Riding Resistance: Soul Shifterz MC

by Kayce Kyle

  I turn toward him as I find his last gesture suspicious. Does he know I’m pregnant? Did that treacherous doctor tell him before me? I scan his hand, and then his face looking for answers. Anything that will give me a clue as to if he already knows about his impending fatherhood, or if I’m just so high on pain medicine I’m reading far too much into this.

  I dive into his eyes with mine and swim, searching for answers. His eyes bare his soul and everything about him, if you can read him that is. Luckily for me, I can, and as I search I find my answer. There is nothing but pure love and understanding illuminating from them, and he does know. Furthermore, he looks like he might be entertaining excitement even.

  “Justice Paine, spill it. Tell me what you know, all of it.” I say challenging him to look away if he is playing games, or if I’m just off mine since I’m medicated.

  Looking down at his hand nestled and resting on my belly. “Jen, you…we’re gonna have a baby,” he says as he looks back up at me. “I’m not sure why, or how this happened. Any of it, but I love you, and our baby.” He wipes away the tears that are now streaming down my face as I break down.

  He leans into me. “Are you upset? I didn’t know how to tell you. I mean you were on that birth control thing, right?”

  I really want to push him away from me with that last question, but am unable to considering how weak physically I am. Is he really questioning my character, because it sure as hell sounded like it and he should know me better than that.

  I look up at him. “What do you mean questioning me being on my birth control? You think I would fucking trap you?”

  A nurse comes in interrupting my rant. “This is some nausea medicine ordered by Dr. Cole. It might cause some drowsiness, but should settle your tummy down.”

  I just nod at the nurse as she begins pushing the medicine through my IV. As soon as it hits my vein it stings like a son of a bitch. “Damn, that burns.”

  “Sorry about that,” she replies before disposing of the needle and leaving.

  Fuck I can’t wait to get out of here. I hate this shit already, and knowing I’m pregnant and I’m going to frequent this place, makes me feel nauseous again. Thankfully I hold it together long enough to focus my attention back where it belongs, onto Justice.

  His expression is indifferent. “I…no, I don’t think you would do that. They just couldn’t find your patch, so I was just wondering, Jen.”

  I take a deep breath and exhale before answering him, “Well, it wouldn’t be found right now because it was my week off. My period was already a few days late, I chalked it up to stress. That’s what you get for assuming you know anything about how my birth control works, or lack thereof apparently,” I sneer.

  I’m just not so sure right now how I feel about adding a baby into the mix. A part of me loves the thought of this life growing inside of me. A life Justice and I created together, but the other half is terrified. I’m too young to be a mother. I still have an Art Gallery I want to open, I mean, the timing really is less than convenient.

  He must sense my uneasiness toward this entire situation, as he looks almost pained as he hears my words.

  He kisses my temple. “We will get through this, babygirl. Whatever doubts you’re having, let them go. You can have it all, I will make sure of it. I know it’s a lot to process, and I’m sorry for doubting you for even a fraction of a second.”

  I just take another deep breath and blow it out. This nausea medicine is kicking in and I’m beginning to feel extremely sleepy. I feign a smile briefly before my eyes again are too heavy to hold open.

  Justice

  Dammit I feel like I’m walking on eggshells right now, and I fucking hate it. With each word I speak, I crack or fracture another shell, pushing her further away.

  She definitely hasn’t reached an elevated level of excitement that I’d thought a woman does when they find out they’re gonna have a baby. I’ll agree, it certainly is surprising news. Especially since we live in a world of our own, one where we have control over most everything we do. I just hope she comes around and accepts this. I would’ve never thought I’d be sitting here thinking this, but I want this baby. The only way I wouldn’t is if I had to trade my Jen in return.

  Maybe after her nap, she’ll feel better all the way around. She needs some damn food. I summon the nurse right outside the hallway, and ask her if she can ask the doctor if Jen can eat something when she wakes.

  An hour goes by and I sit here watching the rise and fall of every single breath my everything takes, when the nurse comes in with some food.

  “It’s broth, crackers, and some jell-o,” she says placing the tray on Jen’s table.

  “That’s it?” I ask.

  “For now, sorry, doctor’s orders. See if you can wake her to eat. We’d like to get her up and moving around a little bit,” the nurse replies.

  I just grunt as the nurse leaves the room again.

  Do I really wanna wake the sleeping grizzly bear right now? She looks so peaceful, and I’m happiest when she’s happiest. Maybe I just dread another inevitable conversation about the baby, and eventually, her dad.

  Lorna peeks her head in. “How’s my sweetheart?” she asks me in a whisper.

  I stand up to answer her as I was just about to wake Jen up, but before I can answer her, or wake Jen up, I notice she is starting to have another nightmare.

  She begins to twitch and make all kinds of terrifying faces, then she begins verbally expressing whatever or whoever she’s battling.

  “No! Stop it! He’s my baby, he’s just a baby…please!” She begs out and actual tears slide out of her closed eyelids.

  Alarmed, both Lorna and I are at her side trying to wake her. “Baby, Jen, it’s me Justice. Wake up baby, please?” I beg her and am successful.

  Her eyes are as big as saucers and she bursts out in tears as she reaches out for me.

  My big ass slides next to her on that tiny hospital bed and gently scoop her into my arms the best I can. “It was a nightmare, baby.” I kiss the top of her head. “I’m here, I’m never letting you go, I put that on my own life. Nobody will ever harm a single hair on your head ever again as long as I draw breath.”

  “Or his?” She places her hand on her tummy before looking back up at me with pleading eyes.

  I place my hand on top of hers. “Or his,” I assure her.

  “Have I missed something, here?” Lorna asks.

  Jen turns at the sound of her own mother’s comforting voice. “Oh, Mom.” Jenalyn continues to cry as clearly she’s overcome with a ton of emotion.

  Tears begin to flow from Lorna now as Jen reaches out for an embrace from her mother as well, and her wish is granted. They both sob uncontrollably for what seems like an eternity, and I feel like I might just be getting a tiny taste of what pregnancy, and women will be like. I’d be a liar if I didn’t admit it has me nervous. I rub my hands up and down my face hoping, and praying like hell I can get through all this without turning into a complete fucking pussy.

  Finally, Lorna asks the inevitable, “Are you pregnant, sweetheart?” As she wipes the tears away and looks over at me as well.

  Jenalyn answers by shaking her head, and cries a few more tears as her mom consoles her.

  “Oh, sweet girl, why are you sad? Are you sad about the baby or your father?” Lorna asks before I can even stop her.

  I clear my throat as loud and deeply as I possibly can. Dammit, we really need to tread lightly with this one I think as I wait for Jen’s explosion and questions. Fuck!

  Puzzled, Jen looks at me and I don’t even try to hide my betrayal. I did it for her, and as much as I hate what I’ve done, I will not fucking apologize.

  She looks back at her mother. “What do you mean about Daddy?” Jen asks wiping away her tears. Her focus now fully intact, and concern for Pres.

  “He was also shot, honey. Has Justice not told you?” Lorna asks her, then looks at me.

  I close my eyes as Lorna has just done the unt
hinkable in my opinion, and brace myself for hurricane Jen to hit.

  As I blow out I can feel the burning heat from Jen’s glare penetrating through me. I open my eyes and find her breathing more heavily awaiting my response.

  I briefly look at Lorna narrowing my eyes at her, then back at Jen. “Before you say anything at all let me explain,” I begin and she manages to cross her arms and huff at me. “Y’all were both shot the same night, it was a trap. I’ll explain all of that later…”

  Jenalyn halts my words with her hand up in the air and begins her fit. “Oh, no you don’t. You will tell me right fucking now, Jus or so…”

  My bottled emotions take over and I shut it all down, really quick. “God dammit Jen, you will hear me out! Lorna, I love you, you know this, but I need you to leave for a moment.”

  “I’m her mother, Son. I don’t think so. This is her father, and she has a right to know,” Lorna declares.

  Again, I rub my brow and face, bringing my hands to their resting place in a praying manner below my chin. “I both respect, and understand this, but I am her man dammit and that is my child growing in there.” I point to Jen’s stomach. “As her ‘Ol Man, and father of her child, I demand you give us a moment to ourselves. I won’t ask again, Lorna.”

  Both shock and dismay cover both of their faces, but I have zero fucks left to give at this point. My entire world is laying right here on this bed, and I will be damned if anyone tells me how to take care of them, her mom included.

  Lorna follows my warning and retreats outside the doors, closing them behind her.

  “How dare…” Jen begins, and I shut that shit down also. I’ve got to regain some control back over this entire fucked up mess.

  “Shhh…” I place a single finger on her lips. “Hear me out, dammit. The call I got that night was a trap set up by Littlejohn.” She wants to speak badly as her squirming reveals. “Let me finish, fuck. Apparently he and Dane were brothers, Dane is dead. Littlejohn’s in the basement at the club being held awaiting his judge, jury, and executioner. That would be me, only it’s been a fucking roller coaster since all this started. Anyway, they snuck up on Pres and your mom. Kept them tied up at gun point for a while until Dane shot Pres. Once we arrived and realized they had shot Pres, and gotten away, we rushed back to our place realizing we’d been tricked, babe. By the time we made it there, I had just enough time to find Dane dead, and you in a standoff behind Ty with Littlejohn. It all happened so fast.”

  The memory of her clutching her side and going limp in Ty’s arms plays in my head and I feel the urgency to go kill Littlejohn creeping in, but I continue. “You were shot and that was my only focus, baby. To get you the help you needed. After your surgery the doctor revealed to me you were pregnant. I really fucking hope you can try to see the dilemma I have been fucking dealing with. You are my god damned everything, Jen. So yeah, I’m a bastard for not telling you right away about Pres, but I needed to know you were gonna be okay first. I had actually planned on telling you once they moved you downstairs, so you can go visit him. There, unleash on me, maybe I was wrong, but I won’t ever fucking apologize for putting you first.”

  She just sits there momentarily, absorbing every word I just spoke.

  Looking down, she fumbles nervously with her fingers. “How bad is my father, Jus? Don’t fucking sugar coat it, either.”

  I just let out a grunt before speaking, “Does it sound like I’m sugar coating at this point? I’m doing what needs to be done, and I’m going to need you to do what needs to be done, for both you and our baby. I need you to dig as deep as you can inside and find the inner strength I know you have. Otherwise, you’re just gonna prolong getting to visit Pres, you understand baby?”

  “Yes,” she says through trembling lips, knowing I’ve just prepared her for a pretty harsh reality.

  Fuck, that quiver of her lower pouty lip shreds my heart into a million tiny pieces, but I can’t get caught up in my own torment here. We’re all gonna have to find our own individual strength, band together, and find a way to mend all these shattered pieces.

  “He’s in bad shape, babygirl.” I clutch her hand firmly in mine, reminding her I am here, and I will be the rock she needs. “He had a heart attack while on the operating table, but he’s still alive baby. They are waiting to see if his condition can improve more before waking him from the medically induced coma they have him in. He needs surgery on his heart, but he’s far too weak right now for that. We’re all just taking it one day at a time right now.”

  Nothing, I get absolutely nothing from her in response. She doesn’t even break down, and I’m more confused now than ever. I definitely expected another round of waterworks if nothing else.

  “Move,” she asks me. “They already took my catheter out earlier, and I need to go pee.”

  I page the nurses button, but not to where she notices. They wanted to be made aware when she was able to get up and move around.

  “Okay, but I’m going to hold onto you because you’re still weak,” I tell her and she nods.

  She is doing what needs to be done in order to get to her father, and her determination and calmness certainly helps the baby.

  Lorna, now joined by Ty come into the room.

  “Good job, sweetheart. Look at you out of the bed and on your feet,” Lorna says.

  “Glad to see you up, Jenalyn,” Ty expresses.

  I stop, holding her steady, but it’s her who halted our actual movement. “Thank you both.” She looks and replies to them both very dryly as I pull her hospital gown together in the back covering anything exposed.

  “I’m really not trying to be a dick, but could y’all give us about five more minutes?” I ask them. My girl has literally been through enough, and I’m sure she’s feeling pretty damn vulnerable, so it would help if they could respect and give her some privacy. “Really, just five more minutes. Like I said, I’m not trying to be a dick.”

  “No, you’re just a natural apparently,” Lorna says as she reaches for Ty’s arm and they walk back out.

  Any day of the week I wouldn’t argue the validity of her statement, but right fucking now, Jen is my only concern and I’m trying my hardest to please everyone.

  Chapter 22

  Jenalyn

  My mind is reeling with information overload at this point, and I’m doing my best to push past the physical and mental anguish inside me.

  Rational thinking at this point is coming and going. I understand my mom’s feelings, yet Justice is right. He is only doing what he feels is best for both me and this baby with this shitty hand we have been dealt. As much as I wanna lash out at him for keeping my father’s condition a secret, I understand the predicament he faced at that time. The more I think of it, the more I realize just how much I love this man. He could’ve put the club first, and my dad also, but he chose me. He put me and our new little family first, a new addition neither of us expected, but his love for me was first.

  Suddenly, my heart aches for him as I fully realize the situation and emotional state this must have him in.

  A nurse comes in, and of course my mom and Ty follow her lead and enter again.

  “Look at you, up and walking around,” the nurse says. “Little bits at a time, now. You need to make sure you call us in here before you try to walk. Or at least have Mr. Muscles here to help you until you’re more stable. I’ll page Dr. Cole and let her know after I take your vitals.”

  The nurse takes my blood pressure, and temp. “Everything looks good still. Listen to your body. Don’t push yourself. About every hour get up and walk, even if it’s just to the restroom,” she says.

  “Yeah, I filled that cup thing or whatever it is y’all have in the toilet,” I reply.

  “Good, I’ll check and empty that. I’ll come back shortly and let you all know what Dr. Cole says, but hopefully we can get you to a regular room soon,” the nurse says before finishing up, making a note in my chart and leaving.

  My focus on one thing, and
one thing alone, seeing my daddy, and I know I can’t do that until I get moved out of here. Hopefully that will happen soon.

  Justice begins to sit back in his usual seat, and I pat the white cotton sheet I’m lying on gesturing for him to come be next to me. He obliges my request, and squeezes his big frame up next to me, but carefully. It looks terribly uncomfortable as he’s got one leg hanging off, and on the floor, while the other is bent under him as he sits. I still haven’t heard one complaint from my man. Other than his understandable frustration at this situation.

  I nuzzle my head into his chest and whisper, “I love you.”

  He kisses the top of my head, “I love you too, babygirl.” He holds my head against his chest as if he never wants me to leave, and the safety of being in his arms is all I need to not break down for now.

  “So, Justice told you about your father I take it?” my mom asks.

  My eyes find hers. “Yeah, Mom. I’m gonna go visit him as soon as I get moved. How was he last time you saw him, and who’s with him?”

  My mom feigns a smile and my heart breaks for her also. “Casper’s with him right now, sweetheart. It’s touch and go, but he’s a stubborn son of a bitch, your daddy. He’s fighting, and I’m hopeful. We didn’t come this far only for this to be the end. Not by some rogue wannabe cop.”

  My mother is an eternal optimist, so I’m unsure if she’s trying to convince me, or herself.

  I place my hand on my belly again. What Justice and I share is the same as what my parents share, my daddy is her Justice. I shudder at the thought of ever losing Justice. My mom is in pure hell right now, and I’m in awe at how well she’s managing to hold herself together.

  Justice went through that same hell for over twenty-four hours. My thoughts and emotions once again reclaim the best of me, and I break down.