The Christmas Countess

by Adrienne Basso

  The activity on the quiet, well-appointed avenue where the Earl of Hampton lived had increased noticeably over the last half hour. There were more pedestrians, more carriages, and several carts making deliveries to the back entrances of the fashionable homes. Rebecca was glad of the additional commotion, since it made it much easier for her to remain in her current position without attracting too much undue attention.

  Though pressed last night by both herself and Daniel, the earl had given them no indication of how quickly arrangements would be made for her to meet Lily. For Rebecca, his attitude had been more than a disappointment; it had left her feeling numb with dread.

  Daniel too had been distressed, but he had told her repeatedly that they could not fault the earl for being protective of the child. Her brother had cautioned her to remain patient and had given his word that he would pressure Lord Hampton to arrange for her to see Lily as soon as possible.

  But Rebecca had run short of patience. Hungry for any information about Lily, she had pumped the dowager countess last night for details about the little girl‘s daily routine. Obviously proud of her granddaughter, the dowager countess had spoken of her music and dance lessons and had also mentioned that Lily and her governess made a point of visiting the park every morning around eleven, weather permitting.

  And so this morning, after a restless, nearly sleepless, night, Rebecca had left her brother‘s town home soon after breakfast, commandeered his carriage and made her way to the earl‘s home. Not wanting the servants to have an inkling of her plans, she had dismissed the coach, intending to hire a hackney when she was ready to return.

  Situating herself on the corner opposite the stately mansion, eyes pinned anxiously to the closed wrought iron gates, Rebecca now waited for Lily and her governess. She was staring so hard, her thoughts and emotions so intense, that it took her a moment to notice the gates had indeed opened. A woman in a dark brown cloak emerged, followed quickly by a little girl dressed in a red woolen coat, with a matching red hat.

  Lily!

  Rebecca‘s heart accelerated to an alarming rate. Trying to calm her nerves, she took a deep breath and let it out slowly. From this distance she could see none of the little girl‘s features. Almost without realizing it, she stepped forward.

  The shout of a coachman startled her and Rebecca pulled back just in time to avoid being struck. The ground thundered with vibrations. Visibly shaking, she turned her eyes anxiously across the street, fearful that in the commotion she might have lost sight of Lily and her governess.

  Thankfully they had not gone far. Eagerly Rebecca watched as the pair walked to the corner on the far end of the street. Lily skipped gaily ahead, pausing every few steps to turn and make certain her governess was near. They stopped at the intersection, waiting for a fashionable black carriage to pass. When it was clear, they crossed the road together, hand in hand, carefully skirting a large puddle in the middle of the rutted lane.

  Trying to keep a respectable, undetectable distance, Rebecca hurried across the road and followed them. After several blocks, the pair stopped a few paces in front of a park entrance and waited. Five minutes later Lily began hopping excitedly from one foot to the other as she raised her hand and waved to someone Rebecca could not see.

  Her breath caught in her throat. Dear Lord, please do not let it be the earl.

  Worried, Rebecca bit her lip in vexation, but moments later a woman and young girl came into view. The girls ran to meet each other, hugging exuberantly. Then they joined hands, skipping into the park. The women followed close behind.

  Rebecca slowly exhaled and moved closer.

  The park was deceptively large. There was a pond in the center, banks of trees and benches along the perimeter, sections of open space and a gravel pathway large enough to accommodate a horse and carriage. On this brisk December morning there was a surprising number of people coming and going along the footpaths and across the lawns. Rebecca noticed Lily and her young friend waving to several individuals and being greeted in return.

  Finally they stopped at an empty bench. The women sat, the girls stood, lingering near, hanging onto the back of the seat. Her heart pounding with the enormity of what she was about to do, Rebecca purposefully made her way toward the group.

  The two women were engaged in conversation. The two girls were no longer beside them but instead were playing a spirited game of tag on the brown grass directly in front of the bench. Rebecca tried not to stare at Lily, but her eyes were continually, compulsively drawn to the child.

  “Forgive the interruption, ladies,” Rebecca said softly. “I was at this very spot yesterday afternoon and I believe I lost my favorite brooch somewhere in the vicinity. Perchance, I was wondering if either of you have seen it? It is gold, with three tiny pearls and single ruby chip in the center. ‘Tis of little monetary worth, but holds great sentimental value for me and I would dearly like to recover it.”

  “Oh, my goodness, how distressing,” Lily‘s governess said. She immediately rose from the bench and began looking around in the grass. Her companion did the same. Naturally, they found nothing.

  “‘Tis so kind of you to help. Would you mind if I asked the girls if they have seen it?” Rebecca inquired.

  She forced herself to smile in what she hoped was a friendly, nonintrusive manner. It was more difficult than she imagined to present herself so falsely to these two trusting women.

  “Go right ahead. I‘m sure they would think it a great adventure to search for such treasure,” the other governess replied. “Miss Jane, Lady Lily, come here please.”

  The girls raced over. A thousand emotions flooded Rebecca as Lily came close enough for her to finally see her face and form clearly.

  Oh, my she is beautiful! She was a sturdy little girl, with blond curls and large blue eyes. Looking at her felt like a dream to Rebecca. Anxiously she searched her face, amazed to see small parts of herself and Philip in Lily‘s features. And then Lily smiled—a grin so reminiscent of her own that Rebecca‘s knees grew weak.

  “This nice lady has lost her brooch,” one of the women said. “Would you girls like to help her look for it?”

  “Does it have diamonds in it?” Lily asked, her eyes wide with excitement.

  Rebecca smiled, swallowed hard and found her voice. “No,” she managed to croak.

  “It‘s gold and shiny, so we should be able to find it if we look closely in the grass,” Lily‘s governess announced.

  “I shall find it,” Jane declared confidently.

  “No, it will be me,” Lily chimed in with equal bravado.

  They all fanned out on the small slope of lawn. Attempting to avoid being too obvious, Rebecca stayed as near to Lily as she dared. She tried not to stare too hard, but was helpless to prevent her gaze from constantly sliding toward the little girl.

  It was a heady, dizzy feeling to finally see a face she had imagined countless times. Ever since she had discovered that Lily was alive, Rebecca had tried to envision what this moment would feel like, yet nothing could have prepared her for the riot of emotions that coursed through her.

  This beautiful, lively creature was a product of Philip‘s love and passion. She had grown inside Rebecca‘s body, had been born and then whisked away before Rebecca had ever held her. She had grieved and mourned the loss of the child she was told had died and yet miraculously here she was; hale, hearty and happy. They were virtual strangers and yet somehow connected in the most primal, intimate way imaginable.

  Hot tears burned her eyes. Rebecca forced them back, fearing her tears might confuse or distress Lily. She was concentrating so hard on reining in her emotions that she did not hear the carriage rumbling down the broad, gravel-covered pathway, nor notice when it halted near the park bench.

  “Papa!”

  A horrifying dread clutched Rebecca‘s stomach as she turned and watched Lily rush toward the coach. A tall gentleman in a capped greatcoat stepped down, scooped the child in his arms and hugged her tightly.

/>   Oh, please, no. Panic enveloped her. Rebecca cast her eyes frantically about, searching for a route of escape but soon realized there was none.

  The moment seemed to stretch into eternity. Fortunately, Lily‘s excitement and chattering filled the hollow silence. The two governesses and the other little girl had noticed the earl‘s arrival and were making their way up the slope. Rebecca prayed their presence would force the earl to remain in control of a temper she felt certain was ready to explode. After all, he had warned her last night to keep her distance from Lily.

  She could feel his gaze resting on her face, yet could only imagine the shock and anger of his expression, for she refused to look back at him. There was a pinch in her heart, a hollow ache in her chest. Not because she had been discovered. The pain radiated through her because she knew her very brief time with her daughter was over.

  Rebecca pressed her lips together, uncaring that her dismay must have been keenly apparent. There was no shame in wanting to see her child. He might have warned her to stay away, yet she felt the fault was his, for refusing to allow her contact.

  “There she is, Papa. We are trying to help her find her brooch. She lost it here. Will you help too?”

  Lord Hampton jerked his head away from Lily‘s and glanced in Rebecca‘s direction. A small tic began to work in the earl‘s left cheek. “A brooch?”

  “Yes.” Lily nodded her head earnestly. “It‘s gold and shiny, but doesn‘t have any diamonds.”

  Rebecca raised her chin. The earl glared at her, his eyes narrowing, his nostrils flaring. She noticed his left hand curl protectively on Lily‘s back. Her smile felt brittle, but Rebecca managed to keep it on her face. She refused to shrink away from him. Or cringe or cower.

  “Mrs. James, kindly escort Lady Lily home immediately.”

  The earl bent low, releasing the little girl, and nudging her gently toward her governess. Lily refused to be moved, and instead was standing at his side, tugging on his coat.

  “But I want to look for the brooch,” she whined. “If I leave now, then Jane will find it.”

  “I doubt that, Puss. There will be no more looking today. ‘Tis time for you and Mrs. James to go home.”

  Lily‘s face darkened. “If we have to go, then I wish to ride in the carriage.”

  “Not today, Puss.”

  “But, Papa—”

  “Mrs. James,” Lord Hampton interrupted, his voice rising fractionally.

  “At once, my lord.”

  The governess gave a hurried curtsy and pulled her young charge down the path. Rebecca could hear the little girl whining with complaint, but Mrs. James‘s steps never faltered. Miss Jane and her governess quickly followed.

  And then, as Rebecca feared, the earl turned his attention to her. His expression was black as night, his mouth a grim, set line on his handsome face.

  “What in blazes do you think you are doing?”

  Rebecca raised a trembling hand to her forehead. She closed her eyes for a heartbeat, trying to regain some control over her thoughts and emotions. “I was merely taking a stroll in the park, my lord,” she replied, her voice sharp with mounting emotion. “‘Tis a public place, free to all who wish to enjoy its natural beauty.”

  “How did you find her?” he demanded to know.

  Rebecca drew a deep breath, steadying herself inside and out. “‘Tis a public park,” she repeated stubbornly.

  His face muscles had tightened so much that the skin seemed stretched taut over his bones. “Get in the carriage, Miss Tremaine.”

  “I prefer to walk. The sun is shining, the cool fresh air invigorating.”

  The earl reached out to take her arm, but she jerked free of his grasp.

  “Anger is such a mild term for what I am feeling right now, Miss Tremaine. I suggest you tread most carefully or else you shall push me beyond it into a boiling rage.”

  Rebecca blinked, moving behind the park bench, as if it could somehow physically protect her from him. “I am not a child, nor a servant that you can order about,” she protested.

  The earl‘s eyes narrowed into small slits. “If you ever hope to see my daughter again, you will step into that coach. Immediately.”

  Helplessly, she stared at him. As threats went, it was a most effective one. Having had but a brief glimpse of Lily made Rebecca‘s need to see her daughter even more intense. There was no other choice. Heart and head pounding, Rebecca did as she was bid.

  ———

  “Explain yourself.”

  The coach jerked forward and he saw Miss Tremaine frantically clutch at the seat to keep her balance. Cameron tapped on the roof twice to indicate to his driver that he wished a more sedate pace and the carriage immediately slowed.

  The question remained between them, unanswered. Cameron opened his mouth to repeat it, but Miss Tremaine began to speak.

  “The waiting has been intolerable. I tried, truly, but could delay no longer. I had to meet her, to see her, to speak with her.”

  “To tell her who you are?” he accused.

  “No! Never!”

  “I don‘t believe you.”

  “‘Tis the truth.” Miss Tremaine stifled a sigh. “I cannot be held responsible if you refuse to believe me.”

  “But you can be held accountable for your actions.”

  Cameron jammed his gloved fingers through his hair. He was losing control and he knew it. He needed to get his temper in check. Fast. A shouting match with Miss Tremaine would hardly solve anything.

  “I did nothing wrong,” she insisted. “I stand behind my behavior, my lord.”

  His gaze rested on her hands, clutched tightly about her reticule. “I believe I made myself perfectly clear to you last night. Your actions this morning are proof that you are a false and untrustworthy woman, someone I want my child to avoid. I would be well within my rights to deny you access to Lily. Forever.”

  Her breath hitched in alarm and she seemed to be struggling with her emotions. “I refuse to believe that anyone could be so cruel.”

  “You have no earthly idea what I am capable of, Miss Tremaine.”

  Her back stiffened. Good. Cameron was glad to have made an impact, pleased to have made his point. But he wondered what she was thinking. Did she believe he would make good on his threat? More important, did he believe it himself? Could he indeed be so harsh as to deny this woman, Lily‘s mother, any contact with her child?

  A weighty pause followed. “My brother and I are not without resources,” she finally countered. “If necessary, we will fight to have some rights in this matter.”

  It was not an idle threat. Tremaine did have money, and some influence. If he were not careful, Cameron knew things could get very ugly.

  “You would never win custody from me in a court of law, nor will I allow you to drag my name into every paper in England.”

  Her chin lowered. “Though I care little about my own reputation, I would never subject Lily to such scrutiny, such scandal.”

  Well, at least that was something. “Kindly look at me, Miss Tremaine.”

  She finally raised her eyes and he saw why she had kept them lowered. Everything she felt was bared for him to see—the pain, the frustration, the longing for what she had lost. The sight of such raw, intense emotion jolted him. When they entered the coach, Cameron had no intention of showing her any mercy, yet his resolve faltered.

  His neat, orderly, predictable, comfortable world was coming apart. From the moment Daniel Tremaine walked into White‘s nothing was as it should be. Life was careening out of control and Cameron realized he was powerless to prevent it.

  “It has been difficult for you, has it not?” he said, the question spoken more as a statement.

  “It‘s been pure hell.”

  Her bluntness only emphasized the scope of her pain. As he glanced at her forlorn expression Cameron could almost feel the misery rising in her heart.

  “I‘m sorry for your suffering.”

  She shook her head. “I know the
fault initially was not yours, or your wife‘s. Unaware of the true facts, you did what you thought was right and decent and a part of me is very grateful that my infant daughter was placed in such a loving home.

  “But since learning of my child‘s true fate, I have been consumed with the need to see her. You cannot begin to know how I have wished and hoped and yearned for the impossible. To spend some time with my little girl.”

  Her voice wavered, but she heroically managed to hold her emotions in check. Still, it dismayed him to see her flushed with distress.

  “Often, circumstances that cannot be changed are best left alone,” he said kindly.

  Her sigh was a weary resignation. “I do not dispute that, my lord. You are Lily‘s father and that will never change.”

  Cameron settled himself against the squabs, feeling overcome with a sudden sense of exhaustion. The condition no doubt due to the lethal combination of little sleep and great worry he had experienced over the past few days, ever since learning of Miss Tremaine and her predicament.

  “What part do you expect to play in my daughter‘s life?” he asked.

  “I have no idea. There are no examples for me to draw upon, no experience quite like this one.” She sounded firm, but he caught the sound of a slight tremor in her tone. “Still, I refuse to believe that we cannot reach some sort of mutually acceptable agreement, my lord.”

  A twinge of admiration cut through him. Though the odds were hardly in her favor, she would not retreat. Instead, she faced him with simple honesty and dignity, her grace and determination unshakable.

  Bloody hell. He looked levelly at Miss Tremaine. Perhaps he had been overreacting, reading too much into her actions this morning. By her own admission, it was an act of desperation. Battling his conscience, Cameron admitted that placed in the same position, he might have done something similar. Or even more daring.

  He scrubbed his face with his hands. He was not one who relished making mistakes, but was also not foolish enough to compound them by refusing to acknowledge and rectify them. In his zealous need to protect Lily perhaps he had misjudged Miss Tremaine and inadvertently caused her additional suffering.