by S. K. Lessly
I knew better. I knew better not to touch her, and I ignored the warning bells in my head and drew her sinful body into mine. I knew the moment I wrapped her in my arms that I would lose my mind. The feel of her body so close to mine, as well as the scent of her, momentarily took me back to the past. Touching her sent waves of salacious need all through me, drowning my soul.
I fought the urge to kiss her senseless, forgetting about the anger I felt, and my date was right next to me.
Do you see why she’s not good for me?
And to make matters worse, I almost gave into my deep-rooted need for her later that night.
I had been watching her off and on throughout the night. Her date was stuck to her like glue, and from where I sat, way across the room I might add, I could tell he was grating on her nerves. But again, I had to keep reminding myself that she wasn’t mine. I shouldn’t care that her date was irritating her. I needed to keep my focus on the woman at my side, and for the rest of the night, I did just that. I kept my eyes, my hands, and my mind on Bridgette. We danced, talked and laughed at stories her family told. We even made out a bit in the corner of the room, hidden from her family, of course.
I was on my way to getting Ms. Kelly out of my mind. However, things changed towards the end of the night.
I was ready to leave, the newlyweds had already made their exit, but Bridgette wanted to stay for a little while longer. When the band started to play Otis Redding’s “These Arms of Mine”, I couldn’t believe it. Seriously, what were the odds at a Latin wedding.
The song was very familiar to me. It was one of my favorite songs every made. It was also the same song I played for Lauren the night we spent in New York. I had closed my eyes and allowed the words saturate my body. My mind instantly went back to the past, back to that night I had with Lauren.
Damn…
That night had been one of the best nights I’d ever had with a woman. She and I bonded in a way that I couldn’t explain. The passion we shared and the emotions expressed with simple glances and touches was more than I ever experienced. It was that night that I almost told her I loved her. It was that night I knew I wanted no one else in my life but her.
Remembering that fact was the reason why I opened my eyes and watched her during the song. I saw her with her eyes closed swaying to the music, and I hoped so desperately that she was also thinking of that night. When I saw her shiver and lick her lips, I knew that she was thinking of that night and of what we did. When she caught me staring and gasped, and I could see just how flustered she was, it confirmed my suspicions. She was indeed thinking of that night.
As she bolted from the table, I found himself getting up as well to search for her like the out of control idiot I was. I had told myself I was just going to check on her, but I knew it was a lie. I knew exactly what I was going to do the moment I found her. I would grab her by the back of the head and kiss the ever-loving life out of her.
That was it. There wouldn’t be any words spoken.
Actually that was a lie. I would ask her if she remembered how it felt when I made her lose her mind with just my simple touch. Or maybe I’d ask if she remembered all the ways I tasted her sweet pussy or how many times I made her scream my name.
I had told myself that her answers would have been all the reason I needed to take her home with me or shit… maybe I’d fuck her in the ladies’ room right then and there. Regardless, I had been convinced I would have taken what I wanted from her without hesitation.
Do you see what she does to me?
I had been willing to leave my date, my potential future, at her family’s wedding and take my past— or whatever she was to me— home with me in a blink of an eye. What the fuck was wrong with me?
And to make matters worse, just thinking about that night had my dick now straining against the zipper of my jeans.
This was crazy.
I should be ashamed of myself. Here I was on a date with the woman that I had been seeing, and I was thinking of my ex or whatever she was to me.
The only reason why I hadn’t broken things off with Bridgette had been the fact that I didn’t find Lauren that night. Fate had intervened, and honestly, I should be thanking fate Lauren wasn’t where I thought she’d be. And maybe that was for the best. Maybe that was more confirmation that she and I didn’t belong together.
I had moved on from Lauren, and she had moved on from me. Nothing good would come from us even entertaining the past. Plus, I was enjoying getting to know Bridgette, being with her, and exploring possibilities.
This new part of my life was calming, easy, and it felt normal and right. I didn’t feel out of control when I was with her, which I was grateful for. Nevertheless, sometimes there were those moments when I wanted to be out of control. I wanted to let go of my inhibitions and be free. However, I would quickly end those thoughts. Nothing good came out of me being out of control. For example, I had felt out of control at the reception, and you know how that could’ve turned out.
Hell, if I was being honest, I always felt out of control with Lauren. I lost control of my emotions and control of my actions. There were so many times had I been with her, and I couldn’t control myself around her. I had to touch her or kiss her. I wanted her every second of every day. That wasn’t normal, right? I shouldn’t want someone every second of every day. It drove me crazy, and every day I told myself that I needed to get a grip, and every day I’d fail miserably.
Being with Bridgette was very different. Whenever I felt out of control, she always brought me back down to reality. She grounded me, you know, and I was completely grateful for that anchor.
She was amazing, bright, caring, and sweet as pie. She’d do anything for me. She’d give me space to decompress when I came home from a shift and was around when I needed the companionship. She allowed me to be who I was and never pushed me to be different. We were good together. We complimented each other quite nicely. I made the right choice with Bridgette.
So, why was I still thinking about her?
“You okay, Paul?” Bridgette asked me, cutting into my thoughts.
I turned to this beautiful woman sitting next to me and berated myself for betraying her in my mind. The only reason why I was able to give her a genuine smile and quiet my thoughts was knowing that what Bridgette and I have wasn’t defined. We were still trying to figure out what we wanted out of life and each other. We weren’t there yet, but I was looking forward to the discovery phase of this… relationship or friendship.
I took her hand in mine and kissed her knuckles gently. “Yeah, beautiful.” I smiled at her before I lied to her face. “I’m fine, just thinking about work.”
She shook her head and chuckled. “Okay, yeah,” she said still smiling, “keep those depressing thoughts to yourself.”
I chuckled too and returned my attention to the road.
Alright Paul Logan, get your shit in order. Why don’t you list the pros and cons of both of these women? Maybe doing that will ease your mind.
Sounds easy enough.
One thing Lauren and Bridgette had in common was both of them never bothered me after work. Bridgette would call me later in the day, or if she were at my house, she would give me all the space I needed to wind down. Lauren had been the same way. The only difference was Lauren was there any time I wanted to talk about whatever was on my mind. She didn’t mind my silence, but she also never minded when I needed to vent.
Bridgette was different. She never wanted to hear stories, and she never asked. She told me one day that she wanted me to leave all that bad stuff at work. She further believed that if I didn’t talk about it, it‘d be easier to disconnect. Of course, she was wrong, but I didn’t argue. Not everyone wanted to hear the fucked-up shit that went on with my job. The sadness and despair I saw most days could be depressing. I respected that about Bridgette. I was even okay with being alone with my thoughts.
I glanced over at her and studied the sexy goddess. She was on her phone texting. Her
long dark brown hair was curled and falling around her heavenly face. She was beautiful and had a great body. Sex with her was amazing, and she definitely knew how to please. I didn’t intimidate her, which was great.
Her sex drive was significantly lower than mine was which was fine. It was what I wanted, as I said. However, when we got down and dirty, she was all in.
On the flip side of that, if I got in the bed with her and went straight to sleep, she’d let me without a fuss.
I’ll admit, I wasn’t used to that. Lauren went on the attack the moment she saw me sometimes. She wasn’t a nympho or inconsiderate when I was tired. It was that… she knew the moment when I needed her. Whether it be late at night, when I walked in from work or when I was just sitting there watching television, she’d just know. She’d take over and make me lose my mind as she pleasured me.
Nevertheless, not all women were like that. It took time for two people to be in sync with each other. Bridgette and I needed time too, and I was willing to see where we would end up. After all, there was more to a relationship than sex. You had to have a connection with a person, and Bridgette and I definitely had that connection. I wanted to learn more about this woman, and in order for me to do that fully, I had to stop thinking about Lauren.
So, who won? Who had the better pros instead of cons?
I smiled just as the answer invaded my thoughts.
“Hey,” I glanced over at her quickly before bringing my eyes back to the road. When I took another glance her way, I saw her phone was down, and her eyes were on me. “My schedule is going to be hectic these next few weeks, but after the holidays, do you want to get away for the weekend?”
She smiled at me so brightly that it was almost blinding, which I had to say warmed me.
“I would love that, yes. What do you have in mind?”
I brought her hand to my lips again and kissed it.
“I don’t know. Maybe we can go to Florida or maybe out west for the weekend.”
She twisted in her seat with an excited look on her face. Her smile seemed to brighten, if that was even possible, and I knew at that moment that I was making the right decision for me.
“Oh, you know what would be the best? I’ve always wanted to go to this one place. It’s very romantic and beautiful this time of year, or so the commercials said.”
I smiled in spite of myself. “Oh yeah? Well, where is this romantic place?”
“The Poconos!”
Lauren
Okay, let me just say it…
Sleeping with Eugene was the worst mistake of my existence! There...
Oh.my.GOD! Someone shoot me now!
Ever since I gave it up to Eugene, he’s been up my ass. I mean, it was so bad and so annoying that it reminded me of the reason why you didn’t feed stray animals food. The moment you did, they kept coming back for more. That’s Eugene.
He showed up at my job, twice, unannounced, asking if he could take me to lunch in between classes or after class. He was pissed and blamed me for his long drive to Montclair when I turned him down. I told him in a nice tone how coming to my job without asking wasn’t cool. I had thought he understood, despite his excuses that he was just surprising me, or that he wanted to see me, but no he hadn’t.
Not a few days later, he made an unexpected visit to my house one day claiming he was checking up on me. I cussed his ass out that time and wouldn’t you know this idiot looked at me as if I was wrong for checking him? Then to add insult to injury, he tried to stay the night.
God!
The man has called me every day for weeks; several times a day I might add. He’s been texting me nonstop. He sent me flowers, cards, and candy almost every day. It was so bad that I was contemplating getting a restraining order against the psycho and blocking his number, but the fool knows where I live and work.
Argh… someone tell me why in the hell did I sleep with him?
And to make matters worse, tonight I snuck out of my own house, where he doesn’t live, by the way, sick as a dog, just to go to the movies alone.
Yeah, you heard right!
I was at the movie theater, getting ready to see Star Wars, with a fever, chills, and my stomach in knots all because I wanted to go to the movies alone. It sounded crazy, I knew it, and I was crazy for coming out when I was so sick. I just wanted to see this movie so badly. It meant that much to me, mainly because Paul and I were supposed to see it together.
Both being huge action movie buffs, he and I saw every action movie that came out when we were together. When we saw this last installment with Princess Leah still alive coming out, it was a must that we watched the movie. And, back then, it was a given we’d see it together. Since we weren’t together anymore, I felt weird seeing it with Eugene for one, and two, I couldn’t stand the sight of Eugene for one more day. I had made up my mind that, no matter what, I was going to see this movie, sickness be damned.
In preparation for my outing, I slept for most of the day all drugged up. When I woke an hour ago, my fever was gone. I took the reprieve as the perfect opportunity to make my way to the movies.
I wasn’t too careless with my health. I made sure to dress in a bunch of layers to keep my body temperature warm, it was cold as shit outside. I also wore a scarf and hat hoping that it would also keep me warm. Sadly, it wasn’t working.
My doctor said I might have the flu and yes, I knew I’d probably get someone in this movie theater sick, but I didn’t care. They could blame Eugene for me getting them sick.
I made it the theater without incident. I bought my ticket and contemplated buying popcorn. Feeling my stomach turning from just the smell of popcorn made the decision for me. Also, throwing up here for everyone to see wasn’t something I wanted to do. I clutched my purse tightly in my grasp, thankful for the bottled water and crackers I had stashed in my bag. Lately, I could barely keep anything else down, but I also couldn’t go to the movies and not snack on anything.
I went to the concession stand, grabbed some napkins, and paused when I saw a familiar body and profile at the butter stand with a huge tub of butter in his hand.
I sniffed, feeling my head getting stuffed all over again and very lightheaded, all due to my illness of course.
“Paul?” I said to the back of the man I still dreamed about.
Paul turned around shocked to see me, then happy, then alarmed.
“Hey, you okay?”
I sniffed. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I said, feeling both nostrils clogging with stubborn mucus.
He shook his head.
“Uh, you don’t look fine. You look like you’re gonna pass out at any second.”
He touched my arm then touched my face and cheek. The warmth from his touch sent a chill down my spine.
He looked in my eyes and said softly, “Jeez, you’re burning up. What the hell are you doing here?”
“I wanted to see Star Wars,” I indignantly said as if he forgot we had made plans to see this movie together.
“Okay, but you know this isn’t the only time it’s playing, right?”
I nodded. “Yeah, I know, but I really wanted to see it on opening night.”
He frowned again. “So, what, you got what’s his face to bring you sick?”
I shook my head slowly. “Hell no and that’s another reason why I’m here today. I didn’t want to come with Eugene. He’s getting on my last nerve.”
I rolled my eyes, and Paul chuckled a little.
“Woman, you are crazy. Do you know that?”
“Hey, I know I’m taking drastic measures, but oh my goodness. It’s a shame I had to sneak out of my own house, sick mind you probably with the flu, just to be alone.”
“That’s a bit insane you have to do that. Why don’t you just tell him to back off?”
“You think I haven’t told him that, Einstein? I tell him that all the time and it goes from him physically seeing me to texting me or calling me. I’m going stir crazy.”
We both laughed at that one, and th
en I stopped quickly. I was feeling a little light-headed, probably from the sickness, as I said. Definitely not from the cologne he wore or how close he stood next to me.
I asked him in a quiet tone, just to break up the silence between us, “You here with uh, Bridgette, right?”
He nodded. “Yeah, she’s inside.” He pointed to one of the doors behind him. “I just needed a refill of popcorn.”
“Oh,” was all I could say, remembering we both shared a love for movie style popcorn. I then smiled shyly and said to him. “Well, I guess I better get going. It was nice talking to you.”
I walked away wanting to crawl under a rock, and not because I was sick. It seemed as though he and Bridgette were really an item. I mean I guessed they were together at the wedding when I watched how they looked and touched each other, but it really hit home tonight. Here I was thinking about him constantly, missing the hell out of him and he probably never thought of me.
Again, how pathetic was I?
* * *
The movie ended up being really good, even though I missed the majority of it. I fell asleep in the beginning and barely caught the end of the movie. My head was pounding, signaling my time was up, and I needed to get my sick ass home. Plus, I needed more drugs.
I decided to hit the restroom before the movie let out and since it was standing room only tonight, I made my way quickly. I found an open stall, thank goodness, did my business and left. As I was washing my hands, I noticed a really cute as a button little boy washing his hands next to me. He had to be about four or so with light brown hair, gray eyes, and caramel color skin. His mom was white with the same color eyes. I smiled at them both, telling her that her son was very handsome. She smiled proudly and thanked me.
I headed toward the bathroom exit but stopped to put a cold compress on my face at the last sink before the exit.
Hold it together girl, at least until you get home. Do not throw up on yourself.
When I finally walked out of the restroom, I spotted the woman and the cute kid walking toward the exit. They stopped right in front of a tall, built black guy. He picked up the little boy, and when I was able to get a full view of the man carrying the boy, I stopped dead in my tracks.
