Never Say Never Again

by A. E. Easterlin

  Eli led Maddie out into the hall and carefully closed Pap’s door. “How long has he been like this?” he asked the nurse as she came out of the room.

  “Since this morning,” the woman said.

  “When I was here yesterday, he slept all day.” Maddie glanced at the concerned nurse.

  Eli gestured toward the waiting room. “Why don’t I get you a cup of coffee? I want to make a phone call.” Handing her a cup of dark brew, he sat beside her on a small, hard sofa.

  When he punched the contact button, Gideon’s strong voice came through the receiver: “Branch.”

  “Gideon, it’s Eli. I’m at the hospital with Maddie, and Pap’s taken a turn for the worse.”

  His deep rumble audibly filled the room. “Give me thirty minutes. Maddie okay?”

  “Yeah.” Eli’s eyes softened on her anxious face. “She’s hanging in there. See you in thirty.”

  “You need him, Maddie,” Eli said. “And he needs you.”

  True. She did.

  After half an hour, the doctor came out to talk with them.

  “It’s not looking good, Maddie. I’m sorry. Pap wants to go home, and there’s no reason to keep him at the hospital any longer. I’m arranging for a hospice nurse from Laramie. She’ll need to stay at your place.”

  This is it. Help me, God.

  Her body shook, and a boulder as big as Wyoming settled in her gut. Shivers crept up her spine as she straightened her shoulders and braced.

  “Not a problem. The guest room is ready. What…What’s going to happen next?” She shook as adrenaline rushed through her bloodstream.

  “An ambulance will take Pap back home. The hospice nurse should be there by the time you arrive. She knows what to do. I know her personally—she’s a sweet lady and very competent. You can concentrate on Pap and let her do the work. Eli, you and Gideon going to be there?”

  Eli nodded. “Gideon’s already on his way. He just has to make sure everything’s taken care of at the ranch.”

  Maddie raised trembling hands to her face. Gideon was coming over? Thank God, she would never be alone. Not with his steady strength, his commitment. She’d chased him away, railed against him, questioned his character. And now she wanted nothing more than to have him by her side.

  Her grandfather was right; Loretta and Stan were right. Even Eli was right. She’d acted the fool, yet the first words out of his mouth had been his concern for her.

  The elevator dinged, and the EMTs came down the hall with a stretcher. Maddie went back into her grandfather’s hospital room.

  Eyes closed, his breathing shallow, Pap’s skin had taken on a gray hue. His lips were dry and tinged with blue. Mumbling her grandmother’s name over and over, he appeared to sink deeper into the bed.

  This is it. I’m losing him.

  Tears flowed from her eyes and down stiff, cold cheeks. A steady stream of moisture drained from her nose, and she reached for a tissue. Her body quivered, and she longed for the strength of Gideon’s arms to still the bone-chilling ache.

  What made her start talking she couldn’t say, but whispered words came tumbling out through broken sobs. “I’m going to miss you so much, Pap. I love you. Thank you for your love throughout my life. For being mother and father, teacher and friend. All the good in me is because of you.”

  Glancing down, Maddie was startled to find Pap’s blue eyes gazing up at her. “You’re awake.” Taking his hand, she brought it to her lips and kissed the back, on his thin, age-spotted skin.

  “Don’t you grieve, baby girl,” he begged brokenly. “Had a good life with Emma and you, looking forward to seeing her again. You miss me, just remember, wherever she is, I’ll be. You take the ranch and build your camp. Help all those babies, and give them a taste of joy.”

  “I promise, Pap,” she cried.

  “Maddie, it was my Emma told me you belonged with Gideon. She came to me in a dream before you even got engaged to Harrison, said she had a man all picked out—it was meant to be. I asked who it was, and she told me his name. I went about it all wrong, and I’m sorry. Don’t waste this chance, baby girl. Don’t let your bullheadedness ruin things with Gideon. Emma was usually right about people.”

  “She was usually right about most things, as I recall.” Maddie smiled gently. Pap’s eyes dimmed. “Maddie Mae”—he forced out the words—“settle your mind about the man you first loved, then give your heart to the second.”

  The afternoon sun sliced through the window as it hit the bed where he lay. Like a ray of light from God himself, it shone on the face of a happy man. A man at peace. Content. As Pap Lowry took his last breath on planet earth, a sweet breeze stirred through the room and gave her chills. Almost as if Emma had come to take him home.

  “Goodbye, Pap…” Maddie sobbed as her head fell on his still body. In her mind’s eye she pictured him as she’d known him years before. Tall, strong, and handsome. Smiling in his Emma’s eyes as he embraced her.

  That was the picture that imprinted on her mind. A gift. A blessing. The rays of light warming her as beams of light shone from far above straight into her heart of hearts.

  Pap was wrong about one thing—Harrison McCall wasn’t the first man she’d loved.

  Her grandfather was.

  ****

  At home, Maddie bypassed her chair for Pap’s old recliner. Seat-sprung and worn, the leather smelled like him, Old Spice and old man, as he’d so often teased. She crawled into it just as she’d crawled into his lap many nights past, a part of him cocooning her in his favorite spot. Sensing his loving presence hovering, she burrowed back into the old chair, comforted, less alone.

  Make peace with your first love, he’d said, and then give your love to the second. She was beginning to think Gideon Branch was her first love, after all. If she called Harrison, would he come for the funeral? How would it feel to see him after all this time? Would her heart break all over again, or would she discover the true friend he had once been?

  Maddie’s brain reeled. So much to do, to plan, to endure. Exhaustion washed over her, and while she appreciated the love and attention, all she really wanted to do was crawl between the sheets and sleep. Pap, Gideon, Eli, Harrison, Tyler, Loretta, Stan—faces of friends from school and work danced like animated images flashing on the back of her eyelids.

  A loud knock interrupted her reverie.

  Gideon!

  Someone let him in, and she recognized the sound of his boots across the floor. The scent of wood and sweat and man preceded him as she breathed him in.

  “Maddie.” He squatted beside the recliner and drew her gaze.

  “I’m so sorry, sweetheart,” he breathed. “Do you want anything, need anything?”

  “I don’t know what to do, Gideon,” she whispered as he took her hand, his thumb rubbing circles on the inside of her wrist. “What I should do first.”

  “You don’t have to do anything, sweetheart. Pap made his own arrangements months ago. All you have to do is get through the next few days.”

  As soon as the words were out of his mouth, she calmed. Once again, Pap had cared for her; he’d taken the work and ensuing heartbreak from her hands. And if he’d been brave enough to do that, she would be brave enough to make him proud.

  Gideon gathered her in his arms and softly stroked her cheek. “Remember I said you wouldn’t have to face this alone? Look around you—all these people here are your family. We love you. We’re committed to you. Whatever you need, all you have to do is ask.”

  Relief and gratitude surged through her body. “Thank you,” she whispered to Gideon. To the others, she spoke as strongly as possible. “Thanks to all of you…for everything.”

  While they’d been talking, Stan and Loretta had done their thing in the kitchen. A platter of sandwiches sat on the counter next to a fresh pot of coffee. Loretta brought her a plate, and she tried to eat, but all she wanted was her bed and some sleep.

  As Maddie excused herself, Loretta hugged her goodbye. “I’ll cal
l you in the morning,” she promised. Maddie nodded, tears leaking from the corners of her eyes. One by one, her house grew empty, until the only one who remained was the cowboy she’d vowed to keep at a safe distance.

  “Don’t even ask.” Gideon wryly grinned. “There’s no way I’m leaving you alone tonight.”

  Maddie hesitated only a moment. She wanted him to stay.

  “The guest room’s already made up. You can sleep in there.”

  He nodded. “I’m going to take care of the horses. Anything else you need me to do?”

  “No… Give King an extra portion of oats tonight. Tell him what happened. Pap would like that, I think.”

  “You got it, sweetheart. Try and eat a little bit—you’ll need your strength. I’ll check in with you when I’m done.” He winked as he turned to go.

  “Gideon?” she called.

  “Yeah?”

  “Thanks.”

  His big, warm hand slid around her waist, and he drew her trembling body against him. Solid as the mountains that greeted her each morning, reliable as the rising and setting of the sun, he was the one chosen by Pap, and by her grandmother, as well.

  Gideon swore he’d loved her from that first crazy moment in Loretta’s when Buddy and Russ had too much to drink and he’d come to her rescue. She believed him, and that night out on the prairie, when he taught her what it was to give herself to a man, it was way more than sex. Way, way more.

  Maybe what she needed all along was just a little time.

  Maddie ate a few bites of food, drank a sip or two of coffee, and took a long, hot shower. By the time she crawled into bed, she was barely conscious. Opening her window to the night breeze, she heard Gideon moving around in the barn, taking care of end-of-day chores. The familiar sounds of horses shuffling in the stalls, the smell of the animals, the chirping of the crickets out in the pasture, blended into a song of peace and, to her surprise, she slept.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  The funeral was short and to the point—just as Pap would have wanted. A simple graveside service, a few flowers, friends, and the respectful residents of his community in attendance. After a final farewell, Gideon escorted her to his truck and drove her home.

  It was done. Pap was with his Emma. And Maddie was left to carry on.

  The afternoon passed in a blur. Neighbors brought food, desserts, drinks, and talked about how much Pap had meant to all of them. As sad as she was, Maddie smiled at their stories and hugged them when they said how much they would miss him. Even though their expressions of sympathy meant a lot, she was teetering on the point of exhaustion by late afternoon.

  Loretta and Stan, Eli and Gideon, stayed after all the others left. “If you need anything—anything at all, you call me. Don’t tackle any of Pap’s belongings without me. When you’re ready to sort through his things, I’ll be glad to help you, you hear?” Loretta offered.

  “Thanks. I think I’ll take a couple of days to get my bearings, so maybe next week, okay?”

  Loretta nodded as Stan wrapped his arms around his wife’s waist. “Whenever you want me,” she said as he nodded a goodbye and walked her out.

  Next to leave was Eli, who’d been a dear and helped clean up, including in charge of bagging and removing the trash. “Get some rest, Maddie. Gideon and I will take care of the animals and chores for a couple of days. Are Buddy and Russ coming to work, or do you know?”

  “To tell you the truth, I haven’t talked to them.”

  “Leave it to me. Most of the repairs are done—all you need now is paint, and a decision on building the cottages. Let me know. I’ll be glad to help.”

  “Thank you, Eli. For now, I just want to make sure the horses are taken care of and exercised. Maybe Buddy and Russ can handle that—I know they want the work.”

  “Don’t worry—like I said, let us take care of that. Just take your time,” Eli encouraged with a smile, and then he, too, was gone.

  That left Gideon and Maddie. Alone. And awkwardly staring at each other. Less than a week ago, she’d unleashed a mountain of fury on him. And now he was surrounding her with his presence, reassuring her, making her feel safe and cared for, and ashamed of her behavior.

  Slipping out of her high heels, she stumbled to the kitchen. Coffee. She needed caffeine. Gideon pulled two cups from the cabinet, caging her in, his warm body giving off welcome heat. She shivered. God, it felt so good to have him near.

  “You okay?” he asked, setting the cups on the counter, cupping her shoulder with his big man-hand.

  “Yeah.” She nodded. “Just tired. And cold—bone-deep cold.”

  “Reaction to stress. Here.” He handed her the fragrant brew.

  Sipping the steamy liquid and sighing with pleasure at its warmth, Maddie stared at the scene outside her kitchen window. Sun shining, bright blue sky, about eighty degrees. A perfect day. Pap would have loved it.

  “A nice service, wasn’t it?” she asked, distracted by his nearness.

  “You don’t have to make small talk, Maddie. Just relax. Let me take care of you.” Suddenly her back was against his front, his arms crossed over her chest. Sweetly, carefully, his strength and support melted her a little.

  Maddie swallowed through the lump in her throat. Evidence of his tenderness made it difficult to hold on to her anger.

  “Don’t, Gideon. I can’t do this right now.”

  “Do what?” he replied quietly. “Nothing’s going to happen. I’m not going for anything except to be your friend. No expectations, no pressure. You buried your grandfather today, and you’re a little broken. Whether or not you want to admit it, I can help. So let me. Put all our issues out of your mind, drink your coffee, take a shower, and get some sleep.”

  “Good advice. I think that’s exactly what I’ll do.” She sighed. “I don’t suppose it would do any good to try and convince you to go home?”

  “Not a chance.”

  “Guest room has clean sheets. New toothbrush is in the hall bathroom, along with fresh towels. Do you need anything else?”

  Gideon shook his head. “Not a thing. Call me if you need me.”

  Maddie felt her face heat. How was she ever going to get a good night’s rest with Gideon on the other side of her bedroom wall? Just thinking about having him close, in the dark of night, jump-started her numbed heart.

  Throwing him out of her house, screaming her anger in his face, hadn’t changed her attraction to him. Everything he’d said and everything Pap had said percolated through her mind. She should hate Gideon for his part in Pap’s scheme, shouldn’t she? At the very least, stay as far away from him as she could.

  Yet here he was, acting the friend, offering his help. It was all so confusing. Why couldn’t she put a period at the end of this relationship, whatever it was, and walk away like she had with Harrison?

  Because he means more to you than Harrison ever did.

  Going into her room, she stripped and turned on the shower. The hot water stung her skin as she let clouds of steam steep the tension from the day. A solitary knock sounded on the bathroom door, and Gideon’s voice called, “You okay in there? Need anything?”

  “Fi…fine,” she called as her heart stuttered. “I’ll see you in the morning.”

  “Goodnight, sweetheart.”

  “’Night, Gideon.”

  Holding her breath, she finally heard the familiar creaking of the wooden floor as he walked down the hall. Having him close set off alarm bells. She shouldn’t be thinking about him. The strength of his sexy body holding her in the night. Shouldn’t be thinking, period.

  Guard your heart, keep your composure, and above all—don’t make another mistake.

  The hot water ran out before her body warmed. She cracked the window for a little fresh air, the lace curtains billowing in the ever-present Wyoming breeze, reminding her that only days ago, when Pap passed, she’d thought of her grandmother. Closing her eyes, she had the impression of both of them standing by her bed, assuring her of their love,
their happiness at being reunited in the afterlife, of well being, and she smiled. It wasn’t a bad way to end an emotional day of tribute to a man she adored.

  Startled awake by the mournful howl of a coyote, Maddie glanced at her cell phone and the midnight darkness of the night. One o’clock, and she was dry as a bone, regretting her failure to grab a bottle of water before she went to bed. She peeked out in the hall to make sure Gideon wasn’t there. All clear. T-shirt and panties might be pushing her luck.

  An eerie light flashed from the living room. The TV was on, sound muted, and Gideon sat with his head against the back of the sofa. Sound asleep, mouth open. The gentle rumble of rhythmic snoring made her smile.

  Tiptoeing closer, she allowed herself a few minutes to observe. Dwarfing the small furniture, his body relaxed, Gideon looked like a gentle giant. Gentle, maybe, but powerful. A complex man, a man of contradictions. Stubborn, accustomed to giving orders rather than taking them. Yet underneath the hard-hewn exterior beat the heart of a kind man.

  Kind, but not soft. Gideon was all male. Remembering the display of muscles when he’d been cutting wood, her blood heated. Those arms—arms were a personal turn-on for her. Outlines of his hard body that night in the moonlight released pulses in her core. Vulnerable due to his injury, nonetheless appealing. Everything about him called to her.

  Harrison had been built, too. Probably one reason she’d constantly wanted to jump his bones. Or maybe that desire had been a subconscious attempt to assure herself of his love.

  Gideon had taken off his prosthesis that night. The surgeons had amputated just below the knee. There was deep scarring at the site where skin had been sutured to cover what remained of his leg. He’d said he had to massage it to keep it from causing him trouble. For some strange reason, she longed to touch him there—to give him relief. To prove that particular loss made no difference, that it was insignificant to his appeal.