Risking It All

by JM Stewart

  “’Bye, Chase. Give Lila my love.”

  “Will do.”

  She hit the END button with her thumb, tucked the phone into her pocket and then left the kitchen, moving to the stairs, where she’d been heading when the phone rang. A lump of dread sat like a lead weight in her stomach. She had to put away the rest of her grandmother’s belongings. A task she kept putting off because it meant eventually going up into the attic.

  Though, she had to admit, the task kept her from thinking about Kyle. His staking his claim on her heart ought to scare the bejesus out of her, but it didn’t. The determination in his voice had sent a heady shiver down her spine. No man she dated had ever told her she was his. No man ever made her feel it, either. She was his, and she knew it. Some part of her she was afraid to acknowledge wondered if she always had been.

  Exactly why she’d asked for space. The truth was, she had no idea what to do. Gran had drilled into her, over and over—don’t trust anybody. She drilled it into Cecelia until it became second nature. It had taken Gran three years to learn to accept Georgia Morgan, and it had taken Cecelia every bit as long to learn to trust Kyle. But over the years, he and his family had become her family, so much a part of their lives she might as well have been born in it.

  And now she and Kyle had crossed the line, which left her feeling like she dangled precariously over the ledge of some tall cliff. She was one step from losing them all.

  Determined not to think about any of it, at least for the time being, she’d made the decision to go up into the attic. Four times now she’d tried, but every time she pulled the ladder down from the ceiling, her hands shook and breathing became near impossible. Something deep inside rebelled against going up there.

  All because her mind kept flashing on the nightmare she’d had two nights before. This time she actually heard the voice, deep and masculine, fierce and authoritative. The same one shouting the demands.

  The man’s voice sounded through her head again, as surely as if he stood right behind her. “Check the house; she’s here somewhere.”

  She paused and gripped the banister to root herself in reality. No matter how many times she told herself it was only a dream, the images kept coming back. So real she woke up to the smell of old pennies. To make matters worse, something deep inside understood the she the man searched for was her. How could that be? They were only dreams. Horrible and frightening but merely a product of her imagination.

  Weren’t they?

  In an instant, her mind took the thought a step further and brought up the odd sensation she had in her grandmother’s bedroom. Apprehension crawled up her spine, like icy fingers on warm skin. What if the nightmares weren’t dreams? What if something that awful had actually happened to her?

  Her heart clenched. She drew her brows together and stormed down the hallway. No. She would’ve remembered something like that. Someone would’ve told her. Gran would’ve told her. Yet doubts remained, nagging at her. People forgot memories all the time. Tragic incidents too painful to remember that their mind tucked away somewhere safe.

  Which had her wondering . . . could Kyle be right? Maybe her past was something she’d wish she’d never discovered. Maybe all she needed to do was acknowledge the possibility.

  As she twisted the doorknob to her grandmother’s bedroom, she paused and leaned her forehead against the cool wood. It was times like this she missed Kyle the most, missed the simplicity of his presence in her life. She’d give anything to have him here right now. She could really use a big dose of his sanity. Every morning this week he’d called her, like he used to. Thankfully, he hadn’t pushed her to decide on their relationship. He hadn’t come over, either, and their conversations were awkward at best. They’d gone back to feeling like strangers, and she hated it. She missed him. God, how she missed him.

  Except, she still hadn’t come to any conclusions and was still as confused as ever. Their entire relationship was on the line, and she hadn’t a clue what to do about it. Her heart wanted her to cave, but she was terrified of losing him. If she lost him, she’d have nobody. She’d be alone. At least right now, they had something. They talked, and he was a part of her life. If they took their relationship further and it went sour, like the rest, she’d lose him entirely. Could she take that risk?

  She didn’t know. She was going on the, albeit very stubborn, hope that they’d eventually move beyond this awkwardness and get back to what they had. Wouldn’t they?

  The doorbell sounded, jerking her from her reverie. Heaving a sigh, she turned and moved back downstairs. A few feet from the front door, she stopped to draw in a deep, fortifying breath. Her heart looped into a dull pitter-patter. She couldn’t deny she wanted it to be Kyle. It was Saturday, dinner and a movie night, but they didn’t have plans to spend it together.

  Pulling open the door, however, she found Becca and Allie on the porch. They huddled beneath the small awning, rain running off it forming a small waterfall around them.

  “We came to play.” Allie tipped her head back and smiled, the naked baby doll she carried with her everywhere clutched in her right arm.

  Those big blue eyes had the knot in her stomach releasing. She couldn’t help smiling in return. Becca and Allie were exactly what she needed today. They’d provide the perfect distraction from her tangled thoughts.

  “I’m very glad.” She turned to Becca and stepped back to usher them in. “Come on in. Get out of the rain.”

  “Sorry I didn’t call first. We were on our way back from the grocery store. Little Miss here insists on peanut butter for lunch and we’re out. I thought we’d stop by on our way home.” As she followed Allie into the house, Becca shot Cecelia a devilish grin. “I wanted to come see my newest sister-in-law.”

  In the span of a rapid heartbeat, Becca’s words sent her mind spinning back to the luau a few weeks ago. Everyone still assumed she carried Kyle’s baby. The thought left an uneasy feeling in the pit of her stomach. She’d taken the easy way out. She should’ve had the courage to tell them the truth.

  She swallowed past the nervous lump in her throat.

  “I hate to tell you this”—she prayed Becca didn’t notice the way her voice trembled—“but I’m not your sister-in-law.”

  “If I know my brother, you will be soon.” Becca winked and headed for the kitchen.

  Cecelia somehow managed to close her mouth, but her mind whirled with torturous images. All too easily she could imagine being married to Kyle. To be there beside him when he went to sleep, his face the first thing she saw every morning. An urge to see him hold the baby grabbed her, and warmth bloomed in her chest.

  Her limbs trembled. How had they gotten here, where suddenly his family assumed they’d marry someday? More to the point, how had her feelings changed so much that the idea, while unnerving, didn’t feel so wrong anymore? She’d never envisioned herself married to anyone before. She’d never dared, had never wanted to. She’d grown up believing Gran was right—people couldn’t be trusted—and marriage never seemed in the works for her. With Kyle, the images came all too easily.

  In that moment, the emotions she’d kept to herself rushed to the surface, leaving her edgy and trembling, and she couldn’t resist the temptation to unload them. Becca was her age. They’d gone to school together, had been in more than a few classes together over the years. She’d become a good friend, and right then, Cecelia needed someone to talk to or she’d go insane.

  She expelled a pent-up breath, her shoulders slumping. “Oh God, Becca, I have to tell somebody or I’ll explode.”

  Becca’s eyes widened with excitement, and she clapped her hands like an excited child. “Ooooh, spill.”

  She squeezed her eyes shut and let the words fly. “The baby’s not Kyle’s.”

  Several moments of silence played out between them. Cecelia tentatively opened first one eye, then the other. Becca stared at her, her brows up in her hairline. Finally, her brows fell, a serious expression coming over her that Cecelia had
seen before. The caregiver in action. In that moment, Becca looked a lot like her mother.

  Becca looped her arm through Cecelia’s. “Tea. What you need is some tea, then you tell me everything.” She looked over at Cecelia and winked. “And don’t you dare leave anything out.”

  Fifteen minutes and two cups of tea later, the two of them sat at the table in the center of the kitchen. Hands clutched around her mug of raspberry tea, she’d done exactly that—told Becca every scintillating detail. Jimmy’s rejection of the baby, Kyle’s offer, all of it. While it was an immense relief to release all the confusion trapped inside of her, telling Becca also proved a nerve-racking experience. For every fact she’d spilled, Becca’s blond brows raised a little higher, the delighted gleam in her blue eyes glowing brighter. Seated across from her, hands curled around her cup of tea, Becca now grinned like she’d discovered the fountain of youth.

  “Becca, say something.” She let out a nervous laugh and lifted her mug to her lips. The hot liquid warmed her belly but did little to calm her jagged nerves.

  Becca shook her head, her joy-filled grin filling with a touch of apologetic remorse. “Sorry. I know we tease you two. We’ve been hoping you’ll get together for years, but none of us could ever be sure it would actually happen. I have to tell you, I think it’s fantastic, but I’m not sure I’d be any less conflicted. God knows I’m the last person to give you advice on relationships.” She leaned forward, resting a hand over the top of Cecelia’s. “I think you’re looking at this wrong. Instead of seeing only the bad stuff, you should try to see the good that could come out of it.”

  Cecelia arched a brow. “Such as?”

  “I think you two are perfect together. If half the married couples in this world had the closeness and honesty you and my brother have, there’d be a whole lot less divorce.” Becca looked down at the table and gave a sad shake of her head. “I was always envious of the two of you. Jackson and I never had that. Not really. But you know, I think the answer to your problem is that you’re naturally reclusive. Sometimes, sweetie, you just have to take a chance. Close your eyes, hold your breath, and jump in with both feet, hoping for the best.”

  “Is that what you did?”

  “With Jackson? Oh yeah. He and I came from completely different backgrounds. He grew up in a mansion, surrounded by more money than I’ll ever see in five lifetimes. And I grew up in a rundown farmhouse with a mother who had to work sometimes three jobs just to make ends meet. I think that, technically, we lived at poverty level much of the time.” Becca rolled her eyes and paused to take a sip from her mug. “How the two of us ever fit together is beyond me. He’s night and I’m day.”

  Cecelia squeezed Becca’s fingers. Becca had had a hard time with the separation and eventual divorce, and the pain written on her face said she hadn’t moved beyond it yet. “So, why’d you do it then?”

  Becca shrugged, her sad smile matching the dejection in her eyes. “Because I was hopelessly in love with him.” She lifted her head and pinned Cecelia with a determined gaze that spoke volumes. “At the time, I thought he was worth the risk.”

  Cecelia couldn’t help her grin. “You still love him.”

  Becca’s cheeks turned a bright pink. She ran an index finger around the rim of her mug. “Yeah, I do. Signing the divorce papers was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Harder even than when I left him. I think I’ll always love Jackson. He was my first love, and he’s Allie’s father. He’s a good father, too, which makes it harder. She still doesn’t understand why we can’t go home. But I don’t think Jackson loves me. At least not the way I want him to.”

  She looked up then, piercing Cecelia with a gaze so familiar she almost laughed. The same unerring determination always creased Kyle’s brow when he was adamant about something.

  “Which is why you should think seriously about jumping into this.” She shook her head, her expression sobering. “Honey, if there’s anybody more worth taking a chance on, it’s him. At least, for you. The two of you are like peas in a pod.”

  The doorbell sounded, sending the sick cow mooing through the house.

  Becca’s head shot up, her expression immediately changing. Devilment lit the depths of her eyes, and she flashed that wide grin again and waggled her brows. “I bet I know who that is.”

  There was only person Cecelia ever spent Saturday night with, and Becca knew it.

  “I’ll get it!” Having left her shoes by the front door, Allie’s little feet pounded the hardwood floor as she streaked past the kitchen entrance.

  Cecelia’s eyes widened, nausea churning in her stomach. Her heart pounded, half fear and all giddy excitement.

  “Oh God, Becca.” She shook her head in panic. “I don’t know if I’m ready to see him yet. He’s going to have questions I don’t know how to answer.”

  The mere sound of his voice as he greeted Allie, deep, rich, and familiar, brought up sensations she’d tried not to think about this week. Like his hot breath on her neck as he whispered in her ear. Or the storm in his eyes when he’d surged inside her.

  She hadn’t even laid eyes on him yet. What would happen when they were alone, when Becca and Allie weren’t there to keep the distance between them? Okay, so he’d promised he wouldn’t push, but if she was thinking this stuff, she was darn sure he was, too. In which case, they were doomed.

  Her stomach roiled, morning sickness seizing her.

  “Excuse me.” She leaped from her seat and ran, heading for the bathroom at the end of the hall. She streaked past Kyle as Allie led him up the hallway, her mind registering the confusion and concern in his eyes.

  ***

  Standing at the kitchen counter staring at the paper bag containing the dinner he’d brought, Kyle knew the instant Ceci returned to the kitchen. Her scent immediately pervaded the room. Soft and subtle, a lot like the woman, and he’d know it anywhere. It had haunted him this week. It was a scent he’d known for years, but getting to discover its source on her skin had been a different experience entirely.

  As he opened the bag, determination streaked through him. Leaving her last week had felt wrong. Every night spent alone only served to increase the ache in his gut. His heart said she should’ve been in his arms, her warmth against him as they slept. At the very least, they ought to be spending time together.

  Along with the determination, however, came the nagging guilt. He was still keeping secrets from her. It didn’t matter if he knew he’d made the right decision, that to keep her past from her was the best thing for Ceci and the baby. It was a bridge he’d cross if they ever came to it, but he wouldn’t be the one to bring that nightmare back to her. The guilt nagged anyway, because it still felt as if he was betraying her.

  With a deep breath, he finally forced himself to turn and face her. She stood beside the table, her knuckles white from her grip on the back of the chair. She looked as nervous as he felt. Her eyes searched his. They held confusion, a healthy dose of fear and desire, muted, more like a smoldering fire than a raging inferno but there nonetheless. That she didn’t bother to hide the emotions from him set his entire body on alert. He ached to have her in his arms, her soft curves against him.

  She looked beautiful, as always. She wore only a pair of faded jeans and a T-shirt, but the way the soft cotton outlined the shapes of her breasts made his palms sweat.

  He swallowed a miserable groan. He’d far underestimated the power of being in her presence. He must have been out of his mind this afternoon to think he could be in the same room with her and not want to touch her.

  He offered her a smile, in hopes of ridding them of the awkwardness that filled the room around them. They’d been telling each other everything since elementary school. Lately, there was entirely too much silence. “You okay?”

  She echoed his smile, but hers came tight and uncomfortable. She rubbed a hand over her stomach. “Morning sickness.”

  “Ah.” He nodded. In an effort to get a genuine smile out of her, he winked at her. “
You keep running from me like that, and I’m going to get a complex.”

  His attempt at humor didn’t have the desired effect. She didn’t say anything. Her mouth didn’t so much as twitch in response. Instead, she straightened, folded her arms and then bent her head and nudged something on the floor with her big toe.

  “What’s this?” Allie’s high-pitched voice drew his attention, muffled slightly by the sounds of a chair scraping the floor. After climbing onto the chair, she peered down into the paper bag and then back up at him and wrinkled her nose in disgust. “It’s stinky.”

  “Chinese food.” Knowing full well she hated Chinese, he reached into the bag, pulled out a carton, and wiggled it under her nose. “Want some?”

  Allie frowned and shook her head, sending her little blond pigtails swinging from side to side. “Yuck.”

  “More for me then.” He winked, set the carton on the counter, and glanced at Ceci. She watched him with a curious, almost wistful gaze. He didn’t have time to contemplate what the look meant, however, for Becca pranced into the room, whistling a happy little tune that immediately told him she had something up her sleeve.

  “Since you two obviously have plans tonight, we’ll get out of your hair.” Becca caught his gaze, her mouth curling into a mischievous grin, and linked her arm through Ceci’s. As she left the room again, she darted a glance over her shoulder. “Come on, Allie, honey, we have to go. Daddy’s meeting us at our house.”

  “See you later, munchkin.” Kyle smiled at Allie and held his arms out for a hug.

  “’Bye, Uncle Kyle.” Allie flashed that sweet smile, hugged him tight, and then jumped off the chair and skipped from the room.

  Kyle kept busy for the next several minutes pulling out plates and silverware. He needed the time to gather his wits. He had to behave himself tonight, reset those boundaries and be the friend Ceci needed. A difficult task because he couldn’t forget the last time he was here or stop the images and sensations from invading his mind. If he closed his eyes, he could still feel the soft heat of her bare skin. The cry that tore from her throat as she shattered around him still echoed through his head.