone,” I said. “And anyway, I think maybe this is one of those conversations it’s better to have in private. If I told him online, it would be like I was saying it just so that everyone else could hear.”

  “You’ll have to stalk him,” said Jaz. “Go to a concert. Turn up in his dressing room. You’re still famous enough for them to let you in.”

  I put my phone back down on the table. If Lacey wanted to paint her fingers a color called Satsuma Sunset, that was her business. “I can’t turn up at a Karamel concert. They’ll eat me.”

  I waited for someone to disagree, to tell me that I was being over the top, that it would be fine. No one did.

  “Anyway their tour’s over. They’re not playing in the UK again. Not for I don’t know how long.”

  “They are,” said Jaz, looking at her screen. “They’re playing tonight at the Teen Time Awards.”

  Which rang a bell, somewhere at the back of my head. “The Teen Time Awards. That’s at…”

  “Wembley,” said Amanda. “So we have to go to Wembley. At six o’clock. Oh damn.”

  “What?”

  “It’s gig night at the shop. But you know what? I’ll cancel. If forty people wanted to come tonight, they’ll want to come again next week.”

  “Forty? So we’re sold out?” said Adrian, and I remembered all over again how hard he and Amanda had worked to make that place a success. And how I’d told her that I didn’t care about the shop. Or her gigs. Great stuff, Katie.

  “Yeah, it’s been sold out since yesterday,” said Mands. “But you’re more important.”

  “No,” I said, suddenly desperate. “I’m not. You can’t cancel gig night. But…I’ll miss you.”

  “I should hope so,” said my annoying, sanctimonious, brilliant big sister. “Okay.”

  “So you have to go to Wembley Arena and go backstage and then get into Kurt’s dressing room.” She made it sound as easy as a trip to the grocery store.

  “Er, how?”

  “Can’t your record label…?” began Jaz.

  “No, they dropped me.”

  “So find another way.”

  “Give up, Jaz. It’s impossible.” I flicked my phone on again to see Paige’s face beaming next to a large and sparkly shoe.

  “We need some kind of connection,” said Amanda. “A way into the band.”

  “But there isn’t one!” I refreshed, and got a picture of a Prada label next to a sad face emoji and the words, “Sooo upset I have to go to the dance tonight without my beautiful boyfriend.”

  “Will you please put your phones away?” said Adrian. “It’s like talking to a pair of zombies! Honestly, when I was your age…”

  “I know,” said Amanda. “You wouldn’t think this was something they cared about, would you? Hold on. What? What is it?”

  My eyes met Jaz’s. “Savannah.”

  I had to wait outside the manicure place for what felt like forever. Then, just as I was about to give up and go crawl into bed and never come out, they all turned up together, wobbling a little on the cobblestones because even Lacey had put her heels on early. Which, if you ask me, was a major error with the whole dance still ahead, but let’s be clear, literally no one was asking me.

  Then they saw me and stopped.

  My hand was in my pocket, so Lacey couldn’t see the charm bracelet. It was there, though, around my wrist, reminding me that I’d once had a best friend.

  “Hello, Savannah!” I sang, trying to appear as carefree as possible. “Afternoon, Sofie. Hey, Lace. Hi, Paige! You look nice. I like your…skin.”

  “Thanks, Katie,” said Paige, who in fact does have very good skin, although it wasn’t looking much different from how it normally did.

  “What are you even doing here, babes?” said Savannah. “This is a beauty salon.”

  “I know. But I was thinking about what you said. About how I’m rotten to the core and stuff, and I thought maybe, if I got a little more graceful and pretty, it might make me a better person. You know?”

  I could barely make sense of what was coming out of my own mouth. Only then, Savannah nodded very seriously and said, “Maybe. You know what they say. Beauty starts on the outside.”

  I moved between her and the door.

  “So here’s the thing, Sav. I just found out that I won a bag.”

  “That’s great, babes. But I’m going to be late for my nail appointment. So—”

  “A designer bag. By, er, Gucci.”

  She stopped and stood a little straighter. I was reminded of how tigers act when they see baby gazelles. Yes, Savannah was practically sniffing the air.

  “It’s so random,” I went on. “I entered this competition forever ago, one of those email ones, you know. And the next thing I know, this delivery guy is knocking on the door with a Gucci bag!”

  “Uh-huh.” She was leaning in.

  “And here’s the thing,” I said. “I don’t even like it!”

  “That is understandable,” said Savannah. “You are not really a Gucci kind of a girl, Katie. And that bag, it deserves a Gucci kind of a girl.”

  “Exactly,” I said. “So I was wondering, could you come and take a look at it? Tell me what to do? Maybe you know someone who might like it…?” I glanced around. “I mean, I don’t want to make you late for your dance preparations.”

  “No, that’s fine. This is important. Paige? Sof? You’ll go ahead and explain, mmm?”

  They went.

  But Lacey—Lacey did not go. Lacey stayed put. And said, “What competition?”

  “Oh, you know.”

  “Because I don’t remember you entering an email competition to win a Gucci bag. You say that those competitions are pointless. And you hate designer stuff.”

  The bracelet was starting to feel like a handcuff or something. I could literally feel my cheeks starting to heat up as I said, “I know! It was a complete mistake, actually. That’s what makes it so surprising that I won! Go get your manicure, Lacey,” I added. “I don’t want to make you late too!”

  “Where is t
his bag?” said Savannah.

  “I left it in the car. Just around the corner. It won’t take a sec.”

  “Something is going on,” said Lacey.

  Savannah looked from me to Lacey and back again. I did my very best to seem completely casual and like I’d accidentally won a horrible-looking Gucci bag. There isn’t an obvious face for that. But—

  “Okay,” said Savannah. “Show me.”

  “This way,” I said, and motioned her around the corner, where Adrian was sitting in the car with the engine running and the back door open. Lacey followed us and stopped at the front door, opening it and peering inside.

  Savannah said, “It’s in here, right?”

  “In the back, that’s right,” I said, getting behind her as she leaned in, and then, with just one tiny push on her perfect backside, she fell forward, and Jaz rose up from the floorboard and pulled her down, and I hurled in behind her and slammed the door, and Adrian revved the engine, and then we were off, zooming down the main road, and we’d done it, sort of. We’d…

  “Kidnapped me!” gasped Savannah.

  Just as Lacey turned around from the front seat and said, “Katie, what are you doing?”

  • • •

  It took quite a long time to explain, partly because Savannah kept screaming.

  “So, basically, I need to get backstage at the Teen Time Awards.”

  “Eeeeeeeeeew! This seat fabric is so icky!”

  “Because I have to apologize to Kurt, and this is the last chance I’ll ever get.”

  “What is on this seat belt?”

  “And I know everything is ruined, and my life is over, but I thought, if I could make this one thing right…”

  “Jaz is looking at me. Make her stop looking.”

  “Jaz, stop looking at Savannah.”

  “You know this really is kidnapping,” said Lacey. “I could call the police.”

  I saw Adrian’s hands stiffen on the steering wheel. “Well, you’re not kidnapped, Lace. You chose to get in. But, I guess, yeah. If you wanted to, you could.”

  And Savannah said, “Where is the bag, please?”

  Lacey’s groan filled the car. “There isn’t a bag, Savannah. It was a way to get you in here. They’re using you. To force their way into Karamel’s dressing room. They’re exploiting your relationship with Kolin.”

  “But I don’t even have a relationship with Kolin,” said Savannah.

  “What?”

  The car began to slow. Along with my pulse.

  “You said…” My voice cracked. “You kept talking about how Kolin was your boyfriend.”

  Savannah was silent.

  “Sav?” Lacey leaned around the seat, looking as shocked as I’ve ever seen her. “Are you all right?”

  “Fine, thanks, Lacey,” said Savannah, and, OMG, the girl was on the verge of crying.

  “Do you want some water?” I said, scrabbling in my bag. “Or, here—I’ve got a Mars Milk.”

  She looked like she was going to throw it back in my face, only then, miracle of miracles, she opened it and took a sip. And did this kind of ecstatic groan.

  “What is this?”

  “It’s a Mars Milk.”

  “I’ve never…it tastes like…”

  “Calories. That’s what calories taste like.”

  She took a long swig and then another. And another. “Er, Sav. You and Kolin…?” Savannah blinked, her eyes deep blue beneath twin pools of tears. “He did text me. He texted me a lot. We texted forever. Only…”

  “What?” said Lacey, and she gave Savannah this sweet, kind smile, and I thought, Sav has a heart. How did I miss this?

  “Only then he said he wanted to meet up. And so I stopped texting him back.”

  “Why the…?” I started. Then, after Lacey shot me a glare, I added, “Um, I mean, I’m sure you had a very good reason, but…why?!”

  Another long swig. “Because…I’m not you, Katie.”

  “No. You’re way better than me.”

  “I’m way better looking than you,” corrected Savannah. “But I’m not…I don’t have any…talent. I’m just a pretty girl. Like everyone else. Well, prettier than everyone else. But that’s it.” She sniffed. “Kolin would have found out, and…you may be facially challenged, Katie, but at least you’re…original.”

  Savannah was insecure? Savannah was jealous of me?

  Genuinely, I don’t know anything about anything. “Savannah,” I said, “you are completely original. I’ve never met anyone like you. You’re beautiful—”

  “I know,” said Savannah.

  “I mean, inside. You’re really funny. Often without realizing it, but hey. Plus, you’ve been a great friend to Lacey recently. Which is more than can be said for me.”

  Lacey shifted in her seat.

  “In fact,” I went on, “I’d say, as far as friends go, I’m pretty much the worst there is.”

  There was a long pause.

  My eyes met Lacey’s in the mirror.

  “But I can’t,” said Savannah. “I never texted him back. I can’t just suddenly get in contact now. What will he think of me? Don’t ask me anymore, Katie. I won’t do it. And nothing you can say will change my mind.”

  Then Adrian said, “If you get us into Karamel’s dressing room, Savannah, I’ll buy you a Gucci bag.”

  “Total yes,” said Savannah.

  That conversation happened during the first part of the car trip, but in fact it was another forty-five minutes before we got to Wembley. Forty-five minutes is really a long time even in a normal situation. Forty-five minutes in a car with a silent ex-best friend, a scary person, and a Savannah is actual forever.

  Lacey had her head down and wasn’t saying much, which was like having a black hole sitting in the front seat, sucking up every scrap of small talk any of the rest of us managed to generate and making it disappear.

  Savannah was scrolling through Gucci bags on her phone.

  “Maybe a tote? But, hmm, a waste to get canvas. It won’t wear well. I think it has to be leather, yes? Ooh, this one’s nice. It’s cross-body, and the G’s are embossed.”

  “How much?” said Adrian.

  “Eight hundred and fifty.”

  The car swerved, and we almost went into the median strip.

  “You had to say a Gucci bag, didn’t you, Katie?” said Adrian. “It couldn’t just be Topshop.”

  “Topshop is okay,” said Savannah.

  “Great! In that case—”

  “For other girls.”

  “Right.”

  “In fact, could we consider upgrading to Prada?”

  “No.”

  “Look,” I said. “We don’t have to do this. It’s not like it’s the answer to all of my problems. It’s not even the answer to some of my problems.” I thought and sighed. “It’s the answer to one of my problems. One of many. And that’s if he even…”

  Then, on the horizon, I saw it. That arch. Wembley.

  “So here’s what we need to do. All very simple. Nothing to get in a panic about,” said Adrian, looking rather gray. “We have to get through security and go backstage. And we can’t let anyone see Katie. And I don’t want to get the car towed, so some kind of permit might be nice.”

  We all looked at Savannah, who said, “GG Supreme mini chain bag. In a blossom finish. Six hundred is a bargain really.”

  Swallowing very hard, Adrian nodded, and Savannah lifted her phone to her ear. “Kolin! It’s Sav. From the party. I know. I did mean to call…Were you? Were you? Oh, Kolin. You are very sweet.”

  This went on for a very long time. “Aw.”

  And on. “Squee!” And on.

  Finally, about a year later, I tapped on my watch.

  Which Savannah looked at and wrinkled her nose.

&
nbsp; “Ew. No, not you! I just saw the most revolting watch.”

  “Savannah!”

  “So here’s the thing. I’m actually outside Wembley right now…complete coincidence…yes…oh I know…of course, babes…”

  It wasn’t working. He was clearly telling her to go away. Because, now that I thought about it, obviously you don’t meet up with people you ran into once at a party just before you sing at Wembley Arena. I mean, if you’re me, you’re too busy puking to even think of using your mouth for anything else.

  Only then…

  “Yay! So we’re in this completely ugly, like, truck thing. It’s blue. I know. It does go with my eyes. Thank you. Will you tell the security people? See you in five. Kiss kiss.”

  “Thank you, Savannah,” said Adrian. “Now, Katie, it’s up to you.”

  I’m not going to go into the Savannah/Kolin reunion, which involved the two of them gluing their faces together with Savannah’s Crème de la Mer lip balm, while me, Lacey, Jaz, and Adrian stood and admired the wall.

  Eventually, after about a hundred thousand years of whispers and giggles, Savannah pointed and said, “Dressing room seven. He’s alone. Kristian went to find something to eat.” And then she went back to kissing Kolin.

  Adrian turned to Jaz and Lacey.

  “Should we…go and find a snack?”

  “Okay,” said Lacey.

  “No way. I want to see this. I mean, yeah, all right,” said Jaz.

  I took a deep breath. And wondered what the point of taking a deep breath was since it never seemed to help.

  Then I knocked and went inside.

  • • •

  I guess I’d been expecting Karamel’s dressing room to be this kind of luxe palace of gorgeousness with, I don’t know, gold walls and a Jacuzzi. Instead, it was just really nice, in that there was a big mirror and a bulletin board and a small table with a huge bunch of white lilies in the middle, which smelled lovely, almost lovely enough to counteract the very strong odor of feet.

  Kurt was tuning his guitar when I went in, and he looked up with this great big smile, which, as he saw me, fell off his face and smashed into pieces all over the floor.

  “Hi!” I said.

  “You?”