by Ema Bancroft
"I'm gay."
Huh?
"Huh? " I said out loud.
No one else said a word for several seconds.
Roland looked around nervously. "Come on, guys. Say something. Don't leave me hanging here."
Ethan cleared his throat. "Well, dude. The only thing that comes to mind is...' Aaannnndddd...?'".
"What? " Roland�s eyes narrowed confusedly.
Raul shrugged. "It's just... it's not exactly news, Roland"?
"What are you talking about?" "His eyes ran from one of us to the other, obviously looking for answers. "Are you telling me that... you... knew? "He took the nods around the cabin. " All of you"?
"It's pretty obvious, man,"Ethan said.
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing. " Ethan raised his hands defensively. "It's just that you never seem interested in girls. I mean, when did you turn that blonde down after the show at Aaron? That's when I knew."
Raul nodded in agreement, whistling between his teeth. "That girl was very hot."
"Star,"added Elijah. "And she was all over you."
"I told a guy I'd have to be gay to turn her down,"Ethan said, snapping his fingers. "Didn't I say that?"
"He did,"admitted Raul.
Roland collapsed back into his chair. He turned to me. "Did you know that too?"
I nodded timidly. "Sort of."
"Fuck. "Whispered the blasphemy. "I can't believe I was so worried about telling you guys, and you already knew that. "His mystified face stretched a little. "And you' re... are you okay?"?
"Dude, I can't believe you asked me that," Ethan replied, and he really did look hurt. "You're like our brother, man. You know we support you, no matter what happens. We all agreed, and Roland's eyes laughed slightly.
"That means a lot to me, boys,"he said quietly. "Seriously, you have no idea how much. " His head hung up for a moment before he lifted it, wiping his eyes and stretching his shoulders.
"But I have to ask you, what if I go out in public? " he asked. "I need to know if all of you could handle that. This is important to me, but so are you. As much as it's a personal decision, it affects us all.
This time it was Raul who spoke.
"We're right behind you, man."
"Even if it hurts the band? Not everyone will take it well.
"Fuck them,"Elijah said in his usual concise way.
Roland smiled as we all echoed the sentiment.
"There's one more thing,"he said nervously.
"Shit. Don't tell us you're pregnant,"Ethan joked.
Roland turned his eyes. "No, but there's someone special. "He nodded his head to Eddie who was standing to meet him. With a smile he took Roland's hand, entwining his fingers.
We've been together for a long time, and it hasn't been easy to keep it a secret,"Roland said, stroking his hands together with his free hand. "Look, I know this may be weird for you, but you know what you say..." He took a quick but meaningful look at me. "We don't choose who we love"?
Roland turned to Eddie and I couldn't help but smile, moved by the way they were smiling. "That's so sweet,"I sprouted before I knew it.
Elijah drowned.
Shit!
I tried to recover. "I mean, it's okay, right? I shrugged my shoulders, catching myself before I grabbed my dick again. I was really trying to cut costs.
I must have been credible, because the other guys assured Roland that everything was fine... that we would support him no matter what... and if they caught him and Eddie doing it in the kitchen, they'd kick their ass...
For now, everything was fine in the world.
0
"Roland, we can't go in there. " Elias looked at the Marquis skeptically over the bar entrance. The back door blinked in lime green and warm pink neon, an arrow pointing downward inviting.
I squinted before the arrow. It reminded me of something. I bowed my head. It almost looked like me...
Without noticing, I've adjusted my dick.
No... couldn't it be...?
Once we landed in San Francisco, checked into our hotel and took a bite to eat, Roland had hesitantly suggested visiting the nightlife the city had to offer. He said he'd heard of a place he wanted to try, and he invited Elijah and me. Ethan and Raul had begged, saying they were too tired to go out. We all knew that they would spend their time on Skype doing God knows what.
Actually, we all knew what. We just chose not to think about it.
So we'd left, with Roland looking happier than I'd ever seen him, and Eddie hanging on his arm.
It wasn't until we got to the back door that Roland admitted it was a gay bar.
"Dude, it's okay,"Roland said, throwing his arm over Eddie's shoulders. "No one will recognize us. Relax."
Elijah didn't seem convinced. To be honest, neither do I. We all wore black dresses from head to toe, with baseball caps and sunglasses to hide our identities. Except Eddie. He chose a bright yellow t-shirt that was tight enough for you to see his nipples, and a pair of painted leather pants.
Subtle.
"He's right, you know," Eddie said, popping his gum. People see what they expect to see... and no one expects to see 5Point in a gay bar. They're totally safe. "He wrapped his arm around Roland's waist. "Besides, just because you're in a gay bar doesn't necessarily mean you're gay. Shit, it's 2011, who cares anymore?"
Roland bit his lip wavering and I realized that this was important to him - another first step before it came out in the open. And we promised to support him.
"All right, let's do it,"I said with a wink. Elijah raised an eyebrow.
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Eddie's right. Who cares?"
Elijah released a breath through his lips pointing his finger at Roland. "Okay... but I'm not going to dance with you, so don't even ask."
He rolled his eyes. "Like you're my type."
"What the hell's that supposed to mean? " Elias seemed seriously offended, but Roland ignored him when we entered the bar.
The bar was a studio with half-naked men, strobe lights and music that could be felt pumping in the blood. Revolving figures slid around the dance floor, some kissing... some of them all but having sex right there, in front and in the middle...?
To be honest, it was very hot.
Who knew he had such a perverted side? Seemed like being a guy really affected me.
We found a dark cabin in the back and ordered a pitcher from the waiter without a shirt. He was tall and thin, his blonde hair combed backwards to reveal a bright blue eyes and a smile that he obviously knew was sexy.
A dragon tattoo huddled around his right biceps, and both ears, both nipples, and his lower lip were pierced, making the next-door boy the bad guy: you want to lick. His fat and muscular chest shone under the lights, and he wore an identifying label on the lower waist of his trousers, just below a curve of muscles pointing directly to the promised land.
Dave.
Hi, Dave.
I could have licked my lips.
Elijah kicked me under the table.
"Hi,"said Dave, moving his lip and looking at Elijah closely. "You look so familiar."
Elijah cleared his throat, lowering his voice slightly to disguise it. "Yes. I get that a lot. One of those faces, I guess."
The waiter snapped his fingers. "E. C. Lynch... you know that 5Point guy? You look like him! "He turned to Roland. "Doesn't it resemble his abruptly cut words when he recognized Roland... then me?"
"Shit! " exclaimed.
Roland laughed, shaking his head. "Do you really think 5Point would be around? We played in a cover band. Maybe you've heard of us? The 5-point experience?"
The waiter looked at us blank.
"We've been hitting every club in Castro,"Roland continued. Either he was planning his story, or the guy was a big liar. I was betting on the latter.
Roland stretched out, putting his arms on top of the seats. "We thought we'd come see this place. Who knows? Maybe we could play here sometime."
Dave's eye
s narrowed as he turned to Elijah. Then he started laughing.
"I can't believe I actually thought you were from E. C. Lynch,"he said, still laughing. "I mean, you look a lot like him, but the nose is totally wrong."
I smothered a laugh. Elijah kicked me again.
"Yes,"said Elijah. "I was thinking of doing it."
Dave waved a finger. "No, honey... don't do it. Your nose is perfect, and when 5Point is gone and forgotten, you don't want to regret having gone under the knife to look like someone else. Even if it's E. C. Lynch. "He fanned his face with his hand. "That man is hot! "he exclaimed, taking the last word out.
Even under the colored lights, I realized that Elijah was blushing.
Lovely.
"You're not so bad yourself, honey,"Dave added with a wink in Elijah. "I leave at 11:00, if you're interested."
Elias swallowed thick. "Thank you, but I' m..."
"He's with me,"I covered my chest. "I'm sorry, Dave. Taken. " I shrugged my shoulders apologizing.
"Oh, well. You can't blame a man for trying,"he said wistfully. "I'll go get your pitcher. " With one last nostalgic look, Dave went to the bar.
The table was silent for a moment, and in unison we all laughed hysterically.
"What did I tell you? " Eddie asked. "Welcome to San Francisco!"
E. C.
Turns out the bar wasn't such a bad idea. After the whole debacle with the waiter flirting with me, that's it.
"What the fuck is wrong with my nose, anyway? " I asked Daisy while we were diving into pitcher number four. Eddie and Roland were on the dance floor, so we were alone in the booth. "Is there something wrong with my nose?"
She shook her head. "Your nose is fine. Your nose is beautiful. Your nose is perfect."
"Yes,"I nodded, my head swimming a little. "Yes. My nose is fine. Dave doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about."
"The man doesn't have good taste,"she agreed.
I finished my drink and turned around to watch Roland and Eddie grind Lady Gaga.
"Do you want to dance? " I asked Daisy.
She blinked. "What? I don't know if that's a good idea.
"Why not? " I shrugged my shoulders. "No one knows us here. God knows no one's gonna look twice at two guys dancing together. Roland already knows about us, and I'm sure Eddie suspects. What have we got to lose?"
Daisy looked at the dance floor, biting her lip nervously for a moment. "Do you think so? " she asked, turning to me.
"Come on,"I said, sliding out of the cockpit and extending a hand. "What the hell?"
She smiled, putting her hand on mine. "What the hell?"
It was really fucking amazing to be able to be with Daisy in public like that. Roland and Eddie were so wrapped up in none of the others that they didn't even notice us. We stayed in a dark corner, dancing the rest of the night.
The feeling of having pressed her against me, her head tucked under my chin... it was... it was fucking incredible.
Then, when the waiter shouted:"Last call, bitches! "and the D. J. played a cheesy love song by Beyonce or Chaka Khan - I couldn't tell you for sure because I wasn't paying attention - Daisy looked at me. Her fingers slipped into my hair and she licked her lips... and like a fucking magnet, she threw me in.
I kissed her, and I realized, at the time, that what was happening with Daisy was more than I thought.
I realized, at the time, that I was in love with her.
0
It scared the hell out of me. The whole trip back to the hotel in the taxi was a complete disaster.
I've never been in love before. And now... in this situation? It was... well, saying it was complicated was an understatement.
To say it was destined for disaster seemed more appropriate.
Besides all that - the liar, and the world thinking Daisy was a boy, and Roland thinking we were gay lovers - on top of that, I had no idea if Daisy felt the same way.
Of course, I knew she liked it... very much. That was pretty obvious. But being in the position of loving someone and not being sure if he loved you back?
Fuck. I really understood all those corny love songs. It made you nervous... and you panicked... and dizzy and nauseous?
And fucking excited.
Unfortunately, our night together ended when we arrived at the hotel. Cecil had reserved three two-room suites for us, but Daisy shared hers with Ethan, leaving me with Raul.
They didn't even give me a fucking kiss good night.
So when morning came, I was exhausted from sleep deprivation and hard as a rock for lack of... well, you know. I joined the boys at the hotel restaurant for breakfast after rubbing a quick one in the shower. Of course, it all went to shit when I saw Daisy again, my dick obviously didn't care that it was supposed to have been soothed for a while.
Fucking asshole.
After breakfast, we head to Golden Gate Park for a quick sound check before the evening concert at the Bay City Music Festival. It was pretty relaxed, compared to the Garden show - no flashing lights or explosions.
Just the sunlight and a basic sunset in front of a few thousand fans.
While we were standing behind the scenes, waiting for our performance, we could hear the crowd singing "5Point" as they stepped on their feet. Daisy came over to straighten out my bow tie.
"I don't know about these costumes,"she said with a frown. We were all dressed in jeans and white buttons... with bow ties and matching cardigans in different colors. Mine was bright green... Daisy's, electric blue?
"Really? I think they're great,"I said with a smile, waving the tie around with my fingers. The costumes were Cecil's idea. We were presenting a new single at the festival called Geek Lover, so he thought it would be nice to look at the part. I put my hand in my pocket and pulled out the glasses with a trumpet frame, smoothing the ribbon around the nasal bridge. Unrolling them, I slipped them while Daisy did the same thing. I smiled at how pretty she looked.
"Fine,"I said.
"Shut up."
"At least Cecil didn't make us wear pocket protectors."
"Don't give him any ideas."
"Guys,"Ethan hissed, straightening up his own little red bow tie. "Shut the fuck up. It's time!"
We took our positions, and after the announcer introduced us, we ran onstage to the initial strains of Geek Lover.
Adjusting my headset, I took center stage. "Here's a new one... for all the girls who make us lose our cool. "The crowd shouted, and I couldn't help but take a look at Daisy before she started singing the first verse."
I'm staying in your locker.
Every day after school
When I see you in the hallway
I'm trying to stay calm.
Ethan broke in with a quick rap.
I tried to be cool, to be calm, to be doped up
But girl, you got me at the end of my rope.
Raul took the second verse.
Girl, do something to me.
No one else can do it.
You put me out of my mind and you get on my nerves
And I just make a fool of myself
Ethan went back in.
I used to be B-M-O-C.
But girl, what have you done to me?
We all joined together for the choir, our voices in close harmony.
No smooth movements, no easy lines to speak
And I don't care, girl, I know you're mine.
Maybe I'm a pariah, a nerd, a fool, an asshole, a fool.
But if I hold you in my arms, that's all I need to have
Girl... just say the word.
And I'll be your own personal nerd.
I'm your geek lover... your lover... forever?
Your geek lover... Girl, are you mine?
I'm your geek lover... wait and see.
How does a geek lover... fly your mind?
We ended the song with a thunderous applause and bowed as the music began for Uncharted Territory. Daisy took her place on the center stage, but suddenly Roland stepped
forward.
I saw Cecil Linda's assistant on her wings, biting her hair nervously.
"I wasn't going to do this,"Roland began, pushing his glasses to the top of his head. "But you guys have been so amazing... and... I love you San Francisco!" "The crowd burst into Roland's unexpected bellow."
They couldn't call it Whispers anymore.
The music continued in the background as Roland spoke. "That song we just sang is about being who you are. It's about being in love and accepting who you are. So, I think it's the perfect time to tell you everything..."
I heard Linda cursing as her fingers flew over her iPhone.
"I'm gay,"concluded Roland. "I'm gay and in love... and I'm not ashamed to say it!"?
The crowd went crazy and we circled around Roland, patting him on the back in a show of solidarity. I saw Linda talking furiously on her phone, covering her other ear with her finger.
I knew who she was calling.
Cecil was gonna shit a brick.
Chapter 8
Chapter 8 - Confessions in the bedroom
Daisy
Cecil was waiting for us when we got to L. A.
And I wasn't happy.
After the show in San Francisco, everything went crazy. Roland's ad made it onto the Internet even before we left the stage, with bloggers, bloggers and tweeters tweeting, and gossip sites gossiping their dirty little hearts.
By the time we got back to the hotel, the legitimate press had joined the paparazzi on the outside sidewalk, taking pictures and shouting questions.
"Whispers, were you trying to make a statement?"
"Uh…yeah. The statement is,' I'm gay.
"Roland, are you worried about your fans' reaction?"
"Our fans are incredible. I'm not worried at all.
"Whispers, have you ever had a homosexual relationship with any of the other 5Point members?"
Ethan stiffened up on that one, but Roland said,"What about you?"
"E. C. , do you mind if Whispers is gay?"
"Why would I do that?"
Questions kept coming up even after we were fine in the lobby, and he didn't stop there. Roland's speech at the concert led all the entertainment shows - and even garnered coverage in the national news. But he handled it like a pro. Obviously, after deciding to go out, I wasn't going to do it halfway. He didn't hide. He answered the media questions with a broad smile, Eddie by his side, and we all lined up behind him in a show of support.
