Are you going to turn me into a vampire? You just drank from me; will that change me now?” I asked staring at the puncture wounds in my wrist, my brain still trying to digest all this and make sense of it.
He chuckled. “No Arissa. It takes more than that to turn a person vampire. We do not turn people for sport. Only those who truly wish to be changed and who can be trusted are changed. Sometimes the change is made as a way to save the lives of those we love. Take Sirene as an example. She was dying; she had been stabbed after being mugged one night. We changed her to save her.”
“How can you keep what you are a secret? Won’t anyone you feed from be a potential risk to you?” I asked.
“We can alter their minds little one.” Fabian answered. “We can wipe their memories so they have no recollection of ever having known us and our secret.”
“Will you do that to me?” I whispered.
“That depends on how you take our news. We hope that you can accept us for what we are and not reveal our secret. We can help you. We could be of use to you.“ Lucian cupped my face in both hands staring intently at me. “If your father shows up looking for you, we can take care of him. I will not allow him to harm you.”
My heart jolted in my chest and began a rapid beat. “How do you know about my father? I don’t remember telling you and yet I know somehow that I did.”
“It was me.” Sirene said quietly. “Lucian had pursued you for several weeks and was getting nowhere and trust me, patience is not something most vampires are famous for. Still you must realise that he likes you. He mentioned to us that you had talked of your father a couple of times and he had the impression that the man had been controlling. It was Fabian who seemed confident that you had suffered in horrific ways at the hand of your father, and the decision was made for me to cast a spell on you, which would make you reveal your past to us. You talk of shame and disgust, but you should feel none of those things. What your father put you through is unspeakable. The fact that you suffer from the damage he inflicted on you, now THAT is disgusting. A father should never treat a child like that. Do not be angry please, that we know. We can help you, we can make it so your father can never come anywhere near you again.”
My gaze shifted from Lucian to Fabian, Sirene and back to Lucian and I felt a tiny ray of hope start to shine inside me. These people, no, these vampires wanted to help me.
I stared into Lucian’s eyes, his warm, beautiful chocolate brown eyes and I smiled. For the first time I smiled, without fear.
“I can do this, I don’t understand how or why you all exist but I can accept that you do exist, and I can keep your secret safe. What I don’t understand is why you would want to help me. Why my past doesn’t repulse you?”
“Oh it does little one.” Fabian said and I turned to him with wide eyes, thinking he was going to turn on me now; be cruel and mean like father because that was what all men did eventually, didn’t they? “What happened to you does repulse us, but you have it all wrong. You have chosen to allow that bastard who was your father to brainwash you. He made you feel dirty and he’s led you to believe that if you’d had anything to do with other men that you would be dirty. He has controlled you for years, but put the blame where the blame belongs. You are the innocent victim; he is the disgusting animal here. Be assured that he will pay, one day soon, he will pay.”
“What do you mean?” I asked staring into Fabian’s strange pale eyes. “My father doesn’t live around here. In fact he doesn’t live in Tasmania. He’s not going to just turn up, well I hope he doesn’t.”
A strange look briefly crossed his face. I couldn’t read his expression but a part of me suspected it might be best if I didn’t know what he was thinking. It was obvious that he was the boss here and there was something about him that seemed intimidating and dangerous. I didn’t want to be the one who caused his anger or risked being on the receiving end of his wrath.
“If he turns up we will be ready to welcome him. He will not get to you, he will not hurt you again. My son cares for you and for that reason alone we will protect you.”
My eyes moved between the three of them and again I felt that tiny flicker of hope inside me. They wanted to help me? They wanted to protect me. Just knowing I had people that cared was enough to have the tears prick at the back of my eyes and suddenly, unable to contain them, they began to roll down my cheeks unchecked.
“Baby?” Suddenly Lucian was by my side again, his thumb brushing away my tears. “What’s wrong? Don’t cry agapi mou. You don’t need to fear that prick any more. What Fabian told you is true. We will all protect you from him if he turns up. You are safe.”
I stared up into his features, blurred by my tears. “Why though? Why would you all do this for me? I’m little more than a stranger to you.”
“Because my son cares for you little one, you are his.”
I turned to Fabian. “I’m not his though. I…I…we haven’t…I mean…we...we haven’t done it.” I finally whispered, hot colour flooding my face.
Fabian threw back his head and laughed. “Oh we know this already. My son has been incredibly sexually frustrated for weeks now. We have all witnessed it. We also know that he must care for you because as we mentioned before, as vampires, we can mind control, mind alter and make humans do as we wish. Lucian could very well have just altered your mind and taken you for himself, numerous times by now, but he hasn’t.” He leaned in closer to me. “Do you know why?”
I stared into those pale, all seeing eyes of his and swallowed nervously. Lucian could have mind controlled me and had sex with me but he hadn’t? “Why?” I asked my voice tremulous.
It was Lucian himself who answered me. “Because I want you to want me baby; I want you to come to me knowing exactly what you are doing. I want you to allow me to show you what sex can really be like. It does not have to be pain, abuse, violence. It can be the most pleasurable thing you have ever experienced. I want you to want to find out for yourself. I want you to desire me as much as I desire you, with no mind control, just you wanting me but mostly, I simply want you to need me, hunger for me, for your skin to be on fire whenever I touch you, as you do to me. I need you to need me with as much intensity as I need you and I want you to do all that of your own free will. This is why I choose to live in the agony of sexual frustration and trust me for a vampire, it is agony. We survive on blood but feeding from someone comes hand in hand with sex. That is why feeding can often trigger an orgasm. Did you feel it baby? Did you feel the burst of pleasure when I fed from you? I felt it, I heard it in your cry and I smelled your arousal. I stayed silent because one thing became painfully apparent at that moment; you have not once in your lifetime experienced an orgasm have you? You have never felt intense pleasure. I bet you didn’t know what was happening to you did you?” He raised questioning eyebrows at me and I shook my head.
That had been an orgasm? That was a sample of what sex could feel like, or at least sex with a vampire? He was right; I’d never once experienced an orgasm. I had no idea that there could be anything about sex that didn’t involve pain. Even though the romance books talked of it, of the pleasure, it was hard for me to imagine that in real, given my own experiences with sex, involved nothing but pain, humiliation and disgust.
I stared at Lucian and for the first time, I felt a sense of curiosity, a desire to find out. For the first time, I felt what I could only imagine was a hint of sexual desire. Finally I was prepared to admit it to myself. I wanted Lucian, I wanted to see if it was possible to feel the same way I’d felt earlier when he bit me. I wanted him to be the one who wiped away the horrors of my past experiences, and showed me just how amazing sex could be.
Chapter Eleven
Lucian
Lucian watched the conflicting emotions flit across Arissa’s face and wondered what she was thinking. She’d taken it surprisingly well about them being vampires, and about them knowing her past. With all that had happened to her and the way she’s been raised, he had though
t she’d run screaming from the room once they revealed what they were, but she’d been very accepting. More so than he would have been had he been in her position.
He watched her eyes turn to him again and for a moment he lost himself in their stunning blue depths. She was looking at him differently. Something had changed in her eyes. They now had a hint, a glimmer, a glow of something and slowly her gaze moved over his face as if taking in every feature and storing them to her memory. As he watched a blush spread over her cheeks and her eyes lowered. What was she thinking that had brought on that kind of reaction?
He hooked his fingers under her chin, angling her face to his again. “What is it Arissa? Why do you blush? What is wrong?”
She squirmed as he waited for her to respond. “I...I would prefer not to say. I...I’m embarrassed. Oh god!” She cried. “I have to go. I can’t, not in front of everyone. I need to go, what is the time?”
Lucian frowned at her words. She was going to run before she told him what she was thinking, but then her words registered with him. She was not comfortable in front of Sirene and his sire.
“Please don’t go yet baby. It’s almost 11.30pm but please stay a little longer. How about I take you somewhere so we can speak privately?” He raised his eyes to Fabian and Sirene and saw them nod acceptingly. “I mean to talk, don’t be alarmed. I will not force myself upon you. Do you trust me?” He asked and after a moment where her eyes searched his face, she finally nodded.
He straightened before slipping his arms under her, gently lifting her and cradling her against his chest. He felt her tense at first before relaxing in his hold and with a nod to Fabian and Sirene, he walked out of the room.
“Lucian, I can walk. You don’t need to carry me, I’m too heavy.”
He grinned at her words. She had to be kidding. There was nothing to her; she barely registered in his arms. “No baby, you weigh but a feather to me. Indulge me, let me carry you.”
She looked like she wanted to say more but she stayed silent and when he reached his private bedroom, he took her inside, shutting the door behind them.
He knew putting her on the bed would only frighten her and as much as he desperately desired her, he didn’t want to scare her. He wanted her to trust him, but more than anything he wanted her to come to him willingly. With a fleeting look of regret towards his bed, he lowered Arissa onto the lounge chair that sat in one corner of his room.
He dropped down into the other chair and studied her features for a moment. She looked nervous, her eyes wide as she looked around the room until finally, reluctantly meeting his gaze.
“So, now we are alone, perhaps you can tell me what had you looking so uncomfortable earlier? You seemed somewhat embarrassed and I am curious to know what roused such a reaction in you?”
Her face turned bright red and she lowered her eyes. “I...I...I want you to show me what it can be like.” She said, her voice soft, barely more than a whisper but he could hear her.
Lucian suspected he knew what she was referring to, especially given her embarrassment and the fact she couldn’t meet his eyes, but he needed her to be clear, he didn’t want to make the wrong assumption and risk frightening her.
“What do you want me to show you baby?” He asked softly. “Please tell me, don’t be shy, and don’t be embarrassed. You don’t need to feel like that with me. I’m not going to hurt you. Do you trust me?”
Her troubled eyes met his and after chewing around on her bottom lip for a while she finally nodded.
“So tell me, what is it you would like me to show you? Is it sexual? Do you want me to prove to you that it can be extremely pleasurable? Just say the word if that is what you want, but you have to give me control of you, and you have to trust that I won’t hurt you in any way or force myself upon you. This will be purely just for you, for your pleasure. Can you do that?”
Lucian watched her eyes lift to his. They were filled with a mix of embarrassment and nervous tension. Her cheeks were flushed and her lips trembled as she tried to smile before finally answering him. “Yes.”
For anyone else that one word, that tiny three letter word represented an agreement, a nod, an acceptance of something. Still for Lucian that one little word, that tiny three letter word meant so much more. It was trust, a relinquish of control, it was the turning point in his relationship with Arissa and if there was anything he needed to be careful of right now, it was to make sure he didn’t fuck up. This was going to be for her even if he felt like his balls were going to explode. He knew he would not be sinking himself deep inside her cunt tonight. Tonight was all for her. This was to be her education, her discovery; the realisation that sex could be an incredible thing, not a painful thing.
She had already had a hint of what it could be like when he’d fed off her. She had enjoyed that, although it was obvious to him that her body’s reaction to his bite confused her, despite the fact she had orgasmed. He had told her what it could be like and now it was up to him to prove it to her. Tonight he was going to have to pull off the performance of his life. He was going to have to be calm, patient, agonisingly patient with her and do something that was alien to him, deny himself in the process. He was going to have to exhibit enough control to educate Arissa without giving into his basic animal instinct to plunge deep within her and fuck her until he came spectacularly and it would be spectacular with her, instinctively he just knew it. There was something about this fragile, damaged woman that drew him to her. She tugged at his silent heart and made him feel things he’d never felt before. For her, he would make an exception and forgo any opportunity to seek his own release.
Arissa
I stared up at Lucian, my heart thumping frantically in my chest. I was sure he’d be able to hear it, it was beating so hard. This was it, I was going to let him do this. It was terrifying and exciting but I knew it was also necessary. I didn’t want to let my father ruin my life any longer. They were all right, the words of my new vampire saviours. It would be foolish to throw away the rest of my life, and not live it to the fullest now I was free of the clutches of my father. If I continued to hide away, too scared to live, then he won and he didn’t deserve that victory any more than I deserved that failure. I needed someone who could show me what I’d been missing. Someone I could trust and that someone was Lucian. Of course it didn’t stop me feeling incredibly nervous but when I looked up into his stunningly handsome face, I knew I was doing the right thing.
“So are you all really good looking because you’re vampires?” I asked.
He chuckled. “Well, being vampire isn’t like a total transformation. It won’t change someone who is unattractive into attractive. I don’t know what most of my family looked like before becoming vampire as they were already vampire when I met them, but Sirene was human or a human witch when she and Fabian first met. She was beautiful then but I guess becoming vampire just accentuates those attributes we had while human. That’s the best way I can describe it to you.” He studied my face for a moment. “Now if you were vampire your eyes would probably look even bluer than they do now, your hair even more blonde, your skin more perfect and your scars from that bastard would probably be gone.”
“You make it sound like quite an attractive lifestyle.” I said. “Will you make me a vampire?”
“No baby. No one can make you vampire unless you wish to be one and Fabian would never agree to it, unless he was sure it was the right thing for you to do. You have to remember being vampire is a condition that is for eternity. We will all know each other forever or unless one of us meets with an accident but that’s why my sire is so strict with us. Everything is done to protect us from the potential risk of exposure to humans. We are not like other vampires. We are not animals; we choose not to live a life of violence. Some of us are not that different to humans just our diet is far more limited. Fabian was once a cruel, cold, selfish man and although he perhaps possesses the least human like qualities, well other than Francesca, he has changed dramatically since
meeting Sirene and becoming a father. My sire has a heart now.” He grinned. “You have to remember once someone is made vampire there is no going back from that. Still the power, the control, the strength, the sex, it’s all an incredible rush.” He smiled at me again. “Maybe one day you will find out what it’s like.”
I listened to him; saw the excitement burning in his eyes and it made me want what he had. He had no fear, no insecurities. I bet my father couldn’t hurt me if I was vampire.
“You do make it sound very appealing. I think it would make my life easier to deal with in some ways if I was vampire.”
Lucian’s eyes widened and he started shaking his head. “No Arissa, you cannot be made vampire as a way to escape all that you fear because once those fears are gone, then what? You could come to loathe your life as a vampire. It is possible to become stronger, more confident, to work past your fears without becoming one of us. I can show you, I can help you, and certainly all of us will protect you from that bastard should he ever come looking for you. Now, I think before it gets too much later, your first lesson in the art of discovering pleasure should begin. I need you to not worry about me; don’t let the responses of my body frighten you. I can’t stop myself from getting hard but I will not force myself upon you. I’m not going to lie and pretend I don’t want you though. I want you very much but I’m not an animal and I’m not your father. Do you trust me?”
I stared into his gorgeous brown eyes and nodded. I was nervous, and the thought of him desiring me was both exciting and terrifying, but I did believe him when he said he would not force himself on me. I just had to remember what he said, and also Daisy’s words when she’d reassured me that just because a man had an erection, didn’t mean he was going to force me to have sex.
Passion Follows Pain (Passion Series Book 3) Page 13
