Rock Your Body: A BWWM Romance

by Susan Westwood

  “So you want me to stay because we have sex?”

  “That’s part of it, not all of it.”

  Colin held his breath. He may have said the wrong thing. Then she began to laugh. “Should I charge extra for the sex part? I wonder if I hire more female bodyguards I can get a higher price if they sleep with the clients?”

  He wasn’t sure if she was really finding this funny or not so he let her laugh. “I hope I didn’t offend you. I’m really enjoying our time together.”

  “Oh, Colin. Stop digging.”

  “I’m not digging. I’m trying to tell you something.”

  “What?”

  She sat up and even though he knew she couldn’t see him, he looked at her too. “I love you Tamra.”

  *

  Tamra’s breath caught in her throat. Had Colin Brennan just said that he loved her? Had those words come out of his mouth? She didn’t know what to say.

  She hadn’t really been thinking about the emotion involved in their coupling. She’d assumed that this was a passing fling for him. She’d had no intention of committing her heart to him. The thought had never occurred to her that he would have feelings for her.

  “I’m guessing from your stunned surprise that you don’t feel the same.”

  “Uh, I don’t know.”

  “Not sure that makes this situation any better.”

  She shifted away from him. Her heart raced. The situation was awkward.

  He put his hand on her back. “It’s okay if you don’t feel the same, Tamra. I’m a big boy and I’d rather you know how I feel than keep it to myself.”

  “I just thought this was a fling.”

  “Yeah, not making me feel better.”

  She put a hand over her mouth so that she wouldn’t say anymore until she was clear about what she wanted to articulate. “Colin, I assumed that for you this was a fling so I never really thought about investing my heart.”

  “Can I turn the light on?”

  “Go ahead.”

  He did then shifted the pillows so he was leaning against the headboard. “That’s a fair statement, I guess. You don’t know me, and if you’ve read anything about me, I don’t have the reputation for sticking around.”

  “It’s not that simple.”

  “Then explain it.”

  He didn’t seem mad, so she shifted and wrapped some of the sheet around herself. She was feeling vulnerable, having this conversation while naked. “You’re Colin Brennan.”

  “So. I thought you didn’t know who I was before this job?”

  “I didn’t, but I’ve seen things now. I read things. You’re a hot shot rock star.”

  He shrugged. “It’s what I do. That’s how I make my money, but that’s not necessarily who I am. Even if I am, I’m still flesh and blood and capable of feelings.”

  That’s it. She hadn’t thought him capable of feelings. At least not for her.

  “You’ve dated supermodels.”

  “So. They’re people too.”

  “But, you’ve dated all of these hot, famous people.”

  “So? What does that have to do with us?”

  “What the hell do you see in me?”

  He sighed and put a hand on her face. She didn’t want him to be so understanding. She could deal with this better if he was mad. Clearly, he wasn’t.

  “Do you think that you don’t deserve this because you aren’t famous?”

  “It’s not that I’m not deserving, but I’m not your usual type.”

  “So that’s it. You don’t think you’re hot enough?”

  He laughed. That didn’t make her feel any better. “What’s so funny?”

  “You have no idea how beautiful you are.”

  “Now you’re just teasing.”

  “Seriously, Tamra. You are one of the most beautiful women I know. You don’t wear makeup and you don’t have to. That’s real beauty. Anyone could look glamorous with stuff on her face. You do it without any of those crutches.”

  He thought she was beautiful. She’d never needed to be pretty. She hadn’t really cared about her looks. It was her brains and her instincts that were going to get her far in life. And those traits had. Her looks had never factored into anything she did.

  He rubbed a hand over her forehead. “You’re overthinking this, Tamra. No one chooses who they fall in love with. It just happens. There’s no reason I can’t fall in love with someone who isn’t famous.”

  ***

  Colin wasn’t sure what Tamra was thinking, but he knew he had to convince her that he loved her.

  “But what if what you’re feeling is just being grateful for me protecting you?”

  “It’s not like you took a bullet for me, Tamra.”

  Oh shit. Was that the wrong thing to say? Her face showed no expression. He held his breath.

  “I know that. I’m just thinking that you feel you’re in danger and I stand between you and that danger.”

  He shook his head. “It’s simple, Tamra. I’m in love with you. You’re the first thing I think about in the morning and the last thing I think about at night. Why is that so hard to believe?”

  “I don’t know. It just doesn’t make sense.”

  “Tamra, you are an amazing woman. Can’t you just believe me and move on from there?”

  What was her issue with this?

  She got out of bed. “I’m not sure I can. This changes some things. Well, it changes everything.”

  “You aren’t interested in more than a physical relationship? I don’t believe you. Why would you want to keep your heart locked up?”

  She began to put on her clothes and Colin felt that this was a pivotal moment. If she left his bed now, he would lose her forever.

  “That’s my business. I need to call Kelly and see what we can do about this. I don’t know offhand who we have to take my place.”

  “I don’t want you to go.”

  He could feel his heart breaking.

  “I have to Colin. I can’t risk you if I’m distracted. I was today and look what happened.”

  “Then stay as my lover. Get me a new bodyguard, but you stay as my lover. My girlfriend.”

  She frowned, shaking her head. “I don’t think that would be right. I’d be leading you on. I don’t feel the same way.”

  Having put her clothes, back on, she turned away to leave.

  “Stay, Tamra.”

  “No, I can’t.”

  ***

  Kelly woke the next morning in Larry’s bed. She was sore in ways she’d never thought possible. Larry was an expert lover. The bed next to her was empty, but she smelled coffee. She reveled in the feeling of waking up naked and sated.

  Could she get used to this? After a quick shower and dressing in her newly-bought clothes, she wandered out to find Larry. He was in his kitchen, in just a pair of jeans. His tailored suits didn’t reveal his body. Not that she hadn’t explored it with her hands and her mouth last night, but this was the first time she was really looking at him.

  A small bit of dark hair dusted his chest which had more muscles than she would have imagined. He was a bigger man than his work attire let on. And despite his work persona, he was a thorough and considerate lover.

  He stood over his cooktop, working and whistling. She watched him, enjoying the scenery. Looking up at her, he smiled. “Hi, sleepyhead.”

  He walked over to her and kissed her on the lips. It was a kiss of possession. She liked that, though part of her was scared by it. “Good morning. If I slept in, it was your fault.”

  His eyebrows went up. “Yeah? What’d I do?”

  His voice came out low and sexy, sending a thrill through her. With that voice, he could have her on the floor if he wanted. Right now.

  “Well, someone, maybe not you, but someone managed to fuck me thoroughly.”

  “Oh? Really? See, I slept like a baby, myself. Nothing disturbed me.”

  She laughed because she had awakened in the night and reached for him. He’d been
asleep, but he’d been awake and ready to go quickly. Then they’d fallen back to sleep in each other’s arms.

  She had no idea where this was going, but she was going to ride it, and him, for all she was worth. In this apartment, for the time she’d been here, she’d had no worries. The world had passed them by.

  His laugh began deep in his chest. “Well, I feel pretty satisfied myself, though I think if you really needed me to, I could do it again. Only in the interest of making sure my guest went home happy.”

  “I need food first.”

  “I’m cooking some pancakes and eggs.”

  “I had no idea you cooked.”

  He brushed a hair out of her face. “Only breakfast.”

  He returned to his post at his cooktop.

  “I like a man who cooks breakfast,” she said.

  “I like to cook breakfast. How soon do you need to go back?”

  “Sadly, Sophie’s coming back around lunchtime. Besides, I don’t want to overstay my welcome.”

  “You couldn’t possibly.” He scratched his chin. “Can I be honest?”

  “Please do.”

  He sounded so serious all of a sudden. “I really like you Kelly. I mean that. Not just the sex. I like being with you and want to spend as much time as I can with you.”

  “Uh, okay. I’d like that, too.”

  He shifted from foot to foot and Kelly had never seen him seem so insecure. What did he want to say? “I know this is fast, and well. . .”

  “Just say it. I’m not going to run screaming from your apartment. I’m an adult.”

  “Well, right now I feel like I’m asking the prom queen out.”

  Kelly laughed. “I was never the prom queen.”

  “Analogy.”

  She’d never seen him so nervous and she found it charming. This man negotiated high dollar deals and he was afraid to ask her something. She might have fallen in love with him in that moment.

  “Just go ahead. I don’t bite. Well I nibble, but you seemed to like that.”

  He laughed. “I don’t want to see anyone else. I’d like you to do the same.”

  “You want to be exclusive?”

  “Yes.”

  She smiled at him across the counter. “Yes.”

  ***

  Colin’s heart went out the door with Tamra. Damn. He shouldn’t have said anything, but he’d thought the moment was right. He pulled on jeans and wandered out to his piano. Tamra needed some space. Maybe she’d come around, anyway.

  He wasn’t too optimistic so he sat down at his piano. He played a few notes, but couldn’t sit still. He had never felt this way about anyone and now he’d screwed it up. All he wanted was to rewind and not to have said those words.

  Not yet, at least. This was too soon. She didn’t believe him. He had to get out. Tamra wouldn’t want him to go, but he needed to run or something. He wanted to jump out of his skin.

  It was still early, well early for some. Tamra had probably gone back to sleep. He debated. How dangerous could it be?

  Unless the person who was out for him had the building under surveillance, he’d be fine making a run outside. Besides, unless the person was a jogger, they wouldn’t keep up with him.

  He changed into a running clothes, tied up his running shoes and tucked his phone into his pocket. Tamra’s door was closed, but he had to get out. He had to figure this out and run would do it.

  The doorman was just coming on shift when Colin came through the lobby. He waved at him. Colin stretched on the sidewalk, then took off at a good pace. Not too fast, but not too slow. He turned a few corners and his mind was starting to clear.

  Space. That’s what Tamra needed. Space. He’d be back before she woke up, anyway. She’d never know he’d been gone.

  Only the bread trucks were out delivering. He passed a few other runners, waving to them the way runners do. As if no matter how fast or slow you ran, you are all in the same tribe.

  He’d have to apologize to Tamra. He didn’t want to, but that was all he could come up with. He had to get them back on the right footing. He couldn’t lose her. Not if he ever expected to have long-term happiness. No one had ever made him feel this way.

  That settled, he began to head back to his building. He stopped in front to stretch and take in a last breath of fresh air. That’s when he saw Carie.

  Odd? He thought she lived in New Jersey. She taught at a New Jersey school, as far as he knew.

  “Hi,” she said as if it weren’t odd that she was on his street so early in the morning.

  “Hi.”

  He kept his distance because suddenly the situation seemed weird. Not that he thought she was a threat, but who knew? Maybe she was a decoy. Maybe lots of things, but he still thought it odd that she was here.

  “Finished your run?”

  “Yeah, it was nice to get out.”

  “Do you run all the time?”

  “Regularly.”

  She smiled at him. “Keeps you fit. Have you thought about that benefit concert?”

  “I’m not going to be able to do it. I’d love to write a check, for sure.”

  “That’s sad and good at the same time.”

  “Roger will be in touch with you about that, okay?” He was eager to end the conversation. He didn’t want to get back and find Tamra awake and pissed off at him. “See you.”

  ***

  Tamra wandered out to the living room. “Colin?”

  They needed to talk. She needed to explain things to him. They couldn’t leave it this way. He had to understand. She didn’t want him to hate her.

  He didn’t answer. She went into his bedroom. The bed was still unmade, but Colin wasn’t in there.

  Where the hell was he? Did he think it okay to just run out for coffee? Her heart raced.

  She found her phone and dialed his number. Hopefully, he’d brought his phone with him. It went to voicemail.

  What the hell?

  She didn’t want to call Kelly and alarm her yet. Tamra dialed the number for the doorman.

  “Hello.”

  “This is Tamra. I’m Colin Brennan’s guest. Did you see him leave?”

  “Yes, ma’am. He left, but I didn’t see him come back. I was away from my desk for a few minutes.”

  “How long ago did he leave?”

  “About an hour.” Crap. “Okay, thanks.”

  Where did he go? Where could he be and what was he thinking? Her pulse ratcheted up even further. She couldn’t go out looking for him. She’d never find him.

  Right now she wished she’d radio tagged him. She’d never thought he would leave without her.

  Then the elevator dinged and she spun around to look and see who was coming up. She wished for her gun, but it was in Colin’s room. She held her breath. Then Colin strolled in.

  “What the fuck do you think you were doing?”

  She strode over to him and put her arms around him to make sure he was safe. She had to hold him. She had to feel that he was real.

  He put his arms around her also. “I’m sorry. I had to go for a run and I didn’t want to disturb you.”

  She held tighter, angry at him. “Do you understand that someone could have gotten to you? We don’t even know who that person is or why. Damn it, Colin You need to be more careful.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I won’t do it again. But I’m sort of glad I did”

  She stepped out of his arms. “Why? You like pissing me off?”

  “No, I like finding out that you do care about me.”

  CHAPTER 17

  Tamra stepped out of his arms. She didn’t know what to say. Of course she cared about him. Why was he reading into this? She had to protect him. That was her job until someone else took over.

  It was because she cared for him that she couldn’t stay. She’d think with her heart not her head. That could be catastrophic.

  “I can’t stay, Colin. I need someone here who won’t be distracted by you.”

  Colin blinked at h
er. Had he expected her to express her undying love? She wasn’t sure she felt that way. Or if she even could feel that way. She’d never thought that feelings would enter into this. Was this rock star really interested in her?

  She had some feelings for him, but they needed to be squelched and she needed to find him another bodyguard.

  “Let me call Kelly and we’ll figure out who we have to come here.”

  His shoulders slumped and she knew she’d hurt him, but it couldn’t be helped. “Okay. If you insist, but I’m not letting you out of my life.”

  She waved a hand. “Well, you’ll forget about me.”

  He took hold of her arm, his gaze boring into her. “I won’t, Tamra. I won’t.”

  He could think that all he wanted, but she knew he had a busy few months ahead of him, and he’d get past this. She’d just be someone he slept with.

  She walked away from him and took out her phone. Kelly answered, sounding sleepy.

  “Did I wake you?” Tamra said.

  “No, actually, you didn’t.”

  “We need to talk.”

  “You want to meet? I’m still in New York.”

  “Really?” Then she realized what that meant. “You stayed with Larry last night?”

  “Yes, ma’am.”

  “No wonder you sound so content. That wasn’t sleepiness I heard. That was satisfaction,” Tamra said.

  “Yep,” Kelly said. “Okay. What do we need to deal with?”

  “We need to find one of your bodyguards to cover this case.”

  “You stepping out?” Kelly asked.

  “Yes, I think it’s best,” Tamra said.

  She would be distracted if she continued as Colin’s sole bodyguard. Whether she would continue her relationship with him was another story. She needed some space to think about all of this. Neither a lover nor a man had been in her plans.

  Colin was not a man who would willingly be put on the back burner.

  “Well, I can relieve you if you need me to. I can stay until dinner. I’m sure I can get someone by then.”

  Tamra sighed. The sooner the better. “Yeah, if you don’t mind. I’m going to get a hotel room until I find a place to stay.”

  “You want to come stay with me?”

  “Honestly, I want some time alone.”