by Lacey London
THE BIRD WHO DARES TO FALL,
IS THE BIRD WHO LEARNS TO FLY…
Chapter 27
Dry branches crunch beneath our feet as we trudge through the flurry of trees. The sun has unfortunately clouded over, but the air is still warm and humid. We have been walking for around twenty minutes, although the deathly silence makes it seem ten times longer. Despite not coming here since he scattered Mel’s ashes, Aidan clearly knows exactly where he is going. Marching on ahead with a brisk determination, he hasn’t hesitated once.
We come to a set of moss-covered steps, which are buried deep into the ground and I pause for breath as Aidan swiftly bounds to the bottom. Carefully putting one foot in front of the other, I slowly make my way down the slippery hill. Wiping my muddy hands on my jeans, I let out a gasp as I realise the steps have led us to a stunning stream. The water glistens as it rushes over the many pebbles and stones that are scattered through the babbling brook.
Too busy staring at the stunning scene in front of me, I don’t realise that Aidan has stopped in his tracks. He doesn’t need to breathe a word to let me know that this is the spot. I walk over to a rustic bench, which has been carved out of the trunk of a tree and silently perch on the edge. This is a monumental moment for Aidan and I don’t want to influence it in any way. Standing perfectly still, he tips back his head and exhales deeply. His face is taught with emotion as he finally opens his eyes and stares at the stream intently.
I try to visualise what he is feeling right now. This is it. The is the final resting place of his beloved wife. This is the exact spot where he said his final goodbyes. My bottom lip starts to tremble and I blink back the tears as Aidan walks towards the stream and places both hands on the trunk of a huge tree. As though sensing the gravity of the moment, the birds stop chirping and the scene falls into an eerie silence. I watch the trees rustle all around him, shielding him from the wind whilst he tries to connect with Mel. I hope beyond hope that this is helping him. That this is giving him the closure he needs to accept what happened and finally start moving on with his life.
Acceptance seems to be the hardest thing with grief. No one wants to accept such a tragedy, but until they do, it is impossible to move on. No matter how many tears that fall, no matter how many times we pray for it not to be true, nothing will change the past. Nothing will turn back the clock and nothing will bring them back. Moving on doesn’t mean forgetting what happened or leaving the memories behind, it simply means that you won’t allow it to destroy your future as well as your past.
Suddenly turning around, Aidan slowly walks over to the bench. Taking a deep breath, he sits down next to me and rests his elbows on knees.
‘It was right there in front of the stream.’ He murmurs, emotion ringing through his strained voice. ‘This was her favourite spot. After hours of hiking through the forest, we would finish off our time here with a picnic on this very bench.’
A strange sensation hits me as I picture Mel sat in this very spot, laughing with Aidan as they ate sandwiches and drank from flasks. I almost feel guilty for being here, for sitting in her place and for intruding on what was once hers.
‘How do you feel?’ I ask, pulling my jacket tightly around my body as a cold wind blows past us.
‘I feel… I feel like I can finally let her go.’ There’s a long pause and when he finally looks at me, I realise he has tears in his eyes once more. ‘Her memory shouldn’t be tainted with my moping. She deserves to be remembered as the beautiful, joyful, zesty woman that she was. She breathed life into every room that she walked into. Her laugh was contagious and her heart was always full. When the rest of the world wanted to give up, she would push for one more try and that’s what I have to do.’
Not daring to open my mouth in case I erupt into floods of tears, I nod back at him and desperately try to stop the tears from falling.
‘It’s been a year…’ Aidan continues. ‘A whole year. Three hundred and sixty-five painful days. This can’t go on any longer. I can’t go on any longer. It’s chewing me up inside. I have to draw a line, carry on and take Mel with me. I don’t have to grieve for her forever, I can see that now. I can have a life, I can have a future and keep Mel in here.’ He taps his heart and lets his head drop slightly.
‘I’m sure Mel would be incredibly proud of you right now…’ I manage, wiping my face with the sleeve of my jacket. ‘I’m incredibly proud of you.’
Aidan wipes his own eyes and looks up at the sky once more, as tiny droplets of rain land on the tip of his nose. The drizzle slowly picks up pace, but neither of us move. We just sit there, allowing the rain to wash over us, not caring in the slightest that our clothes are rapidly becoming saturated. A flash of light shoots across the sky above us, shortly followed by a thunderous bang.
‘We should be going.’ Aidan clears his throat and stands to his feet, shielding his face from the heavy downpour.
‘Are you sure you’re ready to say goodbye?’ I ask, squinting to see through the sheets of heavy rain. ‘It’s only a bit of water, we don’t have to go yet if you’re not ready.’
He takes one final look at the stream, before kissing his fingers and holding his hand up to the sky. ‘I’m ready.’
Tugging up his hood, he starts to run in the direction of the car and motions for me to follow him. With a last glance over my shoulder, I brace myself against the harsh conditions and track Aidan’s footsteps through the muddy paths. Despite picking up the pace, it still takes us a good ten minutes to return to the safety of the car.
Collapsing into the passenger seat, I look down at my soaked clothes in shock. I am literally wet to the bone. Obviously thinking the same thing, Aidan lets out a stunned laugh.
‘Mel was always a joker. I guess this is her last prank…’
I join in with his laughter and run my fingers through my wet hair. ‘Well, she got us good!’
Another flash of lightning shoots across the sky in the distance and Aidan looks out of the windscreen sceptically. ‘This isn’t looking promising for the drive back.’ He muses, as the thunderous rain pelts down on the roof the car.
‘Maybe it will pass quickly.’ Digging my phone out of my pocket to check the forecast, I frown when I realise I don’t have a signal. ‘Maybe we should sit it out?’
‘I guess we could. It is rush hour.’ His jacket drips wet splodges onto his damp jeans as he brushes back his sopping hair. ‘Are you not in a hurry to get back?’
‘Not at all.’ I shake my head in response and attempt to dry my phone with the lining of my handbag. ‘Aldo has Mateo for the day, so I have nothing to rush back for.’
Aidan raises his eyebrows as a smile plays on the corner of his lips. ‘You have a cat-sitter?’
‘Yes.’ I reply confidently, not realising he’s poking fun at me until it’s too late. ‘I don’t like Mateo to be alone.’
‘What do you want to do to pass the time?’ Aidan raps his knuckles on the steering wheel and looks deep in thought. ‘I’ll be honest and say there’s not much to do in this area. Apart from a country pub back there, we’re pretty much in the middle of nowhere.’
I catch a glimpse of my bedraggled appearance in the window and scowl. ‘Do you think they’ll let us in like this?’
‘Well, there’s only one way to find out…’
Chapter 28
Warming my hands on my coffee mug, I laugh along as Aidan tells me all about his life with Mel. For the past couple of hours, we have talked about everything. From how the pair of them met, to their tropical wedding day and their home life here in Surrey. We’ve laughed, we’ve cried, but more importantly, we have talked about things that just this morning seemed utterly impossible. Aidan has come back to life. Coming here and facing what he was too afraid to do has reawakened him. His eyes are brighter, his smile is deeper and his laugh finally sounds genuine. It’s fascinating to see and I feel honoured to have witnessed this turning point in his life.
‘Would you like another coffee?’ Aid
an asks, draining his cup and pointing to my near-empty mug.
Glancing out of the window, I screw up my nose as I realise the rain is still pounding against the walls of the building. ‘I guess one more won’t hurt.’
Aidan smiles happily and heads over to the bar, giving me the opportunity to escape to the bathroom. Grabbing my handbag, I push out my chair and slip through the cluster of tables. The toilets are exactly like the rest of the pub. Rustic, retro, but with that touch of glamour that brings it all together beautifully. Pausing to check out my reflection, I let out a gasp as I take in the woman staring back at me. Black mascara rings sit beneath my eyes and my hair, which is still damp and slightly curly from the rain, is clinging to my cheeks in the most unflattering manner. Thankfully, my clothes have had the decency to dry out, but my skin still feels cold and clammy.
After breathing some life back into my dishevelled appearance, I quickly use the facilities and head back into the pub. Finding Aidan silently watching the rain pound against the pavement, I drop my handbag under the table as a loud bang erupts above our heads.
‘I haven’t seen weather like this in years…’ I marvel, joining him by the window.
‘Neither have I, but we should really be setting off if we have any hope of making it back at a reasonable hour.’
I glance down at my watch and frown as I realise it is almost nine o’clock in the evening.
‘There’s been a report of a crash on the M25.’ The barman pipes up behind us.
Aidan’s smile momentarily freezes at the word crash and I pretend that I haven’t noticed.
‘They’re advising against all but essential travel until the storm passes.’
Spinning around, I smile in response as the chatty barman places two fresh coffee mugs on our table.
‘We do have rooms left if you want to spend the night and sit it out?’ He adds, grabbing the empty cups and leaving a dinner menu in their place.
‘We’ve been sitting it out for the past few hours.’ I point to our wet clothing and let out a laugh.
‘Well, if the forecast is anything to go by, the storm isn’t going anywhere until morning. Either way, let me know.’ With a friendly smile, the barman scuttles off to another table.
‘What do you think?’ I ask, once he is out of earshot. ‘Do you really think it is that bad out there?’
Yet another bang confirms to me that it is.
Pulling out a chair, I take a seat and bring the coffee mug towards me. ‘I guess it is pretty dangerous to drive through a storm when we could just stay here and head back first thing in the morning.’
‘Are you sure you don’t mind?’ Aidan sighs and rubs his face agitatedly.
‘Honestly, it’s fine. These things happen. Let me just call Aldo and let him know.’ Grabbing my phone, I walk to a secluded corner of the bar and try to get a signal.
After a few unsuccessful attempts at calling, I resort to sending a text message. It won’t go through right now, but hopefully it will deliver as soon as I pick up a signal.
Returning to our table, I smile at Aidan and pick up my coffee. ‘I couldn’t get though, but it’s only a matter of hours and we will be on our way again. It’s no big deal in the grand scheme of things.’
‘Thank you, Sadie.’ Aidan rests his elbows on the table and runs his finger over the rim of his cup. ‘I know I’ve already said this, but I will never be able to thank you enough and I don’t just mean for today. You gave me your time when no one else would. You took it upon yourself to help me when I was a complete stranger. If it wasn’t for you, I would still be in that state. You saved me without even realising it and I’ll never forget it.’
Brushing off his kind words, I try to hide my pink cheeks behind my mug. Inside, my heart is beaming with pride. I knew all he needed was someone to give him the time of day and break down the walls he had built up around him.
‘You’re more than welcome. It’s my job to help people.’ Clinking my mug against his, I take a sip and place it on the table. ‘So, where’s next for Aidan Wilder?’
Aidan looks deep in thought and shrugs his shoulders. ‘I don’t know, but I know that I don’t want to stay in Surrey. It’s not my home anymore and coming here has enabled me to make peace with that. When I was by the stream, I could almost hear Mel telling me to go and see the world. To live life and to embrace every moment. I want to see the things she didn’t get to see and do the things she didn’t get to do. The idea of travelling is suddenly so appealing to me.’
I smile, half happy for him and half sad for myself. As much as I’ve tried to deny it, I have become very fond of Aidan. We’ve connected on a level that very few other people can do. Even though he’s only been in my life for a short period of time, I feel as though I’ve known him forever. The realisation that the time has come for us to part ways makes my heart sink.
‘Where will you go first?’ Pulling my sleeves over my hands, I look out of the window to see that the rain is still coming down strong.
‘I’m not too sure. Mel always wanted to visit New Zealand. Maybe that would be a good place to start.’
Sadness hits my stomach as I realise he plans to fly to the other side of the world.
‘She went through a phase of obsessing over Lake Wanaka. I would catch her on the computer, mapping trails and checking flight prices…’
Listening to Aidan chat animatedly about Mel, I try to put things into perspective. I was warned about getting too attached in training, but this is the first time I have really struggled with the professional boundary. Aidan is a member of the support group and I am his counsellor. Nothing more and nothing less, but I don’t want to wave goodbye to him. I don’t want our friendship to end here. I want to see him flourish on his journey back to happiness and to continue to be the friend that I’ve enjoyed being these past few weeks.
Realising my attachment to Aidan isn’t healthy, I decide to nip this in the bud. My fondness for him is only going to hurt me in the long run. I’ve already gone above and beyond the call of duty in coming down here today and this is where it has to end. Aidan is now ready to put this period of his life behind him and move on. My job here is done.
I don’t believe that many things are meant to be, but I do believe that Aidan was meant to come into my life. The stars aligned for our paths to cross, but as Ruby once told me, not everyone who comes into your life is supposed to stay.
Knowing what I have to do, I wait for him to pause before letting out a forced yawn. ‘I’m exhausted. It’s been a pretty eventful day.’
Aidan nods and stifles a yawn of his own. ‘Sorry if I’ve bored you with my rambling. It just feels so good to have that weight lifted from my shoulders.’
‘Honestly, it’s fine. It’s been an absolute pleasure.’ Grabbing my handbag, I tug on my jacket and glance at my watch, signalling that I’m ready to leave.
Aidan opens his mouth to say something, but swiftly closes it and pushes away his mug. ‘I’ll go and get a couple of rooms.’
Ignoring the growing sadness in my stomach, I smile sadly in response and watch him walk away. Taking the opportunity to check my phone, I jiggle it about in a lame attempt at locating a signal. Eventually resorting to taking the battery out and putting it back in again, I look up as Aidan returns with two room cards.
‘Are you ready?’ He asks, hovering by the table as I quickly click the battery back into the handset.
Standing up, I quickly check that we haven’t left anything behind and follow Aidan up the short flight of stairs. Coming to a stop in front of two rooms at the far end of a corridor, Aidan checks the cards before handing one to me.
‘You’re in Room Seven. I hope it’s okay for you. It’s not luxury, but…’
‘I’m sure it will be fine.’ I take the card from him gratefully and slip it into the reader. ‘Goodnight, Aidan.’
Pushing my way inside, I am about to let the door swing shut behind me when Aidan shouts out.
‘Sadie?’
/> Sticking my head out into the lobby, my heart races as he stares back at me.
‘You’re the kindest person I have ever met. If it wasn’t for you, I would still be that empty shell of a man. Wallowing, deteriorating and letting life pass me by. I’ll never forget what about you have done for me.’
We stare at one another, the silence between us saying everything that I could ever wish to say.
‘Goodnight, Aidan…’
Chapter 29
Throwing open the curtains, I marvel at the clear blue skies ahead. All traces of the torrential downpour last night have been washed away and in their place is the start of a beautiful day. Captivated by the early birds, who are harmoniously chirping in the forest, I almost don’t hear the gentle knocking. Tearing myself away from the stunning view, I open the door to reveal Aidan.
‘Sleep well?’ He asks, as I reach for my handbag and follow him out into the lobby.
‘Yes.’ I lie, glossing over the fact that I tossed and turned for hours on end. ‘Did you?’
‘I honestly did. For the first time in as long as I can remember, I slept straight through the night.’ He smiles broadly and I automatically return it.
‘That’s great.’ Taking care not to trip on the steep steps, we make our way downstairs. ‘I’m really pleased to hear it.’
Leaving Aidan to return the room cards to the bar, I push my way outside and hover by the car. Locating my phone at the bottom of my bag, I let out a relieved sigh as I discover I finally have a signal again. Tapping the screen, I squint to get my eyes to focus as a bunch of missed call notifications flash up on the display. Hitting voicemail, I press the handset to my ear and smile as Ruby’s familiar voice floods out of the speakers.
Sadie!
I’ve been trying to call you all night!
I’m going to Jamaica… tomorrow!
