Now she wondered if she should spend less time with Tanner, if it would be healthier for her to distance herself from him and Ivy and Meagan, including the visitations she’d agreed to attend.
Only in order to do that, she would have to tell him about her miscarriage and explain why this wasn’t good for her.
But at the moment, immersed in the nursery they’d just designed, she couldn’t summon the strength to do it.
Chapter Eight
Candy spent the following week trying to decide what to do about her dilemma with Tanner. Luckily, she had Dana as a sounding board. They gathered in the living room, with Jude playing on the floor nearby. Surrounded by plastic alphabet blocks, he banged them together, gasping with excitement from the noise they made. He was the epitome of a California kid in his toddler muscle shirt and beach-inspired board shorts. Candy envisioned him when he was older, with his naturally tanned complexion and bad-boy dimples, skateboarding and surfing and making girls sigh.
He smacked the blocks together again, with even more gusto, and she wished that she had his enthusiasm for life. At the moment, she was suffering from mental exhaustion.
“Things should be easier than they are,” she said to Dana.
“I’m sorry that being around Tanner is becoming difficult for you. It seemed to be coming along so nicely. A good, solid friendship.”
“Aside from the attraction we’ve been fighting, it has been going well. But now I’m afraid that I’m going to get overly attached to him, especially once the baby comes.”
“Maybe you won’t see him that much. He’ll be busy with Ivy. Besides, the nanny will be there. It’s not like it’s going to be you and Tanner and a newborn in a homey situation.”
“You’re right. I’m probably making more of it than it is.”
“I wonder if you should just give in.” Dana talked above the noise Jude was making. “And let it happen.”
“What do you mean? Let what happen?”
Her friend grinned, her blue eyes sparkling. “Get drunk and have sex with him.”
“That’s not funny.” Candy grabbed one of Jude’s stray blocks and threw it at Dana, bouncing it off her bodacious boobs.
The toddler looked up and laughed. His mama did, too. Candy envied the joy between them.
Dana looked as impish as her son. She was dressed in a tie-dyed top with faded food stains, courtesy of Jude, along with holey jeans decorated with embroidered appliqués. Her hair was banded into what Eric commonly referred to as a Gidget ponytail. She also wore a fake flower, typical of her bohemian style, clipped at her ear.
“I want it all,” Candy said. “To have what you have.” A husband, a baby, true happiness.
“I know, sweetie. And someday you will have it. But for now, you just need to take it one day at a time.”
Eric came down the hall and entered the living room. He’d gotten home from work a little while ago, and now he was ready to kick back with the family.
Candy tried not to feel like an intruder.
Jude exclaimed, “Dada!” and ran over to his father, stumbling at his feet.
Eric reached down and scooped up his son, wrapping one strong arm around him. Yogi appeared next. She’d been down the hall, too.
When Jude saw her, he gave her the same excited welcome. “Dog!”
Yogi went over to him and sniffed his bare foot, and he giggled, her wet nose tickling him. Even Candy’s pet was becoming part of the household.
There were two cats that lived here, too, but they barely reacted to the dog, other than a few hisses when she’d first arrived. Since then, they’d milled around in their usual way, going in and out of the back door.
Everyone was having a fine time, except for Candy. She hated that she was feeling sorry for herself. But she wasn’t a naturally upbeat person, not like Dana. She wished that she was, though.
Candy glanced over at Eric. He wasn’t like Dana, either. He was more like Candy, cautious by nature. He’d shut himself off from the world after his first wife died. He’d taken care of his daughter, but he hadn’t dated until Dana had come along, seven years after he’d become a widower. But now here he was, married to the second love of his life and experiencing the wonderment of fatherhood again.
Candy reached for another of Jude’s blocks, turning it in her hand. Would she ever get to experience the wonderment of motherhood? With each lonely day that streamed by, it was getting tougher and tougher to convince herself that her dream would come true.
“Someone’s phone is ringing,” Eric said. “I think it’s yours, Candy. It sounds like it’s coming from your room.”
“Thanks.” She dashed past him, grateful for an excuse to give him and Dana and their son time alone as a family. She was even skipping out on Yogi, who remained with Jude.
The room she was staying in had belonged to Kaley, Eric’s grown daughter, when she was a teenager. Borrowing her former room made Candy feel a bit like a teen, too. Along with her renewed association with Tanner, of course. These days, her old boyfriend factored into everything.
Just as she jumped across the bed and nabbed her cell phone on the nightstand, it stopped ringing. She checked the notifications and scrunched up her face. It was a missed call from Tanner. Should she return it? Or avoid him for now?
Within seconds, the phone rang again, with Tanner’s name popping up on the screen. Clearly, he was impatient to reach her. Or he was calling back to leave a message.
Avoiding him didn’t make sense. She just needed to suck it up and stop worrying about her self-centered feelings. She spent all kinds of time with Jude. It shouldn’t be any different with Ivy. A baby was a baby. Besides, as Dana said, there was a nanny involved. Candy’s role wasn’t as important as it seemed.
Before the call went to voice mail, she answered it with a nice and normal “Hello?”
“Oh, thank God,” he said. “I’m so freaked out, Candy. I don’t know what to do.”
“Why? What’s wrong?”
“Libby can’t take the job. She had to go back to England for a family emergency. Her father had a stroke, and she’s going to stay there and take care of him. Before she left, she assured me that the agency would provide another nanny, but I can’t handle being around a stranger. I trusted Libby. She’s who I hired, and now she’s gone.”
“Don’t panic, Tanner. You’ve got about a week before Ivy is due. Maybe even a little longer, if she’s late. There has to be someone—”
“No, you don’t understand. Ivy was born yesterday, but they didn’t call me until today.”
Her pulse nearly jumped straight out of her skin. “She’s here already? Is she okay? Is Meagan all right? Have you seen them?”
“They’re both fine. I’m not allowed to visit Meagan for security reasons, but I talked to her on the phone. They’re keeping Ivy in her room, so at least she’s getting a little time with her daughter. Ivy weighs seven pounds two ounces and is as healthy as a newborn should be.”
“Oh, thank goodness.”
“Yes, but tomorrow morning Meagan will be transported back to prison, and I’m supposed to pick up the baby at the hospital.” His voice went rough. “But I can’t do it. I can’t go there by myself. Will you go with me?”
“Yes, of course.” She couldn’t refuse to help him, especially when he was in such a fix. “But you’re going to have to talk to someone at the agency to see what nannies are available to take Libby’s place. Maybe you can use someone in the interim, then keep interviewing until you find a permanent one who suits your needs.”
“I was hoping that you’d take the job.”
“Temporarily?”
“No. For good.”
She went into shocked silence, needing a moment to grasp his words. Finally she said, “You want me to move into your house and take care
of Ivy?” To be there day and night, with him and the baby? “I’m not a professional nanny. I can’t do something like that.” She couldn’t put herself in the middle of his life, not when she was already worried about becoming too attached.
“You’d be a great nanny. I know you would.”
He didn’t know the half of it. He didn’t know about her lost child or the emotional impact this would have on her. But she couldn’t bring herself to say it. She just sat there, clutching the phone.
He asked, “You still need a second job, don’t you?”
“Yes.” She was down to two part-time days at the studio. Her job situation had gotten worse, not better. “But this isn’t the answer.”
“Think about how it will benefit you. It’s a good wage, with free room and board. Plus, you can have whatever days off you need to teach your classes. I’ll fill in when you’re not around. I’ll do whatever I have to do to make it worth your while.”
She argued her case, pointing out the obvious. “I don’t see how you and I are going to manage living together.”
“You can live in the guesthouse after it’s remodeled. We can make a nursery out of the second bedroom, and we can shift Ivy back and forth between us. So you’ll only be living with me until the remodel is done.”
“Why are you so adamant about me being her nanny?”
“Because I trust you, more than Libby, more than anyone. You’re like family to me. You know everything there is to know about me and mine. You were there when Ella died, and I want you to be there to help me keep Ivy strong and healthy.”
Trapped within the painful beauty of his words, she drew her knees up to her chest. How was she supposed to say no to him? Yet, if she said yes, her role in his life would become frighteningly important.
“I’ll never find another nanny who will be as right for this job as you are, Candy. Remember the primrose at the park? The ‘I can’t live without you’ message? That’s how I feel right now. Ivy and I can’t live without you. We need for you to help us.”
More beautiful words. More pain. He’d just tied her up with a primrose bow. But could she become the nanny? Could she risk getting attached to him and Ivy in that way?
“Please,” he implored her.
Candy prepared to make an excuse. But heaven help her, she couldn’t cut the tie.
Trying to keep herself centered, to sound as professional as possible, she said, “I’ll take the job, and I’ll do the very best I can to take care of Ivy. But I want you to follow through on getting the guesthouse remodeled. It’s important for us to live separately as soon as we can.” At least that would keep her and Tanner from getting too close, from their lives intermingling any more than necessary.
“That’s not a problem.” His breaths rushed into the phone. “Thank you so much. I don’t know what I would have done if you’d refused. When I found out that Ivy had already been born, I felt like I was having a heart attack. I still feel like I am. My heart hasn’t quit pounding.”
“We’ll get through this together, I promise. But for now you need to relax. Just call me in the morning and tell me what time you’re going to the hospital, and I’ll be ready. Not just to go with you, but with my bags packed to move in.”
“Do you think you could come over tonight instead? I’d feel better knowing you were already here. You can get settled into your room and do whatever you need to do. I think it would make tomorrow less stressful.”
Once again, she couldn’t say no. And what difference did an extra evening make if she was already going to be staying there? “Give me a few hours, okay?”
“Sure. You can bring Yogi, too, of course. She’s part of the deal. Oh, and when you get here, can we go to the market? I have no idea what type of food to have on hand for you. I need groceries, too. Mostly I eat in restaurants or grab stuff on the go. But with Ivy being around, I’ll be staying home more than I did before.”
“That’s fine. We can go shopping. I’ll see you in a while. Oh, and will you call the hospital and find out what type of formula they’re feeding Ivy? I’m sure they’ll give you some to take home, but it probably won’t be enough to last more than a few days. We can get more at the market.”
“Good thinking. I’ll call them right now.”
He thanked her once more, and they hung up. Earlier she’d been wondering if she should avoid Tanner, and now she was becoming Ivy’s nanny.
She returned to the living room to tell Dana and Eric what was going on, and they offered to help in any way they could.
Dana also questioned Candy privately about her decision. “Are you sure you can handle this?” her friend asked.
“I hope so,” she replied, even if she was feeling the fear, the full-blown reality, the pulse-jarring impact, of what she’d just agreed to do.
* * *
Candy appeared on Tanner’s doorstep with Yogi on a leash and a pile of luggage. He’d never been so glad to see anyone. But he felt like a ghost, too, as if he were floating through the events of the day. He’d tried to be prepared for Ivy, but she’d arrived at the same time that Libby had quit.
And then there was Candy, his beautiful friend, coming along to save the day. He couldn’t thank her enough.
Initially, she wasn’t the sort of nanny he’d envisioned. He hadn’t intended to have the object of his desire around. She was right about them living separately as soon as the guesthouse was redone. Being in the same house with her was going to be a major distraction. But his niece’s well-being came first, overriding any other concerns he had.
Clearing his thoughts, he helped Candy with her bags, and she removed the dog’s leash. Yogi wandered around, checking out the changes that had been made to her old home, then curled up in the living room beside the fireplace, embracing a familiar spot.
Tanner and Candy barely talked now that she was there. He lingered in the background, letting her settle in.
She unpacked, hanging up her clothes in the guestroom and putting away toiletries in the bathroom she would be using. He was impressed with how organized she was.
Once she completed the process, she asked, “Are you ready to go to the market?”
“Sure.” He reached into his pocket and handed her a scrap of paper with the name of the formula on it.
She added it to a list that she’d already made. Definitely organized. In spite of her determination to get everything done, he could tell that she still had a lot on her mind. But why wouldn’t she? He’d just roped her into becoming an on-the-spot nanny.
They took his truck to the store. Once they went inside, he walked beside her while she pushed the cart.
Quite a few heads turned in their direction, but they got attention whenever they went out together. He figured it was because she was so pretty. But he stood out, too, with his height and whatnot. Noticeable as they were, he doubted that anyone would guess the nature of their relationship. They probably looked like a couple to the outside world.
“I’ve never done this before,” he said as she stocked up on the formula.
“Done what?”
“Gone grocery shopping with a woman.”
“Not even your mom or sister?”
“They don’t count.”
She added diapers to the cart, lots and lots of them. “They’re still women.”
“You know what I mean.” He grabbed a ton of baby wipes and tossed them in, helping her stockpile the infant goods. “Do you think that when we go out with Ivy she’ll be mistaken as our daughter? That other people will refer to her as ours?”
Candy hesitated to respond. Then, after waiting until another patron walked by, she said, “If they make that assumption, we can just tell them the truth.”
“That my sister is in prison and it’s her kid? That I’m the legal guardian, and you’re a girl I used to dat
e, who I begged to help me?” If he wasn’t so stressed out, he might’ve laughed at the ridiculousness of it. “That will make them glad they struck up a conversation with us.”
“Jeez, Tanner.” She shook her head. “I wasn’t implying that we give them that much detail.”
“So we should keep it simple? Like I’m the baby’s uncle and you’re the hot nanny I want to get naked with?”
She made a face at him. “That isn’t funny.”
“Sorry. I won’t make cracks like that again.”
“Yes, you will. It’s in your nature.”
“Okay, then I’ll try not to. But you have to admit that if we tell people the truth they’ll probably assume that we’re having a fling. The chemistry between us isn’t hard to miss.”
She fussed with the items in the cart, rearranging them. “There’s nothing we can do about that.”
“It’s just that we’ll be wrongly perceived, either way. Mistaken for the baby’s parents or stereotyped as lovers. But you’re right, it doesn’t matter.” He needed to keep his priorities straight, regardless of the obstacles they had to confront.
He owed Candy big-time, and he meant every word he’d said to her on the phone. She was the person he trusted most in the world—the nanny he and Ivy couldn’t live without.
* * *
Candy fixed a late dinner. She made a chicken casserole for Tanner, and roasted vegetables for herself. She also prepared a mixed-green salad and conjured up a batch of sweet-potato fries for them to share. For dessert, she served cinnamon-spiced applesauce.
Neither of them had eaten that evening, and now that there was food in the house, she was able to cook a hearty meal. Plus it helped her stay busy. Otherwise, she would be fidgeting.
They sat across from each other at her old dining table. She hadn’t sold it to him, but it was one of the pieces that she was letting him borrow.
He dug into the casserole and said, “You seem sort of wifely tonight.”
She could do little more than blink. After their discussion at the market, that wasn’t what she needed to hear.
The Bachelor's Baby Dilemma (Family Renewal) Page 9
