Rigadoon

by Louis-Ferdinand Celine

  There on the roadbed … I guess I was sick … fainted like a sissy … must have, because Felipe woke me up … it was getting light…

  “Has the train passed?”

  I ask him.

  “No … no … not yet!”

  That’s a good thing … I says to myself: Lili, I’ve found you, you’re here! … so’s Bébert! … oh, but the sirens, wheee! … as many as in Berlin … you’d think they were finished around here, they’ve wrecked the whole place! well, pretty near … wheee! … from one end of the moonlight to the other … and wham! … and boom! … bombs! smash! … but what was there left to smash? … hey, where’s Felipe? …

  At last! the train! … I can hear you saying: all he does is take trains … anyway, here it is! … seems it’s the last train from Hanover to Hamburg … if you call it a train … a coke engine hitched to ten, maybe fifteen open-work cars … cars? not exactly … no walls, no doors … more like platforms … the worst of it is that they’re all full … war materiel, mostly … I think … enormous searchlights under tarps … nobody stops the passengers from climbing on … they’ve just got to squeeze in … it’s the last train on the line … then they’re going to rip up the rails for strategic reasons … that’s what they’re saying … they seem to know … rumors aren’t always wrong, that’s what’s so frightening, that shred of truth … but even if it wasn’t sure they were going to discontinue the Hanover-Hamburg, even if it was only probable, we couldn’t take the chance … heave-ho! … not so easy, but we make it! … we’re wedged between an enormous spool of cable and some other huge object, a dynamo, I think … pretty tight squeeze, but not too uncomfortable … Lili, Bébert in his musette bag, Felipe, and myself … we’ve only got each other to keep us warm, nothing to put on, lost it all in the hostilities and under the brick slide … well, pretty near … our knapsacks and duffel coats … buried in bricks … I think, I’m not sure … I won’t claim we were naked, no! … but that’s what it felt like in the rain and wind … besides, it was coming on winter and we hadn’t had anything to eat since the smashup … I think all our stuff was buried under the bricks, I’m not sure … I’m not saying we were stark naked, no! … but nothing to eat, not a thing, no coffee, no bread … the other people on the other cars haven’t anything either, I can see the positions they’re in, they’ve climbed on, hoisted themselves like us, not a peep out of them, they’re only trying to keep warm like us, but in clusters of ten or fifteen … men and women … in between spools of barbed wire, steel girders, and more searchlights … all this equipment for Hamburg? at the tail end, it looks like, they’ve even got pieces of railroad cars … quarters, halves … that we’re toting along with a regiment of searchlights … no skin off my ass! … to the repair yard! … why not? … I promise Lili: “this is going to be fun!” … “think so?” … she’s not so sure … she asks me … “are you feeling all right?” … the fact is, I’m feeling remarkably chipper … in spite of my stinking headache … my nose and mouth are bleeding too … not much, drop by drop … must be blood, it’s trickling down my back and between my legs … I don’t want to say anything, but there in that street, in the fracas, I took a clout between the medulla and maybe the mastoid … I’ve got a lump, feels like a warm moist ball, hair, mud, and something else … but as long as I can stand up more or less … and we’ve found a place … not the first time! … wedged between tarps and dynamos … the main thing is to keep from falling off this shelf! … a hell of a setup, this bric-a-brac flatcar … and cold! … it’s September … if we fall off this shelf nobody’ll come and pick us up … I mean by rail … if the tracks are still there! such a hurry, they tell me, to do away with this line! … hee! hee! … I tell Lili it’s funny … she doesn’t think so … she never sulks, but right now she’s sulking … since that brickfall, I think … me, it’s the exact opposite! … ever since that brick hit me, except for this lousy headache, I’ve been wanting to laugh! … at everything … for instance this platform we’re on … and the cool of the morning … cool? … understatement … it’s just plain cold … but I can’t complain! … “Lili, I’ve got a fever! … how about you? … and you, Felipe?” something’s jiggling, I don’t know who’s doing it, but it’s one of us … in my case it’s malaria plus everything else … later … a little later I’ll go into the clinical aspect … but … say … this car is moving! … definitely! … I said to myself … we’d pulled out and we hadn’t even noticed … we were rolling along … charming landscape! … well, kind of hazy … poetic, let’s say … the people behind us … on the other flatcars … must be joggling too … I get a glimpse of them … here and there … between the tarps and searchlights, they seem to be all huddled up like us and not very happy … they’re dressed pretty much like us … I think … but there must be some more under the tarps, that can’t be all war materiel … hiding in the hardware! … on the lam from something or other … people that don’t want to be seen … here we are, joggling along on these flatcars with a whole raft of invisibles … coexistence is the word nowadays … okay, we’re coexisting! … the main thing is we’re rolling! even with these stowaways, we’ll get to Hamburg, unless the train blows up … it’s the things you don’t see that matter in life, what you see is all masquerade, blah-blah, theater! … it’s what’s going on inside your prostate that’s interesting, that millionth gamete that decides he’s sick of it all and isn’t going to take any more orders, no, he’s going into business for himself, to hell with the ladies and cock robin! he’s going to proliferate … quick! this minute! for his own benefit! and you can croak! you’ll never see that millionth lowdown cancerous anarchist gamete! … you won’t even know he existed! … oh oh! now I’m proliferating, losing sight of you … curses! … off my rocker? … never mind, I warned you! … my head! … my head’s acting up … no! it can count me out! … I’m bringing you back to our rolling platform … this enormous contraption and all these people wedged between the dynamos … here we are again! … nothing to complain about, we’re getting ahead … there’s definitely somebody under those tarps … I’m positive! … time will tell! … Henry IV? … Romanov? … Louis XV? they lived well … and shitless … assassins in every doorway … every street corner … those things, as you know, concern the Fates, not us! … to sum up: that brick hasn’t improved my health … I admit it! but not depressed … not in the least! … actually I’m kind of gay … a special kind of whimsy … those thatched huts, for instance … on both sides of the landscape … seems to me they’re acting kind of theatrical … tableau effect, leaning over, undulating … especially the chimneys … it’s a kind of vision, a style … oh, I know my head has something to do with it! … that brick … I ask Lili … no! … she doesn’t see anything undulating … I won’t say any more about it! … talking about smoke, we’re doing all right … soot, the usual cloud, we’re not far from the engine … but nothing like those tunnels! the innards of the Harz! here it’s flat country … plains … and another thing: no alerts! … we hear a few squadrons high up … but nothing coming our way, they’re not interested in our string of flatcars … same old story … I guess we’re not worth a bomb … come to think of it, we hadn’t been worth a bomb quite a few times … which hadn’t prevented me from getting mine, but indirect … a brick! … according to Felipe … one thing for sure, my mouth was full of blood, fresh, not clotted … where was it coming from? … this slow trickle … the inner ear? … I was thinking, I’m still thinking … and at the same time this gaiety … so sudden … not much to be gay about, except that we were rolling in the direction of Hamburg … and points north … and up there there might be some way to … if you’ve got your idea, your idée fixe, you’re sitting pretty, other people do your thinking for you, they think of everything, knock themselves out doing this, doing that … it’s gruesome to think what slaves they are, motorists, casuists, alcoholics, plurisexuals, bulimics, coprophagists, super-production perverts! … which didn’t prevent me, clever a
s I am, from picking a winner that’s still giving me trouble with my beezer, and today, twenty years later, I’m still wondering how it could have happened …

  All right! you’re sick of listening to this stuff 1 you’d like to see me get somewhere … I understand! I sympathize! … my brick and ear stories are driving you up the wall … I’ll abridge! … our train was getting ahead … without incident … they must have repaired the roadbed … maybe a bit of jiggle-joggle … not much … but too cold for sleep … the only trouble with these flatcars … all you could do was look at the landscape … an hour … two hours … always the same … farms, thatched roofs in the meadows … and mists …

  Personally I have to admit that my shirt is sticking to my back … I’m positive … could I still be bleeding? in my pants too … believe it or not … in spite of the cold, I must have dozed off … I know it, because I couldn’t believe what I saw when I opened my eyes … our train had stopped … up ahead I saw a mountain of scrap, maybe a hundred yards away … and perched on top of it a locomotive … upside down … and believe me, that loco was no toy … twelve wheels! … upside down in the air … I count them … twelve … I count them again … it must have been an explosion … volcanic! … that shot it up there … upside down! … on the mountain top! …

  Not sure of my head, my impressions … my eyes weren’t acting right … I ask Lili … I ask Felipe … yes! … no mistake! … they see it too … this locomotive with its wheels in the air! … naturally it could have happened to us … not once, a hundred times … the way we’d been zigzagging around Germany … all the same, this locomotive way up there … upside down … I’m like St. Thomas, I only believe what I see! … “behold, Thomas! touch! …” as long as our train with all its flatcars and caboodle had stopped, I might as well go take a look … at this phenomenon, I mean this mountain of scrap and the locomotive on the summit … I suggest it to Lili and Felipe … it wasn’t very daring, there were plenty more in the meadow who’d come down off the flatcars like us, to go get an idea de visu … families of every language … in tatters like us, but better covered … rags but several layers … that explosion had wiped us out … taken away pretty near everything we had … say what you please, there’s something mysterious about that loco perched on the scrap … how’d it get up there? … an eruption in the meadow? no bomb could have shot that monster up in the air upside-down! … to the top of that crag! … they were all talking it over … not loud, more like whispers … snatches of sentences … it was mock-German … from pretty far-out countries, I’d say … anyway, they didn’t agree … one explanation wasn’t bad: a munitions dump … and another, just as plausible … a secret weapon … launched in Peene-miinde … had turned around … boomeranged … possible … everything was possible … it had been intended for London … I must say I couldn’t see any reason why they wouldn’t try again … and shoot us up on some mountain peak next time … meanwhile they were all looking at us … so ragged, worse than the rest … I guess they thought we were indecent … and something had to be done about it! … right away they think of the tarps on the cars! … one two three! … they climb up up, they come back! they cut! they tailor! … for us! … good deal! … big patches of green … brown canvas … give us something to put on … peplums … and rope girdles … there was everything on those flatcars! … seems there were people between the searchlights and the rolls of cable … lots of them … sleeping … and kids … so we make ourselves peplums out of these tarp cuttings … now we’re presentable! … but this canvas is mighty wet! … the autumn weather … we won’t be dry in a hurry … I’ve told you these people around us were whispering … a mixture of Low German and other dialects … later … later I’ll ask them … now my idée fixe is this loco up there on the mountain … it makes me laugh … I ask them about it … a man … a woman … they’re wondering too … that’s what they’d come down off their flatcars for, to find out … I’m getting impatient … besides, I’ve still got a pain in my ear … I never drink a drop, but I’m feeling kind of tipsy … even with my canes … or rather, my sticks … oh, I’m not the only one! it’s a common symptom … now, twenty years later, I still have this sensation of tipsiness … but now I’m the right age for it, the wind in my sails … man must stagger at his death … drunk with life, he’s had too much fun … the long and the short of it! … I’m entertaining you again … but there all of a sudden I was sick of not understanding those people …

  “No French people? … Keine Franzosen?”

  I say it out loud … hell! … there’s been enough whispering.

  “Ja! … ja!… eine Dame!”

  Glory be! at least one that’s not afraid to answer! where can this lady be?

  They go after her … is she on one of the flatcars too? … under a tarp? … it takes them quite a while to find her … ah, here she is! say, she’s not in rags at all … smart, I’d almost say … how come? … the rest of us rigged out like beggars … Chinese canvas puzzles … scarecrows! … and this young lady … where’s she out of? … I’d better ask her …

  “I am honored, mademoiselle!”

  She looked like a mademoiselle to me …

  “Permit me to introduce my wife and our friend … Felipe! … and myself with all my respects … Louis Destouches … doctor of medicine …”

  “A great pleasure, Doctor! … Madame, I want to embrace you! … if you don’t mind! …”

  “By all means! … by all means! …”

  This young lady’s name … Odile Pomaré … she looks a lot better than we do, her attire, I mean, dress, blouse, little fur cap, scarf, but when it comes to her complexion certainly worse … consumptive it seems to me … that flush on her cheeks … thin and feverish … cadaverous … I don’t say anything but she seems seriously sick … I don’t have to ask because right away she gives a little cough, for my benefit I guess, she wants to show me … in her handkerchief …

  “Yes … I see … often?”

  “Often in the last month … but even in France …”

  But where’s she come from now? from Breslau! … my goodness! … our Faustus, the lawyer … there really was such a man in Breslau! she’d known him slightly … but maybe it wasn’t the same one … Cardinal de Retz claimed that suspicion makes us pull as many boners as confidence … it was all right for the cardinal! with all that power and what have you! … but when you’re a poor slob, confidence isn’t so hot! you know what you can do with it! … super-suspicious! that’s me! anyway, I listen … what was this consumptive young lady doing in Breslau? instructor at the university! … oh! oh! … what degrees? … Ph.D. in German! … from the Sorbonne! … baloney, it seems to me! but that locomotive up there … does she see it? … she should answer me, dammit! … and right away!

  I’m in no joking mood!

  Yes, she sees it! … doesn’t she find it strange? … no! … if you ask me, this chick is nuts! … instructor in Breslau? baloney! … I get the giggles! … it’s my right! … they all look at me … let ‘em look! …

  “It’s the brick! … the brick!”

  Now they’ll know! “si! si!”

  Felipe backs me up … they ought to know I’m punchdrunk … the brick! … they were there, the dolts! or weren’t they? … and where’d they come from anyway? … Breslau or someplace else! … they were in rags at least! … but this blood-spitting Odile? … standing there hardly rumpled, I mean her dress and her lavender scarf … her family is in Orange … she’d studied in Aix … possible! … taken her degree in Paris … not so sure, but one thing, this Odile is very sick … I may be foggy in the head, seeing that loco perched in the air upside down, but this Odile Pomaré, Ph.D. or not, is in a bad way …

  “Mademoiselle, if you don’t mind, I’m going to take your temperature!”

  “Where, Doctor?”

  “Under your arm, mademoiselle! Lili, the thermometer!”

  Lili’d been pretty badly jumbled by that hurricane of pursuers a
nd the cataract of bricks, I’d seen it, I was scared stiff, practically undressed, but she’d saved her belt … which was something! … my hard-core reserves … ampules, packages of this and that, syringe … camphorated oil, morphine … plus a phial of cyanide … and the thermometer!

  “Well, let’s see now!”

  A hundred and one and five-tenths! … pretty bad! … what’ll I tell her? … I’ll think about it…

  “Oddort! … we were supposed to go to Oddort … our train … ever hear of it?”

  Odile isn’t interested in my medical opinion … she wants me to tell her about Oddort! and quick!

  “Yes, we know all about it! … you’re better off here, mademoiselle … but how come you’re so neat and clean? … were you in a passenger car?”

  Seems to me I have a right to be curious too.

  “The other people are in rags! … what countries are all these people from? … and the locomotive up there?”

  “Up where?”

  Puzzled! the impudence! … I see it clear as day! eight wheels! upside down! up there! what’s more, it’s starting up! … I hear it! … choo! choo! that’s not my sounds, I’m positive! I know my own sounds! I’m used to them, aren’t I?

  And then socko! I don’t hear a thing …

  They managed, I don’t know how … anyway, they carried me up to my place between the dynamo and the yellow searchlight … I couldn’t really tell at the time, but it must have been rough going … took twenty, maybe thirty of them … Lili and Felipe of course … and all those other people, I guess … I was unconscious … I’ll give you the details another time …

  Dingaling! I’ll have to break off … you understand … it’s the N.R.F… . got to answer! suspense! … Nimier° wants to see me! … oh yes! yes indeed … let him come … been expecting him for two years! … exactly! he bought a car to come to see me in! must be broken in by now … that’s why they’re calling …