by Alexa Riley
“You’re killing me,” she said, her breath leaving her on a shuddering exhale.
“I know what you want,” he told her as he pressed the heel of his hand against her clit before sliding a finger inside of her. “But I like touching you.”
She cupped the back of his neck and lifted her head to kiss him as he slid a second finger inside of her. Dipping her tongue between his lips to dance over his, she lost herself in the feel of his fingers moving against her sensitive skin.
The sound of his breathing grew more ragged. “I can’t wait any more, Del.”
It only took him seconds to put the condom on, and then he was between her thighs. She smiled up at him, the sizzle of anticipation burning through her.
Brendan was still for a long moment, looking at her as if he was trying to memorize her face. This his gaze softened and he returned the smile. “You’re so beautiful.”
It was something he’d told her all the time, in a simple way that made her believe it. Emotion tugged at her but before she could stray too far down that path, he reached between them to guide himself into her. Del lifted her hips off the bed to take him in. She was holding her breath, reveling in the sweet sensation of being stretched and filled, but a moan escaped her lips when he pushed fully into her.
She felt the trembling in his muscles as he fought for control, and scratched her nails over the back of his neck just to hear him growl low in his throat. He started moving with long, deep strokes that took her breath away.
His hands skimmed over her thighs and down her calves before lifting them so he could thrust deeper. Del ran her hands over his shoulders before gripping his arms as he quickened his pace.
But when he reached one hand down to brush his thumb over her clit, she sucked in a breath and dropped her hands to gather the sheet in her fists. He was relentless, teasing her clit as he drove deep into her.
The orgasm arched her back off the bed and she bit down on her lip to keep from screaming his name in the hotel room. Brendan braced a hand on either side of her as he thrust harder. She raised her hands to cradle his face as he came with a shuddering groan, and then wrapped her arms around him when he collapsed on top of her.
Brendan’s breath was ragged against her neck, and she savored the feel of his weight on her body. His hand stroked her hip and she closed her eyes.
She knew the next part by heart. Brendan rolled away to wrap the condom in a tissue to dispose of and then pulled her back into his embrace. He kissed her hair and her temple before sighing deeply and nuzzling his face in her hair. It was achingly familiar, as if the last six years hadn’t happened, and she hated the tears that threatened. Closing her eyes against them, she snuggled against Brendan’s body. This moment was all that mattered right now, and she smiled when his deep exhale tickled her ear.
When the arm thrown over her started relaxing and his breathing evened out, Del wondered if she should nudge him awake and tell him to go. It probably wouldn’t be a good idea to wake up with him in the morning.
To hell with good ideas, she thought drowsily. She’d worry about tomorrow when it came. Tonight she’d fall asleep in the arms of the man she’d never stopped loving.
* * *
Del.
Brendan opened his eyes, blinking at the sunlight streaming into the room since they hadn’t taken the time to close the drapes.
Usually his first thought when he woke up on a day he’d fight was the fight itself. He’d lie in bed and stare at the ceiling, visualizing his opponent’s strengths and weaknesses. But this morning, he woke to the warmth of Del tucked against his body and her hair tickling his nose. He could barely remember Lavaud’s name, never mind visualize kicking his ass.
When she stirred, he kissed the top of her head. “Good morning.”
Del made a sound that wasn’t quite a word, and he was willing to bet she hadn’t opened her eyes yet. Once she surrendered to getting up, she turned into a morning person, but she was slow to get going. Or she always had been, at least, and it didn’t seem like that had changed much.
He didn’t mind at all. Besides getting to hold Del that much longer, it gave him a chance to think about what was going to happen next.
It didn’t look good. Once he surfaced, he wasn’t going to have a free minute to himself until after the fight was over. By that time, Del would either be asleep or Brittany would have arrived. The bachelorette weekend would commence and then Del wouldn’t have time for him. And he was supposed to check out tomorrow morning. Sometimes he’d stay the full weekend at a venue, but he’d wanted to make time to go to the cabin before heading to his parents’ house.
Del rolled onto her side and pushed up onto one elbow so she could look down at him, her expression still soft from sleep. “What are you thinking about that made you sigh like that?”
He didn’t know he had. “Nothing, really. Just waking up.”
She ran the hand she was leaning on over his shoulder, a smile curving her mouth. “You’re one of those people who’s asleep and then just, boom, eyes open and ready to start the day.”
When she looked down at his chest and then frowned, leaning closer, Brendan sucked in a breath. He grabbed her wrist and tried to pull her fingers away from his chest, but she resisted. Her bones felt tiny in his hand and since he didn’t want to risk hurting her, he didn’t have any choice but to brace himself for the inevitable. Last night, in the dim light of the moon and small lamp, she’d missed it, but there was no hiding it from her in the morning sunlight.
The light touch of her fingertip as she traced the outline of the tattoo made him shiver. Not long before he realized her family wasn’t warming to him and their world together came to an end, they’d been sitting in a diner, waiting for burgers. Del and her roommates had been teaching themselves calligraphy for some reason and she’d doodled on the back of the place mat. Their initials intertwined in fancy letters, surrounded by a heart. She’d still been mastering line thickness and she’d laughed at the finished product. But when he’d ripped off the corner to save the doodle from her dripping chocolate shake, she’d leaned across the table to kiss him on the mouth, even though she didn’t usually go for public displays of affection.
It had been his first tattoo. The artist had transferred it to his chest, over his heart, and made it permanent.
“Why would you do that?” She slid off the bed before he could stop her, pulling the blanket with her as if it were a shield. “I don’t... God, Brendan. Why would you even do that?”
Why would he permanently mark his body with such a personal tribute to the woman he’d walked away from? It was a good question. Maybe so every time he looked in the mirror he would think of her and remember how badly he’d fucked up his life. So every day he would ask his reflection again if breaking his own heart had been worth it for Del’s sake without knowing the answer. It had been a punishment that would hurt him until he went to his grave.
“I loved you so much, Del. I kept that scrap of paper in my wallet but I was afraid it was going to fade or get ripped, so I made it permanent.”
“You loved me enough to tattoo that on your body but not enough to actually stay with me?” Her cheeks and neck were red with temper, and he flinched away from the hurt and anger in her voice.
“I loved you enough to let you go so you could have the life you deserved.”
“How freaking noble of you.” She jerked the blanket totally free of the bed and walked to the window. “You’re a real hero.”
Brendan didn’t think she knew he could see her reflection in the glass. Her eyes closed as her mouth quivered and he couldn’t stand seeing her in pain. He slid off the bed and snagged his boxer briefs to pull on before stepping up behind her.
He wrapped his arms around her, blanket and all, and kissed the side of her neck when she didn’t pull away. “I was stupid, Del. I wa
s young and stupid and I thought I was doing the right thing for you. Maybe for both of us in the long run. I was wrong.”
“Yes, you were.”
“I hope someday you can forgive me. Maybe if you do, I’ll be able to forgive myself.”
She leaned back against him. “I’m trying, but it’s not easy. It was devastating, and now—finding out you made that kind of decision for me without talking to me about it—pisses me off on top of it.”
“You have no idea how much I wish I hadn’t done it.” He kissed the top of her head. “I have to go soon because my team’s already going to be pissed I skipped out on them, but I don’t want to leave with you upset.”
“Maybe I do want to show up tonight and watch you get punched in the face.”
He laughed, swaying slightly as he held her close. “This side of you scares me a little.”
“It’s harder now and that makes me mad.”
He stopped, resting his chin on her shoulder and looking at her reflection. “What’s harder?”
“Knowing you loved me and threw it away for a stupid reason is harder than just believing you were cheating or just being an asshole. That made more sense to me.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispered.
“Sorry you’re not an asshole?” She chuckled, leaning her head against his. “I don’t want you to keep apologizing. I know it probably sounds like it’s necessary, but I’m just... I’m working through it. But you don’t need to apologize every time the past comes up.”
“Am I going to see you again after this weekend?”
She was still for a long moment. “I don’t know. When I asked you in last night, I intended to say goodbye to you and never see you again once I left the hotel.”
He closed his eyes, sorry he’d asked even while he was thankful she didn’t lie or string him along just to make it easier on herself. “Now I wish I could fake a flu or something so I’d have a reason to skip out on today and spend it with you instead.”
“You can’t do that. And I’m starting to think I want to watch you fight tonight.”
“Really?” That surprised the hell out of him.
“Yeah. Tattoos. Fighting. I want to know more about this new you.”
Because she hoped to see more of him? “It would mean a lot to me to have you there. But it’s not for everybody, so I understand if you don’t want to.”
She inhaled deeply, then let it out in a slow breath. “I’ll go. But I really don’t want to see him punch you in the face. Try not to let him, okay?”
“That’s always the plan. Bryan likes to grapple more than strike, though. He’ll try to get me on the mat and choke me into submission.”
“What?” She turned in his arms in a twisting motion that almost lost her the blanket. Sadly, she held it in place with her elbows. “He’s going to choke you?”
“He’ll try.” The horror on her face amused the hell out of him, but he tried not to show it because he didn’t want her to think he was making fun of her. “If I can’t shake him off, I can tap out. It’s like saying uncle to the ref and he stops the fight.”
“I think I’ll have a cocktail before I go. A big one.”
He lowered his head to kiss her, wishing he didn’t have to leave. “I’ll make sure Janie leaves you a pass with the concierge desk. When you go in, look for my people near the cage. They’ll be wearing merch with my name on it, like the T-shirts those guys in the elevator were wearing.”
“I’ll find them.”
“I don’t know if I’ll be able to see you after the fight. Depends on a lot of things, I guess. Including how much ice I need.”
She didn’t seem to find that very funny, judging by the look she gave him. “Brittany will probably be arriving at the hotel sometime after the fight, anyway. I know she’ll text me when she gets here, no matter how late it is.”
And then she’d be wrapped up in her friends, he thought. They were there to celebrate Kate’s upcoming wedding, and as tight as the three of them were, there wasn’t much chance of her being able to sneak away to see him.
“Speaking of texting, you should give me your number. So I can check and see if you’ve changed your mind about never seeing me again once you leave the hotel.”
“Oh, really?” The corners of her mouth turned up. “I guess it’s hard to give the I’ll call you line if you don’t have my number.”
“I will call you.”
She walked past him to pick up her cell phone, still managing to hold that damn blanket up with her elbows while she pulled up a new contact page. When she looked at him expectantly, he told her his number, a little surprised he remembered it off the top of his head.
Thinking he hadn’t heard any notifications for a while, which was surprising considering everybody had to be wondering where he was, he picked up his phone. The screen didn’t light up and he realized it had been a long time since he’d plugged the thing in to charge. And he’d turned the Wi-Fi off because moving in and out of the hotel and casino hot spots was a pain in the ass, which meant it had been trying to maintain a cellular signal inside the massive building. It had probably died sometime during the night.
“Battery’s dead. I guess you’ll have to write yours down for me and I can put it in later.”
Five minutes later, with her telephone number tucked safely in the pocket of his jeans, Brendan reluctantly kissed her goodbye and did the walk and elevator ride of shame back to his room.
He plugged in his phone before jumping in the shower and, by the time he was done, it was ready to turn on. As he scrubbed a towel over his hair, he heard the thing start going crazy with text chimes and voice-mail tones. They weren’t very happy with him.
The first thing he did was enter Del’s number into his contacts, and then he tucked the paper into his wallet just in case. His manager and trainer were sharing a room, so he ignored the notifications for everything he’d missed and tapped Jonathan’s name in his contacts list. His manager would probably put him on speaker, anyway, so his trainer would be able to listen in and give him hell if his manager stopped to take a breath.
Jonathan answered on the second ring. “Where the hell are you?”
“In my room. Just got out of the shower.”
“You weren’t in your room last night.”
“Nope.”
“You realize you’re getting in the cage with Bryan Lavaud tonight, right?”
“Yup.”
“Tell me you weren’t with a woman,” he heard Eric demand, his voice getting louder when Jonathan hit the speakerphone button. “What did I tell you about having sex the night before a fight?”
“I don’t know. I probably wasn’t listening.”
“Protein and celibacy, kid. And don’t tell me you weren’t listening.”
Since he’d only eaten a chocolate chip cookie for supper because he didn’t want to delay getting to Del, and then he’d spent the night making love to her, his listening skills had definitely been lacking yesterday. “I’m ready for tonight, guys. I’m always ready.”
He heard Jonathan’s sigh, but he knew they couldn’t argue. Brendan kept himself in fighting shape even when he wasn’t in the gym every day to train. That’s why they’d called him when they ended up with an undercard scratch.
“Listen,” he said. “An old friend of mine might show up tonight to watch me fight. Her name’s Adeline Kendrick, though she might use Del. I want her to sit with you, Jonathan.”
“Is she who you spent the night with?” his manager asked.
“All you need to know is that she’s an old friend of mine and she’s important to me so I want her treated with respect.”
“No,” Eric said. “Oh, hell no, Brendan.”
He tossed the wet towel over the back of a chair. If he went into the bathroom to ha
ng it up, he’d lose the signal. “Excuse me?”
“I’ve been training you since the beginning, kid, so don’t bullshit me. She’s the girl you were so fucked up over when you first joined my gym and you want her in the front row for a big fight?”
“That’s what I said.”
“It’s a bad idea.”
So was asking her to meet him for a coffee and holding her hand in the elevator and spending the night in her bed. He should have left her well enough alone. Instead, he was going to grab every minute he had with her, because there was a chance they could recapture what they’d had before.
“I already sent a text to Janie to get her a pass. It’s happening.”
“Your head better be in the game,” Jonathan said. “Give the network and the people in the seats a good show.”
“Don’t worry about my focus,” Brendan said. “I could probably use a steak, though.”
“Jesus,” he heard Eric mutter.
Brendan grinned as he hung up the phone, because he wasn’t worried. He knew how to give the local crowd a good show.
Chapter Four
Del couldn’t have felt more out of her element if she’d donned a space suit and launched herself out of orbit. At least she was dressed for the crowd, she thought as she followed the woman named Janie toward the front row of chairs. She’d been able to buy a Brendan Quinn T-shirt from a vendor near the event venue’s entrance, which technically wasn’t shopping without Kate and Brittany since she hadn’t gone into a store. She’d packed a pair of jeans and her favorite black leather ankle boots, so she didn’t feel as if she stood out from the other fight fans.
Except maybe for her flinching as two guys pummeled each other on an elevated stage surrounded by fencing in the middle of the arena. Brendan had told her not to bother showing up at the advertised start time. Instead he gave her an approximate time and asked Janie to send her a text giving her a heads-up when it looked like they were about a half hour from his fight. Luckily the fights were being televised so even if they had a run of bouts that ended quickly, they’d space them out to fill the allotted time.
