“Is it?” he asked.
“Yes,” she assured him. Yet in spite of her assurance, they stared at each other as if the air between them had gone soft and sweet.
Without breaking eye contact, he said, “I’m still nervous about picking up the baby tomorrow. But it helps that you’re going to be there.”
She breathed in the honeyed air, the heat, the proximity of him. But before she did something stupid, like fantasize about him being her husband, she said, “Will you be able to talk to Meagan again? Before they transport her back to prison?”
“Yes. They’re going to allow her to call in the morning. She doesn’t have a phone in her room, so it has to be arranged.”
“Do you think I would be able to talk to her then, too?”
“I don’t see why not. Since you’re here with me, I can hand you the phone so you can say hi. I’ll be sure to tell her that you’re the nanny.”
“I wonder how she’ll feel about that.”
“I think she’ll be glad that it’s you instead of someone she doesn’t know.”
“Even though you sang Libby’s praises?”
“I’ve been singing your praises, too, about what a good friend you’ve become. My sister is happy that we’ve been hanging out and that I bought your house. She already mailed the application for you to visit her in prison. She sent it late last week when I first mentioned it to her. I had her mail it here because I didn’t know Eric and Dana’s address. I was going to give it to you when it arrived, but now you’re living here, so that worked in our favor.”
“I’ll fill it out and send it back as soon as it gets here.” She knew how important it was.
“Thank you again for being so supportive of me and Meagan and Ivy.”
“You’re welcome.” Because she was feeling much too warm, much too connected to him, she got up to leave. “I should go back to bed. I really do need to get some sleep.”
“I should sleep, too. I wasn’t getting much reading done, anyway. It was tough to concentrate.”
“You’ll get up to speed.”
“I’m going to try.” He lowered his gaze. “’Night, Candy.”
She glanced down and realized that her robe had opened, revealing a glimpse of her pajamas. The skimpy ensemble she’d been trying to hide from him.
Rather than scramble to close it, she pretended that it didn’t matter, then braved her way to the door and said good-night, too.
* * *
Tanner buckled the infant seat into his truck. He and Candy would be leaving soon to pick up Ivy, and already it had been a gut-wrenching morning. They’d spoken to Meagan on the phone, and he’d fought a flood of pain, hearing his sister’s sad and lonely voice.
“Is this right?” he asked, not having a clue as to what he was doing.
She came forward to check the straps. “Yes.”
“Are you sure?”
“I’m positive. Jude’s first one was similar to this. I know how it works.”
He didn’t like feeling so anxious, so inadequate, so frustrated over a device he would be using every time he took Ivy somewhere. “When we take her home today, will you make sure she’s buckled into it the way she’s supposed to be? I don’t want her to slip out.”
She put the diaper bag in the truck and turned to face him. “I won’t let anything happen to her, and neither will you.”
He looked into the warmth of her eyes. She was a hell of a friend. Yet to keep the moment in check, he took a deliberate step back. If she were the type of friend who was sharing his bed, who was comfortable with those sorts of benefits, he would tug her into his arms for a comfort-between-lovers kiss. But especially after everything that had been said last night, he was even more cautious about crossing those boundaries.
“Ready?” he asked.
She got in the passenger side. “As ready as I’ll ever be.”
Following suit, he climbed behind the wheel. But he didn’t start the engine. He needed a quick breather before getting on the road.
“Are you all right?” she asked.
“I just wish the hospital was closer.” Ivy was born at a medical center near the correctional institution that had become his sister’s dreaded home, which was over eighty miles away. “I should be used to going in that direction by now, from all of those visits to Meagan. But it still feels like a long trek, particularly today.” He frowned, giving himself a moment’s pause. “Do you know what Meagan said to me on the phone? That she didn’t want me to bring the baby to see her right away. She’s worried about having Ivy exposed to so many people, especially in a prison environment. She asked me to wait at least a month, when the baby’s immune system will be stronger.”
“I can understand how she feels. But it’s going to be difficult for her, too, being away from her daughter for so long.” Candy heaved a sad sigh. “She asked me to tell Ivy that her mama loves her, to say it every day, the way Meagan would if she could.”
He finally started the vehicle and backed out of the driveway. “I hope Ivy helps you.”
Out of what seemed like habit, Candy wrapped an arm around her middle. “What do you mean?”
“To get over your loss.” He did his best to smile. “It would be great to think of Ivy as a superhero baby, coming along to save your heart.”
She smiled, as well. “That’s sweet, Tanner. I like that.”
He was glad that he’d lifted her mood, right along with his own. “We’ll have to buy Ivy a cape.”
“And fly her around the house.”
“Yeah, I can just see her, riding high in our arms until she can run and play and pretend to take flight on her own. She can pretend to fly at night, too, among the stars.”
“When you told me the Falling Star story, I wished that my baby would have been made of star material.”
Shiny and unbreakable, he thought. When she’d come to his room last night and relayed her story to him, he’d wanted to protect her, to hold her. But he’d been careful not to do anything that would create more emotion between them. “Was Vince with you when you miscarried?”
“No.” She clutched her middle again, pressing against the seat belt. “He was away on location, on a shoot. I was by myself. Bleeding and cramping and crying. It was the most traumatic day of my life. I called an ambulance for myself, but by the time they got there, I knew it was too late. That my little one was already gone.”
“I’m sorry that you had to go through that alone. If I could have been there for you, I would have.”
She studied his profile. He could feel her looking at him, analyzing him. Then she said, “Maybe you wouldn’t be such a lousy husband after all.”
He jerked his head toward her, nearly giving himself whiplash. “Please tell me you’re joking.”
“I am.” She laughed a little. “Sort of.”
“No sort of, missy. I would suck at it. Maybe not in the way Vince was a crummy husband. Or my dad. But I’d be a failure just the same.”
“At least you’re a kindhearted person.”
“That still doesn’t make me husband material.”
She shifted in her seat. “I know. Besides, I’m going to find the right man someday. Even Dana keeps telling me I will.”
He headed toward the freeway on-ramp, fighting a twinge of envy, envisioning her with a nameless, faceless groom waiting for her at a flower-draped altar. Flowers with personalized messages, he thought, chosen just for the wedding.
Annoyed by the scene in his mind, he said, “I understand how important it is for you to find Mr. Right. But whatever you do, don’t leave me and Ivy behind so you can run off with him.”
She rolled her eyes. “I’m not leaving anyone.”
Selfish as it was, he couldn’t bear to do this without her. “Promise?”
&nb
sp; “Yes, I promise.” She turned on the radio, as if she was trying to make the drive less intense. She kept switching stations, trying to find something she liked.
Neither of them had downloaded music for the trip or packed any CDs. They’d had too much else on their minds, so now they were at the mercy of whatever was playing on the airwaves. He hoped she didn’t latch on to a song with a twisted marriage theme, like Beyoncé kicking men’s asses for not putting a ring on it. Or Elvis lamenting about people having suspicious minds. Or George Strait’s exes living in Texas.
“How about this?” Candy asked.
“The Backstreet Boys?” He all but gaped at her. That was even worse than the songs he’d envisioned. “What part of me says boy-band fan?”
“Oh, come on, where’s your sense of nostalgia? They’re totally from our era.”
“I never listened to them.”
“You did, too. We even danced to this at your prom.”
“We did not.” It was true, they had. But he was pretending that he didn’t remember gyrating to it.
“You’re just pissed because I had a crush on Nick Carter.” She fluttered and swooned. “He was the bomb.”
“Are you kidding? That dude’s got nothing on me.” To prove his point, he started singing along with the song, acting like the dork he claimed he could be, mimicking every word, every inflection, every “wooo” in the background.
She burst out laughing, but he kept crooning about rocking his body. Or her body. Or anybody’s body. He sang the sexy parts louder than necessary, making her laugh harder.
Candy joined in, being a dork, too. She bobbed in her seat. She knew all of the dance moves from the old video. As embarrassing as it was, so did he. He tossed in a few of them, without going overboard. He didn’t want to cause an accident, cruising down the freeway having a bit of idiotic fun with the beautiful new nanny.
En route to picking up a superhero baby.
Chapter Ten
The fun and games ended when Tanner and Candy arrived at the hospital. He wasn’t feeling lighthearted anymore. His nerves had kicked into high gear.
They entered the big, sterile building, becoming instantly immersed in its sky-blue decor, blinding-white walls and antiseptic smell. He wanted to dash back outside, but he couldn’t run off like a kid on his first day of school.
“This is it,” he said to Candy, fighting to keep himself grounded. “The moment of truth.”
“You’ve come this far. You can do the rest of it.”
“What if the baby doesn’t like me?”
“She’s going to be crazy about you, Tanner.”
“It’s such a heavy responsibility.” It would be his place to nurture Ivy, to teach her, to feed her, to clothe her, to give her everything a little girl should have. And even after Meagan was released from prison, he would still be deeply involved in the baby’s welfare, as well as his sister’s rehabilitation. “I know this is a hell of a time to say this, but what if I really did bite off more than I can chew?”
“You shouldn’t be thinking that way, not now. Besides, I’m here to help you through it.”
He passed the main reception desk and headed toward the directory to see what floor the maternity ward was on, his boots making more noise that he would’ve liked. She walked beside him, her soft-soled footsteps quiet.
He considered the time frame of their agreement. “How long will you be available to help me?”
“For as long as you need me.”
“Your job as the nanny will end when Meagan comes home.”
“That’s two years away.”
“I know, but after that, I wonder what’s going to happen.”
“What do you mean?”
He studied her beneath the fluorescent lights. Even saturated in its glare, she looked soft and pretty. “With us. With the way we’re building our friendship.”
She stood beside him at the directory. “You’re still not making sense.”
“It’s just that our friendship might fade away. Not because I’ll want it to, but because you’ll be married with kids of your own and living your authentic life. And that probably isn’t going to include you hanging out with me.” To him, it seemed like a no-brainer, even if it troubled him to think about it.
A frown creased her brow. “What’s your authentic life? Being an uncommitted bachelor?”
“It’s worked for me so far.” At this point, it was the only world he knew. “But if Meagan never gets her act together, I won’t able to go back to who I used to be. I’ll be spending the rest of my days trying to save my convict sister.”
“You need to give her more credit than that. And maybe you aren’t meant to be the same guy as before. People are supposed to change.”
“Not if those changes don’t feel right.” Already he was turning into someone he didn’t recognize, worrying about staying friends with Candy and missing her before she was even gone. He shouldn’t be relying on her as heavily as he was, but he knew damned well he couldn’t face this challenge without her. “Will you take the baby when they first give her to us? I don’t think I can handle carrying her out of this place.”
“Yes, of course. I totally want to hold her. And once you’re able to relax, so will you.”
She was the most encouraging person he knew, and even though she’d lost a child, she was putting herself out there for him and Ivy. “You’re going to be a great mom someday.”
“Thank you.” She smiled. “That means a lot to me.”
Once again, he wished that he could kiss her. Today of all days, he needed the taste of a woman’s lips. But not just any woman’s. Hers, he thought. The nanny. He didn’t doubt that Ivy was going to feel safe in her arms.
He couldn’t lean in and kiss her, not without breaking their platonic agreement. But by the same token, he couldn’t continue to stand there, in a public place, hungry for something that wasn’t going to happen.
“We should go,” he said.
She nodded, and they proceeded to the elevator.
The maternity ward was on the third floor, and the ride up was crowded. No one spoke, but it was just a bunch of strangers packed together, with Lord knew what on their minds.
The door opened on their floor, and he and Candy exited the elevator. As they headed for the nurses’ station, they walked down a corridor with a mural on the wall, depicting a cartoonish tree decorated with pink and blue booties hanging from its leafy branches.
They reached the station desk, and Tanner got the ball rolling, explaining who he and Candy were. The head nurse came forward to help them. She was an older redhead, friendly and efficient, dressed in colorful scrubs. She shook their hands and introduced herself as Joanne, which was also on her name tag.
He wondered if she was one of the staff who’d been nice to Meagan. He wished that his sister was still here and that he could walk into her room with a cluster of “It’s a Girl!” balloons. But that wasn’t how this arrangement worked. By now, Meagan was back at prison, with no gifts or family by her side.
But at least the birth wasn’t as traumatic as it could have been. From what he understood, the State of California had banned the use of leg irons, waist chains or handcuffs behind the body on female inmates during labor, delivery or recovery. Still, it broke him to think of Meagan doing this alone. He remembered how she used to trail around the house, carrying her dolls by their hair. Not the best representation of motherhood, by any means. But later, after Ella had been born, Meagan treated her dolls with the sweetest of care.
“May I see your guardianship papers?” Joanne asked, pulling him back to the moment.
“Yes, of course.” He gave them to her. He didn’t doubt that she’d been through this before. She seemed to know the drill.
She got the clerical procedure under way, and onc
e his identification was verified and forms were signed, he and Candy were asked to wait for the baby to be brought out to them.
The waiting room was a corner setup, with cushioned chairs and a TV on the wall with the sound on mute. No one was there, except for them. Candy sat beside him, with the diaper bag on the other side of her.
From his vantage point, he could see another of those tree murals peeking out from a nearby corner. “I hope they don’t make us wait too long.”
“They won’t,” she replied.
She was right. A few minutes later, Joanne came down the hall with a toothy smile. She pushed a bassinet that was fixed atop a stainless-steel cart, its wheels sure and steady.
Simultaneously, Tanner and Candy stood.
“Here she is,” the nurse said. “Miss Ivy Ann Quinn.”
The baby was nestled into a clear plastic bed, wrapped up like a burrito, with an array of supplies packed in the shelves below her.
Tanner peered down at his niece, preparing to see her for the very first time. She was awake and making kittenish sounds, but she didn’t seem like a superhero in the making. She looked more like an extraterrestrial, with her fluffy dark hair and cone-shaped head. He assumed it wasn’t anything to worry about; otherwise they wouldn’t be releasing her from the hospital. But he couldn’t be sure.
“She’s beautiful,” Candy said, going misty-eyed. “I can’t wait to cuddle her.”
“Then here you go.” Joanne lifted the infant and placed her in Candy’s willing arms.
They were a perfect fit, Tanner thought. The nanny and the newborn. He smiled, feeling all warm and weird inside. But insanely nervous, too, just as he’d been all along.
Was the baby looking at Candy? He couldn’t tell. His niece seemed a tad cross-eyed. Was that common? Would it go away? Now he wished he had finished those dang books and been more prepared for what to expect. But he wasn’t about to point out Ivy’s flaws, not when the women were cooing over her perfection. When the nurse put a pink beanie on the baby’s coned head, Candy marveled at how cute she looked in it.
He thought it was cute, too. But he kept his opinion to himself. What if she had to wear hats for the rest of her life? That didn’t seem fair.
The Bachelor's Baby Dilemma (Family Renewal) Page 11
