Boys Club: How Far Would You Go?

by Ema Bancroft

I didn't know what to make of it. At first I thought I might have an ulcer or something. I actually went to the doctor, but he said the ulcers felt more like burns... not bullshit.

  I felt like an idiot, but how the fuck would I know?

  I started to feel more and more often... when we were rehearsing... when we were in the house talking... even when we were swimming in the pool...

  He was a nutcase back then.

  The worst part was when I found out when he was getting ready for bed. I thought I'd gone out with the rest of the guys, and when I heard a bang in his room, I grabbed my bat, thinking maybe a crazy fan had snuck into the house.

  I opened his door and Tim turned around in surprise. I felt like an idiot.

  But it was what happened next that really worried me.

  Tim turned around, obviously thinking I was leaving, and leaned over to his bed, his shirt rising slightly as he drew closer to the pillow.

  And I couldn't stop staring.

  I was looking at his ass. I was looking at some guy's ass.

  And not only was my stomach turning around again... but I was getting a certain hint in my pants that left me no doubt about how I felt...

  I was getting turned on.

  For a guy.

  He turned around and asked me if I was all right and I got out of there as fast as I could. To say I was scared was to put it mildly.

  I mean, it wasn't like he was homophobic or anything. I had no problem with people being gay. After all, I was ninety-nine percent sure Roland was gay and he was one of my closest friends.

  I just never thought I'd be gay.

  All my life, I've been surrounded by girls. I didn't get it, but I never had any trouble getting dates or anything. When I joined 5Point, it got even easier. I mean, girls came out of carpentry after that... for all of us, not just me.

  I'm not saying he was some kind of faggot demon or anything. I didn't sleep with all the huddles that showed up. But I wasn't exactly a saint either. And all my sexual partners had one thing in common.

  A vagina.

  So when I found a dead body looking at Tim's boxer's ass, I was confused.

  And when I lay down on my bed and found that rigidity was gaining strength, it was even more worrying.

  Especially when I kept imagining Tim's ass... and his legs... and his smile...

  Fuck.

  I finally gave up and decided to try a cold shower, but it didn't feel right. I looked down and little Henry stared at me sharply.

  You know you want to do it, he laughed.

  No, I don't want to.

  Yes... yes, you do. I swear the little dick smiled. Well, not little. Do you know what I mean?

  So, without any relief in sight, I rubbed one... and pretended not to think about Tim all the time...

  It became a pattern. I was living a secret and didn't know how long I could keep it.

  We rehearsed together. I'd go home and masturbate.

  We'd go out to a bar... I'd go home and masturbate.

  We'd sit around the pool... I'd go to the bathroom and masturbate.

  You understand the idea.

  And all the time I was fighting against the idea that I was what I obviously was.

  Gay.

  So, the night of the pool party happened. Well, it wasn't really a pool party as much as a night when we were bored, drunk, and Ethan called some groups and invited them. The girls were pretty pretty, I guess. Ethan had immediately called the one named Terri. Exactly his type - tall, built... bitch?

  The other three were smiling and very drunk when they arrived. I noticed the so-called Carla flirting with Tim and I felt a strange warmth in my stomach. It took me a minute to recognize him.

  Jealousy.

  But he stood her up, and I couldn't resist the smile as she went to the bar with Roland.

  "Hi,"one of the girls came up to me. I couldn't remember her name, but she was pretty, with short hair - a little red with some blonde stripes - and a nice smile. She was wearing a white T-shirt with a picture of some cartoon characters. I didn't want to look any closer, because I'd think I was looking at her tits. They were good tits, I guess. My mother just raised a gentleman. I didn't look at my boobs until I was invited.

  I was thinking about boobs. Didn't that prove he wasn't gay?

  "Hi,"I smiled at the girl, trying to clear my confused thoughts. From the corner of my eye I saw Tim get up from his chair and stagger to the door. He was pretty hammered, and his ass looked amazing in those jeans.

  Okay... another point to be gay, I guess.

  "... do you think? "The girl in the shirt asked me a question, but I wasn't listening."

  "I'm sorry, what? " I asked, smiling and turning the amulet to full capacity. I didn't want to hurt her feelings.

  She blushed. "I was wondering if you could get us tickets to the premiere."

  "Oh. "I nodded, taking a sip of my beer. "Sure... sure... no problem"?

  Then I turned around and saw Tim leaning against the wall, looking at me. No... no, he wasn't just looking at me. His eyes were hot... their eyes were actually... hot... dark, liquid heat coming out in waves from their brown depths?

  Lust.

  Fuck me. Fuck me.

  Tim loved me. I felt the familiar tension in my jeans and knew I could no longer deny the truth.

  I loved him, too.

  But just when I realized that. Tim turned and stumbled in the house.

  Daisy

  Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!

  Shit!

  What the hell was I thinking? I knew I shouldn't drink around him. I knew it would make me feel satisfied and it would be easier to ruin everything.

  God, I was so right.

  Elijah caught me staring at him. He saw me throw it in my eyes in the yard. I knew how I felt about him. What was I supposed to do?

  I rushed into my bathroom and locked the door, turning my back to the floor with my back against it. I forced myself to take several deep breaths.

  I had to think clearly.

  Which was very hard when you had five or six Jack and Coca-Colas swimming through your bloodstream.

  Or seven.

  Or maybe eight.

  I rubbed my heels on my hands over my eyes. Okay. Maybe this wasn't so bad. So Elijah knew I was attracted to him. So he thought I was gay. Roland was gay and there was no problem. Maybe everything would be okay.

  Sure. We could fix it. If I said anything, I'd tell him I was in the closet and I was sorry and it wouldn't happen again.

  Yeah. That could work.

  I almost convinced myself of that when someone knocked on my bathroom door.

  "Tim? It's Elijah," he knocked through the door.

  I mentioned: Shit!

  I was frozen, hoping that if he didn't hear me inside, he would leave.

  "I know you're in there,"he said. "Let me in, okay? I really think we need to talk.

  I stood up slowly, thinking it was better to end this anyway. It said,"Thank you, but no, thank you, buddy. " I'd say,"Okay. " We'd pound our fists or shoulders, and maybe we could go further.

  I opened the bathroom door and let Elijah in. He looked me in the eye just a second before they fell to the ground.

  That's terrific. It was gonna be awkward.

  I loved it uncomfortable.

  "Look, Elijah..." Did I start?

  "He interrupted, putting his hands through his hair.

  "It's been hard for me to get here. I mean, I've been fighting this for weeks and now I understand shit and if I don't say it soon, I might lose my temper, so can you let me say what I have to say?".

  Wow. That was a lot of words in one sentence.

  "Okay,"I said slowly, wondering where I was going with this.

  "I just..." He started walking from the tub to the toilet and back,"I couldn't understand what was going on, you know?"

  I didn't really do it, but I didn't want to interrupt.

  "I mean, with the flip-flopping and the ulcer..." he co
ntinued, almost as if he were talking to himself,"Well, it wasn't really an ulcer after all, but I think it was really deep down, he knew that... he didn't want to accept it. I was so confused and I didn't know why I felt this way... and then I saw you in the courtyard..."He looked at me then and I was surprised by the intense look in his eyes...".

  What the hell was going on?

  "Elijah, what are you talking about?"

  His hands were in his hair. "I don't know what I'm saying,"he growled. "I just know... I want... I need..."?

  And in an instant I stood against the door and Elijah's mouth was in mine, hot and rough and demanding. His hands grabbed me by the shoulders, pulling me away from the door and against his chest. The kiss wasn't soft... but I realized I didn't want it soft. I gasped and his tongue crawled in, sliding into mine... then he sucked it and my knees buckled...

  He was relentless.

  Elijah's hands moved behind my back, pressing me more firmly against him as he continued his assault on my mouth. He was on fire... lost in a frenzy of lust and irrational want. His hands slid to hold me tightly on my ass and I complained out loud... the sound resounded a moment later for Elijah.

  His lips fell upon my neck, his five o' clock shadow scraping my skin deliciously as I pulled my hips against his. I could feel his erection against my stomach and he started pushing me unconsciously. The motion provoked a wave of heat and humidity that rushed to my center and I couldn't help but push him against it, twisting against its hardness in a desperate search for friction.

  Then he stopped. Just like that he stopped, frozen halfway through and his tongue still in my neck. His hips moved forward once more tentatively and a bulb lit up over my head full of lust.

  He realized something was missing.

  Elijah's right hand left my ass and slowly swept towards the fly in my jeans.

  "Elijah, I..." But I didn't finish. It was too late. Did he know about it?

  His hand reached between my legs and pressed slightly. Despite my shame, I could not hold a low moan and leaned slightly forward in his hand.

  His eyes met mine, but he did not move his hand.

  "It's not Tim, is it? " he asked quietly.

  I swallowed it. "Daisy."

  He nodded. "Daisy,"he repeated.

  E. C.

  Tim was a girl.

  He fooled us all. He was a fucking girl.

  And deep down, I probably was. And at some point in the future, Tim - I mean, Daisy - and I was going to talk about all the lies and what this could mean for the band, let alone for both of us.

  But at that moment, only one thought crossed my mind. Well, two, actually.

  I'm not gay.

  Y

  God, it feels really good.

  So instead of yelling at her, or pushing her off the road in anger and stalking her out of the room, I put aside all the shit she should have been feeling.

  And I kissed her again.

  Chapter 2

  Chapter 2: Sweets with spices

  E. C.

  I can't believe I thought Daisy was a guy.

  I mean, shit. When I picked her up against the bathroom door, I realized that all I had was soft. Her lips, her breath, her whining as she licked her tongue.

  Definitely doesn't look like a unudelike.

  And when I dipped and slipped my hands under her shirt. God. Her skin was as smooth... soft as a baby's ass or whatever.

  Okay, the baby's ass probably wasn't the best comparison, considering what I wanted to do to Daisy, but I didn't mind if I came up with a better simile. Or was it a metaphor?

  Why the fuck was I thinking about my high school English class?

  I stroked Daisy's stomach, wondering how far she would let me take things. We were friends, but all this was fucking new. I just found out she had a vagina, for God's sake... and boobs. God did, she had boobs.

  I was wondering if I could touch her tits. I walked away from kissing her lips and bent down to suck her neck, trying to take a peek without her noticing.

  Where the fuck were her tits?

  Daisy didn't seem to notice my boob search, so I kissed her again. Her mouth was hot and sweet... her lips fit so perfectly into mine?

  Shit. It sounded like he was writing a song or something.

  Mind note: this could be a good song.

  Her mouth was hot and sweet.

  My lips look so perfect on me.......

  "Are you humming? " Daisy asked, her head thrown against the door, her eyes closed.

  I stuck my tongue down her throat. "What? No… Humming? Me? "I sucked her neck just below her earlobe to distract her."

  She complained.

  It worked.

  Still, I couldn't get my head off her tits. My eyes fell back. Maybe she just had little kids. That would be nice. I mean, more than a handful and all that shit.

  But it looked like she had nothing.

  I rubbed her fingers in her stomach again and she twisted my hands in my hair. I leaned towards her, feeling her small, tight body well aligned against mine.

  Shit, that felt good.

  But where the fuck were her tits?

  I felt like an asshole obsessed with them, but I was very curious.

  I stroked a little higher, wondering if I dared to try to touch them. Daisy didn't protest. In fact, she acted like she really liked me. So I made a decision.

  I was going in.

  I started kissing her mouth again, sticking my tongue in and swirling around with hers. Daisy whimpered and pulled my head even closer. Did my hands slip slowly along your sides looking for... for... for... for...?

  And I stopped when I felt a rubbery, elastic thing.

  It didn't look like a bra. I wasn't sure what the fuck it was.

  It took me a minute to realize that I had stopped kissing Daisy and she had stopped kissing me. We were standing next to each other, our tongues frozen in each other's mouth... my hands in... something... something?

  "Ummm… Daisy? What is this?! "I walked away and finally asked, feeling like an idiot."

  Daisy blushed. I was distracted for a minute. She was absolutely beautiful when she blushed, and once again I wondered how she thought she was a man.

  "It's a Hartmann bandage,"she said quietly, without looking me in the eye.

  "A Hartmann bandage?"

  She snorted, pulling her shirt down and taking my hands away. "Yeah, well, I couldn't get the girls to bounce back while I was trying to be' Tim', could I?".

  So she had boobs.

  That would bounce.

  Interesting.

  I slipped my hands under her shirt again. She didn't stop me. "So you tied them up? The girls? " I asked with a smile.

  Daisy growled. "It's a pain in the ass."

  I bent down to kiss her neck, playing with the bandage. "Maybe the girls would like to go out and play."

  She sighed. "Ummm... maybe..." She arched me a little bit and I stretched the blindfold slowly, pushing it over her chest.

  Paydirt.

  They weren't huge, or she'd never be able to do it by pretending to be a guy. But they were round, soft, firm, perfect. I wrapped my hands around them and squeezed them gently, feeling myself grow stronger with each touch.

  "Shit, Daisy."

  "That feels so good,"she moaned.

  "Enrique? Tim? " Our eyes widened as we heard Ethan's voice.

  "Shit! " We simultaneously exclaim in whispers in a low voice.

  I pulled Daisy's blindfold back down again, taking only a second to mourn the loss of those glorious breasts, then walked into the bathroom, trying to think.

  "What are we gonna do? " she hissed.

  We could hear Ethan approaching. It was only a matter of seconds before he found us.

  Together.

  In the bathroom.

  Alone.

  I touched my pockets, looking for the only thing that could save our skins.

  Daisy

  I couldn't believe I was kissing in the bathroom with
E. C. Lynch. And it was better than I ever imagined.

  Elijah could kiss.

  I mean, he could really kiss. The kind of kiss that most people only dreamed of kissing on their toes, catching their breath and tickling their skin. He was also humming when he kissed. Which was a little weird, but also very affectionate... and sexy.

  Almost everything about Elijah was hot.

  Then, when he touched me, I almost fell apart. I had to avoid jumping on him, tearing off his clothes and making a fool of myself.

  Until I remembered the stupid Hartmann bandage. I had wondered what it was, of course, and I was embarrassed to tell him that my tits were small enough to hold me back with a little roll of elastic.

  I was surprised you didn't seem to mind. He lifted it from my chest and gave my girls a squeeze.

  They liked it a lot.

  I felt how much he liked it when he leaned back against me. If the hard length pressing against my thigh was an indication, Elijah liked girls very much. I was also impressed by what Mr. E. C. Lynch was apparently packing.

  From what I can tell, a girl could do worse.

  Then, just as things got interesting, Ethan threw a big bucket of cold water at us. We heard him screaming, looking for us and panicked.

  "What are we gonna do? " I asked him.

  Elijah walked for a second, then patted him in the pockets, looking for something. He took out a lighter and a rolled-up piece of paper with a triumphant look on his face.

  "What are you gonna do with that? " I was confused and scared.

  Ethan was getting closer.

  "Save our asses,"he muttered, putting the paper in his mouth and waving the lighter. I realized it was a cigarette. After a moment, I realized it wasn't an ordinary cigarette.

  Elijah sucked into the joint, blowing smoke quickly.

  "Really, Elijah? " I mocked. "How the hell is he getting high to help in this situation?"

  Elijah snorted again, blowing smoke into the air. The smell of the grass became thicker.

  "How else are you gonna explain the two of us hiding in the bathroom together? " he asked.

  Good point.

  I watched as he continued to take quick puffs from the joint, filling the small room with as much smoke as possible. I could hear Ethan opening and closing doors in the hallway as he approached. Elijah held the joint with a smile and I noticed that his eyes looked a little glassy.