Anxiety Girl Falls Again (Sadie Valentine - Book 2)

by Lacey London

  The September trip was fully booked, but there was a slot with the Congleton branch.

  It’s super last-minute, so I haven’t had the chance to think if I’m doing the right thing.

  If I can get the courage to go through with it, I will be flying at two from Terminal One.

  I could really do with your advice.

  Please call me!

  Staring at the phone in shock, I frantically tap the keypad in a panicked bid to call her. The line seems to ring out forever before clicking over to voicemail. Immediately hitting redial, I glance at my watch and feel a surge of panic when I realise it’s almost seven.

  ‘Is everything okay?’ Aidan asks, clearly recognising the panicked expression on my face as he beeps open the car.

  ‘I need to get back…’ My voice trails off as I press the handset to my ear once more. ‘Come on! Pick up!’ I groan, drumming my fingers on the bonnet of the car impatiently.

  Aidan flashes me a questioning look as I throw my arms in the air in frustration.

  ‘How long will it take to get back to Cheshire?’ I stammer, opening the door and hastily fastening my seatbelt.

  ‘Around four hours. If we’re lucky, we will make it in three.’ Getting the hint there’s not a second to waste, he dives into the car and turns over the engine. ‘What’s going on?’

  ‘I’ve got to get the airport. My friend is flying at two and I need to see her before she leaves.’ Quickly typing out a message, I divert my attention to Aldo as Aidan puts his foot down.

  When he doesn’t pick up either, I scratch my nose in confusion.

  ‘Is she going anywhere nice?’ Aidan asks, covering his mouth as he yawns.

  ‘She’s going to the Caribbean for a couple of months.’ I explain, logging onto my Twitter account and sending Ruby a message on there, too. ‘She works for a travel agency. They’re sending her on a tour of their top resorts.’

  ‘Wow. That sounds incredible.’ Aidan gushes, clearly impressed.

  ‘I know, but she suffers from anxiety, so this is a huge deal for her. If it wasn’t for me pestering her, she wouldn’t be going at all. I’ll never forgive myself if I don’t make it back in time…’

  ‘Don’t worry, there shouldn’t be any traffic at this time on a Sunday.’ Giving me a reassuring smile, he presses the accelerator.

  As Aidan strives to get us home at record speed, I clutch my phone to my chest and replay Ruby’s message in my mind. She’s actually going! I can’t quite believe it. I could kick myself for being so far away right now. I should be with her. I should be egging her on and helping her to pack. We should be painting our nails and chatting excitedly about all of the amazing things she is going to see. Instead, I am almost two hundred miles away, wearing slept-in clothes in a last-minute dash to the airport.

  Biting my nail anxiously, I glance over at Aidan and immediately feel guilty. I shouldn’t feel bad for coming to Surrey. Helping him through this has been my biggest achievement since becoming a counsellor.

  ‘Thank you for inviting me down here.’ I mumble, suddenly remembering how important this trip was. ‘It was truly an honour for me.’

  ‘You have nothing to thank me for. As I said last night, I will never be able to repay you for helping me to get back on my feet. You have been my guardian angel.’

  Aidan’s eyes crinkle into a smile and I feel my stomach flip. Remembering the promise I made to myself last night, I clear my throat and change the subject.

  ‘So, how long do you think you will spend in New Zealand?’ I ask, turning to look out of the window.

  We come to a set of traffic lights and Aidan brakes gently. ‘I don’t know. There’s not really anything to come back for, so there’s nothing to stop me from staying there indefinitely.’

  ‘Wow…’ The word indefinitely hits me like a punch to the stomach as I nod in response. ‘Well, wherever you end up in the world, I wish you a lifetime of happiness.’

  There’s a strange silence as we turn onto the motorway, before Aidan flicks on the radio to fill it.

  ‘And where do you think you will end up?’ He eventually asks, searching through the music channels.

  I turn in my seat to face him and frown in confusion. ‘Alderley Edge. Blossom View is my home.’

  ‘Do you see yourself there forever?’

  I pause for a moment, considering his question carefully. I’ve never really put much thought into my long-term future before. I tend to think month to month, not year to year. I close my eyes and try to imagine my life elsewhere. I can’t see myself in the Spanish sun, eating tapas on a terracotta terrace. Nor do I believe I will be singing the American National Anthem anytime soon and I’m positive that throwing on a backpack and exploring Brazil isn’t on my radar.

  ‘You know what?’ I reply confidently, unable to hide my growing smile. ‘I think Cheshire is exactly where my future lies. I love my job, I love my home and I love my village. I don’t think there’s a place in the world I would rather be.’

  Aidan nods along and returns my smile. ‘To be safe in the knowledge that you know exactly what your future holds must be an amazing feeling.’

  ‘That’s a different thing entirely.’ I interrupt, wagging my finger at him. ‘I know where it lies, but I am completely clueless as to what it holds.’

  ‘Would you want to know?’ He asks, swiftly changing lanes. ‘If you could see how your life would pan out, would you want to know?’

  Shaking my head, I stare out at the open road ahead and relax my eyes.

  ‘In my experience, the only way to go through life is by taking it one day at a time. Live in the moment, have no regrets and embrace everything that life throws at you, because you’ll never know the value of a moment, until it becomes a memory…’

  Chapter 30

  ‘No!’ I exclaim, shaking my phone in anger as the battery decides to give up the fight. ‘This cannot be happening!’

  Quickly attempting to turn it back on, I jab at the keyboard in frustration. After three long hours and thirty tiring minutes of sporadic text messages and unanswered calls, my phone has finally died.

  ‘Don’t panic.’ Following the signs for Manchester Airport, Aidan presses the accelerator. ‘We’re literally five minutes away.’

  Trying to take his advice, I tap my foot impatiently. With a stroke of luck and a smidge of expert driving, we managed to make it back to Cheshire in just under four hours. Ruby’s flight hasn’t left yet, if she hasn’t checked-in, we should just about make it.

  ‘Do you know which terminal she is flying from?’ Aidan asks, studying the brightly-coloured signs by the roundabout.

  ‘One...’ I mumble, not certain at all if that’s correct.

  Indicating left, Aidan puts his foot down as we head towards the departures drop-off point. Placing my hand over the seatbelt buckle, I wait until he comes to a swift stop before releasing the clasp and throwing open the door.

  ‘I’ll wait right here!’ Aidan yells after me, as I tear into the airport and look around the crowded building for Ruby.

  Not being able to locate her in the swarms of people, I dash to the information board and scan the list for the next flight to Jamaica. The letters change before my eyes, reeling off a whole new bunch of destinations. Spotting Sangster Airport, I dodge a group of gaggling girls and charge across the tiles to the designated check-in desk. Sprinting to the counter, I gasp for breath and rap my knuckles on the desk to get the assistant’s attention.

  ‘Excuse me?’ I gabble. ‘Has Ruby Robinson checked-in yet?’

  Turning around, the smiling assistant abandons her paperwork and takes a step towards me. ‘I’m sorry?’

  ‘I’m looking for my friend.’ I explain, taking a quick look over my shoulder for her. ‘She’s on this flight to Jamaica. Can you tell me if she has checked-in yet, please?’

  Smiling apologetically, she shakes her head of blonde curls. ‘I’m so sorry, but I can’t tell you that information.’

  Frowni
ng in dismay, I hold my head in my hands and groan as she moves over to her computer and clacks at the keyboard.

  ‘Although, I can tell you that one person is yet to check-in for this flight and there are still another thirty minutes until check-in closes.’ She winks discreetly, before turning her attention to the next person in line.

  Breathing a sigh of relief, I move aside and try to get my eyes to focus on the hundreds of people around me. There’s no chance of finding her in here. It’s like trying to locate a needle in a haystack. Spinning around, I weave my way to the window and perch on the railing sadly. Rubbing my throbbing temples, I close my eyes and consider giving up, when I hear a familiar voice in the distance.

  Standing on the tips of my toes to pinpoint the sound in the buzzing blanket of people, I spot two heads of aubergine waves walking my way. Rushing over, my lips stretch into a relieved smile as I come to a stop in front of them.

  ‘Sadie!’ Ruby exclaims, abandoning her suitcase and throwing her arms around my neck. ‘Where the hell have you been?’

  Quickly smoothing down my slept-in outfit, I tuck my hair behind my ears. ‘I went to Surrey… I was only supposed to be there for a few hours… but then it rained and the lightning was so bad… we decided to stay the night… there was no signal, so I only received your messages in the morning… I tried to call, but my battery died and…’

  ‘Slow down!’ Ruby laughs and puts her hand on my shoulder. ‘You’re here now. That’s the main thing.’

  I look at my dear friend and feel my heart swell with pride. She looks so happy, so vibrant and so full of life. The whole way here I envisaged her panicked, scared and worried, but I couldn’t have been more wrong. The young woman in front of me is positively glowing. Frank might have tormented Ruby over her decision to do this, but right now, he is nowhere to be seen.

  Too busy fawning over Ruby’s glowing demeanour, I almost don’t realise I haven’t given Yvette a second glance. Turning my attention to Ruby’s mother, I attempt a friendly smile, but stop myself when I see she doesn’t look happy in the slightest.

  ‘Isn’t this incredible?’ I gush, pointing to Ruby and beaming brightly. ‘What an amazing adventure she is about to embark on!’

  Yvette mumbles in agreement and rolls her eyes. ‘Come on, let’s get this charade over with.’

  Ruby bites her lip and I notice a wave of hurt wash across her face. ‘I’ll go and check-in.’

  Watching Ruby tentatively take her passport out of her bag, I wait until she’s out of earshot before pulling Yvette to one side.

  ‘Would it kill you to be a little bit supportive?’ I hiss, unable to disguise the anger that is rising in my throat.

  Yvette’s face freezes and she folds her arms defensively. ‘Excuse me?’

  ‘This is a huge deal for her…’

  ‘Why are you making such a big deal out of this?’ Yvette scowls and shakes her head. ‘It’s a free trip to the Caribbean.’

  ‘You just don’t get it, do you?’ I stare at Yvette’s surly face, completely flummoxed by her dismissive attitude. ‘Ruby’s anxiety makes even the smallest task seem impossible. The fact that she’s brave enough to get on that plane, not knowing if or when she will have an anxiety attack is a huge step for her. She has faith in herself that she can take this on, why can’t you?’

  Choosing to reply with a shrug of her shoulders, Yvette stifles a yawn.

  I usually feel sorry for people who misjudge mental health sufferers. After all, it’s not their fault they don’t understand how matters of the mind work, but Yvette just makes me mad. Ruby has been a victim of anxiety for years and not once has she bothered to educate herself on exactly what her daughter is going through.

  ‘Do you know what it’s like to have anxiety, Yvette?’ I ask, using every ounce of energy I have to stop myself from losing my temper. ‘To wake up every day in the hope that this will be the day you’re freed from the fear that causes your stomach to churn uncontrollably?’

  Refusing to respond, she purses her lips and looks away.

  ‘Ruby has come so far on her journey with her mental health, but she still struggles on a daily basis. Even the slightest thing can send her right back to where she was a few years ago…’

  ‘We gave Ruby a lovely life.’ Yvette interjects angrily, taking a step towards me. ‘She had an upbringing most children could only dream of. There’s absolutely no reason for Ruby to have anxiety…’

  ‘Anxiety doesn’t work like that. There’s not always a tragedy in someone’s life that causes them to have anxiety, depression, panic attacks or any other mental ailment.’ I explain, keeping my voice low to ensure the people next to us don’t hear. ‘But the thing that the majority of sufferers I encounter have in common, is a family who doesn’t understand.’

  Yvette’s stony exterior stays firmly in place, but I notice a flicker of guilt in her eyes.

  ‘Anxiety can seem impossible to understand if you’ve never experienced it, but if you make the effort to educate yourself, even just a little bit, it will help your relationship with your daughter immensely.’ I place my hand on her arm and notice her visibly flinch at my touch. ‘I know what it’s like to have a mother who doesn’t understand, Yvette. Yes, Ruby has the support group and she has me, but what she really needs is her mum.’

  Before I can say another word, Ruby returns with her boarding pass and looks between the two of us uneasily. ‘Is everything okay?’

  I glance at Yvette and hold my breath, hoping beyond hope that she has had a change in attitude.

  ‘Everything’s fine.’ Yvette breathes, her cheeks flushing violently as she avoids making eye contact with either of us. ‘I might not say it very often, but I’m so proud of you, Ruby.’

  My gaze flits to Ruby and I see her jaw drop open as she stares at her mother in shock.

  ‘I’ve made no secret of the fact I don’t understand your anxiety, but that doesn’t mean I don’t care.’ Yvette’s voice wobbles and she disguises it by clearing her throat. ‘If at any point you feel like you’re not happy out there, just get back on that plane and I’ll be right here waiting for you when get off at the other end.’

  Ruby’s eyes become glassy and I tactfully take a step back, not wanting to impose on their tender moment. Embracing one another warmly, Yvette kisses Ruby on the cheek as an announcement booms out of the airport speakers.

  This is the final boarding call for Flight SCC137 to Jamaica.

  Can all remaining passengers please go to Gate 17 immediately.

  ‘That’s me…’ Ruby says excitedly, reaching out for her suitcase.

  Smiling back at her, I let out a squeal as she hugs me tightly.

  ‘Thank you so much for making me do this.’ She whispers into my ear. ‘If it wasn’t for you, I never would have had the courage to actually go through with it.’

  Shaking my head, I smooth down her curls. ‘You’ve always had the courage, Ruby. You just had to find it for yourself.’

  We lock eyes and I feel a lump form in my throat as yet another announcement fills the air.

  Gate 17 is now closing.

  Can all remaining passengers please make their way to the gate.

  ‘Go!’ I instruct, shooing her away joyfully. ‘You’re going to miss your flight!’

  Nodding in response, Ruby hugs her mum one last time before taking her suitcase and walking towards the escalator.

  ‘See you soon!’ I yell after her, cupping my hands around my mouth. ‘Have a fabulous time!’

  I look over at Yvette as we watch Ruby step onto the escalator. Beaming proudly, she waves her arms around in the air until Ruby disappears out of sight.

  ‘This trip is going to be so good for her.’ I gush, giving Yvette a friendly squeeze. ‘The independence, the change of environment and the freedom will give her a whole new lease of life.’

  ‘I hope so.’ Yvette nods and smiles back at me. ‘I really, really do...’

  Chapter 31

  For a sho
rt while, we both stand perfectly still, glued to the spot as a strange buzz hangs in the air between us.

  ‘You’re always welcome to come along to the Anxiety Anonymous meetings.’ I mumble, staring at the empty escalator in a proud daze. ‘Counselling can be just as beneficial for the families of sufferers.’

  Yvette screws up her nose and frowns. ‘I don’t think it’s for me. I’m not really good at… talking to people like that.’

  ‘You don’t need to say a single word.’ I explain, as we start to make our way towards the exit. ‘Just sitting in the background and listening to the others will help you to understand what anxiety really is.’

  ‘Maybe.’ Yvette replies apprehensively. ‘I’ll think about it, but I don’t want to promise anything.’

  ‘Just thinking about it is a great start.’ Heaping on the praise in the hope that she takes the bait, I feel around in my pocket and hand her an Anxiety Anonymous business card. ‘Anytime you want to join us, you know where we are.’

  Reluctantly accepting the glossy card, she slips it into her handbag as we step outside into the sunshine. I consider inviting her for a spot of lunch, but with a final smile Yvette heads towards the car park, leaving me on the pavement alone.

  ‘Did you find her?’ Aidan yells out of the car window, piercing my thought bubble and bringing me back to reality.

  I turn around and smile to myself as I realise Aidan is in the exact same spot where I left him earlier. His dark eyes crinkle into a smile as I nod in response and slowly walk over to him. If saying goodbye to one friend wasn’t bad enough, now I have to do it all over again with Aidan.

  ‘Are you okay?’ He asks, giving me a cautious glance and hesitating before starting the engine.

  ‘I’m fine.’ I reply, almost curtly, hoping he takes this as a signal I’m ready to leave.

  Taking the hint that I’m not in the mood for making idle chit-chat, he releases the handbrake in silence. As we leave the airport behind and start to make our way towards Alderley Edge, my stomach starts to churn and I’m not too sure it’s solely due to the lack of sleep. There’s an elephant in the room, which neither of us wants to address and that’s mainly because we don’t really know what it is.